Chapter 1
                   You Can Call Me Monster 

"So that's it then? you hate me, just like that..." Yifan crossed his arms, currently blocking the doorway, Tao's only escape.

"N-no. I don't... It's just.... I can't love you Yifan... it wasn't right... we hurt each other." he had tears stinging his eyes and threatening to fall.

"We can heal each other too, I just need the chance, the chance that you don't want to give me..." Yifan's stance became more aggressive, they'd been over this so many times, had been off and on for so long ... and then Yifan had finally just left, leaving Tao confused, and hurt.

"Yifan... I just can't... you're the one that chose to walk away..please..just..just let me go.." he shifted his weight awkwardly, he knew he could start a fight, but they'd already been through that before... he flinched slightly, a small whimper escaping as he remembered the first time Yifan had hit him.. "P-please..." the tears broke loose and ran down Tao's face, he was scared. he'd hardly known Yifan back then, now... now he knew absolutely nothing.... "Just...just let me go. I I need to get back Jongin will.." his voice cracked and his eyes widened. he hadn't meant to sayJongin's name in front of this.. this thing that used to be his teenage love. 

"So it's Kai* is that it? Did you replace me with that useless sack of ? Tell me, Tao, Has your little Jongin got the touch. Can he do magic or is he as pathetic as you are?.."

Tao gasped, he'd forgotten Yifan could do magic. He also wasn't expecting him to use Jongin's nickname.

Yifan smirked. "So he's not... poor, poor little Tao... It's a shame, really." he launched forward quickly, grabbing Tao and pinning him to the wall. "If you'd just given me the chance..." He pinned Tao's wrists together with one large hand, pulling a small pocket knife out of his pocket with his free hand, he used his body to keep Tao as still as possible, scratching a symbol over his heart while chanting. 

Tao did the only things he could, he kicked, he begged and screamed for Yifan not to hurt him. but it all fell on deaf ears. with his handy work finally done, and the symbol complete Yifan whispered into Tao's ear. "If you ever tell him you Love him... Your heart will speed up, you'll feel cold and your precious little Kai will get to see you die right in front of him... You really should have taken me back, Tao.." he laughed and dropped the man to the floor walking out the door and disappearing from sight.

Tao leaned against the wall, sobbing as he held a hand over his heart. the freshly cut symbol was slowly fading, as well as his consciousness. the only thing he could think of was Jongin as his mind slowly faded black and left him slumped against the wall.... 

Jongin looked at the clock again, before glancing to the door of the small cafe. Tao had told him where and when to meet when they were finished with their errands today, he said he wanted to talk to him about something important. he sighed for what must have been the seventh time in the last ten minutes and stared at the cup of cold coffee across from him, Tao's favorite. He half smiled to himself. he remembered every little detail of the stupid things about Tao. He knew how he took his coffee, what kind of dryer sheets he hated. -The ones that made his shirts cling to him- hell, he even knew how the man liked to sleep. It wasn't so weird taking into account the fact that Tao and Jongin had been friends forever, but.... Jongin had to admit. he was in love with Tao, and a selfish part of him really wanted that to be the reason Tao had asked to talk to him in this cozy little cafe today. he smiled down at his second cup of hot chocolate, this was the type of thing he told himself to stop doing. Lately, he'd been having daydreams of how things could be with the man he liked to privately refer to as 'His Panda'. the bell over the door jingled and Jongin's head shot up, eyes and smile both widening in happiness when he saw Tao walk in, though the happiness dimmed as he saw Tao rubbing his wrists, his eyes slightly red and glossy like he'd been crying.. just like he used to when.... "no.. please, no.." He whispered to himself and waited for Tao to sit down, his heart felt like it was going to break when the other man opened his mouth. 

Tao's voice was hoarse as he spoke, and he felt like he was falling apart. "Sorry, Jongin... I... Yifan.. Yifan is back in town... I.. I ran into him... He cornered me and I guess I fainted before he left..." he looked down at the cup of coffee sitting across from Jongin. "Am I interrupting, I mean, did.. did you have someone else you were sitting with, I could just talk to you tomorrow..." 

Jongin's smile turned sad. "It's your favorite, idiot. I got it for you because you're usually never this late... So what did we need to talk about?"

Tao felt his heart flutter a little. "Jongin I..." Yifan's words flashed in his mind and he coughed, fidgeting slightly. he could still go through with part of this.. he'd still get to see Jongin every day if he did... "I was wondering if you'd found a new place yet... I mean.. I could use a roommate, and since you're my best friend...it just seems right..." he smiled as he watched Jongin perk up immediately.  "Well, I didn't have one yet...But I guess I just found my new place! I can't wait to move in!" he let out a small squeal and launched himself partway over the table to hug Tao, causing him to smile. Things were going to be just fine. 


