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170506 Saturday                                                             Happy Birthday Baekhyun!

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Joonmyun is enjoying his time eating his soup slowly one day, until Kris takes a seat down next to him.

“So … Myunnie …” Kris starts slowly. “When are we going to visit your parents?”

Just like that, Joonmyun stops sipping.

“One day.” He replies vaguely, hoping the topic will be changed.

“But Joonmyun …” That’s not going to happen today. “You’ve been saying that ever since we started dating.”

Joonmyun sighs inwardly, slightly irritated. "And I’ve been saying it for a reason.”

“But you met my parents!” Kris presses. “I thought that since I showed you to them, you should do the same for me sooner or later.”

“It’s different.” Joonmyun says quietly.

“Look at them Baekhyun and Chanyeol. They showed their parents their relationship the moment they started dating! Why can’t we do that?”

“Not everyone is like them.”  Joonmyun states calmly. His soup is cold now. “Kris, if you don’t leave me to finish my soup, you’ll regret it.”

“No, I’m being serious this time, Myun. I can’t stall this any longer.” Joonmyun sighs, externally this time.

“I already told you to give it some time.”

“What time? We’ve been dating for more than a year, Joonmyun, We’ve been giving it too much time.”

“I don’t want to talk to you about this.” Joonmyun stands, grabbing his tray of food as he makes to leave. But Kris grabs him by the arm.

“Let’s talk about this –” He starts, but in the process, the soup spills all over the tray. When he looks up, Joonmyun is glaring daggers at him, so by instinct, he lets go, and watches as Joonmyun walks away. Feeling pretty pissed off himself, Kris throws himself down on the chair just as Chanyeol and Lu Han walk over, talking.

Chanyeol and Lu Han sit down on the edge furthest away from Kris, who’s sulking. Having just finished a class, Chanyeol saw Lu Han on the way and so that’s how they ended up together.

“Oh yeah, Chanyeol.” Lu Han holds him by the arm. “Something just came to my mind.”

“Hm?”

“I learned that it’s very important for someone who’s gone through a mental illness, a big shock in their life, or traumatic stress, to receive treatment.”

“Mmhm.” Chanyeol says, not absorbing the information yet as he focuses on eating the food in front of him.

“Baekhyun has … right?” Lu Han asks carefully. That’s when Chanyeol stops, registers the information, and looks up.

“… No.” Chanyeol replies slowly.

“I’m sure this goes even for people like him who seems to have moved on, right?” Lu Han talks carefully. “Don’t you think it’d be safer if we got him a psychiatrist to check up on his condition?”

Chanyeol’s eyes look distant, as if he’s thinking.

“Sometimes it just doesn’t end, for them.” Concern seems to be sparkling in the older’s eyes, something that Chanyeol doesn’t see often, mostly because Lu Han’s more of a chill guy. “So will you talk to him about it?”

“…Yeah.” Chanyeol replies eventually. “I will.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why haven’t I ever thought of this? Chanyeol thinks to himself on his way back to his room,  feeling a little frustrated at himself. Okay, not a little, very.

I thought it was just done seeing that he’s okay and changed now, but I never … Chanyeol turns a corner. Never considered that it may never be over for him.

Chanyeol pictures Baekhyun’s carefree smile, and wonders whether there’s always something more hiding behind it.

When he arrives at his room, he sits down, deep in thought. All his thoughts are composed of how angry he is at himself for not thinking this carefully, for completely neglecting this step that Baekhyun has to overcome before he can truly be healed.

The door opens, and Chanyeol snaps his head up.

Baekhyun bounds lightly in to his desk.

“Baekhyun!” Chanyeol calls. “Baek, we need to talk –”

“Later.” Baekhyun replies as he puts on his glasses and turns to Chanyeol to smile briefly. “Be right back.” Then he bounds lightly out.

He looks so carefree, like he’s any boy that grew up with no worries except puberty. Chanyeol’s terrified to think of what may lay underneath that.

The next time Baekhyun comes back, he stays for real. Chanyeol watches silently, legs crossed, as his boyfriend enters the room and places his glasses and bag down, walks around more to get his jumper, walks back to grab something else, then when he’s done, he sits on his bed.

“So? You wanted to talk?” Baekhyun asks, a slight smile-not-smile hanging on his lips as he blinks at Chanyeol patiently.

“Baek.” Chanyeol says firmly. “You have to go see a psychologist.”

