"I heated up dinner, let's eat" Jin called for Jimin while standing near the bedroom door. Jimin nodded, at first, and continued with the fake smile on his face "Let me take a shower first Hyung" he simply said taking his clothes and walked to the shower with very heavy steps.

As soon as he closed the door, he fell to his knees. Hands pressed to the ground with one of them holding his chest so tight, Jimin tried to breathe in as much air as he could. He felt like his lungs were burning up needing oxygen.

He laid there for about 15minutes, just breathing

*In and Out Jimin! You can do it. It's not that hard ... see?* Jimin kept saying to himself, supporting himself and comforting himself. Deep down, he wished that someone could do it for him, that someone would comfort him and place soft pats on his back or whisper sweet words to him but no! *I'm fine! I don't need anyone! I'm all good* he kept thinking to himself

As soon as his breathing problem was over, he moved toward the shower. He took his clothes off and stared at his reflection in the mirror "Hello there!"

"Hi"

"Do you know who I am?"

"No, who are you?"

"I'm, YOU"

"But you look so ugly and .. Fat! that's not me"

"Of course it is you, you else would it be?"

Jimin flinched at the thought, he reached his hands to touch every spot of his body, squeezing it, and every time feeling so disgusted because all he could see was "Fat" and "Ugly". He hated the way his body looked he tried to scrub away everything with his soap and shampoo but it wouldn't go away *You're so dirty Park Jimin!* he rubbed and rubbed until his arms were so red and he wasn't satisfied

*You little dirty useless piece of crap* he scolded himself.

He finally stopped, he wore his new fresh comfy clothes and got out still feeling so disgusted and so "dirty"

"FINALLY" Jimin was startled by Rap Mon's voice as he stepped out of the shower "We were waiting for you, come on let's eat" Jin invited him with a kind voice however, Jimin just walked pass them "I'm so tired Hyung!" he simply and lifelessly said, "I don't feel like it, I'm going to bed".

He walked to his room not even looking back at his now very confused hyungs and shut the door behind him. He walked over to his bed and flopped his exhausted body on the bed not minding the sleeping maknae on the other side of the room. Jimin sniffed few times, he was crying. His face buried into his pillow and tears leaving traces down his cheeks and face. It took him more than 1h to finally stop crying and closed his eyes to sleep.

Jimin slept really late that night, he was exhausted, tired and his head filled with multiple bad thoughts and ideas. He cried himself to sleep and he didn't think of the consequences of him fainting the night before and getting all wet with rainwater and not having any dinner until he woke up the next morning.

It was 7:00 am, Jungkook's alarm clock went on *What's that loud noise?* Jimin cracked his eyes open *Why is it's so freaking loud?* He shut his eyes once again waiting for Jungkook to turn it off, just a few seconds later he did.

"Hyung?" Jungkook's voice sounded cracky and sleepy. Jungkook got off his bed still half asleep rubbing his eyes like a little baby and calling Jimin to wake up. Jimin moved a little under his covers before he answered "I'm Up Kookie-ah"

"Good then I'm going to the washroom"

JungKook walked away from his room, but he didn't realize the pain behind Jimin's few words. While Jungkook was calling for him, Jimin just realized that he was in such a miserable state. He heard JungKook's first calling but he couldn't answer, his throat felt like he ate broken glass. He tried to sit up but as soon as he lifted his head from his pillow, he was hit by the strong feeling of dizziness and heat all over his aching body. His muscles were already numb from yesterday's late training and his throat and fever were not making him feel any better. He knew for sure that he was sick but there is no way he would be missing today's schedule. He didn't move any further, he just collected the amount of energy he had to answer Jungkook so lamely and made his voice sound sleepy rather than crispy and shallow.

Jungkook left, and a few seconds later Jimin's second attempt to lift himself up started. He pushed his body with his elbows, pushing his covers away and getting into a sitting position and wishing that he won't flop back again. His head was so fuzzy and cloudy, he was really dizzy.

He stopped to take a deep breath and to gain a clear vision *You useless Pig* he scolded himself *You can't get sick, you're not even worth having a day off*, he kept squeezing his eyes shut and his hands turned into fists around his covers *You can't do this now or NEVER*

He pushed all his covers away to the ground and tried to stand up, a wave of dizziness hit him hard and he almost fell if not for the night table by his side. He pushed himself once again and walked to his closet, he brought his clothes and started dressing up until Jungkook joined him. For a few minutes, Jimin avoided direct contact with Jungook, he didn't want him to see his face. Jimin got dressed so fast and walked quickly to the bathroom where he closed the door tight and took a look at his face in the mirror.  *OH NO* he said, his face was pale and his eyes seemed to sink inside of it.

