Please take the time to read the author’s note at the end of this chapter. Thank you

Jongin feels embarrassed to his core. His first time in a bar with Sehun and Chanyeol = a total catastrophe. couldn’t have been worse.

“Are you sure you’re okay? You don’t have any injuries of some sort?” Chanyeol has been fussing over Jongin since he and Sehun went back inside the bar. Jongin can practically feel the older guy’s worry reaching through him after Sehun relayed the events to him. Now, they’re on their way back to the mansion, with Chanyeol tagging along to make sure that nothing goes wrong on the way.

“I’m fine, Yeollie. Really. Don’t worry about it too much.” Jongin smiles weakly in an attempt to pacify Chanyeol’s concern. He is still shaken and he doesn’t feel safe even with the company of two grown men but he can’t let them know that he’s terrified.

“If you don’t mind me asking, who was that guy who attacked you?” Chanyeol finds himself asking cautiously. He catches Sehun’s eyes in the front view mirror for a second. They figured he should drive for now and let Chanyeol sit with Jongin at the back since he does comforting better, being a doctor and all.

“He was…my best friend’s ex.” Jongin mutters, biting his lip. Chanyeol waits for him patiently to elaborate it more. “I don’t know much about him, except for the fact that he and his gang got kicked out of their school because they were caught dealing drugs to other students.”

Both Sehun and Chanyeol’s brows narrow at his answer. Kids these days… “If he was your best friend’s ex then what did he want from you? Why did he try to attack you?” Chanyeol finds himself frowning longer with every word he’s asking.

Jongin sighs. “Baekhyun, he…he was the one who told the police about what Junki was doing. And now that he got bailed out of jail, he wants to get back at Baekhyun. He’s been prowling outside our school every day so he could corner Baekhyun but Baekhyun has a lot of friends with him all the time and…his current boyfriend is kinda a notorious fighter so…they can’t get to him at all no matter how much they want to. I didn’t expect to see him at all this night and when he saw me, maybe he thought he could get back at Baekhyun by hurting me…”

Silence fills the vehicle for a moment, neither three of them breaking it. Jongin looks out of the window, watching the blurry streets they pass by. It seems that everyone inside is immersed in their own thoughts and only after Sehun parks his Jaguar at the mansion’s driveway, did Chanyeol decide to break the silence.

“Listen,” Jongin snaps out of his reverie at Chanyeol’s warm hand resting on his shoulder. He turns, meeting the other’s dark eyes and hearing Sehun step out and close the door so now he and Chanyeol are the only ones inside. “Your best friend isn’t the only one in danger anymore. You’re one of their targets now too and they’re going to try and harm you the first chance they get. We can’t let that happen, alright?”

“What are we going to do, then?” Jongin asks. “It’s not like I could request bodyguards for two from Grandma…”

“You can, actually,” Chanyeol shrugs. Then he looks out the Jaguar’s tinted window, seeing Sehun talking to a guard about something. It might be upsetting enough for him to frown. “You know, when we were ten, someone attempted to kidnap Sehun. Thankfully he escaped and when Grandma Hyejin got to know about that, she ordered three bodyguards to follow Sehun everywhere. Even in school.”

“Really?” Jongin’s mouth parts open. Chanyeol nods, feeling nostalgic at the memory.

“Yeah. They always stood at the back of our classroom and they were creeping all of our classmates out.” Chanyeol lets out a chuckle and Jongin finds himself smiling. “Sehun was so annoyed because his moves were limited, such a big grouch back in fourth grade. It wasn’t until at the end of the year that Grandma Hyejin decided to make his life normal again.”

Jongin shakes his head. “I can imagine him being a big grouch. Even until now he is still one.” He looks out the window, to where Sehun is listening to the guard with a long frown on his face. Chanyeol agrees with a laugh. “But…hyung…”

“Yeah?”

“I think I won’t be able to handle having bodyguards too, especially Baekhyun since that guy’s too…liberal for his own good. And…I don’t want to stress Grandma with this. She already has a lot to worry about, I don’t want this to add to that…”

“What are you saying, Jongin?” Chanyeol’s brows furrow. “It would stress her even further if something bad happens to you.”

“Nothing bad will happen to me again. I’ll be more alert from now on, I promise,” Jongin holds a hand up, as if taking an oath. “I just…I don’t think I’d be comfortable if there are bodyguards following me wherever I go.”

For a moment, Chanyeol contemplates. His thinking expression is a bit funny that a giggle bubbles out of Jongin and he points Chanyeol’s scrunched up nose, which the older guy didn’t seem to notice until Jongin pokes it. Finally, he sighs in defeat. “I still don’t think you’re safe out there but okay, if you really don’t want to then I won’t force it. You still need to have a bodyguard of some sort, though.”

Jongin’s eyebrows curl in confusion. “Huh?”

“We’ll work on that later. For now, let’s get you inside, you have to rest. You still have school early tomorrow.” Chanyeol smiles, sounding much like a parent. Jongin giggles again and nods, stepping out of the car together with him. As they near Sehun, Jongin clashes eyes with him. He still looks upset.