“… Why?” Baekhyun frowns in confusion. “Did something happen?”

“No, just …” Chanyeol’s voice fades away. “I just want to make sure that you’re okay.“

“I’m fine, Yeol.” Baekhyun replies. “I really am. Let’s just drop this.”

“No.” For some reason, Baekhyun is more reluctant than Chanyeol imagined. And to his surprise, he’s more firm than he imagined he’d be. This clearly surprises Baekhyun too. “We’re going, whether you want to or not.”

“Well, I don’t want to.” Baekhyun replies just as stubbornly. Of course, Baekhyun’s the most stubborn person Chanyeol knows.

“Baekhyun – ”

“I have class in five minutes.” Baekhyun says as he grabs his bag and walks towards the door.

“Seriously –” The door closes on him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Okay, so maybe Baekhyun was a little harsh there.

But what can he do? The thought of psychologist is not only tedious and boring, it also takes a lot of effort and time. Baekhyun’s not sure he’s ready for that kind of commitment.

And the thought of psychologists is maybe … a little intimidating.

After all, as a Psychology student, Baekhyun knows that they can learn how you feel from the way you behave and speak, and from that, deduce whether you’re lying or not. It’s not that he would lie anyway, but just thinking of needing to talk about something so personal to a stranger is something he’s not ready for. Even though this is something he’s studying, so he should know full well that the psychologists would only want to help him.

No is a no. Chanyeol won’t understand unless I show him I don’t want it. Baekhyun thinks to himself, ultimately making this the deciding factor. Chanyeol will melt eventually.

But to his shock, Chanyeol doesn’t.

Chanyeol continues to ask him every time he sees the younger, and Baekhyun had brushed him off every time until one day it really gets on his nerves.

“I don’t want to, and you can’t make me.” Baekhyun replies defiantly, the moment Chanyeol brings it up again. He can see Chanyeol’s eyes widen in surprise, then darken with anger and frustration.

“So that’s how it is.” Chanyeol’s voice is icy cold, and Baekhyun blinks at just how different it sounds to the normal bubbly Chanyeol that he knows. Baekhyun’s mouth drops open in an attempt to speak, but Chanyeol turns away from him blatantly, and does his own thing. Closing his mouth and feeling a little dazed, Baekhyun stares down at his game whose large block letters ‘GAME OVER’ dominates the screen.

“Chanyeol, you going dinner?” He asks a few hours later, breaking the silence. “Chanyeol?” He turns around, finding Chanyeol whose face is neutrally cold as he purposely plugs in his earphones to tune Baekhyun out. Then Baekhyun is reminded of their ‘fight’ that is apparently still going on.

He’ll get over it. Baekhyun thinks to himself, shrugging as he grabs his phone and heads downstairs. After all, Baekhyun’s stubbornness has always won over Chanyeol’s.

About halfway through dinner, Chanyeol enters the scene, mouth turned down and hands shoved into his pockets. Baekhyun munches on his food as he moves over to make seat for the taller, but Chanyeol pretends he’s not there and moves all the way to the other side of the dinner table to sit with Kris.

“Did you fight?” Kyungsoo whispers. Baekhyun shrugs.

“He’ll get over it.”

“Must be pretty bad, if he’s totally ignoring you.”

“It’s nothing, really.” It doesn’t even have anything to do with him.

“Mm, I hope so.” Kyungsoo replies vaguely as he passes some of his chicken to a very happy Jongin.

Really, why is he getting so worked up over this? Baekhyun frowns, but decides not to think any more, hoping that the next day Chanyeol will be back to himself.

But the next day, he’s still like this. So is the day after that. It becomes like this to a point where everyone thinks they’re fighting even though it’s just Chanyeol giving him the cold shoulder. Baekhyun is confused because Chanyeol had never really done that before – he was always either assertively angry or his cold treatment would fade and he would start calling for Baekhyun’s attention again. It shocks Baekhyun, because Baekhyun’s usually the one giving the cold shoulder.

“Hey.” Baekhyun calls gently one week later as he approaches the taller who’s sitting on his wheelie chair. Baekhyun nudges his shoulder gently. “You want to do something for the weekend?”

Chanyeol’s lips turn down into a scowl and he moves away from Baekhyun’s touch.

“What are you so angry for? I didn’t do something that hurt you, did I?” Even though his tone is lighthearted and almost teasing, inside Baekhyun genuinely hopes that’s not the case.

