FIFTEENTH RUN

Deeper, deeper, the wound just gets deeper
Like pieces of broken glass that I can’t reverse
Deeper, it’s just the heart that hurts every day
(You) who was punished in my stead,
You who were only delicate and fragile

Have you ever felt like things that happened were too horrible to be true? You were caught inside the hell, being punished for the sin you’d done. So bad until you could only wish if that was a dream, someone please came and woke you up.

Jimin was trembling hard when he saw the message that was sent to his phone. It wasn’t for the first time he received the message since the short getaway. His nightmares were back. Even being here didn’t help. He could never run away from them. They could always find him out.

“Jimin a!” a loud voice was heard from his behind. It startled Jimin. His body was trembling as he turned around.

“Park Jimin, I’ve been calling you for several times already. Don’t you hear that?”

It was Taehyung. It is Kim Taehyung. Jimin knew it but he couldn’t stop himself from being in fear. His mind was now clouded. He couldn’t think straight. He should find a place to hide again. He was unsafe in everywhere. There was no place to hide.

Taehyung once again flustered at the boy’s act. He thought what the heck actually happened on Jimin? It turned out some days weren’t enough for him to get settle back. Instead of being normal again, Jimin was driven away further from the crew. He went back to his dark cave. He never showed up at Namjoon’s place. Even though Jimin didn’t do much there before, he would always come there. Just for sitting silently around or watching the crew doing their things. But he never came anymore. Taehyung didn’t like this change but he couldn’t do anything about it. His guilty feeling held him from forcing Jimin again. He was afraid that if he forced his opinion on the boy, he would hurt him more. Taehyung felt it was enough for him to hurt anyone. He didn’t want anyone got hurt from him.

All he could do was watching everyone falling out one by one.

Once again it was his fault.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

One by one started missing out from the group gathering.

 It was like when we were child before. Playing at the playground nearby. Once the sun set down, mothers started calling their child home. One by one of us were going back to our house. Playtime was over and then it was leaving one person alone in that big playground.

Everyone was busy having his own things to do. It was started from Jimin, Jin, and then Hoseok. Even Taehyung's stubbornness couldn't do anything to gather everyone back. This situation somehow made Jungkook felt gloomy.

 Jungkook didn't worried about Jin or Jimin’s disappearance. They probably were busy or needed time alone.  But he worried about Hoseok’s. One day after the short getaway, Hoseok stopped coming over the Namjoon’s place. Taehyung asked him when they met at school. Hoseok said he was pretty busy lately, had not time to drop by. It was a usual of him but Taehyung said the older boy looked a little bit perplexed.

Jungkook remembered what Hoseok revealed on the group sharing on the beach.

Once, he asked about the family’s situation to Howon, the boy answered that nothing happened while smiled bitterly. He hid something. Jungkook sensed it but he knew that he couldn’t force the boy to talk about it. They were not that close to each other to be able talk about things happened around. If it were Jungkook, he would also do the same.

"God! Kim Namjoon, why you keep insisting to use swears word?" Yoongi grunted frustrated for the second time that evening.

"It sounded better, Hyung."

"But this is for broadcasting. You cannot swear on TV."

"Well, on SMTM those rappers can swear as much as they want, Hyung. The editor at the TV station will take care the censor."

"I will not want my song to keep sounding as beep... or mute. Beside, this is not that stupid SMTM." Yoongi gave Taehyung a stern face for his comment.

He thought that SMTM was an awful program. It was like watching animal fight. You should bite first before you got bite. Fight for dominance. Swearing and bad attitude were everywhere, along with fake rappers without real skill. They thought that was swag, but Yoongi thought that was stupid. Lame. Yoongi would never want to participate on that program in spite of everyone said he and Namjoon should try it.

Taehyung only shrugged as feedback.

Without the other three, the crew was still going on well. Namjoon got an invitation from Junghyun, a music producer Hyung he knew to join a competition from TV broadcast station. It was a competition for singer-song writer. Somewhat it was like the other music competition but the difference was the participants should be able to write a song and performed it by him or her self and it was broadcasted on TV. It could be group or single person. If you passed on the first round, a producer would choose you as his/her team. They would help you to masteries the song into marketable one. There were probably only three-four episodes for the competition, a very short program.

Namjoon's acquaintance was happened to be one of the jury panelists. Yoongi and Namjoon decided to try on the competition. No one sure enough that Yoongi would hang on to the competition filming or he would blow everything up once he fed up with the rules from broadcasting station. Yoongi was never a rules-follower person. He hated being caged by rules and regulations. But there was Namjoon in the team. Probably BTS crew would see some light. If they were lucky, they would go until the end. It was a great chance and they started dreaming for it.

"I still can't believe that we passed the first round. Will we become the youngest participant?" Taehyung commented once again while laying down.

To think about it, Taehyung was dumbfounded when he heard that for the first time. Suddenly yesterday, Namjoon told the crew that he got a notice that they should prepare more songs for able to participate the next round.

Jungkook also couldn't believe it. It was only one day Yoongi only told him to sing a part for the song with Taehyung while Namjoon and Yoongi filled the rap part. They never explained what for. But Jungkook liked this feeling. To able participated on something like this. It fascinated him. He never had this kind chance before he came across BTS. Yoongi and Namjoon often recorded the crew singing or rapping for a song before. He thought it was only for fun, and then it turned out that they were making a demo song to be sent to the competition.

“It would be felt greater if everyone is here.”

Taehyung looked around. His eyes got cloudy a bit.

Jungkook couldn’t less agree than that. Once again the empty space that was created by the three's absence surrounded them. The room felt bigger without seven of them cramped inside. They were doing well without the other three but there was empty space that was always left to be filled. Without them, it felt like something missing out.

Didn’t it feel like an irony? You actually didn’t need someone to keep going on but you would always be carving for the other existences to make you felt fuller.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

"Bye, Hyung!"

"Can I stay for more?"

"No, you go home! You've been hogging inside my place for two days. I'm getting sick of you."

The crew was coming out from Namjoon's place. Taehyung was whining for not wanting to let the night ended. But the crew should go home. It has been late. Namjoon had part time job at gas station to do and Jungkook should attend his hagwon. His mother already gave him a warning if he skipped out again he would get into trouble. Not mention about running away last time too. Jungkook was lucky that his mother was willingly to hear out him a bit. 

"I hate those hagwons." Jungkook looked really unanticipated about his schedule. But that was the deal. He got some free time to hang out with BTS in exchange of his promise to attend his classes. "How come you get great score without attending hagwon, Namjoon Hyung? That's unbelievable. When do you study if your schedule is this packed? Do you have photographic memory? How much your IQ is?"

Namjoon scoffed without answering.

"If only I could get my mom to switch hagwon to learn from you, probably I could have some time to play for more."

"I don't have time to babysit you all. Go back to your home now."

Namjoon rolled his eyes. Not from Jungkook too. He had enough. Namjoon pushed everyone away from his door front. Yoongi was already one step before going down stairs. He was waiting for the other two to come with him.

It was only after everyone was gone that Namjoon could breathe a relieved sigh. Socializing was a tiring thing to do. He could never get used to it.

"I see that lately you got some people go in and out your place so often. What do you do with them actually?” A voice was heard