Hello!!

another chapter... sorry for any grammartically errors :)

Warning: Boring chapter, are you ready?

Enjoy~~ 

*bow*bow*bow*

- Chapter 34 -

Tiffany were torn between her past lover that she thought have died and her wife. Who was the right person for her? She have a goodmarriage actually.

She thought that she might feel torn because people could love more than one person. But she also thought if old emotions returned, it didn't mean the marriage was wrong. She might not very well have chosen wisely when she got married, because their marriage wasn't based on Love, but luckily she met Jessica as an amazing wife for her. Sadly her new contact with her lost love, Taeyeon has brought her past into the present and there was a collision that felt crazy at the moment. It was as if you are in an elevator and part of you were outside the door, part inside, and you feel squeezed. Contact with the old flame, Taeyeon brought Tiffany back to a former her, a different developmental period before she had so many responsibilities with work, home, extended family and maybe childs? Just her and her lost love... easy.

It was no longer just Tiffany and her lost love. There was no time machine that could make her go back to her lost love. She was Tiffany whom have to deal with the spouse she chose over her lost love years ago. And Jessica was a great partner, lover, or anything that Tiffany could ever had. She loved her dearly, being with Jessica made her forgot about Taeyeon and her past. She could see a bright future for them but then again Taeyeon came with her love and her condition. It wasn't Taeyeon's wish to involve in an accident and left Tiffany. Someone trapped her into the accident, but god gave her a second chance and finally Tiffany gave in and willing to take her back... Because Jessica made it.

Tiffany should be happy, but she wasn't. There was something missing in her heart, even if she would leave Jessica someday, it wasn't that way, she didn't like it at all.

Jessica was standing in front of her and Tiffany's bedroom, she could hear Tiffany's sob, she wanted to open the door, said her sorry and embraced her wife but she couldn't. Jessica let out her lone tears and turned her body to get some fresh air out side. Jessica walked through the park and saw another coffee shop near there. She opened the door and walk in, she felt dejavu.

Flashback

She could remember two  days after Tiffany's confrontation with Taeyeon, her phone was ringing. It was Taeyeon.

20 minutes later Jessica found herself in front of Taeyeon at Sunny's house.

"I thought we need to talk, Jessica. I have met Ppany, and-"

"I know... She has told me..." Jessica cut Taeyeon's words, Jessica took a deep breath, she looked to Taeyeon's eyes directly.

"Let's be honest about our feeling, just like the old time... like we used to be" Jessica started, Taeyeon looked confused but asked her to go on.Jessica spoke slowly but fervently as she explained her relationship with Tiffany. It was not her idea to talk about it. She had come because another friend asked her to do so.

“I trust her with my secrets. She understands me more than anyone. And I know everything about her. She’s told me everything.” Jessica looked away, apparently visualizing Tiffany.

"She’s even more beautiful on the inside than she is on the outside. I’d die for her and maybe she does too. I don’t know why God didn’t send her into my life until now, but He did. We were meant to be together.” Jessica said as tears were rolling on her face.

“I believe you love her,” Taeyeon replied. Jessica seemed surprised, though pleasantly so. Taeyeon was more calmer than before. Jessica had no doubt that Taeyeon deeply loved Tiffany with all of her heart too.

“Love exists in many forms, Sica. What you feel is a measurable and identifiable kind of love. It’s an intense love. So, yes, I believe you.” Taeyeon added, Jessica visibly relaxed. Taeyeon gently told Jessica that before she made herself too comfortable, she needed to hear the rest of what Taeyeon wanted to share. Jessica had been talking for nearly a half hour, now it was Taeyeon's turn.

“Sica, the thing to consider isn’t whether you love Tiffany or not. The most important thing to think about is what you do next and how that will affect the rest of your life. Not just your life, but Tiffany’s and mine as well. Also the lives of your parents, her family even my family. I don’t doubt you love her anymore Sica, but I urge you to think about where that love leads.” Taeyeon said, Jessica felt tensed.