“Let’s just move on, okay, Yeol? It’s the past now and we’ll pretend it never happened.” Chanyeol continues to ignore him.

What the … Baekhyun scowls, feeling a little annoyed at how childish Chanyeol is acting. Fine, if you want to play like that, I’ll leave you to it.

Stuffing his hands in his pockets, he heads down to the lawn where they’ve been “owning” their own special spot to sit down on whenever they’re free. Baekhyun is at first by himself as he lies down on the lawn and closes his eyes, resting his head on his hands and feeling the warmth of the sunshine. Then when he thinks he’s had enough warmth, he opens his eyes and prepares to sit up. Squinting, he sees two familiar people in the distance: Joonmyun and Kris.

He watches as they come over, but the moment Joonmyun sits down, Kris walks off coldly, without a word of warmth.

“What’s up with him?” Baekhyun asks as he watches Joonmyun open the packet of sushi in front of him.

“He’s giving me the cold shoulder.” Joonmyun replies. “But he still walks me to places in case I get kidnapped or something.”

“Why?” Why does that remind him of a certain someone …

“For not wanting him to meet my parents.” Joonmyun responds quietly.

“You should.”

“Knowing them, they’ll probably give him a hard time.”

“So you’re not worried that they’ll know you have a boyfriend?”

“… I am.” Joonmyun replies. “But then again I’m not. They know I’ve been messing around with men so this should be expected.”

Baekhyun nods, feeling a little distracted because he had just seen Chanyeol walk across the lawn and then stopped by a few of his friends. Chanyeol is acting like normal towards them, eyes wide and eager as he laughs and nods and claps.

But then his eyes meet Baekhyun’s and then all the laughter dies away. Chanyeol is back to his cold self as he bids his friends goodbye and walks away.

Scowling, Baekhyun stares down at his phone, feeling very annoyed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

At first, Baekhyun had wanted to be the one that stayed strong until the end. He had believed with the utmost confidence that in the end, it would be Chanyeol that would break and that it would be Chanyeol who would warm things up again.

But then it’s Baekhyun that’s slowly breaking as time passes by. At first, Baekhyun was confused, then pissed off, but now he’s lonely and lacking the warmth that used to fill their room.

So then the day he breaks, he walks up to Chanyeol the moment he finds the other sitting on his bed, reading.

“Are you still angry?” Baekhyun asks, and even though he had wanted to sound like he doesn’t care, instead it comes off whinier than he had wanted it to.

Chanyeol continues reading as if he hasn’t heard a thing.

“Don’t get angry at me, hm?” Okay, so maybe he really misses Chanyeol.

But Chanyeol is still staring at his textbook.

“Talk to me.” Baekhyun continues, this time moving closer until his shoulder is touching the taller’s. Baekhyun’s heart is racing as he dares lean in closer so he can get a closer look at his boyfriend’s face. “Don’t be angry.”

This time, Chanyeol closes his textbook and lays his hands on top of it, then stares straight into the distance.

“Don’t be angry, Yeol …” Baekhyun mutters, feeling a little dejected inside, and unsure why.

Maybe because it’s hurting his pride when he’s here, trying to take away someone’s anger directed at him. But still, it’s Chanyeol. Baekhyun seems to always go out of his shell for Chanyeol, whether he wants to or not.

In addition to that, he’s not used to such a cold Chanyeol that is resisting any opportunity to give affection. He’s not used to Chanyeol who would usually break so easily and give him a hug but is now staring straight ahead and not doing a thing.

Has he been taking advantage of Chanyeol’s weakness for him this whole time?

Giving up completely, Baekhyun slips off Chanyeol's bed and heads over to his own, shoulders a little more slumped than usual. The whole night, Baekhyun thinks about Chanyeol’s cold unresponsive manner, and even though there is nothing malicious, and there is nothing wrong between them, it still bothers Baekhyun. In the end, he leaves his bed and grabs a thin jumper before going outside in slippers.

At first, he stays around the gardens and lawns, walking around to catch fresh air to clear his mind, but even so, ideas keep entering his mind until finally he’s resolved to do something about it.

Baekhyun doesn’t spoil often, but now he has this great urge to buy Chanyeol all the snacks he loves, so without further ado, Baekhyun runs out of the college and out into the foreign streets.

He finds a convenient store somewhere in the corner, and he enters it, shivering when the warmth of the air hits him.

