Bittersweet

Description

Jiyul and Gaeun decided to leave Dal Shabet.  How did the group manage to process and adjust to such a change?  Follow the heartbreaking story here.

Officially a sequel to Sweet Starlight as it's in the same timeline and the events of Sweet Starlight are mentioned, though Serri and Hakyeon's relationship will be a subplot.

Foreword

Foreword

 

December 30, 2014

 

            Subin stood in the middle of the dorm living room, holding her phone tightly in her shaky, sweaty palm.  She looked around at her five members as if she had just shared a secret, intimate part of her heart with them.  And she really had.  She had just played a song she had written for the new album, and her heart was beating violently in her chest. 

            “That was incredible, Subin-ah!” Serri cried, leaping up from the couch and wrapping her arms around Subin.  “That was for Darling?  Honestly, they’ll love it!”

            “I’m so impressed, Subin-ah!” Ayoung assured, still hanging open from her awe.  

            “That was truly beautiful.”  Woohee’s childlike grin grew across her face as her sleepy eyes admired Subin.  “You want to put it on the next album?”

            “I…Actually, I’ve been interested in…producing the next album,” Subin uttered quietly, her cheeks so rosy red from all the praise.  “I told you I’ve been meeting with producers employed by the company.  They think I’m ready to help produce an album.”

            “A whole album?” Gaeun asked wide eyed.  “That’s such a daunting task.  You really want to do it?”

            “Yes,” Subin promised with a smile.  “I’ve been working on a title track and some other songs in the studio.  When they’re finished, I’ll show them to you guys and see if you approve.”

            “You’re so amazing, Subin-ah,” Serri sighed, squeezing Subin tighter.  “I’m sure we’ll approve of whatever you show us.  You’re so talented, Subin-ah.”

            Serri suddenly became confused as Subin wriggled out of her embrace.  Before she could ask what was wrong, Subin pulled her into a tight embrace and placed her chin on her leader’s head.  As she leaned back and looked at her other members, she kept her arms around Serri.

            “We’ve really been through a lot this year,” Subin began.  “With my car accident and Woohee unnie’s lungs…and then…everything you’ve been through these past few months, unnie.”

            Serri looked up at her and chuckled brightly, as it was her only defense mechanism to keep herself from crying.  She placed her head in Subin’s neck, closed her eyes, and tried to focus on Subin’s heartbeat to keep from crying.

            “I think…I think it’s best for us to come back strong and prove who we are,” Subin continued.  “I want to take on this challenge to help us come back strong and prove that we’re really a group with something to offer.  I’m working very hard.  I’m hoping we can be finished with everything late next month or early February.”

            “That’s so soon!” Woohee exclaimed, her voice just a little more raspy from the cold winter air.  “Can we really come back so soon?”

            “We’ll see,” Subin smirked.  “Just leave it to me.  I promise, I’ll work hard for us.”

            “Jiyul-ah,” Serri called gently, smiling at Jiyul who had been sitting quietly ever since they returned from dinner.  “You haven’t said a word since we got back.  What do you think of our genius maknae?”

            Jiyul grinned slightly, but she didn’t look up at them.  “It was such a beautiful song, Subin-ah.  I can tell you worked hard.”

            “Hey, Jiyul-ah,” Ayoung snapped, feigning resentment.  “Didn’t you hear her?  She’s going to produce the whole album!  Did you drink more than that bottle of soju tonight?”
            “Unnie…”  Gaeun moved to Jiyul’s side and knelt down next to her.  They locked eyes for a moment before they both took deep breaths.

            “Gaeun-ah…”

            “Do you think this is the time?”

            “What are you two talking about?” Ayoung asked hurriedly.  “Why are you so sad?  Weren’t you listening to Subin?”

            “There’s…There’s something Gaeun and I have to share with you guys,” Jiyul said quietly, still staring at the ground.  “I don’t want to share it on such an exciting night, but since we’re talking about the future…I think it’s necessary…”

            Serri took a step towards Jiyul as Subin stood still and speechless behind her.  “What are you talking about?  Did something happen?”

            Jiyul clutched her stomach as her breathing became fast and sharp.  Gaeun took her hand and looked up at the members.  Her eyes were misty and tired, and the air around them felt frigid and frightening.

            “Jiyul unnie and I…”  Gaeun’s voice trembled with every word.  “We’ve been discussing with the company…We’ve found that our future goals cannot truly be pursued…while we’re in Dal Shabet.”

