The first time he saw when he opened his eyes was Jihyo. She stood near his bed, holding his hand in both her smaller hands. Jongkook wondered if this was a dream but then he felt heavy on his eyelids and all the uncomfortable around his body. Dream couldn’t be this realistic. He also started to notice the warmth she sent through her hands. A gentle warm Jongkook loved the most. It brought smile to his lips. He was opening his mouth and about to call out to her when he realized she was crying. The view of her tear dropped to her cheek clenched Jongkook’s heart.

Do the PDs ask her to touch unknown things in covered box again? Does Haha challenge her to watch horror movie again? Did she hurt somewhere? He thought. Jongkook softly caressed her hand with his thumb. His small movement was enough to startle Jihyo. She jerked back and met her eyes with Jongkook’s.

“What’s wrong?” Jongkook asked her with hoarse voice. His throat felt dry and the voice he could let out was a tiny raspy voice. It hurt to talk too, but over anything else, Jongkook wanted to comfort her.

Jihyo was so surprised that she let go of Jongkook’s hand immediately. “Oppa, you scare me,” she told him. Then she stared at Jongkook’s tired and pale face. It brought tears to her eyes again. “You really frightened me.”

Jongkook realized the reason for her tears and he felt like kicking himself to make her cry. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, patted the only part of her he can reach, her shoulder. “I’m really sorry, Jihyo.” She ignored him and wiped her tears with the sleeve of her shirt. Jongkook held her wrist and tugged at it softly, urging her to get closer. Jihyo leaned her body toward the bed obediently and Jongkook reached up to her hair gently.

“I’m fine, you don’t have to worry. Stop crying now,” he persuaded Jihyo. Jongkook never saw her cry this hard. His heart swelled and he almost felt his eyes watery as well.

“You always said you are fine,” she argued between her sob.

“I’m really alright. This is nothing, I’ll heal in no time,” he consoled. “Now, now, stop crying,” he added while her hair lightly. Jihyo finally put down her hands and saw him in the eyes. Jongkook smiled seeing she stopped crying. He moved his hand to wipe the remaining tears on her cheek with his thumb.

“See? You look prettier without tears.”

“What are you talking about right now?”

“I don’t really know,” Jongkook answered truthfully. He coughed to clear his throat.

Jihyo stood to retrieve some water for him. He accepted the water and gulped down. “Your mother is really worried over you, oppa.”

Jongkook immediately felt guilty. “Where is she?”

She took the glass back and put it on the table near the bed. “She went home for a bit. She asked me to take care of you until she comes back.”

The singer nodded and closed his eyes briefly. The small gesture made the actress realized how tired he was, despite what he said. A sudden protective urge ran through her. It surprised her but she acted to it, trusted her gut. So Jihyo draped the blanket up to Jongkook’s shoulder and softly traded her fingers to the singer’s forehead, coaxed him.

Jongkook’s eyes opened abruptly when he felt the butterfly touches Jihyo littered on his face. Again, his eyes held a thousand feelings that he only kept to himself. The singer closed his eyes right away when Jihyo pierced her gaze back at him. There’s nothing he wanted more than just enjoy this moment. He didn’t want to think about crazy psycho that could jump at them anytime.

“The other member went home earlier oppa,” she told him. “They’ve been here when you’re sleep. They decided to let you sleep and come back again tomorrow.”

Her voice was alluring. Jongkook felt way too comfortable right now. Her fingers on his face didn’t stop. She lightly caressed his forehead, swapped down to his cheek. Her movement was slow, lazy. He almost drove back to unconsciousness, realized how exhausted his body was. But he didn’t want to. He wanted to be here, felt every touch, every sensation with her being here. All of these ate him alive. He can’t continue, he didn’t want to continue.

“Why don’t you go to sleep again?” she persuaded. Jongkook shook his head, earned a sharp pain on his head but he stubbornly opened his eyes.

“No,” he whispered.

“No?” Jihyo repeated. “Why?”

