Emi Haro POV
“I- I- I don’t understand!” I stuttered as the tears started falling down.
Gahee embraced me. “Don’t get agitated, you can scare the child.”
“It doesn’t make sense.” I said. The father of my child is not Ji Yong; my brain somehow couldn’t get it. I was with him so many nights. It just doesn’t make sense.
The next morning after crying myself to sleep I woke up. I could smell the food from the kitchen. Gahee opened the door of my room. “Breakfast is ready.” She said.
I looked at her. “I’m not hungry.” I stood up and started walking towards the bathroom. She suddenly grabbed my arm and started pulling me out of my room.
“Yah! I said I’m not hungry!”
“Stop being selfish!” She shouted. “You’re pregnant! You need to think about your son now! I don’t care if you’re not hungry, you will eat because the child needs to grow healthy.”
I was staring at her with my eyes wide-open. I know she was right; for some stupid reason I still think I have control of my life when it’s clear, I don’t. This is when I decided I should care for my child and forget of my needs as a woman, I’m a mother now.
Four months pregnant
“OPPA!” I shouted as I was looking at my reflection in the mirror. Soo Hyun was taking a shower. “What is it?” He worriedly asked.
“I can see it now! I can see the baby bump!” I happily exclaimed.
Soo Hyun walked out of the bathroom. “Wah! It’s true! It’s tiny but I can see it! Our Jellybean is growing so fast! He started kicking a few days ago and now this!” He back hugged me and started caressing my belly. “What if we find out its tomorrow!” He said, excitedly.
I turned around and pouched. “I don’t want to know its , I want it to be a surprise!”
He smiled and hugged me. “Araso! Let’s not find out.”
“Oppa… But will you be able to make it?” Soo Hyun thought for a while. He has a photo shoot for Korean Vogue in Busan tomorrow; he’s leaving right now to the airport. Until now he’s never missed any of my doctor’s appointment. He’s so caring, so loving… I don’t know what would be of my life without him. He’s become so important for me that I'm so grateful to him. He has helped to let go of my grudges, to forget my unhappiness… I may not have all what I want, but I'm beholden for everything I do have.
He grabbed my nose and finally said: “I’ll be there… don’t worry.”
Before he left, he kissed my forehead. I closed the door of my apartment and walked to the living room.
“Why do you guys don’t get married already?” Diego asked. He was sitting on the couch. He arrived last week in Seoul. I’ve been avoiding the subject with everyone. Everyone is pressuring us to get married… Gahee, Bae Sajangnim, Taehyun, and now Diego. Fortunately, Soo Hyun agrees with me that we should focus on taking care of Jellybean and let things flow.
I cleared my throat. “I’m making myself an omelet for dinner, do you want one?”
“Yep!” He exclaimed.
As I was cooking, Diego was switching channels. I heard A-pink’s “Remember” coming from the T.V. He was intently staring at their performance.
“Noona, what’s this?” He asked.
I smirked. “MelOn Music Awards… something like the MTV Music Awards.”
“They look pretty.” He said.
“Let’s eat while watching the rest of the show!” I exclaimed while taking the dishes to the living room.
After we were done eating, we were still watching the awards. “Do you think Jellybean likes K-Pop?” Diego asked.
I laughed. “I don’t think so. He’s very still, he probably is sleeping and doesn't care about it.”
“Did you just say he? You want a boy, huh?” Diego was staring at me. Until now I’ve said many times that I don’t care for it's gender, and I really don’t. But something inside of me tells me it’s a boy.
“Don’t tell Soo Hyun Oppa.” I whispered.
Diego leaned towards my belly. “Jellybean, kick!” He placed his hand on my stomach, but Jellybean didn’t move. “You’re mean!” He exclaimed.
“Yah!” I punched his shoulder. We were laughing out loud when the announcer said: “And now, please enjoy one of the most awaited bands… Big Bang!”
I quickly looked at the screen. This is the first time I see anything regarding him in almost three months. “If you” started playing; as Top started singing, Diego looked at the screen. “Isn’t it Big Bang?” He asked. I nodded.
Minutes later, he finally appeared on-screen. The moment we heard his voice, Jellybean started kicking. “Oh! He suddenly is moving!” Diego exclaimed.
After a while Diego lifted his hand and started watching Big Bang’s performance.
“I’m so happy that you’re doing well.” I thought as I watched him sing. Every time he sang Jellybean kicked. “Are you going to be a Big Bang fan? They’re really cool, right? Why are you just moving when we hear his voice? Do you like his voice this much that you’re happy to hear him? Do you also feel how important he is to mommy?” I thought as I proudly caressed my belly.
They sang “Loser”, “Bang, Bang, Bang” and “Fantastic Baby” and Jellybean moved in each one of their songs. “Let’s just don’t tell daddy that you’re a Big Bang fan.”
Maybe some time ago I would probably feel bad to see him, but now I just feel really happy to see him doing just fine.
The next day I was in Gahee’s office. She didn’t look well.
“If you’re going to suffer like this, why did you break up with Mark?” I asked.
She turned around; she probably was wiping her tears. “It’s for the best.” She made a long pause. “Are you happy?... I’m sorry Emi. I ed up.” She looked at me and held my hands.
I frowned. “What are you talking about?”
“Did I make it on time?” Soo Hyun asked as he entered Gahee’s office.
Gahee and I smiled. “You did! We were just going to start with the ultrasound.” Gahee said.
