Here he was ,  lying on bed in the middle of the night  recalling it all ..

The question is How would you react when your same friend - who you eventually realized you like - is about to consider dating a girl ?  

Simple ..  try to find flaws in that girl and convince your friend  not to date her .

He went through that .. 


Flashback :  

" I don't know ..  but I  guess she is not nice ..  I would not date her If I were in your shoes .  "

I remember stuttering and fumbling with my fingers as I spoke my mind ..  
Back then I was still his room-mate .

He had noticed me acting strange and started chuckling questioning my opposition shortly after he was done sending me some suspicious stares .  

" Byunghun ?? Why is it that you don't like her ?  Go straight to the point.  "

And that's when I knew I was doomed . My friend and also the person I discovered I developed feelings for is so smart and persistent.  

" I.. I think I’m in trouble..  " Again , I stuttered almost sighing along as I covered my face and inwardly cursed .  

my life !

I didn't need to see his reaction ,  I knew him more than anything.  
He was probably wandering his eyes all about the room wondering what kind of trouble I got myself into this time around . 

" What do you mean ? " And when he couldn't guess ,  he resorted to ask .


" I fell in love ..  " As soon as I said that , his expression gradually changed morphing into a teasing smile making me internally whine .  Normally , when you try to imagine such scene of two guys with one of them admitting he has a crush on someone , the said would be casually leaning on the headboard as he daydreams about a hot or cute girl .. However , in my case , I ended up being a massive nervous wreck even though I planned to be confident and firm about it .


" Why is that trouble ,  my friend ? " he asked in that teasing tone of his , shifting towards the edge of his bed approaching mine , ready to tease me all the more .  God ! I seriosuly wanna bury myself alive .


" The thing is .. I fell for the person in front of me ..  " I didn't dare meet his eyes until he started speaking confirming he did hear me .


" .. It is not April's fool yet ,  is it ? "
And being delusional or thinking I was joking phase officially started..  


" I’m seriou- " I tried to talk But he interrupted me immediately .  

" No .  You can't be .  I won't allow you .  "
He said almost like an order..  A tone I have never heard him use with me before ..  Myungsoo was almost glaring at me but I blinked back my emotions and focused on that line in particular..  Then anger started boiling in my blood .

" You won't allow it ??  but .. you don’t have the authority to tell my heart what to do..  “ My desperate and pathetic confession aura turned into barely concealed anger out of hurt , giving me courage to snap at him . As though a trigger , his words made me regain my normalcy and without realizing it , I could finally talk without stuttering , without fearing to meet his gaze . But what I saw there in his eyes didn't please me . I couldn't even begin to describe how devastating it made me feel .


" Maybe I don't.. but I do have authority to accept it or not  ! "
And then he abandoned the room after sending me a quick look that I couldn’t quite decipher .  

The door clicked shut and at first , nothing happened . But then and as time passed , about three things took place respectively ..  I could feel something deep inside me shatter to million pieces . Then it sank in the ocean of rejection .. I Bitterly smiled as the thought hit me ..  It kept sinking ..  and sinking and sinking..  

Because it was heavy .  

My heart ..  

I could hear it .. I could hear the crash of it shattering and the drop of it into water , sinking .

After spending few minutes just staring blankly at the door , I finally deemed it reasonable to pack my belongings and ask someone to switch rooms with me . Perhaps Hoya or Dongwoo . Almost mechanically , I started packing my belongings . I knew he wouldn't exactly take it well but .. saying I did not hope for a better response would be a lie . Myungsoo and I have many homoual friends so the issue of liking the same gender should not be repulsive to him .. Did that mean I was problem ? or .. perhaps not being against homouals differs from actually turning into one .. Any ways , it matters not . He rejected me and that's the headline .

The question that imposes itself now is .. would he reject me as friend after knowing about my feelings ? sighing in a mixture of disappointment , sorrow and rage , I dragged my trolley bag and switched the lights off sparing a last fleeting glance at the room before leaving right away . I needed to hurry up before anyone decided to stroll down the hallway and gave me judgmental looks for carrying my bag this late ( switching rooms obviously ) and that would instantly mean something happened between me and Myungsoo which people would find even more entertaining than Lee Minho's new instagram update .

Alone with my  restless and raging thoughts , I nearly staggered my way to the room I had in mind .. How was I going to explain my sudden desire to switch rooms  ? Did I make a bad decision by leaving my room ? Should I have stayed ? Would Myungsoo even care ? Where was he ? What was going on in his mind ?

My steps came to a halt as I belatedly noticed a very strong jasmine scent and the fact my fingers  were prickled and bleeding from a thorn of a red rose . Wait .. what ? Snapping out of my thoughts , I looked around me , only to realize I was way past Hoya and Dongwoo's room . I did not resist the urge to face palm  .. Just how the hell did I get so caught up thinking about him ? Now I stand at the end of the corridor where a collection of different plant and flower pots fill the area , our academy had tons of those scattered around to help us relax and find inspiration for our career .

I was suddenly tempted to stay alone , drop to the ground and let go of everything , just close my eyes and take a lungful of the sweet scent of roses . But realistically I couldn't .. At some point I would need to sleep no matter how much nonchalant I pretend to be . Plus the idea of drowning in self-pity right now did not appeal to me .. I'm stronger than that and .. a part of my heart refused to give in and cry , that part told me to hold my chin up high and mask my sorrow from everyone including or perhaps especially Myungsoo .  Nodding to myself , I exhaled deeply and turned around heading towards my friends' room  , this time determined to reach my destination and not let anything occupy my mind .

