A master mix of Boney James, Gordon Williams and Kenny G played on my stereo, the sweet smooth jazz sounds filtering into every inch of my apartment. I moved around the space, dusting and vacuuming the floors clean of cat hair and my own long strands. Louie ran around my legs as I went, irritated that I wouldn’t feed him more treats, and meowing as if I’d broken his poor kitty heart. While I worked, I couldn’t stop thinking of Katy’s words. I was already wary of where mine and Jonghyun’s relationship was going and her opinion hadn’t made me feel any better. But even if I wanted to be cautious, no matter what I didn't want to give JongHyun up, I couldn't. And when he came over later in the day to invite me to the museum of history, I jumped at the chance to spend more time with him.

The Brooklyn museum was a huge structure made up of large columns and white stone. Almost like the White house, a grand staircase led the way into the building and groups of people milled about, littering the steps as they took pictures, got assigned tour guides, and generally caused a commotion. JongHyun and I stuck close together, and our closeness left me feeling isolated even among the sea of people. As if we were alone, the only thing I was aware of was JongHyun next to me. Happiness filled me up to the brim and I wondered if he felt the same, his constant smiles making me wish it was so.

The reason for our visit was that the museum had an ancient Egypt exhibit on loan from another and I pulled JongHyun away from the main path that the tour guide was taking us on so we could see it. The Egyptian display and the surrounding objects were huge, taking up half of the main floor with the ancient artifacts and large tombs. The huge gold and lapis lazuli coffin that took center stage made me long for the foreign country; it had always been a dream of mine to visit Egypt and her pyramids, to experience the culture first hand. I moved in close to a statue of Meri, her pose that of a person going into the underworld. The hieroglyphs on the stone tablets made me long to be able to read them, to unfold the mysteries they contained and to understand the stories of people long ago.

“JongHyun, look! Wouldn't it have been awesome to see these in the ancient world? The Egyptian empire was one of the greatest of its time.”

“Mummies give me the creeps,” he responded with a shudder, moving over towards the pottery section. “But I guess if you had to be buried that way, you might as well do it in style.” The basins and pots he looked at were decorated in gold and carved with animal designs, representing the gods of Egypt.

“Did you know that some people were mummified alive as a punishment? And that really rich people who died took their living servants with them so that they could use them in the afterlife?”

“Ugh! No, I didn't. But thanks for telling me,” he said dryly.  

“And those jars you're looking at? They're called Canopic jars. All the vital organs were placed in those before the mummification process started.”

“I think I'm gonna be sick,” JongHyun groaned, taking large steps back from the display. I wanted to laugh, but his usual light almond color had gone a decided shade of green and I led him away from the exhibit, my hand linked with his. We continued throughout the museum, checking out the modern marvels of the last thousand years, the beautiful art works and interesting machinery making the trip worthwhile. Throughout the whole day JongHyun’s hand stayed in mine but I didn't mention it for fear he'd take it away. The warmth of it caused a steady stream of pleasure to filter through me, but even though I tried to resist it, my giddiness was tempered with caution.

Feeling hungry for food, JongHyun told me that he had a craving for pizza and I let him know that New York was well equipped to handle his current appetite better than any other place in the world. And I knew just the spot. Right off of 14^th street, a small restaurant called Toni’s had the best pizza around. Of course, there were probably twenty other ‘Toni’s’ pizza places in the area but the owner claimed his was the original and I had never doubted Mr. De Luca, the feisty Italian man who owned the place. And when he sets the large pie down in front of us, cheese and pepperoni dripping goo-like from each piece, I can tell from JongHyun’s eyes that he feels the same. We both dig in and begin to talk about anything and everything.