After warming himself up, Baekhyun looks around for snacks that Chanyeol always eats, then placing the packets one by one in his arms. He doesn’t realise how much it is until he lets go at the counter and the packets spread all over.

“It’ll be 53 000 won, please.” Baekhyun nods as he reaches inside his pocket –

– and realises there is nothing inside.

He pats all over his pants, realising that he’s in his pyjamas and that in the rush of wanting to cheer up Chanyeol, he had forgotten to bring his wallet.

“Um …” Baekhyun’s cheeks turn red. “I’m sorry, I … uh, forgot to bring my wallet.”

“Oh …” The man at the counter looks confused and at a loss on what to do. Baekhyun starts picking the packets one by one back into his arms.

“I’ll just … um, put these back then …” Baekhyun says awkwardly, feeling really hot now. The man at the counter looks just as awkward, as if feeling second hand embarrassment from him.

Someone taps his shoulder lightly, Baekhyun bows slightly, hugging the packets to his chest as he apologises for taking their time.

“No, I’ll pay.” The person tapping him says. Confused, Baekhyun looks up and blinks. The unfamiliar man has the hand on the small of his back as he is pushed forward, and then the packets fall from his arms and back onto the counter. Baekhyun stands there, dumbfounded as the man pays for his snacks. Baekhyun holds the plastic bags in his hands after the worker puts them all in, and then once the man finishes paying, Baekhyun bows deeply.

“Thank you.” Baekhyun says, but the man is gesturing to the outside, and so Baekhyun walks outside and waits for the man to follow.

When the man walks out, he continues walking down the street, as if he doesn’t intend to be thanked. But Baekhyun, being the stubborn one he is, follows.

“Um, sir.” Baekhyun  calls out, even though the man doesn’t look much older than him. “May I have some form of contact so I can return the favour?”

The man stops, turns, and walks back to Baekhyun. Blinking at the man’s unpredicted movements, Baekhyun stands and waits, then sets down his bags and pulls out his arm.

“Do you have a pen? I didn’t bring a phone so you could write down –” The man grabs his outstretched wrist and pulls him closer, and the next thing Baekhyun knows is the man is touching all over his body. Baekhyun pushes the man away, shocked.

“The ?” Baekhyun curses without realising, suddenly feeling very unsafe and exposed.

“You said you’d return the favour.” The man looks just as confused. “I thought that’s what you meant.”

“No, I …” Baekhyun is even more confused now that the man actually looks guilty and unlike the usual reaction he would’ve expected, which would be an opportunity to insult Baekhyun’s character to hide the awkward moment. “I meant … pay you back by money.”

“Oh.” The man looks really embarrassed now, and he shoves his hands in his pockets. “N-Nevermind then. Don’t worry about it then. That’s for me acting indecently towards you.”

“Um, no, I would still like to pay back.” Baekhyun calls out softly even though he still feels uncomfortable. “Because this is not for me, it’s for someone else.”

“Um.” The man pulls out his phone. “My number is –”

“Do you have a pen? I’ll write it down on my hand.”

“R-right.” The man inches towards him, and Baekhyun backs away. “I’m going to ask for one from the convenience store.” The man walks past him and into the convenience store.

When Baekhyun is left alone, he gathers up his bags and wishes Chanyeol is here. But now that he’s in less of an adrenalin rush, he remembers he’s seen the boy around at college before.

Maybe that’s why the man assumed Baekhyun wanted .

Baekhyun doesn’t blame him, because after all, he had that reputation for years. The man returns, holding a pen as he holds it out politely, waiting for Baekhyun to stretch out his hand. Baekhyun does, a little reluctantly, and he feels the man’s hand touch his own as the cold of the metal of the pen brushes across his skin. Eventually, the man lets go and Baekhyun retreats his hand quickly.

“Uh. See you around.” Baekhyun mutters, then stumbles away.

He wants to return to his dorm straightaway and seek the comfort of Chanyeol (maybe the reassurance that he had in fact did nothing wrong and did not do any wrong to Chanyeol in any way) but in the end he somehow can’t bring himself to face Chanyeol, afraid that maybe he had truly done something wrong.

In the end, he knocks on Kyungsoo’s door, and Kyungsoo invites him in without question. Baekhyun sets down the bags down on the floor quietly, afraid to wake up Kyungsoo’s roommate.

