Pain is a delicate thing. It can control you, consume you, tear you apart until you feel as if you can't breathe. In some cases it can become a wound that cuts deep in your heart until it leaves a permanent scar, lingering in the darkest corners of your mind. You want to scream. You want to cry. But eventually, you feel as if there is nothing there. Just emptiness.

 

For Kim Taehyung, it causes him to act out. To graffiti walls with spray paint, to vandalize people's property, to commit small crimes just to feel that exhilarating rush so that he can forget. Just forget it all.

 

But they were all hurting. Not just him. Min Yoongi was the one that was affected the most. Maybe Hoseok as well, since he had a drug overdose and ended up in the hospital. Jungkook, the youngest of them all seemed to accept it the easiest. Or maybe it was the same for everyone. Just expressed in different ways.

 

How could they possibly feel nothing when their best friend--the one who had held all six of them together-- had gone from the world? It was impossible and it brought a sick feeling in the pit of Taehyung’s stomach with the mere mention of the thought.

 

So there he was, gun in hand, hoodie over his head, at the foot of the door of his parents’ house. He didn't know what had came over him, what compelled him to think of doing such a thing. Maybe it had been all the confusing feelings swirling in the pit of his stomach at once and he had believed that it was a good idea at the time, but when he looked down at his hands and saw the blood stains, his heart fell.

 

He dropped to the floor, tears blocking his vision as they filled his eyes and slid down his cheeks, then took out his cell phone after pouring water on his hands to clean the blood somehow. He didn't know why he dialed that number. He knew that he wouldn't be there, wouldn't answer him, because how could he?  It was physically impossible, but he just wanted to hear his voice, wanted to see his face, to find out that this was just a big nightmare and that everything would be fine when he opened his eyes.

 

“I want to see you,” he choked out, his voice breaking and his body trembling. He hung up, letting the phone drop to the floor, and pulled his knees to his chest and sobbed.

 

 

 

“Tae,” Jungkook says, when he sees Taehyung with a blood stained white T-shirt, eyes wide and sparkling with panic. “What did you do?”

 

Taehyung couldn’t stop the tears from spilling once again, and buried his head on Jungkook’s shoulder, trying to even out his breathing before he could speak. His chest is constricting with guilt and he just wanted to breathe.

“I...I killed him, Jungkook. I killed my father.”

 

Jungkook says nothing, just raises a hand to rub Taehyung’s back gently, to form some sort of comfort, with the heavy topic on the elder’s mind. He doesn't know what to do, knows nothing he will say will be of any help. Any claims that everything will be fine would only be lies.

 

“I hate this,” Jungkook says after a long pause of silence and when they have calmed down slightly. “What?” Taehyung inquires, raising his head so that he can meet the youngers gaze. “This,” Jungkook repeats, making hand gestures to motion the air between them. “Us. Them. I hate what we’ve become. I mean,” he takes a moment to exhale before continuing. “He wouldn't want this. He would be heartbroken if he saw us.”

 

Taehyung is thankful that he didn't say his name. He really doesn’t want to hear it. It would hurt too much, and he would fall back into that dark place of sorrow and despair.

 

It’s a funny thing how death can affect someone so much. For Jung Hoseok, the misery he feels is overwhelming. Overwhelming enough for him to consume two bottles of pills and end up in the hands of the nurses at the hospital. Jimin doesn't question why Hoseok has done it, only stays by his side the whole time and desperately waits for him to wake up. Of course he was upset to find his best friend in the hospital because of drug overdosage, but he knows full well why he has done it. He just wishes that he wouldn't succumb to suicidal thoughts. There is more to the world than that. And he wants to be the one to experience those things with Hoseok.

 

Hoseok opens his eyes to see Jimin next to him, confusion on his face, before contorting into one of disappointment. He sighs, loud and dramatic, hands covering up his face to show his frustration.

 

Jimin bites his lip to hold back the small sobs that threaten to leave his mouth and the tears that are stinging his eyes, but still looks at Hoseok. He keeps his gaze strong, before reluctantly opening his mouth to speak. “I know it’s hard for you,” he says, and swallows a lump in his throat. “It’s hard for all of us, but can you imagine how much worse it would’ve been if you had actually died?” He inhales once more. “It wouldn't have been fair! You would have left me all alone, taken the easy way out while I would have had to hold all the burden and pain!” The tears trickle down his cheeks in small streams, and he fists his hands in Hoseok’s shirt, stubbornly keeping his gaze strong and firm.

 

Hoseok pulls him into his arms and lets him cry into his T-shirt. “I’m sorry,” he whispers in a barely audible voice, but Jimin hears it loud and clear. “I shouldn’t be so selfish.” Jimin hums a noise of approval, and Hoseok laughs, small and humorless, but it brings a smile to his lips nonetheless.

 

They stay like that for a while, the both of them content with each other, glad that they have someone to stick by them through thick and thin. And all six of them will look out for each other from now on, keeping the memories of their dear friend in their hearts. They will reach out for the future, with their heads held high and accept whatever comes at them with open arms because they are fine as long as they have each other. All they can do now is wait and wish for the best with hope in their hearts.

They’ll be okay. They lost their best friend but they still have each other.