nightmares and daydreams
Apartment Block 17
[APARTMENT #417; Jeon Wonwoo, Kim Mingyu]
“It’s too embarrassing. I can’t do it,” Wonwoo sighed.
“You already agreed to it,” Jihoon reasoned, “I walked past a poster advertising the play today. They’ve already changed Junhui’s name to yours.”
Wonwoo groaned.
“Were the rehearsals alright?” Jihoon asked.
“I’ve been to like four already,” Wonwoo said, “They’re alright, because it’s basically only me, the actors, staff and the director.”
“What’s going to happen when there’s an actual audience in front of you?” Jihoon asked carefully. He was aware of Wonwoo’s stage fright.
“I don’t know. You see... majority of the play is fine. But at the end--”
“The kiss scene,” Jihoon said thoughtfully.
“Yeah,” Wonwoo sighed.
“But this isn’t the first time you’ve kissed Mingyu,” Jihoon said. The phone crackled with static and it made Wonwoo flinch.
“But this time, it’s in front of hundreds of judgemental strangers,” Wonwoo nearly yelled.
“Then make it a good show.” Wonwoo could almost feel Jihoon’s smirk through the phone.
Wonwoo heard the front door shut and he abruptly hung up without saying goodbye. Mingyu was back from his art class with Jeonghan.
“I’m home,” Mingyu called out, a thump indicating he had put his bags down on the counter; despite Wonwoo constantly telling him not to put bags on a food surface.
“How was art?” Wonwoo poked his head out of his bedroom door, leaning against the doorframe.
“It was fun,” Mingyu grinned. He had some paint on his face and shirt.
Wonwoo groaned; it was his turn to do the laundry that day.
“There were actually so many people there,” Mingyu rambled, as he often did (even if Wonwoo wasn’t entirely listening), “I met these guys called Jungkook and Yugyeom and they were really nice. Did you know they lived here too? They know Seungcheol apparently. And then when class started, Jeonghan got us to paint lines at first, and I didn’t understand why because who doesn’t know how to paint lines? But he said he was teaching us control--”
“That’s great,” Wonwoo laughed, joining Mingyu outside. He took Mingyu’s bags off the counter, put them on the chair and proceeded to get himself some milk from the fridge.
“Oh, right. I shouldn’t put bags on the counter,” Mingyu said sheepishly. Wonwoo gave him a look of approval.
“Hey, we don’t have anymore milk,” Wonwoo frowned upon opening the fridge.
“We ran out again?” Mingyu said with a suspiciously guilty tone.
Wonwoo turned to him and narrowed his eyes. “Did you make yourself more midnight cereal?”
“Um, maybe?” Mingyu looked away.
Wonwoo knew that whenever Mingyu was watching a drama, he tended to eat cereal with milk. Not snacks like a normal person, but cereal. And he ate a lot of it (thus causing them to go through their milk rather quickly).
“I’ll... go get more,” Mingyu said hurriedly, grabbing his keys and wallet.
Wonwoo sighed. “Okay,” he said quietly.
Mingyu left shortly and the apartment went eerily silent.
Feeling rather tired from his classes that day, Wonwoo decided to call it a night.
-------------
”What are you--” Mingyu asked.
Wonwoo pulled himself up to Mingyu’s face and kissed him harshly.
He could hear the uproar in the audience. Whether it was cheering or booing, he couldn’t tell.
He felt himself break down inside. He wanted to hide. He wanted the stage to open up and swallow him whole.
Wonwoo pulled away and collapsed back onto the ground. “I’m sorry for leaving you before we could even begin,” he uttered.
He closed his eyes, but he could still hear the jeers in the audience. He hated it. Not even Mingyu was enough to quell his uneasiness.
“Then don’t leave,” Mingyu’s voice cracked.
The curtains closed and Wonwoo could finally stand up. It was his last scene.
“That was so good!” Mingyu exclaimed, a puppy-like smile lighting up his features.
As Wonwoo replied, Mingyu’s face distorted and the vision melted into another. They were at the university now, but Mingyu was not smiling and standing in front of Wonwoo.
He was lying on the ground. He wasn’t moving.
“Looks like you found yourself the perfect boy toy,” someone growled. It was dark, and a looming shadow shrouded the figures in front of him.