“I’ll just hit the high points without a lot of explanation, Sica. Correct me if I get something wrong" Taeyeon ended calmly. Jessica cleared her throats and explained her whole story to Taeyeon.

Though Jessica found Tiffany attractive, she initially had no intention of anything other than friendship at the first place, because she knew, Tiffany was Taeyeon's.   At first, their conversations were nothing special, just friends talking about mostly inconsequential matters. However, as they enjoyed being around each other, Jessica became more open and transparent.  Gradually, they evolved to discussing personal matters, trusting each other, and liking the attention and validation.  Somewhere along the line, when it was confirmed that Taeyeon was died, one of them began to slip in words of affection, cautiously at first, and then openly. Well before either of them openly professed love for the other and finally they both knew what the other felt. Jessica stopped her story and could feel Taeyeon's face were uncomfortable.

Talking about her relationship with Tiffany to Taeyeon also made Jessica reminiscent her time again with Tiffany. As their relationship deepened with time,  talking led to handholding. That eventually led to warm, clinging embraces. Next came kissing which finally progressed to full physical expression of their emotions.

“Guilt followed my first lingering kiss on her after i found you were still alived. It reached its peak when after that i wept and prayed, asking God to forgive me and help me to find the way out" Tears kept on rolling down but Jessica managed to finish her story.

"But now you comeback and you would find your way back to her because  i know you still love her." Jessica said wiping her tears, Taeyeon stared for several minutes before speaking.

“Yes, that’s pretty much the way my love developed. So what does that have to do with anything?” Taeyeon asked warily.

“Taeng, you love Tiffany so intensely that you think no one else could possibly understand what you feel. It’s so deep that you don’t know how to find words to describe those feelings better. Because your emotions exist at a level beyond anything you’ve previously experienced, you believe them to be extraordinary, nearly magical that gave you strength to stay alived. You cherish those feelings so dearly that you want to do whatever it takes to maintain them" Jessica said then looked away. The reason why Jessica wanted to explain it all to Taeyeon, because at least for the last time she would ask Taeyeon to let Tiffany go. At last, she fought with her love, or at least Taeyeon knew how deep was Jessica's love for Tiffany.

“I understand that. Really. And I don’t blame you for not wanting to let Tiffany go. However, no matter what you do, what you feel now isn’t going to last. Somewhere between months to years and then it begins to fade away" Jessica said, Taeyeon scoffed.

"How long have you felt this way about Tiffany, Sica?”

“About a year or so. But you’re wrong, Taeng. It won’t go away. For me this is real. Very real. It’s not some infatuation that flashes and dies. I’m not drugged. I’m in love.” Jessica calmly replied.

"So do i!!" Taeyeon raised her voice a bit.

“I have no doubt it’s real, Taeng. However, though you don’t want to hear it, you are intoxicated. Your brain makes the chemicals driving these amazing emotions. I’ve felt it. I know what it’s like. The reason it has to fade, Taeng, is that the emotional state you’re in now would destroy your life. Admit it, you spend a lot of time thinking about Tiffany. So much that some things in your life don’t get the attention they need.” Jessica said.

“No. Not a thing. You’re wrong about that. Then what about you huh?” Taeyeon began to debate.

“Taeyeon for once i beg you... could you let Tiffany go for me... I promise you i'll make her happy, Taeng... So please..." Jessica begged.

"Are you crazy, Sica? I love Tiffany too and you know that. She is my fiance, my soon to be wife but that Simon bastard trap me in the death and made me look pathetic!?" Taeyeon clenched her fist, Jessica smiled bitterly, she tried her luck for the last time.

“Long-term relationships aren’t based on how long you've known each other or based on euphoria. They especially cannot ride that emotional rollercoaster you find yourself on because you are so into Tiffany’s emotions that you react to nearly everything." Jessica looked straight to Taeyeon's eyes.