“What’s…wrong?” Jongin asks, seeing the crestfallen face of the guard Sehun is talking to. Sehun sighs and musses up his messy hair.

“Mrs. Namjoo’s son was rushed to the hospital earlier because of an accident but it was too late,” Sehun says grimly. Jongin’s eyes widen and his lips part in shock. “She left earlier to go back to the province. She’ll be gone in a long time, I suppose.”

Jongin’s eyes tear up a bit for the old woman. He knows of her son because she would always tell stories about him and for four years that he’s lived with the servant, Jongin can tell that her son is her whole world. To know that her son is now gone...Jongin doesn’t even know what he looks like but he can feel his heart sinking for his passing.

“Jongin, go rest,” Chanyeol informs, holding him by the shoulders. Jongin looks up at him dismally, looking crestfallen for their maid’s loss. He nods and looks down, dragging his feet to the mansion with a gloomy aura surrounding him as Sehun and Chanyeol watch his figure disappear inside.

So much has happened today that Jongin can’t even fight the exhaustion within him. By the time he flops down his bed, his eyelids automatically close and he welcomes the comfort of the darkness.

***

“I’m…sorry…”

Jongin wants to kill himself right now.

Well, actually, every single time this happens, he wants to kill himself.

Baekhyun sits nearby their usual table in the canteen, whistling and talking with their other friends while Jongin stands a few meters away, wearing an expression contrite enough to almost give justice to his situation. Almost.

The younger boy, a sophomore with high hopes earlier, is now looking at him with a heartbroken expression. The disappointment in his eyes makes Jongin want to beg for his forgiveness.

“I…I can’t accept your…confession,” Jongin inwardly cringes. At least a dozen eyes are watching him break a poor boy’s heart in the center of the school’s cafeteria. “I’m not ready for a relationship just yet. I’m really sorry…”

Even though he’s trying to reject the boy in the nicest way possible, Jongin still gets hit by guilt at the sound of the other’s defeated sigh. It’s b with sadness that he can’t even move a finger from where he’s standing. When the boy’s eyes start to water, panic begins to roil in his stomach. Oh no no, please don’t cry…please don’t cry…

“I—I get it,” The boy wipes his eyes before his actual tears fall and his smile looks bitter. Jongin dies a little more inside. “I’m no match for that guy who took you to school yesterday, anyway.”

“Wha—” Jongin blinks in stupefaction, watching as the boy spins around and takes his leave. He stands there like a slack-jawed idiot, unable to comprehend anything. He then looks at Baekhyun, who avoids his eyes instantly by taking a huge bite of his burger. He looks at the other students nearby and they all avoid his eyes too, giggling to themselves. Oh my god, not again.

A blush starts spreading across his cheeks like wildfire and he stomps his way back to his table, dropping down on his seat to continue his lunch. He plans to remain quiet the whole day but then his best friend thinks it's a wonderful idea to open that big mouth of his.

“So, is it the third—no, wait—it’s already the fourth admirer that mistook Sehun as your boyfriend, no?” Jongin almost chokes on his salad. Baekhyun's nimble fingers are tapping against their table as he hums in contemplation. “If they really think you and Sehun are a couple—God forbid—then why the hell are they still trying to confess? I can’t relate.”

“You know what, Baekhyun, just shut up,” Jongin downs his water in a go. “You failing to keep your mouth shut about me and Sehun is the reason why everyone thinks he’s my boyfriend.”

“What? I wasn’t saying anything about him being your boyfriend, don’t blame me!” Baekhyun cackles. “I just said that he might take you to school again tomorrow, and the next one after that, and then the next one after that. It's not my fault that everyone is just too dumb to assume he is your boyfriend from the words I said. If I were them I would’ve assumed he’s your new chauffeur, hahaha...!”

“Whatever, Byun.” Jongin actually scoffs, but this might’ve had to do with the fact that Baekhyun’s sassy attitude is really contagious. “You might be laughing right now at my expense, but when music rolls by later, let’s see who will have the last laugh.”

The mischievous grin on Baekhyun’s face falls faster than a dropout’s grades. He scowls at Jongin and munches on his burger rather harshly, mood completely spoiled. His best friend just has to remind him of that damned subject. “Shut up and eat your food.”

“Actually, I’m already done. I’m just waiting for you.” Jongin smiles sweetly at him, the kind that makes Baekhyun’s gut sink with dread. “Hurry up, Baekkie. Mr. Do wouldn’t want a star pupil like you to be late, now, would he?”

“God, stop mentioning that er’s name!” Baekhyun scrubs his face in annoyance. Then he throws Jongin a pointed stare. “You shouldn’t be this amused, you heartbreaker. Repent for your sins.”

Jongin’s smug face falls as well. “Like you’re one to talk, Mr. I-change-my-boyfriends-like-I-change-my-clothes.”

“Okay, we’re both sinners then. Now shut the hell up and don’t talk to me about owls anymore. I’m not interested.”

“Owls…?” Jongin’s brows furrow. But then his face lights up the next second, and their table is filled with nothing but snorts of laughter from Jongin. “Oh, I get it.”