“He won’t be so handsome after we’re done with him,” another one snarled.
Wonwoo couldn’t speak; his throat wouldn’t work. His legs were immobile as the concrete cemented around his feet, holding them in place. His arms refused to move.
He was helpless. Weak. Fragile.
“People like you two disgust me.”
“Go rot in hell with your own kind.”
-------------
Mingyu returned about an hour later, after having met Soonyoung at the grocery store by chance and stood talking with him without realising what the time was.
“Wonwoo, I’m sorry I took so long,” Mingyu called as he locked their door and set the grocery bags on the counter. He took the milk out and put it in the fridge (since he often forgot to put things back in the fridge, and Wonwoo scolded him for it).
Hearing no response, he knocked quietly on Wonwoo’s bedroom door. It was slightly ajar and dark inside, but Mingyu could hear something moving around on the bed.
“Wonwoo?” Mingyu whispered, slowly tiptoeing into the room.
“No,” Wonwoo mumbled, probably half-asleep. “Stop.”
“Stop what?” Mingyu asked gently. He’d never heard Wonwoo sleep talk before.
“Not Mingyu--”
Mingyu had never heard Wonwoo sound so broken before. Not even when he was acting as Chanyeol.
“Wonwoo,” Mingyu mumbled, sitting down on his bed slowly.
Wonwoo rolled around violently and made contact with Mingyu’s chest.
“Wonwoo, it’s okay,” Mingyu said, not knowing what to do. Should I wake him?
“Don’t you ing dare--”
“Wonwoo, it’s just a dream,” Mingyu said a little louder. He attempted to put his arms around Wonwoo, but the boy was moving around too much.
Wonwoo’s eyes suddenly shot open and he sat up, scaring Mingyu. He was breathing heavily.
“Wonwoo,” Mingyu said again.
“Mingyu?” Wonwoo looked at him wearily.
“I-- got your milk,” Mingyu laughed quietly.
“Oh.”
“It was just a dream,” Mingyu said soothingly.
“It was a nightmare,” Wonwoo muttered.
“Do you get them often?” Mingyu asked. He wanted to know why Wonwoo had called out his name with such a pained tone.
“I guess,” Wonwoo said vaguely.
“Will you be alright?” Mingyu asked softly. “Do you want me to stay here?”
Wonwoo looked at him with an indescribable expression. He seemed to contemplate his decision.
“Okay,” he said after a long pause.
“Wait a second,” Mingyu said, his hand on Wonwoo’s back. He went outside and turned off all the lights before returning and lying down next to Wonwoo.
Wonwoo shifted a little and let Mingyu bury under the covers. It was undeniably comfortable and warm.
They just laid there, next to each other, not exactly touching but close enough to feel each other’s warmth. Mingyu wondered if it was okay if he could put his arm around Wonwoo.
It was dead silent in the apartment; the faint hum of the heater being the only distinguishable sound.
“Did you put the milk in the fridge?” Wonwoo asked quietly.
Mingyu started laughing. “Of course.”
“Okay.”
“Good night, Wonwoo,” Mingyu whispered.
“Good night.”
Mingyu wasn’t sure how long he stayed awake. He couldn’t sleep; he really wanted to cuddle Wonwoo, but he wasn’t too sure it was okay.
And he wasn’t exactly tired. It was only around 9.
After a while, Mingyu heard Wonwoo’s breaths become much deeper. He was probably asleep.
At some point in the night, Mingyu’s eyes fluttered open and he realised that Wonwoo’s arms were wrapped tightly around his abdomen and their legs were tangled. Mingyu could feel Wonwoo’s breath against his neck and he could barely move because of how tight Wonwoo’s hold on him was.
He felt an indescribable amount of happiness in that moment.
He tilted his head slightly and whispered, “I love you, Wonwoo.”
It was probably the only time he could tell Wonwoo that without the latter flinching and looking away awkwardly. He wanted to be honest, after all. Wonwoo didn’t usually seem to take it too harshly as they continued on as per normal afterwards.
But out of all the times Mingyu had said ‘I love you’ to Wonwoo in the past week, he’d never gotten a response. Until a half-asleep Wonwoo came into the equation.
