"we never get over a break up,

it's impossible when the person 
you love is just right in front of you
with the person they promised you 
they would never be with."

—

There's so many things I've hidden from you. Kageyama, 
why did you have to leave me?
why? 
I gave you my everything and all I got
back was betrayal. 
are his kisses better than mine?
does he love you as much as I do?
is he a better person for you? 

      The way your fingertips warmed me up when I was cold. The way your smile lighten up my whole world. The way your lips fit perfectly with mine. I wonder what you felt about me when I felt invincible by your side. 

Kageyama, don't you miss me one bit? 
It feels cold without you.
you were the fire to my frozen heart.

       All the tears I've cried are not going to bring you back to me. You know what hurt the most? while you were with me you considered him your everything and while I played every single card to be with you, you took them all and cut them. I automatically had lost to the person you told me not to worry about, and that made me lose the trust I had in humanity.

what do I have to do to be like him?
should my hair be brown? 
maybe I'll become a setter. 
all I want is you in my arms. 

       All those lies that made me believe that we could really be something. That maybe love wasn't so bad after all. That maybe you could be the one to change me for good. 

Valentine's Day:
a day you reunite with a friend or lover to appreciate what they've done for you. 
the day that ruined me completely. 
the day I wish I couldn't remember. 

       How silly of me it was to give you flowers with chocolates that day. Because the one you were expecting was Oikawa, not me. Because the person you adore is him and not me. Because you cheated on me to be with him. Because you never cared about being with me. Because all you wanted was to get closer to him. 

and I fell in your trap. 
I believed in your lies.
I made you get closer to him.
and got myself replaced.

        I fell in love with the lies that you said to me. I fell in love with the Kageyama I thought you were. And now, I've lost the thing I trusted you with. 

my heart. 
because I gave it to you.
thinking you would take care of it.
but all you wanted to do was 
replace it with yours and give it to him.

        You don't know how much you mean to me, how I still find you irresistible. I keep hurting myself with your thoughts. 

Because you made me a masochist for love.
your love.
the one I could never in a million years obtain. 

—

"Hinata Shouyou"