I

Loneliness

Baekhyun doesn’t know how long he’s been falling, but when he lands, he does know that he would’ve prefered falling over landing. He also registers the faint tug in his ankle, muddled and muted from the confusion, before it becomes full blown and unbearable.

He’s still for a couple of seconds, shocked and bewildered by the feeling. It’s something he’s never felt, but oddly, the word comes to his mind. Pain, Baekhyun thinks in horror. Angels shouldn’t be able to feel pain. So…

Around him, he faintly registers his surroundings. It’s nighttime, but there seems to be a row of wavering lights far off in the distance. The walls of a building rise to either side of him, and a pale, blinking light stutters above his head.

Amidst the throb in his right ankle, there’s a burning in his back, and Baekhyun immediately knows where it’s from. Despite the knowledge, he reaches back and touches his shoulder blade tentatively.

It’s bare, but when his fingers brush it, it burns like crazy. Where his wings once extended from, there’s… nothing. The absence serves as a reminder that they’re gone.

Human.

Rain pours down heavily and he feels like heaven is mocking him.  Him, a seraphim, stripped of his wings and power and position, sitting in some unknown alleyway, pitifully injured and unable to move. It’s so pathetic that he almost laughs.

He’s cold. He’s miserable. And for once, he’s mad at God.

“Take me back,” he shouts at the sky, but his voice breaks. “I don’t want to be human!”

But he knows he’s not going back until he learns what he’s supposed to.

Empathy. Kindness. Love. What use was that for a seraph angel? None.

The pain in his ankle increases as he tries to stand, and Baekhyun finds himself collapsing back down. Another useless emotion; pity. Is it because he’s now human, that he pities himself? Pathetic, he thinks yet again. Pathetic and weak.

The rain beats down harder now and Baekhyun sits still and gives in to the feeling of helplessness. There’s nothing he can do or say to help himself. The rain blurs his vision, and it’s so cold. For the first time in his life, he feels desperate— desperate that it was a dream, that he’d be back if he closed his eyes and opened them.

He’s not sure how much time has passed when someone finally finds him.

“Excuse me?” A feminine voice cuts through the dark, and he can see a circle of light traveling towards him.

Baekhyun leaps to his feet only to remember his injured ankle, and his legs give way at the pain. This time, he can’t help but let out a (highly inelegant) noise of pain. His hand goes to his waist, where his sword is normally strapped, but the only thing he grasps is empty air. The previous exhaustion drains out of him as he squints as the figure.

“Is someone there?” The light travels closer and Baekhyun is momentarily blinded.

Soon, the speaker is standing in front of him, and the light is too bright. He squints, and finds himself face to face with a girl, who is holding an umbrella over her head and a flashlight in the other.

Baekhyun’s aware of things. Objects. People. It’s emotions he can’t seem to grasp, though even he understands that he’s in an awkward position.

The girl is small, petite. She looks fragile, like a touch could shatter her into a million pieces. She regards him with wide eyes, and Baekhyun is struck speechless for some reason.

“God, are you okay?” she asks, finally dropping the flashlight so that that it is pointed at the ground. The glare is still imprinted in his vision.

“I’m not God,” Baekhyun replies, and it feels strange speaking, “that’s… just ridiculous.”  The words come naturally, like he’s spoken Korean all his life. Which he hasn’t— he’s never glanced at the language for the couple millennia he was alive for.

“I can see you’re not God,” she tells him. “But why… what are you doing here? Are you by any chance drunk?”

Baekhyun blinks. Once. Twice. Thrice. “I wouldn’t do something as wicked as that,” he finally admonishes, beginning to feel more and more insulted. First she calls him God, and now she questions if he’s drunk.

“I’m sorry for being straightforward. One can only come to such a conclusion when you’re sitting on the garbage bags the residents have thrown out. Are you lost?”

Baekhyun scrambles up yet again, his pride pushing down the pain of his screaming ankle. Garbage? He was a seraph angel. He was sitting on garbage?

“I’m not lost,” he snaps at her, though his ankle rolls and he’s promptly on the ground again.

“Then why are you here?” There’s nothing judgemental or mean about the way she says it, nor does it sound mocking. Amidst his pain and embarrassment, though, he still feels like she’s mocking him.

Baekhyun opens his mouth to speak, then he closes it. What is he supposed to say? She wasn’t going to believe him— no one would. Pride aside, however, he knows that he is completely vulnerable. He’s not even sure what he’s supposed to do to survive and the simple thought almost makes him laugh again.

The words are out of his mouth before he knows it. “I need a place to stay.”

The horror hits him after a couple seconds.

She looks surprised too. “What?”

Baekhyun takes a deep breath, and tells himself that he must survive if he wants to return to where he came from. “I need a place to stay,” he repeats. It’s all he can squeeze past his pride, though, but she doesn’t ask for more.

“You’re injured,” she says slowly, “Sprained ankle?”

It was probably obvious, but Baekhyun feels a bit of discomfort that she can see through his weaknesses so easily. The sting along his shoulder blades brings a bitter taste to his mouth, and he longs for familiarity of his wings. But they’re gone. “Yes,” he admits just as slowly.

“And what are you doing here?”

He opens his mouth. Closes it. No words come out.

“Okay, what’s your name then?”

The reply is automatic. “Baekhyun,” he says, before he can stop himself.

She squints at him, then hugs her jacket to her body closer. “Are you from another country? You don’t seem very familiar with… how Korean works.”

“Yes,” he snaps, though the agitation is more or less originating from his own embarrassment by now.

“Are you lost? What happened?”

Again, no words come out. He can’t lie, Baekhyun realizes— it’s definite taboo for an angel and even though he’s human now, uttering a lie seems wrong.

The girl seems to consider his answer for a while, eyebrows furrowed slightly. She stares at him so intensely that Baekhyun feels uncomfortable and he shifts under her gaze. For some reason, she seems to be… unravelling him.

Just when he’s about to snap at her to leave him alone if she can’t help, she nods. “You seem to be a nice person, Baekhyun. You’re not going to hurt me if I let you go back with me?”

Her reply is so sudden and odd that Baekhyun’s unable to speak. He manages a mute shake of his head.

“Let’s go fix up your ankle, then. Come on.”

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