“I love you too,” Wonwoo mumbled.
Mingyu didn’t know how to respond.
-------------
[APARTMENT #607; Wen Junhui, Xu Minghao]
“I just wonder if I actually got that role for real, you know? I still feel like I only got the role because Seungcheol said I was good,” Junhui said. “Wonwoo suits that role more than I do. Tonnes of others suit the role more than I do.”
If there was anyone whose personality contrasted vastly with how they acted, it was Junhui. Though he always carried himself as a confident and outgoing individual, Minghao knew that there was much more to the ‘real’ Junhui.
“That could be true,” Minghao said quietly. “It’s likely that the judges were biased toward Seungcheol’s opinion, since he’s a sponsor’s son. But, think about the role you just landed.”
“The TV drama?” Junhui raised an eyebrow.
“Was there any bias in that?” Minghao poked Junhui.
“No,” Junhui said quietly.
“Exactly,” Minghao poked him again. “You’re more talented than you give yourself credit for. So stop worrying and just do the best that you can.”
Junhui sighed and shifted himself so his head rested on top of Minghao’s. “Okay.”
Minghao hit his thigh. “You’re an idiot.”
“But I’m your idiot,” Junhui gave him a goofy grin.
Minghao gave him a disgusted look and reached out to off the lamp.
“Good night, Jun.”
“Good night, Minghao.”
-------------
”Did you really believe that I’d actually date a guy?” Luhan said in disbelief.
“But, what about--” Minghao stuttered.
“I’m not a , like you,” Luhan said, rather angrily. “I can’t believe you were serious about this... I thought you were cool, you know. I can’t believe you’re a queer.”
“But, all those things you said to me--”
“You thought I was serious?” Luhan laughed humourlessly. He looked quite distressed. “No way, Minghao. I was just humouring you. I thought you’d come to your senses eventually.”
“But I really like you, Luhan,” Minghao said in a small voice.
Luhan huffed. His face distorted and the atmosphere suddenly turned impossibly dark. Minghao’s vision started fading.
“Luhan?” Minghao called out. It wasn’t the same as what happened that day.
“You thought I was serious?” Luhan’s voice broke intermittently and his face started glitching.
“Luhan, what’s wrong with you?” Minghao reached out.
“Your seven days are up, Minghao.”
The darkness suddenly evaporated and Minghao was back in school, standing in front of the window. It was late afternoon; the sports clubs were practicing on the grounds and everyone in Minghao’s class had already left.
Minghao looked around in confusion and went out into the hallway. There were only two people outside; Luhan, and a girl from the year below him.
“Luhan--” Minghao called out. But he stopped himself. Luhan was talking to the girl with a smile.
They both turned to Minghao simultaneously and stuck their tongues out tauntingly.
“Even if you think you’ve found yourself the perfect guy, they’ll just leave you eventually,” Luhan called out. “Face it, Minghao. Guys aren’t supposed to like guys.”
“Shut up,” Minghao gritted his teeth. He took off in the opposite direction, turning the corner with great speed and losing his footing in the process.
He felt strong arms catch him before he could fall.
“Woah, are you alright?” a familiar voice said gently. Minghao looked up and realised he was staring directly at Junhui.
“Jun?” Minghao stuttered. “What are you doing here?”
“Uh, yeah! I’m Jun,” Junhui laughed, giving Minghao a look. “Do I know you?”
“O-oh,” Minghao backed away hastily and brushed dust off his jacket. “No, sorry. I’ve just heard about you, that’s all.”
“Oh, well I’m flattered,” Junhui gave him his signature grin. Minghao was so used to seeing it, but why did Junhui look so different in that moment?
“Don’t run too fast. Take care,” Junhui waved as he walked away. Minghao looked around in confusion; the hallway was suddenly crowded.
He watched Junhui jog up to a girl and tap her back gently. He watched as the girl smiled, kissed his cheek and held his hand. He watched them walk away, swinging their intertwined hands, their laughter emanating throughout the hallway.
Minghao realised why Junhui had looked so different. That grin was the grin Junhui gave everyone.
It wasn’t the grin that was exclusive to the person he truly cared about.
“Junhui,” Minghao shouted. But Junhui didn’t hear him.