Taeyeon tried to look smug, but could not pull it off. Instead, she demonstrated a mixture of anger, frustration, and anxiety.

“When a person is in love, they feels those things. You described true love, nothing more, and I already told you that I truly love Tiffany.” Taeyeon argued.

“As I mentioned, Taeng, the love you feel is called nearly obsession. And it will fade, Taeng. It always does. It does not last." Jessica added.

"Wow! Look's who's talking now, are you a love expert, huh? Are you really, Jessica, my best friend. Really Sica you look more pathetic than i am, how dare you assuming my love as an obsession?! You were there when i falling in love with Tiffany, are you trying to stab my back now?!" Taeyeon nearly shouted, Jessica just chuckled bitterly, she was lost. She came closer and took Taeyeon's hand with hers and smiled with her glistening eyes.

"Maybe i'm pathetic for asking her heart from you... But i do love her and always be" Jessica said, she took a deep breath and smile, the smile that once Taeyeon adored from Jessica.

"Forgive me Taeyeon, i tried my best but you win... I'm lose. Please make her happier than ever. I believe in you" Jessica hugged Taeyeon tightly, Taeyeon was confused. An hour before Jessica was trying so hard to steal her Tiffany, but now she gave up.

"Y-yah!! What do you mean i win, it's Tiffany decision. But just so you know, Tiffany was mine since the first time I lay my eyes on her, and you know that" Taeyeon said, Jessica pulled away and smile again before left Taeyeon who still confused with their confrontation. Jessica walked out of the Living room and met Sunny.

"You heard it?" Jessica asked, Sunny nodded hesitantly.

"A-are y-you give up?" Sunny asked back, but Jessica just smile which made Sunny more confused. Then Jessica left the house,

"If you give up then maybe i should too?" Sunny mumbled while looking at Jessica's back that slowly faded from her eyes.

End of flashback.

Instead of alcohol, Jessica chose to drink a coffee this time. Tiffany never found out about her little banter with Taeyeon and she would never told her. Her mind was stuck on Tiffany, she has made a stupid desicion that would  ruin her relationship with Tiffany.

“Tiff I’ve lost you… haven’t i?” Jessica laughed bitterly while wiping her tears. She saw no flaws or faults in Tiffany. In fact, she cherished and adore letters, words, and events associated with her. Those things were special to Jessica. If only she could turn back time, she hope she could meet Tiffany sooner before Taeyeon. She craven emotional union with her. She felt a sense of understanding for Tiffany and connection to the point that she was willing to sacrifice for her too. If it meant ending her marriage, losing her love or even giving up her religion, she would do what it take to please Tiffany and her best friend, Taeyeon. That was how deep Jessica's love for her Tiffany.

Tiffany life has become crazy both physically and emotionally. Ever since she found out about Taeyeon, she had  experienced some of these, like: euphoria, insomnia, lost appetite, abrupt mood swings, or rapid heartbeat. She might even occasionally felt anxiety and panic, especially when she thought about the certain blonde that tried to or maybe have broken her heart. The truth was when Taeyeon told her that she was in love with Tiffany and should end things with Jessica, she felt even stronger emotions for Jessica and wanted to go to her immediately. Maybe at that time she still confused, but now she knew it and before she could tell Jessica, the latter has broken her heart. Thought they shared a short time but with Jessica, Tiffany has felt all emotion with her, like being possessive, becoming jealous, fearing rejection from her, and feeling anxiety when separated from her.

Live with Jessica already reordered some of Tiffany's priorities for her. For example, she has changed the way her dress, her mannerisms, or maybe even some of her habits? Beyond that, Tiffany changed some of her beliefs so that she could be with Jessica. Tiffany loved making love to Jessica, she was her first so did Jessica's, but wasn’t the core of your relationship. She wanted the emotional union much more deeply that she desire the ual union with her.

The next two days, in the morning, Tiffany found Jessica on their dine table sipping her tea, it was sunday so they were free from works. After they finished their breakfast, Jessica broke the ice and started a conversation.