Jongkook sent him a look that Jihyo didn’t understand. But before she could put a hand on it, Jongkook avoided her gaze and looked outside the window. “I just don’t want to,” he replied weakly.

The ace watched his feature for a while, traced every inched of his face, learned on his silent and strong objection, then something hit her.

“You’re scared.”

When the singer abruptly looked back at her, Jihyo knew she was right. It’s hard to notice it right away since Kim Jongkook almost never show his fear. He always looks strong, confident, dependable that it’s hard to see him vulnerable and weak. Yet here they are.

“What makes you so afraid?”

Jongkook as usual shut his mouth, but Jihyo didn’t give up on him. She stared at him, indicating that she was waiting. The singer could blame anything; the pain reliever in his system that drowsed his brain, the constant warm eyes that stared at him, or the pain in his heart that became unbearable. Whichever, he finally spoke.

“I’m afraid you will leave me.”

The actress gasped, taken aback by the sincerity in those tiny eyes. For some moment, none of them speak. Jihyo was processing what she just heard, meanwhile Jongkook closed his eyes back. He just revealed his biggest fear to her, the only person who shouldn’t know. Jongkook felt pretty much , without any façade he used to wear. He felt vulnerable, offered his heart at a stake, but it also felt good, as if stuck throne just get out of his chest.

No matter what, at the time, Jongkook can’t bring himself to look at Jihyo.

“I don’t understand oppa,” Jihyo finally spoke in tiny whisper. She sat herself down on the bed next to Jongkook’s waist, watched his facial expression intently. “Why would I leave you?”

If you know what I feel about you, you will.

“I will never leave if you don’t want me to,” she assured, hand lightly tapped Jongkook’s hand. The concept was abstract to her, and she didn’t really grasp the meaning. Does Jongkook afraid he will be left alone in the hospital? Does he want somebody to stay with him until his mother comes back?

But Jongkook sounded almost desperate that Jihyo thought that must be something else, something else that disturbing enough to make Jongkook frustrated and helpless. The idea brought frown to her face. She didn’t like the fact something big robbed Jongkook off his confident. She didn’t like the fact that it also probably the cause of his cold behavior lately. She hated the fact that Jongkook got hurt and she can’t do anything to help. The protectiveness side of her rise again and it surprised her for the second time.

She never knew she could react strongly behalf of other. Then again, this is Kim Jongkook, a person she looked up to. The first time Haha told them the news of Jongkook being hospitalized Jihyo was so worried that she broke into cold sweat. Images of Jongkook’s face scrunched in pain filled her mind. All of sudden she remembered every footage of Jongkook’s injury back in his Turbo days. She remembered how he silently endured the pain and kept on going. Jihyo remembered he fainted on stage and all the bad stuff he needed to endure. But as always of him, Jongkook never complain. He accepted it silently that nobody knows about it.

Jongkook is the only person she hopes never hurt by all means.

“Jongkook oppa, look at me,” Jihyo said, half demanded. Her hand gave a soft squeezed to the singer’s hand.

The singer opened his eyes, can’t deny her. “I won’t go anywhere,” she said. “I’ll be here with you while you’re resting, so you don’t have to be afraid anymore.”

Jongkook returned her grip.  It crushed his heart because it felt so right to have her hand in his. Jihyo smile and patted his head softly.

She could see his eyes glistening with unshed tears, but he won’t shed it anyway. Not in front of anyone, not in front of her. Jihyo brought her free palm to cover Jongkook’s eyes. “Now, close your eyes and try to catch some sleep. Doctor says you need lots of it.”

Jongkook complied. He closed his eyes and relaxed his tensed muscles. It made him better almost in an instant. Jihyo moved her hand from his eyes, but didn’t mover her other hand in his grip. She let the singer held her hand, to some form of assurance that she won’t go anywhere. Jihyo watched as Jongkook being dragged to the brink of unconsciousness. With another tick on the clock, Jongkook fell deep into slumber.