“Didn’t I tell you?” Luhan’s voice sounded from behind. Minghao didn’t dare turn around; he was too scared of facing him. “Guys aren’t meant to like guys.”
-------------
“Minghao,” Junhui said loudly, reaching out and slamming the lamp on.
Minghao shot awake, looking at Junhui with wild eyes.
“Jun,” Minghao said shakily. He stared for a while, as if attempting to grasp reality. “Sorry. It was just a nightmare.”
Junhui pursed his lips. “You’ve been having an awful lot of nightmares lately.”
It was true; Minghao would often thrash around in his sleep, mumbling incoherent things until he calmed down a while later. Junhui had just held him tightly until it was over.
He was pretty sure it had to do with Luhan. But Minghao had acted much happier recently and he didn’t want to bring it up just yet. Until now.
“Yeah,” Minghao said quietly.
“Wanna talk about it?” Junhui shifted into a sitting position.
Minghao buried further down under the covers. “No.”
“Minghao,” Junhui said sternly. He was starting to get sick of him hiding things. “You know you can trust me.”
“I know.”
“Then why won’t you tell me what’s been bothering you?” Junhui nudged him.
“I...” Minghao faltered. “...don’t like talking about.”
“And that means I shouldn’t know why you’re hurting so much?” Junhui asked with a pained voice.
“No, it’s not like that--”
“I’m sick of it, Minghao,” Junhui said, exasperated. “I know how hurt you’ve been. Sometimes you’ll come home with a distant look in your eyes. Sometimes you’ll look like you’ve seen a ghost. And every time I ask why, you won’t tell me.”
“Jun--”
“How can I trust you like this?” Junhui said, hurt. “What if...”
He didn’t want to say anymore, so he stopped himself. Minghao fell silent.
“Minghao, please talk to me,” Junhui pleaded.
Minghao stared at the bedsheets without a word.
Junhui couldn’t bear putting it off any longer. “Minghao... can I ask you something?”
Minghao shifted his gaze to Junhui wearily. He almost looked scared at what Junhui was going to say.
“Who’s Luhan?”
-------------
[APARTMENT #717; Choi Seungcheol]
“I’ve been expecting you,” Seungcheol spun around in his wheely chair, hands clasped together formally and a grin on his face; he’d specifically brought out a spin-able chair into the front hallway for this purpose.
“Are you serious?” Seungkwan gave Seungcheol a look of disapproval.
“Yeah,” Seungcheol said cheekily.
“You never fail to amaze me,” Seungkwan sighed, walking past Seungcheol and making himself comfortable in the living room.
“You’re the one who wanted to talk to me,” Seungcheol protested, wheeling his chair back into his room and joining Seungkwan on the couch.
“Yeah,” Seungkwan said quietly.
“What’s on your mind?” Seungcheol asked with genuine concern.
“You sound like Facebook,” Seungkwan laughed.
“I’m serious!” Seungcheol objected.
“I know,” Seungkwan smiled. “Yeah. Um. Hansol said he’s asking Chaeyoung out at the New Year’s Festival.”
Seungcheol gave him a -eating grin. “Yep.”
“He told you, right?”
“Yep.”
“Stop grinning like that!” Seungkwan hit Seungcheol’s stomach.
“Ouch,” Seungcheol flinched.
“Anyway,” Seungkwan continued, his tone betraying his distress, “I’m scared... about what this means for our channel.”
Seungcheol put his arm gently around Seungkwan. “Are you sure that’s why you’re scared?”
Seungkwan looked at him in confusion. “Yeah, I mean... our fangirls can get pretty intense--”
“Forget about Boonon for a moment,” Seungcheol insisted. “This isn’t about your Youtube channel. It’s about your best friend and roommate.”
“Okay,” Seungkwan relented.
“How do you feel about Hansol getting a girlfriend?” Seungcheol prodded gently.
Seungkwan furrowed his eyebrows. “I’m... happy for him.”
“No, you’re not,” Seungcheol sighed. He crossed his legs and leant back into the couch. “You’re lying to yourself, Seungkwan. Stop denying how you feel and just admit it.”
“Admit what?” Seungkwan asked angrily.