"I'm sorry..." Jessica said merely whispered.

"....."

"Tiffany, i really i'm sorry... I love you but i didn't feel it anymore. I never really wanted to hurt you but-"

"I expect us to develop a more mature and great level of love. If you think that is what i will develop with Taeyeon and that will fulfill my happiness, you’re wrong for several reasons" Tiffany cut Jessica's words coldly.

"If you thought that i would choose Taeyeon over you easyly then you were wrong too. It's not only you, but me too, Jessica... Me too. I'm hurt too and torn between you two, but not because i love Taeyeon more than you... It just this fate... It's..." Tiffany choked on her sob.

"How do i face your mom, your dad? I've promised them. How do i live my life without you when now i'm so sure that it is you that i really love more than Taeyeon! B-but you ruined it and take it too far... I-i'm broken too... Jessi... I'm broken too..." Tiffany sobbed, slowly Jessica approached her and embraced Tiffany tightly. They cried together.

"I-i love you, Jessi... C-can't you see that? But why you being a pabo!! Why you!! Why?!" Tiffany started hitting Jessica's chest continuously.

"I hate you, stupid!!" Tiffany hit her and Jessica let her be.

"I *hiccup* told you that we would figure it out together, aren't i? Then why you made your own decision?!" Tiffany yelled and hugged her wife while crying her heart out together with Jessica.

"I-i'm sorry..." Jessica whispered.

An hour later, both of them had calm down, Tiffany knew everything that Jessica did to her at the club was an act. Yuri has told her that night through the text. Yuri thought that at least Tiffany needed to know the truth. But everything has happened, Tiffany has called Taeyeon and took her back. What else left?

“What do you want to do?” Tiffany asked Jessica with her voice was cracking from sob.

“I don’t know” Jessica replied exhausted.

“What do you want?” Tiffany asked

“F-for you to be happy and T-tae-“ Jessica replied truthfully

“For me to be happy, Id have to be with you, and that means youd be unhappy, and that wouldnt be fair and also for Tae” Tiffany replied with her own truthful answer. Jessica sighed and Tiffany could tell she was tearing up again.

“You said earlier you just didnt feel it anymore, what do you mean by that?  That you love me, but arent in love with me anymore?” Tiffany asked, not wanting it to be true.

Jessica shook her head yes. Another lie, Tiffany thought and she knew it.

“Then I think this means we’re breaking up” Tiffany started, her voice cracking again.

“It isn’t fair that one of us be in love, and the other not.  It just isn’t fair to either of us.” Then they cried again.  Jessica's phone was ringing, Tiffany walked to their kitchen to get some waters for them and when she came back, they sat together and cried some more while Tiffany sat on Jessica's lap and held her.

“I love you so much” Tiffany whispered into Jessica's ear, crying harder than ever at the same time, and kissed her on the forehead.

“I’ll miss all the those memory with y-you…Please don’t forget me because you’re always stay i-in my heart…” Jessica choked on her sob.

“You will be forever my Tiff, and I’m your Jessi…” Jessica whispered before she stood up, ready to let Tiffany go from her life.

It was about the time and everything would change between them wether they liked it or not. How did they think they’re going to feel when that intense emotion no longer exists as it did now? Their future would be determined by whether they choose to continue with the divorce and Taeyeon pursue Tiffany, or to end things with Taeyeon and keep their marriage. They knew that they felt that their marriage was hopeless, but that was part of their destiny.

END?

Wellcome new Subbies, Thanks for reading this,, ^^ Really... i want to tell you thank you so much for ur support from the beginning till the end, it means so much for me :)

Specially for: tiffanyavy and tazkia16 --> for upvoting my story :)) You are Jjang!!

Of course it's not the end yet, or is that okay if i end it that way??

i just thought that rather then end it in a rush, i prefer end this story after i told u all of the character's side...

So tell me what do you think, and i'll try to update it if i have much free time ^^