                                                                                                                                       -♡-

The next few days went by in the flurry of cardboard boxes and packing, Jongin's mom baking enough cookies for both of them that they'd never run out, and tears being shed from everyone. Some sad that their baby was leaving, other's happy that Jongin was going to be with someone they knew he'd be safe and happy with. Jongin himself had teared up a few times. Once because he'd knocked a heavy lamp onto his foot, but Tao had rushed over and carefully checked it, smiling when he saw nothing was broken, the lamp and the foot both being whole.

With everything now safely packed away and his room empty, Jongin felt a sudden sadness settle in his stomach. he was happy to be moving in with his best friend and first love, but He'd always thought he'd confess to Tao during one of their sleepovers and their first kiss would take place in his bed as they lay tangled together beneath his mismatched blankets. he smiled and scoffed quietly as he looked at the empty bedframe. "I'm hopeless..."

Tao had been standing in the doorway just watching Jongin, who seemed to be lost in his own little world until he spoke those simple words. Tao walked over and put an arm over his shoulders. "What makes you so hopeless?" Jongin almost jumped out of his skin at the sudden contact and the warmth of the other's voice reaching his ears made him shiver.  

Jongin suddenly thought that maybe moving in with Tao without even hinting to the other about his true feelings would be cruel."You, usually..." he sighed and looked over at Tao to see him wide-eyed, a mix of emotions running over his features.

"M-me?" Tao's heart beat hard in his chest, did this mean Jongin might return his feelings? he opened his mouth but closed it quickly, almost making himself look like a fish with the awkward action. he wanted so badly to just tell Jongin right then and there he loved him, but he couldn't. not only because of his curse but because he was sure he was just jumping at anything that could be taken as Jonginfeeling something for him. he shook his head and looked at the floor for a minute, maneuvering himself and Jongin towards the wall, pressing him against it. only one way to find out how he really felt, right? instead of just asking, he looked at his long time friend before leaning in and pressing his lips against Jongin's easily, feeling himself melt against the lips of the other, before pulling back suddenly in realization to look at a startled and blushing Jongin. His eyes widened and he backed away from the blushing man, running out of the room and missing the way Jongin had touched his lips lightly with shaking fingers.

Tao was shaking badly, his heart pounding wildly from what had just happened. He'd kissed Jongin! Kai! that weird little kid he'd been friends with forever, that had turned into the man that caught his heart! half of him wanted to celebrate while the other half wanted to crawl in a dark corner somewhere and die. He didn't even know if Jongin liked men that way, that was the one thing Jongin had never told him. he sighed feeling a warmth on his cheek and suddenly realized he was crying, even if Jongin did like men and something came from Tao's moment of selfishness, he knew he could never tell the man he loved him. Yifan had made sure of that. he sighed and looked around, suddenly realizing he was over a block away from Jongin's house, he chuckled slightly as the tears continued to pour out. "Way to go, Tao, that was definitely the best thing you could have done," he said to himself, now realizing how out of breath he was from the run. he stood in the middle of the street slightly hunched over and watched as someone ran around the corner he had only a few moments before. "Jongin?"  he whispered, confused. 

Jongin looked back and forth before seeing someone standing in the middle of the empty street, he smiled slightly and ran towards them. "Tao, you !" he yelled and sped up slightly as he approached tackling the confused, crying man and causing them both to hit the ground hard.Kai got to his knees and climbed over Tao, straddling him when he sat up slightly.

"Jongin, what-" he was cut off by the other's lips crashing into his own, desperately kissing him until they had to break for oxygen. "I love you,"  he said, attacking Tao's lips again. "Damn it I love you and I have for at least a couple years and before that, I probably did too, I just didn't realize it!" he was panting and his face was flushed as he looked at Tao before continuing. "A-and I know you hate sappy like this, but I can't help it. I don't even expect you to say it back until you're completely sure." he was smiling down at the stunned man beneath him. Suddenly a car honked and swerved around them, causing them both to scramble out of the road chuckling as they stood on the sidewalk.

Tao slipped his hand into's Jongin's "You're going to be the death of me, you know that?" he smiled and kissed him lightly before turning to walk back to the house, fingers still entwined.

*Kai is something that pretty much only Tao will call him randomly, in this story it's a childhood nickname

Alright My dears~ first and second chapter edited and combined

I changed Kai to Jongin and Kris to Yifan, because reasons. and I might be changing later chapters / characters. so far it's only minor changes though!

-Miki