It became apparent to Seungcheol that Seungkwan wouldn’t solve the problem by himself. He decided that if he didn’t take action sooner, it would get much worse as time went by.
“Admit that you like him more than just friends,” Seungcheol said quietly.
Seungkwan stared at him in shock. He didn’t speak for a while, clearly trying to process the situation.
When he finally spoke, his voice was small and fragile.
“How did you know?”
Seungcheol broke into laughter. “The only person dense enough not to realise it, unfortunately, is Hansol himself.”
“I--” Seungkwan faltered. “Help me, Seungcheol. I don’t know what to do.”
“How long has it been?”
Seungcheol wasn’t very specific, but Seungkwan understood what he meant. “Not sure, but he’s always been the one I cared about the most. After my parents, of course.”
“You probably never realised how you felt until the possibility of losing him came up,” Seungcheol reasoned.
“Losing him?” Seungkwan asked, terrified.
“I mean, you said he’s the one you care about the most,” Seungcheol clarified. Seungkwan nodded. “Have you ever thought about life next to someone else? Sharing an apartment with someone else?”
“No. Not at all,” Seungkwan answered without hesitation.
“So you just want to be with him forever?”
“I guess...” Seungkwan said, unsure. “I mean, I know we both will grow up and have our own personal lives eventually, but I just never thought--”
“That you two would separate,” Seungcheol finished quietly. “But now, Hansol’s starting to move on. He’s in love with someone else, and you can’t bear the thought that Hansol would value someone else over you.”
“Seungcheol,” Seungkwan’s voice broke.
“You two have been together since the start of high school,” Seungcheol continued, not letting Seungkwan speak just yet. “You’ve been inseparable. You do everything together. You need him as much as he needs you, yet now, he’s threatening to leave you for a girl he’s only talked to a couple of times.”
“It’s a bit harsh if you put it like that--”
“So why?” Seungcheol held Seungkwan’s shoulders firmly. “Why are you letting this happen?”
Seungkwan stared Seungcheol in the eye. “Because it’s what Hansol wants.”
Seungcheol let go of Seungkwan in frustration. “Have you even told him an inkling of what you feel?”
“No, of course not,” Seungkwan looked at him in horror. “Hansol is my best friend. But we’re officially nothing more than that. I don’t want to ruin what we have now just because of my own selfish feelings.”
“So you’re going to let all those years of being together go to waste?” Seungcheol said.
“This is just a simple high school crush we’re talking about,” Seungkwan said, exasperated. “It’s not like I’ll lose him forever.”
“But one thing, no matter how little, will always lead to another,” Seungcheol said. “If you don’t act now, you never know what will happen.”
“I don’t have the courage to do that,” Seungkwan said in a small voice.
“You’re Boo Seungkwan!” Seungcheol threw his hands up.
“Everyone keeps telling me that,” Seungkwan said, voice rising. “But just because I’m Boo Seungkwan doesn’t mean I can do everything.”
“Sorry,” Seungcheol apologised immediately. “I didn’t mean it like that.”
They fell silent for a while. Seungkwan stared at the kitchen counter.
“I just don’t want to make Hansol confused,” Seungkwan said quietly. “If I tell him how I feel, he probably won’t know how to reject me and it’ll make everything really awkward.”
“Who says he’ll reject you?” Seungcheol said gently.
“The universe does.”
“Look,” Seungcheol shifted closer and tried to comfort Seungkwan, like an older brother he never asked for. “Hansol’s really dense sometimes. You need to tell him things straight, otherwise he’ll never get it.”
“That’s true,” Seungkwan laughed quietly. “But that’s what I like about him. He’s so straightforward and easy to figure out.”
“You wouldn’t know, but I’ve seen the way he looks at you,” Seungcheol said softly. “Whenever he looks at you, which is almost all the time, it looks like he’s staring at the brightest stars in the galaxy.”
“So... he squints when he looks at me?” Seungkwan raised an eyebrow.
Seungcheol flicked his forehead. “No, you idiot. He looks at you like you’re the most beautiful thing in the universe. Like... a look of wonder, admiration, love, lust--”
“Okay, okay. I get it. When did you get so poetic?” Seungkwan muttered.
