Few days passed like a terrible roller coaster for Jongkook. He went to surges of emotions, ups and downs, and by the end of the day, he wondered how he managed to survive this?

Since his encounter with Jihyo before, he began extra careful not to avoid her again. He tried to act normal and unaffected around her. Whether on filming site, free time, or other job they do together, Jongkook tried to stay adamant. That was the hardest thing to do. When he plopped back to his bed in the night, he feels choked up by the suffocating feeling inside. His inner had been a battle field each time he saw her. One flipped of her hair, one endearing smile, hit Jongkook like a brick. There’s nothing else he wanted to do better than pull the woman to his arms and engulfed her there. There are several times when his control slipped and he tempted to tell her his feeling, all of it, by the look at her face. But then the fear of losing her sipped up and shut him off for good. He went free fall straight to frustration.

Jongkook almost can’t stand his own mind. It feels like his mind constantly buzzed about Jihyo, Jihyo, and Jihyo. The bliss of loving her, the fear of losing her, all crawled on his mind and it became too much to handle. Jongkook again wondered if he gradually lost his sanity. He shut them off, work out twice as hard, jogged in the middle of the night, anything to tire his body so whenever his body hit the bed, he will fall asleep instantly. The time he spent with Jihyo in day already tiring without constantly yearned for her in noon.

It never crossed Jongkook that there’s much worst condition than this. It happened on such a fine morning, when Jongkook just came back from gym, and gulped down his juice that the disaster came. It came in form of a package box that his manager gave to him.

“What is it?” Jongkook asked though he could see his name typed in a small card plastered at the box.

His manager shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know either. It’s in front of the door. Maybe it’s from Running Man crew?”

It’s Jongkook’s turn to shrug his shoulders. It’s not unusual for Running Man crew to present the cast something mysterious, but it’s unusual since they didn’t inform anything to Jongkook beforehand. The box is weird though.  The box is red, wrapped with gold ribbon. His name was written on ivory card that stick to the top box. The box looked expensive and classy but there’s no R mark sticker that Running Man usually use to mark property.

Jongkook lightly shook the box and they could hear the rummage sound. Still clueless, Jongkook discharged the ribbon, took the card and flipped it, but there’s nothing on the back card. He tossed the card somewhere on the table and finally open the lid of the box.

He didn’t sure what come first; his manager half shout half cursed, or the stinging smell of metal that hit his nose.

“What the- What is that?!” his manager shrieked in horrid.

Jongkook was about to ask the same.

Inside the box is actually a broken doll, or so it seemed. The doll was beheaded and the body was shattered and torn in the ugliest way possible. The doll lost one of it limb and it fillings spilled out in the box. The metallic smell Jongkook smell earlier came from the red spots that tattered all over the box and the doll, Jongkook assumed it was dried blood. The smell is enough to draw him into nauseous. By seeing the inside of the box, Jongkook almost threw it to the floor; fortunately he just threw the box to the table lightly.  

What kind of sick joke is this?

“Somebody threatening you,” Kapjin reasoned, finally caught on. “Is there a name?”

The singer didn’t think so, considering the culprit sent this terror to his home secretly. However, Jongkook notice another paper folded under the doll. Even though it disgusted him to even breath the smell, he brought his hand to retrieve the folded paper, ignoring his manager brief warning. He opened the paper, carefully not to touch the blood blotch. The paper only contain four words, which written messily in red.  Jongkook didn’t want to know how the culprit wrote it.

Stay away from her

Kapjin peeked behind Jongkook’s shoulder to read at the paper. He mumbled the four words and looked back at Jongkook that tossed the paper back to the box, felt sick. Kapjin closed the box and took it with him.

“Let’s talk after I get rid of this,” he said and without waiting for an answer he scurried out of the house.

Jongkook nodded even when Kapjin already went out. Suddenly his knees felt weak that he decided to seat down on his couch, felt tired and nausea.

“Are you alright?” was the first question Kapjin shot to him.

 The singer nodded once again, although with uncertainty.

