Dear Jeongmin,

         Today was the first time you met one of my friends and got to have an actual conversation with them. I brought Youngmin along because we had extra tickets and nobody else to invite. I knew he was curious as to who you would be, as he only knew you through the stories and emotions I’d shared. You offered to pick us up, which was greatly appreciated. Youngmin sat in the back and he later told me that he couldn’t hear anything we said unless we purposely said it loud enough to talk to him, so all he saw was us laughing and joking with each other. I kind of like that. I want him to have that memory of us, rather than the one he’d had before of my seemingly constant confusion and worry.

        I was concerned that the two of you would put on some sort of facade for the other, but I was relieved when neither of you did. You both joked and told stories, keeping the other entertained while I sat between, overcome with worry and relief, a juxtaposition I’d previously believed to be impossible. 

        The concert was astounding. I hadn’t seen a symphony orchestra live since I was a small child, a memory that has faded so much it can hardly be called a memory. I was overcome with emotions during the second movement of one of the symphonies; it was sad, yet bittersweet in a nostalgic way. My mind wandered to the path our relationship had taken over the last six months and I found that my throat felt like it was closing up, just as it does before one cries. When I mentioned how emotional that movement had made me as we walked back to your car, you seemed surprised, as if it wasn't meant to be sorrowful. This was strange, coming from the one who had passionately went on and on about how music is meant to evoke emotions.

        On the way home, one of us lightly brought up the future. I mentioned that I’d been interested in the city to which you were moving for a few years and jokingly said I’d bother you and make you my tour guide if I were ever to go there. You went silent and eventually asked if I was waiting for you to say you would. Feeling defeated, I lied and said no, I knew you never would. It felt like the world had stopped. I knew you had large ambitions, but I didn’t think you’d abandon a friend for them. 

       Later, Youngmin confessed that he was wary of you. He said that, although you were nice and seemed to have a good mind, you’d said a few questionable things that led him to believe that it wouldn’t be good for you to be in my life long-term. Youngmin rarely makes judgments of my choices or who I hang out with, so this comment was significant. I need to take this seriously. I’m sorry.

Hyunseong