“My point is,” Seungcheol sighed. “He clearly cares about you. Whether it’s more than just a ‘friend’ is debatable. But he can’t do anything for you unless you tell him how you feel.”
“But what happens if he doesn’t like me back?”
“Then you worry about it when it happens. It’s Hansol; he’ll definitely make everything alright. You have to be honest with him, Seungkwan. And it’s a proven fact that talking about your feelings helps you get over them.”
“Alright,” Seungkwan said in a soft voice. “But what about Chaeyoung?”
“True,” Seungcheol said thoughtfully. “Tell you what. The New Year’s festival is in a few days.”
“Yeah.”
“I think... you’ve come this far. Just wait and see how it goes with Chaeyoung.”
“But you said--”
“I know I said you shouldn’t let this happen,” Seungcheol interrupted. “But I feel like it’ll work out for you. There’s nothing you can do if Hansol’s actually straight, but maybe you should just wait and see how it goes with Chaeyoung.”
“But--”
“You have to confess eventually, Seungkwan,” Seungcheol patted his back.
“I know,” Seungkwan said quietly.
-------------
[APARTMENT #118; Choi Hansol, Boo Seungkwan]
Seungkwan had been struggling with his feelings for a while now. He knew that he really liked Hansol as a friend and roommate, but the weird feeling he’d get whenever they watched romance movies together was really hard to ignore.
He would never stop glancing at Hansol whenever the girl kissed the guy on screen. It honestly got annoying and Seungkwan wished he would stop unconsciously watching Hansol’s reaction.
Being a skinship kind of person, he wasn’t one to hesitate making contact with another. It was just his way of being friendly. But the immense happiness he’d felt whenever Hansol was the one who was hugging him was hard to ignore.
He didn’t feel like anyone understood him as much as Hansol did. Even though Hansol could be rather dense at times, Seungkwan still loved being in his company.
He attributed all of these emotions to the fact that Hansol was his best friend and roommate. They spent pretty much all day with each other; whether it was in the apartment, or out filiming a video and hanging out, so it was expected that Seungkwan would like him more than other people.
But it was only after Chaeyoung that Seungkwan began to realise that maybe, all those weird feelings weren’t just because Hansol was his best friend.
Maybe Seungkwan liked Hansol more than just a friend.
Maybe Seungkwan wanted to kiss Hansol like the girl and guy in the movies.
The thought of Hansol hugging and kissing someone else hurt Seungkwan more than he liked to admit.
Seungkwan had always thought he was ‘straight’, but he realised that he had never really had an actual crush. He was friends with plenty of guys and most girls seemed to like him; though he felt more uncomfortable and shy around girls, he’d never actually liked a girl before.
Maybe he wasn’t ‘straight’ after all. He couldn’t really call himself ‘gay’ either, since he’d never actually liked a guy.
Maybe he was just Hansolual.
“Hansol, I’m back,” Seungkwan called out as he shut the door.
“Oh, Seungkwan!” Hansol jumped up from the couch. “You’ve already missed half the episode. Right now, the girl is--”
“No spoilers!” Seungkwan covered his ears and rushed into his room.
“Seungkwan! I’ll just tell you what happened so you can watch the rest--”
“I’ll watch the rerun!” Seungkwan said in embarrassment.
“Oh, alright,” Hansol said, rather disappointed. He returned to the living room.
Seungkwan sighed and collapsed onto his bed.
Ignoring Hansol and everyone around him was his only defence mechanism to the weird emotions he was going through. He figured that if he didn’t talk to Hansol, he wouldn’t like him as much.
But it didn’t work. In fact, it resulted in the opposite; being away from Hansol just made Seungkwan miss him more.
Seungkwan’s friends’ worrying wasn’t helping, because all of them would say something that reminded him of Hansol in one way or another. So he pushed them away as well, though he felt immensely guilty about it. But it was the only thing he felt he could do.
Everything reminded Seungkwan of Hansol, and it hurt. He could barely talk to Hansol anymore without his heart beating intensely out of his chest.
Maybe it’s puberty? Teenagers get a lot of weird feelings.
But Seungkwan knew that his feelings for Hansol wasn’t just a ‘hormonal thing’.