            “While you’re in Dal Shabet?” Serri questioned.  Her heart pounded hard and loud, and a rush of warm blood shot through her entire body.  “Do you mean…you want to leave Dal Shabet?”

            “Leave Dal Shabet…”  The bitter words struggled to leave Jiyul’s mouth.  She finally looked up at Serri in agony.  “That’s something I never want to do; just the thought of it…”

            Gaeun appeared in a breathless panic as her eyes grew redder, but she persisted.  “Of course we wouldn’t…We wouldn’t want to leave…But…We have dreams that are taking us in a different direction.”

            “A different direction?”  Serri’s mouth hung open as she stared at her two friends of over four years.  “So it’s true…”

            “You’ve been discussing with the company that you want to leave?” Ayoung asked in awe.  “After everything…You’re really going to leave Dal Shabet?”

            “We…We don’t want to leave,” Jiyul insisted in between her jagged breaths.

            “You don’t want to leave?”

            No one expected the furious tone of Subin’s voice.  They turned to see the once proud and happy maknae more enraged than ever.  “Obviously, to have even a thought that your dreams aren’t with Dal Shabet…Doesn’t that mean you want to leave?  Don’t try to lie to make yourself feel better!  You’re leaving us!”

            “Subin-ah!” Serri called frantically, failing to grasp Subin’s arm as she stepped back.

            “When did it not become enough for you?” Subin cried, tears filling her eyes.  “I know it hasn’t been easy, but after all we’ve been through, you really plan to leave?  What kind of friend does this?”

            “Subin-ah, please don’t say that,” Gaeun sobbed, rising from the ground.

            “Why are you doing this?” Subin screamed.  “I was going to try to make things better!  I was going to try to make it work!  I hate you!  I hate what you’re doing!”

            Subin dashed to the door and swiftly exited the dorm.  As the door slammed, Gaeun took quick strides to follow her.

            “Subin-ah!”

            “Gaeun-ah, don’t,” Serri begged, taking Gaeun’s arm.  “It’s…It’s not the right time.”

            Ayoung looked around at everyone as her eyes began to glimmer.  “She forgot her jacket…And it’s so cold out there.  I’ll go after her.”

            Serri pulled Gaeun into a hug as Ayoung grabbed Subin’s jacket and ran out the door.  Gaeun wept into Serri’s shoulder and held her tighter than she ever had before.

            “I’m so sorry, unnie!” she cried.  “I’m so sorry…I want to explain…But no explanation is good enough.”

            “Gaeun-ah…”  Serri blankly stared at the wall behind Gaeun.  None of this felt real; she couldn’t process any of it.  “Don’t…Don’t worry about it tonight.  We should all get some sleep and talk tomorrow.  Just get some sleep…”

            Jiyul immediately leapt up from the couch and ran into her room.  Gaeun hesitantly let go of Serri and sobbed as she walked away.  Woohee appeared the same as Serri; she stared after Jiyul and Gaeun with such confusion and vacancy. 

            “Unnie…what do we do?”

            “We can talk about it tomorrow,” Serri repeated, still looking at the wall.  “Let’s get some sleep.  Try not to think about it.”

            The front door opened slowly, finally pulling Serri out of her trance.  Ayoung walked in with her eyes red and shoulders slumped.  She wiped some snow from her hair and tears from her cheeks.

            “Subin is in a taxi on her way to her parents’ house,” she informed.  “She’ll spend the night there.”

            “Maybe that’s best.”  Serri walked over to Ayoung and flicked the rest of the snow out of her hair.  “Get some sleep, Ayoung-ah.  We’ll talk in the morning.”

            “Okay.”  Ayoung looked down the hall and hiccupped as the thought of Jiyul in her room made her heart pound.  She reluctantly headed into the dark hallway towards her room.

            “Woohee-ah…Let’s go.”

            Serri and Woohee robotically removed their makeup, brushed their teeth, and changed into their pajamas.  As Serri laid her head on her pillow, she couldn’t feel anything.  She didn’t feel sad, she didn’t feel scared.  She didn’t even feel tired.  There was just an uneasy trickling of nerves throughout her body, and no thought cured it. 

            Her useless rest was suddenly interrupted by a faint sniffling.  She listened intently as it happened again.  As Woohee’s crying grew more apparent, Serri slowly slumped out of her own bed and got into Woohee’s with her.

            “Woohee-ah.”