There was so much I wanted to know about Jonghyun and while we sat in that pizzeria, the low lighting glinting off the silver of his hair, we spoke about our lives. About his growing up in Korea, with its traditions and culture so rich and so much a part of daily life that he had no idea how deeply ingrained they were into his personality. We talked about my own childhood living in New York and the beautiful and wonderful things that I'd seen and done on its streets. I was even more surprised that we had things in common, like horror stories about riding the trains and subways, and finding the best restaurants tucked away in empty streets. And music was inseparable from any topic we could talk about; it was as much a part of us as our memories. Our love of Maxwell was mutual and he told me about R&B artists who were still very active in Korea like Dean and Crush while I talked about greats who had faded away in America. Singers like India Arie and Corinne Bailey Rae who had given me a taste of my past loves in music but hadn't been able to make it in the market filled with trap music and artists who had no art and no love in their music. I managed to get down two of the large pieces and JongHyun three before we give up the rest as a lost cause. Mr. De Luca boxes up the rest for us, and we leave the pizzeria at least three pounds heavier than when we walked in. I’m so full and content that I sleepily invite JongHyun in when we get to my house, sure that if he feels like I do, we both need to take a rest so that our food can digest.

I offer him the couch while I get into some comfortable clothes, changing into grey leggings and a mint green camisole, the edges done in lace. Not too much and still cute, I think as I let my hair down, rearranging the curls so that they fall curved around my face. I think of that moment we had earlier in the week, and the way JongHyun had let his fingers touch my hair, his hands so gentle as they played with the thick braids. Then I can’t resist thinking about our kiss, how even the memory of it burns me up inside and makes me want to kiss him again. I take in my face in the mirror and the woman who stares back at me looks different; she looks like she’s in love.

I walk quickly back into the living room, pleased to see that JongHyun has made himself at home on my couch, the television to a cooking show that I like.

“Haven’t you seen enough food for one day?” I question as I plop down next to him on the sofa, my smile wide.

“You can never get enough of food, just like you can’t get enough of a beautiful girl.” JongHyun’s hands run lightly over my curls, pulling on the locks and watching them spring back into place.

“You know, you’re really cheesy when you want to be,” I smile delighted by the cringe inducing words.

“Do you want me to stop?” he asks, tilting his head to the side, seemingly confident that he already knows my answer.   

“I suppose you can keep it up,” I sniff haughtily, “but only in private.”

JongHyun laughs loudly and his smile is so adorable, his voice so y, that I can’t help it when I move forward into his space. Like I’m watching a scene in a movie, I'm almost unaware of myself as I capture his lips with my own and the shot of electricity that flows down my body is a feeling that’s at once both new and very familiar. The cinnamon scent that I will now always associate with JongHyun fills my senses, and his light touch in my hair makes me shiver. I pull away when my body starts to betray me, wanting his touch on more than just my hair. I look up at him and his eyes are half lowered, desire plainly showing in their depths.

“Jonghyun I-” I begin but my words are silenced by large hands on my arms pulling me flush against his body. I gasp out loud but the sound is swallowed up by the mouth fastened to mine, the soft lips eliciting groans from me and all ideas of stopping are thrown out the window. I may have started the kiss, but it's clear JongHyun has taken charge now. His mouth slants over mine, his lips caressing my own. His tongue slides against mine, and my breath hitches at the intensity of sensation it brings. My s harden as I press against him, and I'm shocked and intoxicated by my own response. With a suppressed groan, I pull away from him, the feelings he evokes in me too strong for this to stay a simple kiss. Somehow without my knowing, JongHyun’s hand is cupping my waist and his hands gentle me with soothing as I try my best to breathe properly again.

“Mr. Kim-", I start but my mouth is taken in another quick kiss and I falter at my teasing.

“Just JongHyun please chonsa, Jjong if you can manage it,” he teases me back and a satisfied smile fills his face when I nod in the affirmative.

“Are you ok? I didn't hurt you, did I?” JongHyun asks when I move further away, his hand slowly removing itself from its position in my hair. I shake my head slowly and bite my lip, embarrassment washing over me like a wave, heat filling up my face.

“I just want you to know that I don't usually do this,” I say gesturing between us with my hands.

“Do what exactly?” He asks with amusement lining his features, his slight smile making me want to lean in and kiss his lips again.

“Invite men that I’ve known for only two months over to my house. And kiss them once they get here,” I finish weakly, all my resolve fleeing once I see the wide grin on JongHyun’s face, his cheekbones standing out in sharp relief.