With all the confused emotions and thoughts clouding his mind, he decided to take an afternoon nap to (hopefully) clear his mind a bit.
-------------
Brrrring! The sound of the school bell ripped through Seungkwan’s eardrums and he awoke abruptly to find himself in his usual desk at school.
“See you, Seungkwan!” Hansol’s voice sounded behind him, and he felt a firm slap on his back. Hansol ran past him with a grin and jogged down the hallway.
“Where are you going?” Seungkwan called out, too late. He got up with a groan and followed Hansol outside.
He suddenly teleported down a floor, outside of the juniors’ classrooms.
Juniors?
“Chaeyoung!” Hansol smiled sweetly as he caught the girl in a tight hug. “I missed you.”
“It’s only been 6 hours, Hansol,” Chaeyoung giggled.
“The worst 6 hours of my life,” Hansol touched her nose lovingly.
Seungkwan wanted to drop-kick both of them.
“You guys are disgusting,” one of Hansol’s friends and Chaeyoung’s classmates, Chan, teased lightly as he pushed past them to exit the classroom.
“Exactly,” Seungkwan muttered to himself.
The scene shifted and suddenly Seungkwan was sitting in the furthest back seat in a movie theatre. He recognised the movie; it was a cheesy American romance drama that Hansol had shown him last week.
“I love you,” the girl on screen whispered.
Seungkwan noticed two silhouettes in front of him; other than them, the entire theatre was empty.
It was Hansol and Chaeyoung. Chaeyoung had her head on Hansol’s shoulder and they were whispering to each other, giggling about something.
Seungkwan realised he had a box of popcorn in his hands.
“You’re too young!” Seungkwan yelled, flinging popcorn at the couple in front of him.
Hansol turned angrily, but softened slightly when he saw that it was Seungkwan.
“Seungkwan? Why are you here?”
“Am I not allowed to be here?” Seungkwan asked angrily.
“Oh, I mean... Chaeyoung and I are on a--”
“Don’t you dare say ‘date’,” Seungkwan muttered. “What happened to our movie nights?”
“Oh, I didn’t think you wanted to continue them,” Hansol said guiltily. “Chaeyoung--”
“Chaeyoung, Chaeyoung, Chaeyoung. It’s all her, isn’t it?” Seungkwan couldn’t help getting worked up.
“I love her, Seungkwan,” Hansol said. His eyes stood firm and he showed no hesitation.
“I’m sorry Seungkwan,” Chaeyoung said quietly. “I know you’re his best friend, and I wouldn’t want to change that, but I’d like to spend time with him as well.”
Seungkwan knew he couldn’t blame Chaeyoung. But he had no one else to blame; he could never bring himself to blame Hansol for any of this.
“This is all your fault,” Seungkwan said to Chaeyoung, shaking, tears threatening to pour out. He hated feeling this emotional, selfish and childish.
“Seungkwan--” Hansol warned.
“If he’d never met you, none of this--”
“Seungkwan!” Hansol shouted. Suddenly, the theatre was crowded. The surrounding moviegoers turned to them with a glare. “I can’t believe you’d say something like that.”
Seungkwan didn’t reply. He looked down guiltily.
The scene changed once again, the darkness of the theatre dissipating as a bright light shone painfully into Seungkwan’s eyes.
Everything around him was white. The chairs, the tables, the flowers, the cake, the bride’s dress--
Wait. The bride’s dress?
“And do you, Choi Hansol, take Son Chaeyoung to be your lawfully wedded wife until death do you part?”
“I do,” said a much deeper voice than Seungkwan remembered. It was undeniably Hansol’s voice, but the man standing in front of Seungkwan holding hands with a beautiful bride looked nothing like the ‘Hansol’ Seungkwan knew.
The man was smiling. He was looking at his bride as if she were the brightest stars in the galaxy.
“I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.”
The look on the man’s face as he kissed his wife was far more real and loving than any of the movies Seungkwan had watched.
Seungkwan felt something break inside him. He didn’t know why his chest felt like a fire was tearing through it.
“Hansol,” he said, voice cracking.
But Hansol was walking away, hand in hand with his wife.
-------------
“Hey, Seungkwan--” Hansol knocked on Seungkwan’s door after the two episode special ended. He wanted to ask his roommate what he wanted for dinner.