Jellybean is doing great. He’s very active and he’s healthy. After my monthly check-up we decided to go to Meca and have dinner. We were walking in the Hospital’s hallway when I remember I left my scarf in Gahee’s office. I returned by myself. I quickly found it on top of the desk, as I picked it up I saw a newspaper headline: “G-Dragon and Kiko reunited in Itaewon”
My hands were trembling as I saw the pictures of the both of them together. “What did you expected idiot? For him to live unhappy and single for the rest of his life?” I threw the newspaper on top of the desk and left.
After our dinner, Gahee had to leave first due to an ER. Soo Hyun and I stayed a little longer chatting. As we were leaving the restaurant a waitress suddenly stood in front of us.
“Kim Soo Hyun-ssi!” She exclaimed; she was astonished.
Soo Hyun smiled. “Oh! Have you been doing well?”
She nodded. She stared at my face and then at my belly, I quickly started buttoning my coat. Seeing her looking so surprised made me realize that she must’ve noticed I’m pregnant. Soo Hyun tried to take her attention from me. They spoke for some minutes. Then finally, she bowed and said: “I’m so sorry, I need to get going. Have a good night.” Soo Hyun and I smiled and bowed too.
We started walking again. “I think she knows.” I whispered.
Soo Hyun stared at me and then looked towards the front. “Don’t worry. Even if she did, she wouldn’t tell anyone. She’s a big fan of mine.”
“How do you know her?” I asked.
“I’ve known her for a while. She used to give me information about what happened in here.”
“Wah! You’re such a spy master!” I said. We both were laughing when we heard him: “Soo Hyunah? It’s that you?”
“Hyung, how are you?” He bowed and walked towards him.
“Not as good as you. You look great!” He exclaimed. He then looked at me and walked to where I was. “You’re CEO Haro. It’s nice to meet you.” He said and hugged me. His face looked familiar, he’s Asian but he probably was raised in the U.S. since he is more open to skin-ship.
“Emi, this is Tyler Kwon.” Soo Hyun said.
I smiled. “It’s nice meeting you too.”
“Please, come! I rented the biggest karaoke room. I’m here with some friends.”
Soo Hyun tried to refuse but Tyler Kwon apparently is not a person who accepts no as an answer.
We entered the room; Soo Hyun whispered in my ear: “Don’t worry, we’ll just stay for some minutes and then we’ll leave.”
“It’s okay.” I whispered back.
“Hey guys! I found a friend outside.” Tyler said. Everyone looked at us. I was scanning every face and then we locked eyes. He quickly turned off his cigarette. I tried really hard to not be shaken. My heart was starting to beat fast and I knew that Jellybean would feel my stress if I lost control. We sat three people away from him. He and Soo Hyun stared at each other for a while.
“What do you want to drink?” Tyler asked Soo Hyun.
“A beer.” Soo Hyun replied.
“And you Emi?”
I shook my hands. “Don’t worry. I’m fine like this!” I exclaimed.
As I said before, he hates rejections. He was pushing me to order something. I looked at Soo Hyun, he was about to intervene when Ji Yong said: “Hyung, she has a good girl vibe, let her be. She’ll probably hate you if you keep pushing her.” Everyone laughed but thanks goodness it made Tyler stop. Jellybean kicked. I touched my belly. “Yes, it’s him. I know you like his voice very much.” I thought.
No matter how hard we tried to find the perfect time to leave we just couldn’t. Ji Yong was heavily drinking and Soo Hyun was annoyed due to Ji looking constantly toward us.
Minutes later, Ji Yong stood up and grabbed the karaoke control remote. Everyone started clapping and shouting. Until now he had remain silent. The music started playing. I recognized the song: Emerald Castle “Footsteps”. He started singing:
♫ As the sunset, my footsteps took me away.
When I opened my eyes,
I was standing somewhere I thought I had forgotten
I still felt some hate for you,
I want to be free already
Time will solve everything,
That’s what I believed.
I guess even that was stupid
But now I’m just going to go with the flow,
And you don’t mean anything anymore ♫
♫ From the beginning, you never existed to me
Just like I never did to you
Just as I was hurt by you,
One day you’ll go through this pain, from someone other than me.
This is all I can do
Honestly all I can do,
Like you did to me.
I want the day to come, where I’ll be able to start over again
For me who can’t love you and has to hate you ♫
This time myself-control failed. I was totally shaken, my heart was pounding and Jellybean kept moving all through the song. I don’t know if it was because of his voice or because he could feel my emotions. The lyric of this song is so heartbreaking that I could feel my heart tearing apart. I hate myself for making him suffer. After the song ended he grabbed his coat and just left without saying goodbye to anyone.
A couple of minutes later, I stood up and followed him.
“Where are you going?” Soo Hyun asked.
“To the bathroom.” I said without looking at him.
He was about to exit the hallway. “Ji Yong!” I exclaimed. He turned around and looked at me with his timid smile I love so much.
My tears started to fall. “I’m so sorry for hurting you!” I said.
He gently shushed me. “Don’t say it. Let’s not try to find out who's guilty. Everything happened and it can’t be undone.” He was wiping my tears with his finger. “How is…” He started whispering but didn’t finish.
“He’s fine.” I whispered. Jellybean was moving a lot. “I think he likes your voice, because he moves whenever he hears you.” Ji Yong timidly smiled again.
“Do you want to feel him?” I asked.
Ji Yong was clearly troubled but nodded. He placed his hand on my belly. His face lighted up after feeling Jellybean kicking all over the place. “Wah! You’re so active. You have to be healthy and grow strong, so you can take care of your mother.”
He looked at me. “You too, please be healthy.” He bowed and left.