“And so it goes, one foot after the other till black and white begin to color in and I know, that holding us in place is simply fear of what’s already changed.”

She was daydreaming, staring at the empty garden through her window. She heaved a heavy breath as her favorite song was played in the background. It was quite cold, she hugged herself. She missed that person, a little too much. She thought that she was fine after such a long time yet she wronged. Her world crumbled, just like the weather outside, her heart also cold. That person meant a lot to her just like the very first time. He is irreplaceable.

“It would be nice if you’re here with me now.” She mumbled.

Their break up was still this hurt for her. She treasured their relationship so much, she treasured him. He resembled a big yellow umbrella where she would actually run for to shelter herself. She felt like losing her shelter, the place that made her safe from the rain, though she liked rain. There was time that she hated rain, that’s why she ran to him. As for him, she resembled a big oak tree, the place that would make him safe from the sun. He hated sun, it was hot, he would say. She sighed.

“Are you perhaps missing me like I always do?” Her voice was shaking.

She buried her head between her knees. Whenever she felt sad, he would come and patted her head lightly. Telling her that it’s fine before embraced her petite body tightly. She missed that, she missed that person. She kept saying to herself that she missed that person, even for the countless times.

“I miss you.” A soft sob can be heard.

She quietly cried, hugging herself even tighter. What if she rejected his decision to ask for break up? What if she didn’t speak her mind that day? What if she kept silence and told herself that is alright? What if….

Jieun is still so much in love with Baekhyun, her feelings never change a bit for him. Jieun shared the most with Baekhyun, from her bright side to her dark side which she often concealed it for herself. If someone asked how her feelings toward him, she would say that nothing’s changed. If Baekhyun asked whether she wanted to start all over again, she would definitely say yes firmly. If universe let them rewrite their story again, Jieun would choose a good tint to start. But, it was only her empty hopes. Baekhyun seemed fine without her, Baekhyun had healed himself, while her? Jieun is still battling with herself. Half of her wished for Baekhyun happiness even above herself but the other half, she wanted Baekhyun to come back to her. She wanted Baekhyun to figure out that it was so much harder than he ever thought.

“I’m sorry. I’ll be fine soon but not today.” She reassured herself as if she reassured Baekhyun.