There was no answer, so he let himself in as he usually did when it was quiet inside (Seungkwan would loudly protest otherwise).
Seungkwan was asleep, clutching his pillow with a death grip. His face was set into a frown.
“Seungkwan,” Hansol gently shook the boy’s shoulder.
“I object!” Seungkwan yelled as his eyes shot open.
“Woah,” Hansol put his hands up and started laughing. “We’re not in court.”
“Oh. Hansol,” Seungkwan rubbed his eyes and cleared his throat as he sat up. “Sorry. Weird dream.”
“Weird? You looked pretty upset,” Hansol frowned. “Your face was all sour; it looked like you’d eaten a lemon or something.”
“Oh, really? Um. Well, coincidentally... I ate a lemon in my dream?” Seungkwan said, not very convincingly.
“Seriously?” Hansol seemed to believe him. “Sounds like a horrible dream.”
“It was,” Seungkwan laughed nervously. “Hey, can I talk to you?”
“Of course,” Hansol smiled. He sat down next to Seungkwan.
“I’m sorry for the way I’ve been acting lately,” Seungkwan began.
“Oh, is this what you’re--”
“Just let me finish,” Seungkwan pleaded. Hansol stopped talking. “I know I haven’t been myself lately and I’m sorry. The thing is...”
He hesitated quite a bit before resuming.
“I was a bit uncomfortable reading all the Youtube comments in recent videos,” Seungkwan said slowly. “The way they ship us...”
“Ah, I see,” Hansol put his arm around Seungkwan, which did not help Seungkwan’s wellbeing in any way whatsoever. “I know what you mean. It gets really intense and... weird.”
“Yeah.”
Seungkwan wasn’t exactly lying; he didn’t like the way some people saw their relationship. He’d always wanted to keep his friendship with Hansol intact, because Hansol was incredibly important to him.
But maybe Seungkwan didn’t like people shipping them together because they were right.
He’d once read a fanfiction (for research, of course) in which he and Hansol were just normal high-schoolers, and the ‘Seungkwan’ in that fic had realised that he liked Hansol more than a friend.
Thinking back, the way the author described the ‘Seungkwan’ character eerily matched what actual Seungkwan was going through at the moment.
So maybe the Boonon shippers were right after all; Seungkwan really did have feelings for Hansol.
Seungkwan had decided to use the Boonon shippers as an excuse for his recent behaviour; seeing as he wasn’t ready to confess his true feelings just yet.
“Just don’t read the comments then,” Hansol said straightforwardly.
“It’s not that easy,” Seungkwan rolled his eyes.
“I know. But if it makes you unhappy, then why do it?” Hansol asked.
Seungkwan didn’t answer. He always craved feedback and constructive criticism about his vocals, his visuals, his everything. Even at the expense of hurtful comments.
“Tell you what,” Hansol continued, seeing that Seungkwan wasn’t going to answer. “I’ll go to the store and get you some of that ice cream you love so much.”
“The one with caramel fudge?” Seungkwan’s eyes shot up in hopefulness.
“Yeah,” Hansol laughed. “Will you be alright while I’m gone?”
“Yeah,” Seungkwan nodded. “Thanks, Hansol.”
Hansol grinned and ruffled Seungkwan’s hair affectionately. “Anything for my best friend.”
He left shortly and Seungkwan remained seated until the front door closed.
He knew he should be thankful that Hansol didn’t question him too much and their friendship didn’t take any severe blows.
He knew should be happy that Hansol still treated him so well even after how terrible he’d been acting in those few weeks.
But Seungkwan still wasn’t contented.
a/n;
happy birthday to our beautiful lord and saviour, hong jisoo <3
+ taehyung of bts huhuhu <3
thank u for reading!!
i officially identify as hansolual u guys
KBS gayo had me shoOOK
(cause of death: dabhao and dabdab)
also the minghao and luhan thing is slightly based off this BL manga called ‘seven days’ ;)
(its actually so good tho 10/10 would recommend)
seungkwan’s dream was conceived as a result of reading ‘only fools do (what I do)’ by deansfreckles :)))
-- talk to me on snapchat-- @wingyis :D
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