His manager went to the kitchen to fetch some water for his artist. He sat on the couch next to him after he gave him the water. “Do you have any idea who sent that?”

On the other hand the singer actually already thought about that and no matter how hard he thought he can’t find any name that possibly done that to him. Not someone he knew, at least. Jongkook shook his head then stared right at his manager eyes.

“What is it about? Who’s ‘her’ that they mean?”

Jongkook clenched his fist at the mention of her. He thought about it already. No matter how hard he thought about it, he didn’t stay close with any woman, all except Jihyo. To have a high possibility off her being the matter of this sickening act crunched Jongkook’s stomach. He didn’t like how this turn out.

“Hey do you realize something?” Kapjin pressed him. “You suddenly grow pale.”

“The only woman I’ve been close these days,” Jongkook trailed, eyes glistened dangerously. “Jihyo.”

His manager looked troubled. “We need to tell her, and contact the authority to-“

“No.”

“What do you mean no?”

Jongkook sighed, but somehow look composed more than before. “We don’t know the mean of this yet. If we go contact authority, it only causes uproar, small chance they will catch the culprit. I don’t think it’s good to let the culprit know we all panic because of his small act. We could unintentionally provoke him to do more.”

“What if he is dangerous? Jongkook, we don’t know what sick of a person he is!”

To this, Jongkook chuckled a bit, not because he wanted to, but to relief his manager’s fear. “It’s okay. I can protect myself well. You know that.”

Kapjin, too nervous and worries to stay still, started to walk back and forth. “And none of what I’ll say will change your decision?” he finally asked.

The triple crowns singer nodded. Kapjin sighed. “You’re not going to tell her either?”

“No,” he replied. “Let’s not make her worry.”

“But this is about her too.”

Jongkook pinched the bridge of his nose, suddenly got headache. “The culprit didn’t target her. If so, the package will be sent to her. She better doesn’t know about this.”

“Alright,” Kapjin finally agreed. “But I will go to the security down there to inform him not to let strangers come near your door, it’s final.” Jongkook nodded. Then Kapjin walked to the door. Before he twisted open the door, he turned back and asked. “What are you going to do about it?”

The singer stared back at him. “I’m going to do what he told me to do.” And when he said that, Jongkook knew it won’t be easy.

He was proven right when days turned into weeks and weeks turned into month. There’s no other package sent to him in a month. Best guess Jongkook had it was because for a month he followed the demand well. He’d solitaire him-self from anyone close to him. He barely answered their phone call or text and almost never went out with anyone if it’s not necessary. Jongkook tried to distance himself from anyone, afraid he would draw the culprit’s attention to one of his friend. Jongkook knew the culprit implied only Jihyo but Jongkook didn’t want to take a risk for his other friends.

Jihyo.

To say it was not easy is an understatement. He treated Jihyo like she was stranger, earned confused look not only from her, but also from others. Jaesuk even uncomfortably asked him what’s going on. Jongkook can’t reply the question, as he can’t answer the confused and hurt gaze Jihyo flied to him. Several times she attempted to get an answer but Jongkook denied her. He just denied someone he wants the most. It’s really amazing his sanity stayed intact.

 It became frustrating when Jongkook knew somebody watched him. He could feel it. He knew someone hid somewhere and spied on him. He felt their gaze by a cold turned down his spine. It’s frustrating since Jongkook could feel it almost anywhere and anytime. Named every place he went; gym, filming site, studio, the way home, he felt their gaze all over those place. The only time he felt safe was where he’s alone.

This must be stopped.

Jongkook thought about it over and over again but he can’t think of someone-anyone that possibly doing this to him. What’s right they have to meddling with his life anyway? He was downright to rage if there’s no mention about Jihyo. That’s the entire reason he didn’t do much about it. It’s the sole reason he obediently followed the instruction, just like a tamed tiger. Jongkook afraid his act could expose Jihyo to danger.

What a sick bastard.