“Dahaengiya. I'm glad I'm the only one you're kissing.” He leans toward me again but I pull back once more, still not done.

“What I mean is that even though I invited you over, I'm not used to casual... anything. Do you get it?” JongHyun sits back on the couch, his eyes scanning my face with intensity.

“I didn't realize I that was being casual. In fact, I had thought I was being pretty obvious.” His voice is low and as smooth as butter, his words making my insides melt into a puddle. And suddenly I’m not sure why I felt the need to stop kissing him; what could be more important than having JongHyun's lips pressed against mine?

He reaches out a hand and runs it lightly across my face. His touch makes me shudder as tiny sparks seem to leap between my skin and his fingers. I open my mouth to speak but just as fast his fingers lay across my lips and the soft touch keeps me from any coherent thoughts.

“Yeah, I thought I was being clear, but maybe not… Noelle, I'd like to keep seeing you, for however long you'd allow me to.”

I swallow past the lump in my throat, acutely aware of how warm the room has become suddenly. My heart leaps at his words, but my head remains cautious.

“I don't understand. What are we exactly?”

“Do we have to name it? Can't we just enjoy each other's company?”

“I do enjoy being with you Jjong, but this is quickly going beyond friendship. I need some clarity.” I bite my lip, not sure if I should continue but JongHyun is staring at me silently. This is as good a time as any for me to be honest, so I take a deep breath and tell him what I feel. 

“There's this sadness in you and it repels me and draws me in at the same time. I want to come closer but a part of you is warning me off and I don't know why. You want to be touched,” I say while grabbing his hand in mine. “I can feel it, but you're so afraid too. So, you tell me, what exactly do you want from me?” JongHyun’s faces crumples at my words and his face reflects all the confusion I feel in my heart. Suddenly he isn’t the suave man I kissed, instead his eyes are wide and something akin to fear resides in them. He is silent for far longer than I’m comfortable with, and the space in between us grows the longer his silence continues.

“I don't know Noelle. , I don't know anything. I’m not sure what this is between us, but I know I don’t want to lose it. Can’t that be enough for now?” JongHyun pulls his hands through his hair, making the white bangs falls messily on his forehead. His look is pleading with me to understand but I don’t, not really. That wasn’t the answer I was expecting and I can’t stop my heart from feeling like it’s being squeezed in my chest.

Tears are welling up behind my eyes, his anguish hitting me so hard it feels like my own. But I know I can't go through this again; I can't be with a guy who's not with me a hundred and ten percent. Otherwise what have I learned from the past? The words I'm about to say hurt me worse than anything I've ever said because JongHyun is so much like me, wants to be loved just as much as I do. I know that what I'm about to say might break him, but I’ve got to say it anyway. Regret fills me for what I’m about to do, but in the end, I must protect my heart.

“Until you figure it out Jjong, I don't think you should stay,” I manage to push out, my words so quiet that I don't know if he's heard me. But from the way his body stiffens, the way his hands drop lifelessly from his hair, I know he’s heard it all.

He gets up slowly, his eyes pained at what he probably sees as a rejection. The last thing I want to do is hurt him, but if he doesn't know what he wants from me, isn't it better to stop all of this before it goes too far, before I can't bear to let him go? His eyes plead with me to reconsider, but I shake my head slightly in a no. His mouth is drawn in a tight line as he gets up and walks out of the door, and a sense of finality washes over me. The tears are flowing unchecked down my cheeks now, and I can’t seem to stop the shaking that comes next. What exactly have I done?

A/N: Pfft...so how was it? You mad, happy or sad? Did you see it coming? What will happen next? This was enjoyable for me, probably one of the longest chapters I've ever written which of course led me to break it into two parts. So if it seems choppy sorry bout that ;) I hope you guys liked it! Levae me COMMENTS, SUBSCRIBE, and UPVOTE for more content. I love hearing your thoughts, and definitely check out the artists I mentioned this chapter, it's all jazz. Love, <3