“I’ll just sleep on the floor.” Baekhyun whispers as he closes the door quietly. “Thanks for having me over.”

“Don’t be silly.” Kyungsoo replies. “It’s freezing cold. Climb on my bed.”

“But –”

“Jongin won’t mind.” Kyungsoo smiles sweetly as he catches hold of Baekhyun’s arm and pulls him over with strength. In the end, Baekhyun doesn’t know how to refuse.

But all he’s thinking about as he feels Kyungsoo’s back touch his own is how the only person he’s every truly shared a bed with was Chanyeol.

And at the same time, the thought of the man’s hands that had touched his clothes is making him feel dirty.

So even though he lies still on Kyungsoo’s warm bed for the rest of the night, he doesn’t get a wink of sleep.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The next morning, before Kyungsoo leaves for his morning class, he approaches Baekhyun who’s still in bed, staring at the distance.

“So why are you here?” He asks.

“…” At first, Baekhyun seems not to have heard, but eventually, he sits up and sighs, and tells Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo’s eyes are wide.

“It’s … it’s not my fault, is it?” Baekhyun asks, exasperated. It is … isn’t it?

“No.” Kyungsoo answers quite simply, and then his eyes melt into a much softer gaze. “That wasn’t in your control, don’t beat yourself up over it.”

Baekhyun’s facial expression doesn’t change, but inside he’s frowning.

“I promise Chanyeol won’t hold you out for it.” The younger continues as he moves across the room to grab his bag. “He’ll sure be happy if you give him these snacks.”

“…” You’re sure? Baekhyun wants to ask, but when he opens his mouth, his throat is dry.

“So what will you do now?” Kyungsoo presses.

“I’ll probably go back.” Baekhyun decides, inwardly sighing in defeat.

“Thank you for telling me, Baekhyun.” Kyungsoo says when he’s at the door, ready to leave. “I’m glad you ranted to me.” Then he leaves Baekhyun with his sweetest smile.

Feeling a little more calm now, Baekhyun grabs the bags and gets ready to head back to his room. After all, today is Chanyeol’s busiest day and Baekhyun’s sure the other won’t be back until late afternoon.

Forgetting the events that had haunted him last night, Baekhyun instead focuses on how to put the snacks to make Chanyeol the happiest. Should he put it in places where Chanyeol will be pleasantly surprised to find or should he put it all in the same place? In the end, he opts for the latter, mostly because he’s sure Chanyeol the clean freak won’t have it if he found snacks under his pillow or something.

So Baekhyun carefully places the snacks one by one on Chanyeol’s study table, making sure to make it look neat and tidy or otherwise the taller will feel slightly annoyed, if not very annoyed. Then when he’s done, his eyelids rest heavily and so he blindly searches for his bed before climbing on top of it. He’s so tired that he falls asleep straight away.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When he wakes up, it’s the late afternoon and Chanyeol should be back soon. Still, the weather is a little chilly so Baekhyun pulls the covers over himself even more, shielding himself from the icy cold that lurks outside his blankets.

Part of him wonders what he should do when Chanyeol returns. Should he be present or not? Should he hide or not? Baekhyun had never been the type that overthought much, but maybe he had gotten this new habit from Chanyeol, screw him.

In the end, he stays in bed, because he can’t be ed moving even though this will probably cost him. Eventually, he hears the door open and he splits open his blankets a little to see his boyfriend’s reacting.

Chanyeol’s face is cold once more, face devoid of the smiles that Baekhyun misses as the taller sets down his bag and grabs his clothes from the wardrobe. He had glanced at his table but then looked away as if there was nothing there.

Frowning, Baekhyun squints as he watches his boyfriend take his clothes out of the wardrobe before moving on to the bathroom, and then the door closes behind him.

“.” Baekhyun curses, then gets out of the bed, tiptoeing to the table where he’s sure he had put down all of Chanyeol’s favourite snacks. Yes, they’re all there – he hadn’t dreamt of it. But then how could Chanyeol, the biggest foodie he knows, not bat an eyelash upon seeing all this?

How is Chanyeol immune to everything? He’s stronger than Baekhyun thought he was.

This is so much pressure, to be honest. Conflict is worming itself on every crevice of Baekhyun’s body, on whether he should give in and obey Chanyeol’s wishes, or whether he should stay firm to his own beliefs and refuse?

But it’s costing him his relationship with Chanyeol, and Chanyeol doesn’t seem to be backing down for once in his life.