The singer tried his very best to divert his attention to other matters, anything to forget the current situation he was in. In all honesty, he thought that his earlier situation when love is his biggest problem was already devastating. Who could predict that his earlier situation was just like a play thing compared to this. He spent much of his time stayed at the gym. He trained his body all over again, tried to determine, and tried to gain his confident back. He really needed to have faith in his-self to pull this up. The work-out also helped him to channel his anger, his frustration, his fear, and his longing. It kept  him to stay rational and cold head.

It kept him to do irrational thing near Jihyo. Like grabbed her and run away, tucked her somewhere save…or just her hair and reassure that everything will be okay.

Apparently, his excessive training put a toll on his body.

“You got a fever,” his manager said to him with sour look.

“I’m good,” Jongkook denied. He made an attempt to get out of the bed. His attempt didn’t go far since Kapjin placed a hand on his chest to hold him and pushed him back to lie down.

“No, you’re not. You have a 40 degrees Celsius fever and you move slower than my gramps. Do you feel pain somewhere?”

Jongkook stubbornly shook his head off. He regretted it almost immediately when the dizziness crept in.

His manager rolled his eyes. “Whatever. You’re not going anywhere today.”

Heard the statement made him frown. “I have filming today. It’s Monday.”

Kapjin picked up his phone and dialed a number. “No, I’m calling the PD about your condition. Meanwhile, rest well. Mrs. Kim will be here soon.” Then he left out the room.

The singer blocked the light by cover his eyes with his arm. He grunted when familiar pain creped his back.

“Son?” his mom called, poked her head from the entrance.

Jongkook unblocked his vision to see his mother through the hazy glaze. “You alright?” he heard her said.

He smiled to reassure his mom, told her he was alright. Mrs. Kim straightened his blanket and patted his forehead softly. “You’re in bad shape. Just rest for today, I’ll cook you chicken soup.”

Jongkook watched the ceiling of his room. He can’t stay in his room all day. There’s filming site to attend, there’s job to do. And there’s her.

Monday is the only day he could at least see her. Why they took it from him? He didn’t have anything left. How he supposed to survive this? What if something happen to her? What if something happen and he isn’t there to protect her?

Mrs. Kim came back to his son’s room, bringing a bowl of warm chicken soup. He entered the room. “Son, let’s eat first so you could drink medicine,” she said.

No response.

Mrs. Kim looked up from her warm soup to scan the room. The room was empty. Jongkook’s pajama tossed on the ground carelessly. “Jongkook?” she called, left the bowl on the nearby table. Her son was nowhere to be seen.

***

On the filming site, everyone except Jongkook was ready. They talked lightly, as usual teasing each other. Right before they started, the PD came to them.

“We’ll do the shooting right away,” he informed.

“But Jongkook oppa isn’t here yet.”

The PD nodded. “We just had a call with Jongkook-ssi manager. Kapjin said Jongkook unable to attend today’s filming because he’s sick.”

“So we’re filming without Jongkook hyung?”

“Is Jongkook hyung even capable of being sick?”

“Jongkook is the healthiest person I know!”

The PD raised his hand to stop the wave of comment. “Apparently his manager said Jongkook is overly fatigue these days.”

Haha shot up. “Thinking about it, don’t you all feel Jongkook hyung a little weird these days? Like something off.”

All eyes set on him. “He talks less and he rarely joins us together.”

Gary snapped his fingers. “Right. He always refused my offer to eat together.”

“He didn’t come to my home anymore,” Kwangsoo said. “Does Jongkook hyung interact with you?”

Jaesuk, Sukjin, and Jihyo shook their head at the same time. “So you guys implied he doesn’t interact with all of you at all?” the PD clarified.

At this time all the cast shook their head. Jaesuk frowned. “There must be something he doesn’t tell us.”

The mood slumped down until the opening of the Running Man episodes. They all thought about their earlier discussion, wondering what’s exactly happened to their only Mr. capable. Still, they showed their professionalism when the camera started rolling.

Jaesuk was in the middle of chirping about the game today when Sukjin suddenly cut him off. “Didn’t you say Jongkook can’t join us today?” he said straightly to the PDs.

The MC looked at him. “Hyung,” Jaesuk called. “I’ve just about to inform it casually. Why you have to bring that up so suddenly?” he complained.