He quickly washed his face and put on his mask and just waited until his make up was fully done because only then, no one will notice. As he looked at his reflection in the mirror, he couldn't think of anything other then how stupid he is, how ugly and useless he felt and he bit his lower lip so hard and made his hands turn into fists *I'll do better ... I will ... I have to ... Nothing will ever stop me.

His scolding stopped as he heard YoonGi's voice calling for the members to come together and finally leave for their first schedule. Jimin angrily put on his mask and his mask covering half of his face. All along the way to their first meeting and until he met their makeup artist, Jimin avoided any kind of direct contact with s. At the van, he pretended to be sleeping and as soon as they got there, he was the first to enter their waiting room and asked for his hair and makeup to be done. Even though it was still early, Jimin just insisted on it, he didn't want anyone to see his face and notice or worry

*You don't deserve their attention* That voice inside of his head spoke again making him feel so guilty and helpless. While he was getting his hair and makeup done, the others went to get breakfast.

"Where is Jimin Hyung?" Taehyung asked

"He's skipping breakfast, he's getting ready first" their manager answered so lamely while looking down at his phone and waiting to call someone.

When the manager got busy with his phone call, Bangtan boys were puzzled

"Now that's a first" Suga raised one eyebrow at the situation

"Did you guys speak to him last night?" V asked

"No, we couldn't" J-hope seemed disappointed "He just run away before we could even say anything" Jin continued

"But ... Last night !!! I thought I heard him ..."

"You heard him what Kookie-ah?"

"Sniffing"

"Sniffing? As if ... crying?" asked Suga with a confused sharp tone

"Yes ... Well I was half asleep I don't know what I've heard maybe I heard him wrong"

Jin released an unexpected sigh as their manager came back asking them to hurry and go catch up with Jimin.

They finished their breakfast and hurried back to their waiting room. Jimin has already done his hair and makeup and was about to leave

"Where are you going?" asked Jin

"Bathroom"

"Ok don't take so long because I want to speak to you about something"

Jimin nodded without deeply thinking about anything. He took his heavy and tired legs toward the bathroom, he got in and closed the door behind him. He took a few steps back and leaned his head forward, facing the toilet bowl, and started gagging.

Jimin was vomiting everything he had eaten. But wait ... He didn't have dinner nor breakfast then why was he vomiting? He was simply so disgust by everything, he hated the way he looked, talked, and walked

*You're not good enough* said the voice inside of him and Jimin gave in to the voice and believed it. When he was done, he flushed the toilet and leaned his back to the door, and slid down to his knees. He sat there breathing so heavily and feeling so dizzy. His head was going back and forward, he had no energy left. He spent some time resting, forgetting about Jin's words to come back quickly. He just couldn't move anymore, his body was empty on minerals, sugar, and blood. Yet, he pushed his legs up again to stand still leaning on the wall for support and opened the door.

As he opened the door, he thought that he was alone and he was relieved for a while but then he heard a familiar voice

"Hyung where are you? Jin Hyung asked me to come and get ---- HYUNG" Jungkook run toward a half-conscious Jimin and tried to help him get stable and lean on him instead of the wall

"Hyung what happened are you ok?" Jungkook asked so worriedly and he was surprised by Jimin's reaction. Jimin pushed Jungkook's arm so roughly "WHAT YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING COMING TO ME LIKE THAT?" Jimin just flipped at Jungkook who had his eyes so wide up in surprise now looking at Jimin as he tripped while walking away from him "I'm fine I don't need you" Jimin stormed out of the bathroom leaving Jungkook with teary eyes.

Soon after that, Jungkook followed Jimin back to their  waiting room and everybody was busy

"Oh Jungkook-ah" called J-hope "Come' on we are on in a few seconds"

"But HYUNG?" Jungkook tried to tell his hyungs what have just happened but he never could. He found himself pushed to the stage with Jimin by his side and there was nothing he could do about it. All that he wanted was to get Jimin out of there before something bad happens to him but he couldn't do anything because they were already on the stage, performing.