Maybe it’s the fatigue that’s clinging onto him that’s also making his resolve break. He wonders how long he can last.

He can last a little longer.

Baekhyun climbs back onto his bed, hissing as he savours the warmth.

A while later, Chanyeol walks out, the serious expression hanging on his face again. Baekhyun has to admit, serious Chanyeol is on legs, yet Baekhyun misses that sunshine smile, whether he wants to admit the latter or not.

His boyfriend sits on his own bed cross-legged, scrolling through his phone with one hand and drying his hair with a towel with the other.

“… Yeol?” Baekhyun calls out softly before he can stop himself. After realising he had spoken Chanyeol’s name aloud, Baekhyun quickly hides himself in his blankets more. Even so, he notices that the other’s hand had stopped scrolling on his phone for a while before it starts doing it again.

Dammit, why is Chanyeol so strong?

Baekhyun bites his lip, trying to shut himself up. He forces himself to shift until he’s facing away from Chanyeol and towards the bathroom instead. A wave of cold air rushes in and Baekhyun pulls the blankets around him even more, shivering slightly.

, it’s kinda cold. Baekhyun thinks to himself. He can feel his feet turning cold, so he starts rubbing them against each other.

“Baekhyun.” For the first time in a long time, Baekhyun finally gets to hear Chanyeol’s voice, calling out his name. Immediately, he freezes, and then shifts quickly until he’s facing Chanyeol again. Chanyeol’s not talking, but Chanyeol is finally facing him and staring into his eyes.

I won’t back down unless you agree. His eyes say.

I don’t ing want to. Baekhyun’s heart replies, but his body acts differently. His body breaks.

“Fine.” He blurts before his heart can take his words back. “I’ll do it. Whatever.” His heart is racing so fast and part of him wonders whether Chanyeol will still continue to treat him like this after he had agreed.

But of course Chanyeol doesn’t.

As if his expression was glass that had been shattered with a rock, Chanyeol’s façade breaks immediately and his puppy eyes return once more. His turned-down mouth, for the first time in a long time, twists up into a huge grin and he immediately bounds towards Baekhyun, in such an enthusiastic and eager way that at first Baekhyun had felt terrified. But then Chanyeol is sliding into his bed and then engulfs him in a huge embrace. A huge, tight, warm embrace.

Baekhyun immediately hugs back, burying his face in Chanyeol’s fresh clothes. At that moment, he knows he had signed a contract with the devil to do a regrettable deed but at the same time it felt like heaven because the reward is priceless. It was that easy (and hard at the same time) to get Chanyeol back, and Baekhyun misses the way Chanyeol felt.

But still, the thought of visiting a psychologist, to spend his time and effort for something that once didn’t help him, feels a little scary.

“ you.” Baekhyun mutters into Chanyeol’s jumper, and he hears Chanyeol’s deep chuckle rumble throughout his ribs.

“Yay.” Chanyeol replies, sounding childishly content, and then suddenly Baekhyun doesn’t feel as afraid anymore.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chanyeol had ranted to Kris the moment Baekhyun avoided the confrontational discussion of going to a psychiatrist. For the first time, it seems, Kris seems to give good advice.

“I’m trying out something new.” Kris says on the phone as Chanyeol tries very hard not to lie down on his bed on his back and kick his legs up in the air. “It’s called the silent treatment.”

“I’m so bad at that.” Chanyeol replies, feeling very annoyed.

“Well, let me tell you, it’s probably easier to do it if you know how effective it is.” Kris sounds very excited. “I’m going to use it on Joonmyun.”

“As if you’re the one giving the cold shoulder, Kris, I can’t imagine –”

“Exactly.” Kris replies. “That way, they won’t see it coming. Let me tell you, when you try out something new, they won’t know how to prepare themselves.”

“I don’t exactly know whether I should trust you.”

“Do you have any other choice?”

“… Good point.”

“Trust me. Do not talk to Baekhyun even when he tries to talk to you. Talk to him coldly, don’t smile, ignore him, don’t give him the attention. Eventually, he’ll be the one that will run to you.”

“… I can’t exactly see this happening …”

“… But?”

“… But I’ll give it a try.”

For the first few days, Baekhyun seems not to make it a big deal, as if thinking Chanyeol’s being a moody little , salty that he can’t get Baekhyun to do what he wants Baekhyun to do. Yet Chanyeol had always been a persistent person, so he had continued on even though he had wanted to break down.

