a/n: please take note that this is a double update so before you proceed, make sure you’ve read chap 35 first uwu

Never in this lifetime did Jongin think he’d get cold feet in front of Byun Baekhyun.

Try as he might, he didn’t have the nerve to meet his best friend’s eyes. He hadn’t caught him and Chanyeol in the act per se, but Baekhyun had always been the hawk-eyed one, quick to notice things people usually didn’t. Based on the accusatory looks the other kept throwing over his way, Jongin knew his best friend had already drawn conclusions. And he could tell that Baekhyun was not happy.

The first day of their retreat had worn Jongin out to a frazzle, not because of the activities he participated in but the overthinking he did for hours on end. He even dreaded going to dinner because he knew exactly what would happen the very second they headed back to their cabin.

The interrogation was inevitable though.

“So how was it?” Baekhyun asked as they were getting ready to settle in for the night. Jongin spared him a glance, tense.

“What are you talking about?”

“You know, the thrill…” Baekhyun’s tone was noncommittal, and his face gave nothing away as he stared into Jongin’s eyes. “...of making out with the substitute doctor while practically everyone in our year who knows you and your fiancé are just a few yards away.”

Jongin’s whole body went stiff. He wouldn’t even stand a chance if he lied or made excuses because this was Byun Baekhyun he was talking about. He’s a lot of things, but definitely not naive.

It took Jongin quite a moment to gather his bearings and give a response. All the while, Baekhyun was making his bed like everything was all well and good. “I- It just happened, I swear.”

“And you let it carry on, hm? Didn’t know you had it in you.”

“It was-” Jongin strangled out his words. “-a spur of the moment thing- ugh, I’m sorry, I really don’t know what else to say.”

Baekhyun stopped his movements and let out a sigh. “Please tell me this was the first time.”

Contrary to what he expected - hoped, the ashamed blush on Jongin’s face indicated otherwise. “Well. I mean. He’s, um, kissed me before...”

“Say what!” Baekhyun was finding it more and more difficult to wrap his head around this fact. “This is seriously - oh my god, I’m speechless, Kim Jongin.”

“Wait, it was just a simple peck! Don’t get any ideas,” Jongin almost whined.

“Defensive much?” Baekhyun rolled his eyes at him. “And I don’t think you’re in any position to tell me that when I caught you red-handed.”

“Technically, you didn’t even see anything.”

“The bed was in disarray, Chanyeol’s hair was a mess, your lips were ing red - excuse me but I don’t think I needed to see anything at all to put two and two together. My damn chin could have cleaved through the in that room!”

“Oh, my god.” Jongin scrubbed at his face with his hands.

“The is happening with you lately? You’re even keeping secrets from me! What happened earlier was by chance but honestly, did you think I wouldn’t find out?”

“Secrets? Wha- I clearly told you he was courting me!”

“But you didn’t say it was already at this stage!” It was just so mind-boggling that Baekhyun couldn’t help but bark out a laugh. That didn’t denote any amusement though. “I know I joke about it a lot, but I can’t believe you’d let yourself- with Park Chanyeol- in retreat of all places- gosh, this is so concerning. I don’t know if you’ve forgotten about it already, and in case you did; you’re gonna get married in two months! Get it? M.a.r.r.i.e.d! And certainly not to Chanyeol!”

Jongin couldn’t even speak knowing fully well Baekhyun was stating the truth. The gravity of the situation was just starting to sink in now.

Baekhyun didn’t want to say it but it seemed Jongin didn’t know exactly what kind of deep he just got himself into. His best friend had always been the more rational one between them so what brought about this sudden lapse in judgment? What exactly did Park Chanyeol do for Jongin’s feelings to take a sudden swerve? Because as far as Baekhyun knew, it was Oh Sehun who was taking the lead in his best friend’s heart, not the other way around!

“Now you’ve really gone and done it,” Baekhyun’s expression grew tired. “Thank Christ I’m not the one being chased by two men.”

Even without mentioning the other name, Jongin already knew who Baekhyun was pertaining to. It’s not helping that all his best friend’s words brought him was this awful trepidation. “It’s not like that.”

“Hm, yes, please enlighten me then? Both of them admitted they liked you on the same damn day.”

“For the record, it was only Chanyeol that formally confessed. I could’ve just misunderstood Sehun for all I know.”

“Are you dense?! He said, and I quote “the last thing I want is to be addressed so formally by the person I like” tell me what is there to be misunderstood?!” Judging on the face Jongin was making like he just had an epiphany, Baekhyun concluded that all this time his best friend was in denial about Sehun actually liking him. At least, romantically. Oh, for the love of God. I raised a moron. "Honey, I can’t believe you let two men fall in love with you. It's not the sort of thing that ends well! I know because I’m speaking from experience."