Jihyo still with him, just like she promised, until his mother came. Jihyo only met her twice. The first time was in filming site of Running Man and the second time was earlier when she arrived at hospital.

“Is he asleep?” the elder woman asked when she entered the room.

Jihyo stood to show her respect before replied. “Yes, he just fell asleep little while ago.”

The elder woman came to the bed side to take a proper look at her son. “It’s good for him,” she commented softly, combed her son’s hair lovingly.

She then turned her attention toward the actress. “Thanks a lot, Jihyo-ssi, to look after him.”

Jihyo smiled toward the old lady. “It’s alright ma’am. I didn’t do anything.”

The lady smiled back at her and patted her shoulder. “Please, just call me auntie.”

She nodded and replied. “Then you should call me Jihyo, auntie.”

The lady then held Jihyo’s hand as they both walked to the couch and sat together. They both watched as Jongkook shifted to more comfortable position. The lady sighed, brought Jihyo’s attention back on her. “It’s been a long time since I’ve saw Jongkook sleeping soundly,” she said as an answer to Jihyo’s unspoken one.

“Really?” Jihyo said, taken aback. “Auntie, is something bothering Jongkook oppa?”

The lady smiled, but it looked sad. “It’s not a sick of a body. It’s a sickness from the heart.” Jihyo looked at her puzzled but the lady only patted her hand with motherly-like gesture. “I hope someday he’ll tell you.”

***

The second day of his hospitalization, Jongkook flooded with visitor. His family, his Running Man family, his friends, his colleagues, all came like a batch, one over another. His room filled with chatter and flowers. Lots of fan and friends gave him flower in hope for his improved health. In all honesty, he already felt better than the first time he admitted to hospital. He got enough sleep (for the first time in month), thanks to her which reminded him, Jihyo hasn’t come today.

He tried not to think about it. He knew at his situation, it wise for Jihyo not to come here, let alone she spent lot of her time to take care of him yesterday. Jongkook also remembered how things between them escalated yesterday. He needed time to slip on his mask and self-control, yet he can’t help but hopeful whenever someone walked through the door.

“Will Jihyo come today?” Jongkook heard his mother threw the question.

The conversation in the room quiet after they heard his voice. The room now only filled with Running Man member. They spent the longest time to visit Jongkook. They lightly chat and joked to cheer on Jongkook.  

“Ah right,” Kwangsoo said suddenly. “Nunna texted me earlier, said she will come to visit at noon. She should be here already.”

“Maybe she still asleep,” Gary guessed, earned chuckle from others.

“Jihyo helped me a lot yesterday,” the lady told Jongkook. “She stayed until late.”

Jongkook didn’t know how to respond. He can’t predict what his mother’s intention by telling him this. His mother on the opposite, acted like nothing happened. She ran his fingers on one of flower bouquets Jongkook got and moved the flowers to the watered vase.

“Ma’am you sounded like you are close to Jihyo,” Jaesuk intercepted, saving Jongkook from answer.

The lady chuckled. “We talk yesterday and she is very kind. It will be fun to get along with her.” She collected all the sender cards and gave it to her son to read. “Jongkook, you should thank her later.”

“I will,” Jongkook complied easily to his mother’s wish.

The singer then busied himself to read cards that his fans and friends wrote for him, to avoid his mother’s strange conversation. Now that she finished with her topic, she indulged in the conversation with Jaesuk, Sukjin, and Haha about raised a child. Gary and Kwangsoo both listened attentively, grinned from time to time when Jaesuk and Haha mentioned something funny. Jongkook felt comfortable when he rested his back and listened to their light conversation. He can relax here, in the middle of his family. Strangely he felt contended, have all of them by his side.

Therefore nothing prepared him when his gaze landed on a familiar handwriting of his name on the familiar ivory card. He took the card and opened it. His heart almost stopped when he read a single sentence within the card;

You broke the rule. Now, she will pay.

(Lady Deb)

ugh nooooooo, college was starting. I'm on my last year, so I'm busy as hell. Everybody bear with me