an: info bumps, and hardly proofread, ¡olé!

A remedy that comes to all those who lie; they clip wings that get them high and then leave them where they lie. It doesn’t make sense but then, what does make sense? Jimin slowly tries to grasp all the memory clouds. Where did he go wrong?

Or better yet, why does this even bother him so much?

“Hyung, hyung, hyung! Look at this starfish.” Jungsoo runs to his eldest brother holding a brown and round starfish. “Isn’t it so weird?”

Jimin looks down at it, inspecting slowly the starfish who was still moving its flat belly ever so slowly. “Jungsoo, did you know that starfishes don’t have blood? Instead they pump hydraulic water through their vascular system.” The young boy looks back at Jimin in awe. “Yeah, isn’t it cool?” Jungsoo shakes his tiny head in yes motions while he smiled showcasing that his tooth was missing. “Now you have to put it back because she can die within minutes or seconds out of the water.”

“Come with us to the water hyung!” Jungsoo beseeched.

“I don’t feel well. . . maybe next time we come. I promise.”

And with a soldier salute he takes the starfish and runs back to the water where his mother and father were waiting for him to get back. While Jimin would just stare from his spot under the umbrella (of course cursing at the sand for existing) and look back at his little brother.

Somehow Jimin was glad that his little brother would understand that Jimin was going throw this teenage phase where everything is bothersome. Even talking – moving the mouth for all that matters – was bothersome. Jungsoo, somehow, seemed to understand and if he didn’t he was good at pretending that he did understood. Jimin was grateful for that.

That is one of the best memories he’s ever had with his brother. It’s so simple yet so meaningful because Jungsoo was always there with him. And it’s not even that fact that he was there it’s that fact that he above everyone else he would understand Jimin better. Which explains so much his distaste when he tried to communicate with Taehyung and he wouldn’t understand that he wanted alone time.

“Why in the names of heaven should I leave you alone?” Taehyung said, frowning.

“Because I asked you to? I don’t need to give you a deep and insightful explanation as of why do I want to be alone – I just do.” Jimin said. “Isn’t that enough for you to leave me alone?” he placed his hands on his temple and rub them in circular motions. “And when I say alone Tae, I mean alone.”

Taehyung is frowning and at this point he looks overall confused. Jimin just really wished for Jungsoo to be here and slowly explain to Taehyung what alone time means – Jimin just needed to tell once to his younger brother and without any further ado he would just do it. Jungsoo would say ‘okay, see ya later’ and leave him the alone.

Without. Asking. Questions.

“But why can’t you tell me who was that guy that was talking to you?” he asked for the millionth time that week. “Why do I need to leave you alone every time I ask you who is that man – I don’t get it.” He motions his hands up in the air. His eyes didn’t have that shine they always had; it was so unlike Taehyung not to have that shine in his eyes.

That made Jimin worry but at the same time back of and stand strong on his point of wanting to be alone. “No. Seriously Jimin, I really don’t get it. Once you’re like good and stuff and you let me in and everything is fine. I feel part of you even and I feel like we understand each other but then I don’t feel so later on. And it’s just so confusing because I feel like we are getting somewhere but then we are not.”

It’s so uncharacteristic of Taehyung being this kind of mad about something – about anything to be exact. “Am I your friend or not?” Taehyung just doesn’t get mad; there’s always something behind and Jimin knows he must’ve ed up really bad. Now it was Jimin’s turn to feel confused and it didn’t make sense any of this whole conversation by now.

“What are you talking about Tae?”

Because Taehyung was mad he was about to relent and tell him about Yoongi but he knows every consequence about it. However, the fact that Taehyung was livid (and Jimin was confused and angry right now because nothing makes sense) he doesn’t know if it’s the right decision to tell him about the guy. He questions how did the argument turned out to be like this and in what part of the argument did he ed up.

“Am I part of your life or not?” he asks, it’s not really a question. “You know what? Forget it. I don’t want stick around and confuse myself anymore.” Taehyung grabs his keys and starts to walk away.

“No! wait – Tae. . . I didn’t mean to-” Jimin couldn’t even finish what he was going to say because Taehyung had already closed the door on his face. Leaving him completely alone. Only to realize that he didn’t wanted to be alone he just wanted to be left alone. . . if that makes any sense.

“Ah! , , . !” He hits his head with the palm of his hand multiple times. Hard enough that it could leave a bruise. “I’m so ing stupid.”

The question is, why did he wanted to be left alone? He could have answered truthfully about that man he saw at the coffee shop. It’s not like it’s hard to answer the question, or even private whatsoever, so there’s no need to avoid it. But somehow he felt like he should avoid the question at all cost. Which it doesn’t make any kind of sense to him because there’s nothing to hide. He had ed up everything big time with Taehyung as a result of his unsureness. Perhaps he just jeopardized the only string of help he had to make justice for his brother.

Then again it’s not entirely true the reason why he was fretting so much.

Jimin sits down on one of the antique couches reclining his head back. “Why does my heart ache just knowing that he’s mad at me?” With his right hand he touched his chest – where his heart beats painfully.

It aches right there because it reminds him of his last actual conversation with Jungsoo. One he wished he could change but it was done and he couldn’t take back all the things he told his brother. Jimin was afraid of the repercussions this can get him in a near future because, unlike Jungsoo, he does not know if Taehyung will forgive him for being the way he is.

He’s alone in the shadows of his room and in the sorrow of every edge of it. He knows that when he was a kid this is not what he meant for being happy. Somehow, he knows that when he meant to wait for his brother to come home and call him annoying names right before going to college.

Hell, he had expectations. . . like right before going to college he’ll be crying with his brother and not necessarily out of consolation to his brother. More like he was always the one who’s a crybaby. Jungsoo would be the one to comfort him instead of him comforting Jungsoo. Jimin had that idea and he waited for that idea to happen one day.

But things don’t always happen the way he expects because he is a up in life and he hates it. When will he ever do something right? When will he stop being a disappointment to everyone else? ing hell! He doesn’t even know why he cares so much about all of this. He doesn’t deserve the life he’s been getting. Along t