            Woohee faced away from her towards the wall.  Her little sobs made Serri’s heart hurt, and she moved a bit closer.

            “Woohee-ah, are you okay?”

            Serri jumped slightly as Woohee’s small cries became a loud, heartbreaking wail, and she quickly pulled her into her arms.

            “Woohee-ah, it’s okay.”

            “Unnie…Unnie!”  Woohee’s little body felt tense in Serri’s arms, and it shook with each cry.  “I’ve been…so…scared!  Scared that this…would happen…that we would stop believing in each other…”

            “Woohee-ah, stop it,” Serri whispered.  Woohee’s miserable moans stopped Serri’s heart.  “Woohee-ah, we’ll talk about it in the morning.  Don’t start assuming things.”  

            Woohee continued to sob for a while, and Serri couldn’t keep track of time.  She couldn’t bring herself to look at a clock, at her phone, even at the moon.  She stared at the back of Woohee’s head until her cries became soft sniffles, then gently breathing.  When she finally looked at the time, it was almost 3AM.  She had lay awake for nearly three hours without even feeling it.

           Her trance was again disrupted by a sound in the hallway.  She saw a light on through the outline of the door.  Carefully unwrapping her arms around Woohee, she got up to investigate.  She walked down the hall a few steps and found the bathroom door open, the bathroom light on, and Jiyul kneeling on the floor in front of the toilet.

            “Jiyul-ah!”  Serri quickly knelt beside her and pulled her hair back.  “Jiyul-ah, are you sick?”

            “I…I just feel like I’m going to throw up,” Jiyul admitted with a hoarse voice.  “There’s…just a huge knot in my stomach.”

            “Ah, I’ll make you some tea,” Serri insisted as she rose from the ground.  “Come out when you’re ready.”

            Serri rushed to the kitchen and the stove.  Something about this made everything feel normal, like Dal Shabet was still a perfect family, and she could simply focus on taking care of her members.  She even gave a smile as she picked Jiyul’s mug from the cupboard.  The tea boiled fast enough, and she poured it carefully into the duck-themed mug. 

            “Jiyul-ah.”  As Serri turned the corner to fetch Jiyul, she was suddenly surprised to feel her friend’s arms wrapped unyieldingly around her.  She stood in shock with her arms awkwardly beside her, feeling Jiyul’s body begin to hiccup as she started to cry.

            “Unnie…”

            “Jiyul-ah, let’s get some sleep-”

            “I know you’re trying to be strong,” Jiyul whispered with her face nestled carefully into Serri’s neck.  “That’s one of the hardest things…I didn’t want to put any more weight on you.”

            “Let’s just…sleep…”  Serri’s breath left her slowly as tears slowly filled her eyes.  She took sharp breaths as she quickly wrapped her arms around Jiyul as well.  “Jiyul-ah…Are you really leaving?”

            “Yes,” Jiyul whimpered. 

            They both pulled back and looked into each other’s bloodshot eyes.  Serri suddenly felt as if their years together were only a moment in time that could never amount to the love they shared.  Jiyul had always been the other strong member, the one to take care of Serri when she could no longer take care of herself.  But now she was coming to Serri as just another younger member, just a heartbroken friend with now consolation.

            “Jiyul-ah, why didn’t you tell me?” Serri asked desperately.  “Why didn’t you tell me when you first considered it?”

            “I couldn’t have put that secret on you, unnie,” Jiyul sighed.  “How cruel it would have been for you to hold onto that secret while taking care of us so diligently.  And things have already been so difficult with Yoohwan-”

            “Jiyul-ah…”  Serri finally broke down into a sob and covered her face.  “Is this…Is this because of Yoohwan?  Is this because of the image I brought to this group with that scandal?”

            “No!” Jiyul cried, pulling Serri into a hug yet again.  “It’s not that at all, unnie.  It’s nothing any one of you has done.  It has nothing to do with Dal Shabet’s status or activities.  This is about our dreams and lifelong goals.  I know that that explanation will never be sufficient, but please believe me that it is nothing any of us has done.”

            Serri heard Jiyul’s words, but couldn’t process them.  Only this time all the feelings were there, and she couldn’t stop crying.  Woohee’s fear echoed in her mind, Subin’s angry outburst played over and over again in her brain and pulled at her heartstrings.  She couldn’t say anything to make it better; she couldn’t even think anything to make it better.  She just held onto Jiyul tightly and wished she could sleep.  She wished she could sleep and wake up to find all of this was a dream.

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