But a week later, Baekhyun showed signs of missing him. Baekhyun had attempted to approach him several times, even using spouts of aegyo that he might not have realised, and every single time, Chanyeol felt like breaking down.

But he didn’t, for Baekhyun’s sake.

“Are you still angry?” Baekhyun asks him one day. Chanyeol pretends to read, but he’s not actually reading.

“Don’t get angry at me, hm?” There’s that aegyo voice again, making Chanyeol go weak.

“Talk to me.” Chanyeol’s breath hitches ever so slightly when he feels Baekhyun’s warmth transfer to him by physical contact. Then Baekhyun’s face is in his view. “Don’t get angry.”

I can’t do this. Chanyeol closes his textbook and prepares to speak, but he stops himself last minute and instead rests his hands on top of one another, staring at the door ahead of him.

“Don’t be angry, Yeol …” Chanyeol can hear the dejection, and his heart breaks, but he tells himself he has to be strong if he wants Baekhyun to be completely healthy and safe.

And then Baekhyun is leaving his personal space, the strawberries and honey fading from his nose. Chanyeol dares to sneak a peek at his boyfriend, and finds Baekhyun sitting on his bed, looking small and lonely.

Chanyeol almost gave in.

In the middle of the night, Chanyeol wakes up. Feeling a little insecure without confirming that Baekhyun’s right next to him, Chanyeol switches on his torch from his phone and shines it over Baekhyun’s bed. But Baekhyun’s not there.

Immediately Chanyeol puts on his slippers and runs out with his phone. He has ideas on where Baekhyun might be, but before he arrives, he calls Baekhyun. Baekhyun doesn’t pick up.

Already he’s regretting it.

I should’ve given in I should’ve given in I should’ve given in … He rants to himself over and over again in his mind as he runs towards the garden and doesn’t find a trace of Baekhyun. Then he runs to the lawns, and Baekhyun isn’t there either. He keeps calling Baekhyun but Baekhyun isn’t picking up.

Panicking, Chanyeol runs all over the college and doesn’t find Baekhyun anywhere. Eventually, his phone beeps with a message.

Kyungsoo: Baekhyun is staying here for the night

          I think something was on his mind, but he seems okay.

 

Chanyeol sighs in relief, clutching his phone tightly. Thank god Baekhyun is okay. Chanyeol was afraid that he might’ve triggered Baekhyun somehow, terrified of what Baekhyun might do to himself.

After all, this is Chanyeol’s biggest worry and insecurity, a nightmare that occasionally haunts him that one day Baekhyun might revert back to his old self and start harming himself again.

But he trusts Kyungsoo, so he returns to his room, exhausted. In the darkness, he sees the outline of Baekhyun’s phone, and presses on the button.

The phone shows 67 missed calls from him. Chanyeol presses on the missed calls and deletes them, not wanting Baekhyun to know that he had been awake and had worried all night. After all, the silent treatment is still going on.

I definitely can’t back down now. Chanyeol thinks to himself. I can’t go on worrying about this forever. It needs to stop. Any possibility that he will go back, needs to stop right now.

That’s how he falls asleep.

The next morning, his phone beeps when he’s about to head to class.

Kyungsoo: Baekhyun’s going back soon.

Good. Chanyeol thinks to himself as he sets himself out for a long day.

But still, worry claws at his heart so about midday he decides to ditch a lecture to check on the other. Even though he knows Baekhyun will question why he had skipped, Chanyeol will just make up random excuses, even if they don’t sound convincing.

Luckily for him, though, Baekhyun is asleep on the bed when he opens the door. He looks so small and tired and Chanyeol’s heart twists in heartache. Not caring if Baekhyun notices this change, Chanyeol grabs Baekhyun’s blankets and covers Baekhyun with it, tucking him in carefully. When he’s sure Baekhyun’s warm and cosy, he looks around the room tiredly, and finds his table decorated neatly with his favourite snacks.

Surprised, Chanyeol stays frozen in his spot, then inches closer.

Is this why Baekhyun had left his bed yesterday night, in the middle of such a cold night? Such that he had to return the next morning exhausted?

Why is he so silly?

Smiling slightly, Chanyeol touches the packet of chips at the corner of his table and fixes it so it’s less crooked. Everything is neat and straight now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Disclaimer: the psychologist procedures may be inaccurate in this and the next chapter.

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