" What happened ? He couldn't have kicked you out .  And you would never give up your room unless .. something really bad happened between you and him  . " Dongwoo asked first thing as he let Byunghun in .  There had been a few silent seconds of him staring at the other’s luggage of course . the cheerful expression he wore to welcome the shorter male instantly changed into confusion and disbelief as soon as he noticed and realized the situation altogether .

“ He didn't . But well .. I could tell my existence was no longer welcomed . “ Byunghun rubbed his neck , feeling nervous and awkward as Dongwoo helped him  move his bags whilst Hoya watched as if waiting for the newcomer to break down . He had been lying on his bed playing with phone and when Byunghun came in with his belongings , he kind of stiffened as if afraid the moment he would acknowledge the younger’s presence , he would also end up hurting his feelings . Which made Byunghun  wonder if they already knew .. Or at least had the faintest idea of what was going on .

In any case , he was not in the mood to talk about Myungsoo . Avoiding the topic for now , the brunette explained " We kind of had an argument and the atmosphere is kind of tense between us so I was wondering if I could switch rooms with any of you until we settle things out .

Settle things out ? yea right ..

" Of course . Actually , I'd love to have a different room-mate for a change . " Dongwoon joked , probably trying to lighten the atmosphere in his own way . Though it still did ear him a ' what the ' look from Hoya . Byunghun chuckled half heartedly at that . He wasn't exactly guilty for asking them to switch rooms . They were , after all , Myungsoo's friends before they were Byunghun's . Which meant they would have no problem staying with him in one room for some time .

Eventually , Dongwoo agreed to switch rooms with Byunghun . He packed some of his necessities and left , intending to resume packing in the morning . It was already late and sleeping seemed the best choice for all of  them . After all , they knew Byunghun would not disclose anything so soon and really , they didn’t want to force him which he appreciated immensely . And since any other conversation would have been awkward , Hoya made sure Byunghun did not need the lights before shutting it off . After that , he went back to his bed and bid the other good night conveying how much it would be better if Byunghun did just that instead of staying up thinking about whatever had transpired earlier between him and Myungsoo  . Easier said than done .

After few minutes , the younger knew the elder was already asleep judging by his relaxed state and steady breathing . As his gaze traveled to the purple bed sheets , Byunghun chuckled weakly .  Almost everything in the elder’s corner was purple .

In Byunghun's opinion , Hoya had a very unhealthy purple obsession .

How unhealthy ?

Well , if he had to choose between a black smooth safe path and a dangerous purple one full of turns and obstacles , he would blindly choose the dangerous path just because it was purple !

Well , ignoring how ridiculous of an example that was ( because really , where the hell does a purple path exist ? No where ) , Byunghun decided he needed and deserved some rest .

His brain must be starving for a break after all of his inner turmoil . He was certain of that . otherwise , he would have never entertained such an example to show how unhealthy Hoya's obsession was .

What kind of topic is that any ways ?

Had he really sank so low in despair that he needed trivial issues to distract him from his lovesick dilemma ?

A voice in the back of his mind whispered wickedly ' because Myungsoo has an equally unhealthy obsession with black .'

Can't I have a goddamn break ??

All of a sudden , his eyes moistened and cheeks warmed . Instinctively , he moved his eyes to see if Hoya somehow miraculously chose that moment to wake up . Fortunately , he didn't .

Now back to the ceiling , his gaze faltered and eyebrows furrowed , lips quivered and freely ran a torrent of tears down his cheeks . He had always felt that silent crying signified a more heartbreaking sorrow than loud sobbing . He couldn't explain why though but he knew for sure that his feelings for Myungsoo ran deeper than a simple attraction .

on one hand , he wanted to stop and calm down yet on the other , he knew he had to let it all out . Because if he doesn't , he had a feeling it would strike back when he least expected , maybe even in public and he couldn't afford making a scene .

Then again and thinking back , he only had himself to blame . A sad smile adorned his face at that . If only he hadn't confessed , none of that would have happened . But he couldn't keep it a secret anymore . He was worried it would start showing on his face and actions and he certainly didn't want his feelings to be forced out of him like that ..

Of course , he didn't expect the other to fly into his arms and confess he felt the same . However , nothing could have prepared him for the pain the instant rejection brought about .

Well , the damage was done . Neither of them could pretend that nothing happened and go back to being friends . He was going to have to stop acting like a drama queen and move on , right ?

How hard can it be ?

word count : 1653 , new( 2472 )

Updated August 21 , 2016

HELLO !! this is my first myungjoe fic ever ~ Long live teenfinite lol 

Oh btw I'm wondering what hair color I should give Byunghun here ~ 

Ljoe and myungsoo 

Ljoe and  hoya  ( They were both part of a temporary band called Dynamic black )

Ljoe and dongwoo   ( ROFL LMAO  )

Byunghun hugging Dongwoo

He carried Byunghun with one arm HAHA 

Ljoe and gikwang ( I May add gi kwang later * squeals  and daydreams about his voice in Beast : stay ) 

Ljoe and sungjong