“Why are you blaming me? I never wanted this to happen...” Jongin’s lower lip trembled. Baekhyun was being so terrifyingly straightforward. He just needed a hug and a break from being so utterly daft.

“It’s because you’re so cute that in turn some wolves couldn’t keep their filthy paws off you!” Baekhyun threw his hands up in the air. “The mere fact that those self-absorbed pricks put you in this difficult situation is pissing me off.”

“Baekhyun,” Jongin sighed like he was bearing the weight of the world on his shoulders. He couldn’t believe how exhausting this conversation was. “I don’t know what to do.”

“As much as I don’t like Sehun, you should know nothing good ever comes out of seeing someone else when you’re engaged to him. Just to remind you, your fiancé is a future CEO from an influential household. The paps would have a field day with this.”

“But it’s not what you think! I’m not seeing Chanyeol. We might have kissed, yes, but beyond that, there’s nothing more.”

“Yeah, like you ever make out with a man you’re not in a relationship with,” Baekhyun’s words were dripping with sarcasm. “I’m the one who does that.”

“I’m serious, Baekhyun.”

“And I’m serious too, Kim Jongin! Pull yourself together, will you?” Baekhyun crossed his arms over his chest. “If you like Chanyeol, then break the engagement off. This way you’ll have more damage control.”

Jongin shook his head, sighing for the nth time that day. “Easy for you to say. I can’t just break off something that’s existed way before I was even born. Plus, I don’t want to disappoint grandma.”

“Won’t it disappoint her more if she finds out about this?” Baekhyun’s features softened. “Didn’t you say you had an agreement with her? That if you end up not sharing romantic feelings with Sehun a year after he got back then the engagement’s null and void?”

“We do. But the thing is, I don’t think the maids have ever reported anything to her about the several times Sehun and I had a fallout. All she ever hears from Mrs. Yeun are good things and it’s also partly our fault for acting like a couple whenever grandma meets up with us.” Jongin worried his lower lip between his teeth, eyes distant. “Back then, when I asked Sehun if he still hated me, he told me that he didn’t anymore. He did all sorts of thoughtful things for me too, which made me reconsider our engagement. I was willing to take a chance, but then Chanyeol happened and I…”

Chanyeol was unexpected. Jongin truly did not expect him or his effect on him, his heart, his mind, his feelings. He was his backbone when he needed support, kept him motivated and appreciated him - made him question every promise he ever made to himself. He helped Jongin to breathe when everything got difficult and he helped him see that it's okay to fall in love again.

Was it so bad that he ended up having feelings for a man that was so good to him?

“Look, I’ve been in this kind of predicament before so I know what it feels like to have to deal with two conflicting feelings. You remember Yukhei and Jisoo, right? I really liked those guys a lot, even with how troublesome it was for them to pursue me at the same time. But,” Baekhyun looked at him somberly. “I realized I couldn’t have the best of both worlds. Don't sit on two chairs because you'll just end up falling through the space between them. Decide who you really want. Make a choice. No in-between's.”

Jongin smiled weakly. “You can’t just advise me that when you’ve got yourself a history of dating multiple people at once.”

There was a scoff. “That was before I chose Jisoo, alright? The guy was decent enough to somehow change my...er...player tendencies.”

“But was it really him though? I could’ve sworn you quit your manwhoring ways when Kyungsoo hyung came ba-”

“Can you not? You give him way too much credit,” Baekhyun rolled his eyes. “And don’t change the subject. I’m serious, Jongie. You might say I’m meddling too much, but as your best friend I just don’t want you to end up getting hurt because of this. Think about it carefully.”

Jongin held his pillow closer to his chest. That was the problem. To choose between Park Chanyeol and Oh Sehun...no matter which way he went about it, he would end up breaking precisely two hearts - of which one was his own.

“You know what, let’s call it a night. We’ve got an early schedule ahead of us so we’ll just have to talk about this tomorrow.” Baekhyun declared once and for all, flicking off the lights. There were still a few hours left before curfew, but it was clear to him that Jongin needed a good rest after all this mess. He made a mental note to torture Sehun and Chanyeol’s es if ever they decided to appear in his dreams. “Night, Jongie.”

Jongin almost immediately resigned to lethargy, murmuring “good night” just as his best friend mumbled this is why pizza is the only love triangle I want under his breath.

Four days passed by in a blur. Jongin didn’t think they would be back in Seoul so soon. The retreat for the graduating batch was a su