***

It’s already thirty minutes past dismissal when the student council’s daily meeting wraps up. Baekhyun, as usual, bids everyone an enthusiastic, ‘see you tomorrow!’ before stepping out of the room.

Instead of the empty corridor greeting him, however, he spots his boyfriend leaning on the wall beside the door, obviously waiting for him. Jisoo looks scary as usual, but still hot. Baekhyun picks the best out of the bunch, after all.

“Hey, babe,” Baekhyun greets with a wink, stepping beside Jisoo and hooking his arm around the other. His boyfriend looks around first, checking to see if there are any people around, before he cups Baekhyun’s small face and kisses him deep that Baekhyun’s knees nearly give out.

Flushed, he asks, “What’s with the romantic kiss, huh? Didn’t think you’d miss me that much.”

“Two weeks,” Jisoo says, caressing Baekhyun’s smooth cheek with his thumb. Baekhyun looks confused and so he elaborates, “You’ve been dating me for two weeks. I counted it.”

“Um…so?” Baekhyun raises an eyebrow. He didn’t expect that a guy like Jisoo actually counts the days they’ve been dating. That’s not so hot, but he guesses it’s normal for people to do especially when it’s him, Byun Baekhyun, that they are dating.

“I’m your longest so far,” Jisoo says cheekily, and the glimmer of hope in his eyes sets a sense of dread in Baekhyun’s gut. He doesn’t like where this conversation is heading. “Does this mean—”

“You know, Jisoo, I know a great place for dinner. Let’s eat there?” Baekhyun interjects rather hastily, and he sees a bit of that hope in Jisoo’s eyes dim. Before he could take a step forward though, Jisoo holds him by the arm.

“Baekhyun, I’m serious about us,” Jisoo does look serious, but when doesn’t he? “And I wanna know if you are, too.”

Baekhyun flounders for a moment, staring up at the younger male’s eyes, feeling the sparks of anxiety crawl through him. He doesn’t know what to do under the pressure of Jisoo’s question.

“Jisoo, let’s talk about this some other time, okay—”

“Stop running away and for once, answer me,” Jisoo says, hell bent on finding out Baekhyun’s answer. “You’re always so affectionate to me, you’re always so understanding and you never fail to give me your time. You’re giving me hope, Baekhyun. I wanna know if this hope isn’t false. Answer me.”

Baekhyun’s chest feels heavy. He manages to hold the taller’s eyes even with the amount of anxiousness within him. Peeling Jisoo’s hand away from his arm, he steps back, looks away and says,

“Why do you guys always fall for it?”

Jisoo looks baffled at his response. Baekhyun looks at him, eyes cold. But if someone takes the time to look closely, they will see the tiniest hint of guilt swirling in them. “Why does every single one of you fall for the things I do? I always kiss you and hug you and touch you, yes, but why do all of you always think it means something?”

Baekhyun takes another step back. Jisoo looks like he’s slowly realizing the sting of Baekhyun’s words. “It doesn’t mean anything. If I date someone, I only use them for . I’m a no-strings-attached kind of person and I don’t want any commitment. I don’t believe in love.” Baekhyun sounds shaky. Silence engulfs their area as he lets the sophomore fully comprehend his answer.

“But you—”

“Whatever you think about our relationship, it doesn’t mean anything,” Baekhyun shakes his head. He needs to breathe somewhere else. “The length of time that we’ve been dating, the sweet words I said to you—all of it. It means nothing.”

Baekhyun expected Jisoo to get mad and beat him up or something, but he didn’t expect him to look…hurt. He didn’t expect him to look like he just lost someone dear to him. The knowledge that he himself put that expression on Jisoo’s usually impassive face makes Baekhyun feel sick.

“Don’t see me again after this,” Baekhyun mutters. The guilt, for the first time ever, pounds on his being and he doesn’t want to look at Jisoo’s face. He knows that he’s been hurting people, changing them one after another or maybe even dating them all at once without their knowledge, but he’s honestly too tainted to care. He’s far too gone to take responsibility for his actions and no matter how much everyone tries to convince him, love means nothing to him. “You don’t deserve me. You deserve better.”

Still not looking Jisoo in the eyes, Baekhyun swivels around and exits the corridor, leaving the other to deal with the pain of his one-sided love. Baekhyun is waning away in guilt and the feeling is too alien for him that he finds himself tearing up on the way out of the campus. He in a breath, letting it out shakily and looking up at the darkening sky to stop the stinging in his eyes from falling.

“Baekhyun.”

At the mention of his name, Baekhyun whirls around, a faint, startled gasp escaping past his lips at the sight of Kyungsoo standing there, just right behind him. Kyungsoo grows worried after spotting the tears b in Baekhyun’s eyes and when tries to reach out for him, Baekhyun takes a step back, not allowing older man to touch any part of him.

The hollowness in Baekhyun’s chest just seems to expand more as he looks at Kyungsoo. The same man who ed his emotions up so bad he forgot how to trust and love.

He wishes he never met Kyungsoo. Then there would be no memor