Chapter 1

With and Without Oh Sehun

I cannot recall when the distance in our hand began to increase from time to time, and I cannot recall the moment when I started to get scared everytime I noticed that they were getting further and further away. I wanted to just glue our hands together and never bring it apart because of how much his warmness brought me a sense of comfort. He was usually the first to always hold my hand and squeeze it tightly, as if he was telling me in a way that he was never going to let me go and I loved that. I didn't want to ever let him go too. But now I would have to grab his hand first, but why am I no longer able to hold it with ease? Why do I feel the need to constantly squeeze his hands tightly as if it could slip away any moment now and I would lose him?

And today it was happening again. Although he was just a few inches ahead of me, this was the biggest distance that we've ever put in between ourselves. I wanted to tell him to wait for me but I was afraid of how crazy I was going to look when he turns his head at less than a 90 degree angle to look at me. His face was blank with no expression as he continued to look straight. I don't think he's turned to look at me even once during the last few minutes. The silence between us was driving me crazy that I just wanted to scream something out to break it, but what was there to scream about?

Usually he would be leading a conversation by now about his day at summer practice and how he really hopes to land on varsity when school starts again. Then I'd tell him that he's the best player on the team and there was no need to constantly worry about it. But today, he didn't even mention a word about practice that ended about half an hour ago. Was something wrong? Did something happen that he was not willing to talk about right now? 

Suddenly, I felt the lock in his hand loosen and I quickly squeezed it out of habit. I didn't want to let him go. I didn't want him to let me go. However, he managed to wiggle his hand a little bit before eventually separating it from mines. 

His body turned to face me first as his head was still looking at the beautiful sight of the Han River. Maybe he just liked the view of how it looked at night? But even a little child would know that wasn't it. The look in his face was unsettling as if he was thinking about what to say or do. I kept my eyes locked on him in hopes of finding an answer in his eyes or lips of what was causing him to act this way. And before I knew it, he turned to look at me in the eyes but the blank and expressionless face remained. This was my first time seeing him look at me in such a way and it was as if his soul was no longer there and I was never the girl that he's come to cherish all these years.

Should I speak first or allow him to? But for some reason, I knew that either one would lead to the same result.

"Areum-ah," Sehun finally said with a soft and calm voice. He was speaking to me like a father calmly speaking to their naughty child instead of raising their voice at them.

But despite his voice that I was dying to hear for a while now along with the silence that I've been trying to break, I kept silent as I continued to stare at his eyes. What is it Sehun? What is it that is causing you to act so different and distant lately? What is it that is causing you to not hold my hand as tight anymore? What is it that is causing you to only look at me whenever you need to? 

He let out a sigh and I noticed a slight quiver in his mouth as he opened it to speak. But for some reason, my guts was telling me to close it shut and prevent him from talking. Do it Areum! Before it's too late!

However, I wasn't quick enough. 

"Let's break up." With the way his voice remained so calm and soft along with how he was staring at me with his brown round eyes, I would have nodded my head and allow his words to pass right through my ears. But my other ear managed to block itself and allow the hurtful words to go through my brain.  

My eyes and lips began to tremble when my head finally processed his words. I looked all over his face for anything that would tell me he was just joking, but tears began to develop in my eyes when a feeling that I've been trying to bury in myself for so long was starting to surface itself. It was as if I was already expecting those words. 

"What?" I stuttered. I didn't want to believe it. Please tell me that I heard wrong or he was just joking. Please Oh Sehun. 

He blinked numerously as he turned his head away to look back at the Han River. "I just don't think there is anything left in between us... Or at least in me." 

My heart dropped, ripped, teared, exploded, shattered. Nothing left in him? Not even a single bit after all the times that we've been together? I stuttered as I tried to process what to think or say, but it was hard to because of the emotional shock I was in and how I felt like everything was just a dream.

This wasn't the Oh Sehun I knew. This wasn't him at all. The Sehun I knew would never say these words to me. 

"I'm sorry... Areum." He continued without giving me a chance to say a word, as if he really didn't want me to speak in order to allow us to move on from this as quick as possible.

As much as I was yelling at myself to speak up and ask why or how we can work this out, I remained where I was and stared at the side of his face that was still overlooking the sight of the Han River. The bangs of his flat hair was flying because of the cool night breeze. His sharp eyes concentrated on the river as he kept his hands in the pocket of his pants. His adams apple moving a couple times as he even smacked his lips, but in the midst of this I didn't see a sense of remorse or sorrow on his face for what he just did. It was as if he was totally fine and unaffected. 

The Oh Sehun I knew and fell in love with would never be staring at the river but instead at me with his comforting smile and bright squinted eyes. He would never say such words to me even if it was meant as a joke to bring laughter. It was as if the man I've been in love with for the past 3 years suddenly became a different person who I no longer knew. 

 

~End of Chapter 1~

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CSanWS
#1
Chapter 47: I love both yoongi and sehun. But damn can you just let her ended up with yoongi? After she had been dumped by Sehun, eventho i love him. I can’t.
Iheartren
#2
Chapter 47: I’m finally caught up I recent stumble your story the story so far it’s interesting and I can’t wait for the next update i wonder what is going to happened next, keep up the good work 😊
Sey-ra
38 streak #3
Chapter 47: Omo ,you came back.And for Aereum don't go to the same part again.
fishaelee
#4
Chapter 46: it’s quarter to 4am now and im finally catch up with the chapters! i must say that reading this fic is such having a ride on a roller coaster. at first with the break up of sehun and areum, the pain she felt and how badly everyone treated her... also yoongi’s side story too... im pretty sure there will be a triangle love happening in the future too xD
fishaelee
#5
Chapter 29: yesss areum did it. i hope there will be justice for yoongi soon
fishaelee
#6
Chapter 28: AREUM !!!! :((((
fishaelee
#7
Chapter 27: areum don’t u dare let him slip away like that-
fishaelee
#8
Chapter 16: and how sehun started dating irene, the girl who had been the anti of his previous relationship since day one? oh man i fking hate it here, tf did u just do sehun ah
fishaelee
#9
Chapter 16: okay i’ve suffered enough with the first 9 chapters and i am just so frustrated and my heart hurts so bad for what happened to areum. I CAN FEEL THE PAIN thru the words u wrote...
Sey-ra
38 streak #10
Chapter 42: Sorry but I am still frustrated with Aerum.