“If Jongkook isn’t supposed to come,” Sukjin said, ignored Jaesuk entirely. “Then who is that?” he asked, nudging somewhere afar.

They all looked through the direction and right on that spot they found Jongkook. He just went out from his personal car that he parked rather messily. Seeing his appearance made the member went wild.

“But you say he won’t come.”

“Are you lie to us?”

“Is he doing a secret mission?”

“What is this exactly?”

When Jongkook was getting closer to the filming site, the entire eyes were on him. That’s when she could pinpoint something happened. Unlike his usual neat appearance, today Jongkook was rather messy. His hair didn’t completely style and he wore his black fitted v neck sweater. He clad in shorts, in the middle of fall. He wore neither coat nor jacket. His usually healthy tanned skin looked pale and there’s dark circle underneath his eyes.

“Something’s wrong,” Jihyo said that caught Jaesuk.

Jaesuk saw it too, so he went into the confused PD and whispered. “Call Kapjin.”

Meanwhile Jongkook arrived at the filming site. “I’m sorry I’ late,” he said with dry throat.

“Hyung, but Kapjin hyung told us you are sick. Are you alright?” Kwangsoo said, for a while, forgetting the camera roll.

All surrounded Jongkook, even Jihyo, from the side. Since the man actually avoided her in past few days, Jihyo also created gap between them. It’s not because she was angry, it’s for her own self-defense. She really didn’t know how to react to the treatment he gave her.

Haha put his hand on Jongkook’s. “Aren’t you cold?” he said, but then again Jongkook didn’t need to answer because Haha could feel his hand icy cold. “You are,” he claimed.

“Why don’t you wear a coat?”

Gary undid his scarf and put it around Jongkook’s neck. The singer accepted it silently, eyes searching for particular woman he devastatingly want to see. Then he found her. She was there, staring back at him with worries swindled on her big eyes. By having his eyes on her, Jihyo stepped closer and took his hand. She passed the hot pack into his hand; take care of the cold hands.

By the times she moved, the other cast somehow knew it’s wise to leave the two alone. They vaguely knew something’s off between them. Instead the members talked to the PD, asking what exactly happened and what to do next.

“Why don’t you stay at home?” Jihyo finally asked him, concentrated on passed warm to his hand.

“I have work to do,” the man replied, eyes never leaving her.

“You should at least put your coat on. Didn’t you cold?”

Jongkook sighed. “If I am, I could just hold your hand like you did when you’re cold.”

The answer made Jihyo lifted her face to see him eyes to eyes. She could feel the intensity of Jongkook’s gaze on him. The warm eyes looked at her almost desperate, dying to tell her something.

“What are you trying to say to me, oppa?” she confronted, rubbed Jongkook’s hands with her own.

The tire’s stretching sound cut off their conversation, the cast and other staff also looked up to the voice. Another car stopped next to Jongkook’s car. Kapjin went out of the car, looked half-worried, half-relieve.

“What are you doing here?” Kapjin questioned his singer.

It took Jongkook all the persuading, mostly from Jihyo, to agree to come home with Kapjin. He sent Jihyo last glance before Kapjin closed the door for him.

They all watched until the car turned and can’t be seen again. Then, after talk about it a little, they finally re-start the shooting. They can’t help but thing about earlier, about Jongkook. They never saw Jongkook like that. He acted weird. He did weird thing. They all have possibilities in their head, but none of them get close to figure out what happened. The one whom affected the most was Jihyo. She zoned out almost in the entire filming, wondering what is it exactly that Jongkook wanted to tell her. What’s wrong with him? What bothered him so much that he neglected his health?

Until the scene wrapped up, Jihyo still think about it, about Jongkook. They all packed their stuff and lightly conversed when Haha came in.

“I’ve just ask Kapjin hyung about Jongkook’s hyung.”

“What did he say?” Jaesuk asked, voicing all member’s question.

“They took him to hospital.”

(Lady Deb)

college's starting... It's so hard to find time to write now. Bear with me