Jonghyun ran a hand through his hair as he stopped at the front door. He closed his eyes briefly, trying to regain his composure, but the action wasn't of much help. He was feeling terribly nervous and he knew it'd just get worse when he'd step inside. He was almost tempted to turn around and leave, but he hadn't made it all this way only to bail out now. He pushed the door which was already slightly opened and walked inside before pushing it back into its initial position. The hall was full of people and noise. Everyone had a red plastic cup in their hands, obviously full of alcohol, and drunk smiles on their faces. Or maybe they were just high. Probably both.

The blonde greeted numerous people, some he didn't know, some he had talked to once or twice, before he found a more familiar face.

« Hey, Jjong. Long time no see, » Zion T said before a thin smile stretched his lips.

Jonghyun returned the smile. « Glad to see you here. »

« Well you know I thought I'd stop being so antisocial and join the party, but to be honest, there are already so many people here that I don't think my absence would've made much of a difference, » the other noted.

Same here. « Yeah, Jiyong sure has lots of friends, » Jonghyun uttered as he once more gave a look around.

A frank laugh left the older one's lips. « Not really, » he exposed. « More like his friends have lots of friends. »

« Hey, Jjong! » the one that went by the name of Crush exclaimed as he stopped in front of them.

« Didn't know you'd be here, how's it going? » the brunette asked.

« I'm good, » Jonghyun replied with a genuine smile. He was glad there were people he could make conversation with.

« Come on, I'll show you where the drinks are, » Crush said as he lead the way.

They both followed him towards the back and they soon entered the kitchen where tons of different bottles were put on display. Jonghyun's eyes instantly found the rum. He certainly wasn't a drinker, but he did love the taste of rum. He walked to the counter and took one of the plastic cups before opening the small bottle and pouring himself some of the brownish liquid. He took a sip. A sigh of contentment left his lips.

« Well, well, didn't know you were a rum guy, » Zion T remarked with a chuckle.

« I only drink it on rare occasions, but I do love it, » Jonghyun replied.

« Aahh, you're full of surprises, » Crush said with a smile.

« Yeah never thought you'd collab with Jiyong, » Zion T added. « It was truly great by the way. »

« Yeah, amazing, » Crush echoed.

Jonghyun smiled widely. All the articles and fans' comments were all coming back to him at once. The reception had been great. To get such approval from everyone, especially his close friends, meant a lot to him. « Thank you, guys. »

He then looked into his cup as he was seized by other thoughts. Yes, their collaboration had been really great, but in the end, it had been just that, a collaboration between two artists. All those moments where they had shared parts of themselves or hung out after a performance, which had happened every single time, apparently didn't mean anything anymore. He hadn't heard from the other ever since the last goodbye stage, except for a few days ago, when the latter had invited him to his album release party. He had almost wanted to decline and move on with his life, but he owed him that much after all he had done for him. Jiyong had taken part to every stage and talked positively about him whenever he got interviewed. Plus, he had promised to give him a free album. He was grateful for all that generosity, but he did wonder why things seemed to have changed between them. He knew he was also to blame for the lack of communication, but he did feel like the other had installed that distance.

He took a big sip of his drink and let the warmth of it glide down his throat. Steps were suddenly heard down the stairs which had him and the others present in the room look that way. He suddenly saw Palo Alto and Keith, before his eyes found Jiyong who was following closely behind. Cheering and howling sounds were made as they all saw the latter stop in front of them. People started to gather before the trio, the brunette accordingly standing in the middle. Jonghyun watched his friends get closer too, but he deliberately stayed in his spot. He wasn't so ready to face him yet.

« Thank you all for coming here, » Okasian uttered with a shy smile. « It means a lot. »

« It's the least we can do to repay you for your hard work, bro, » Brian Chase, who wasn't that far from the blonde, loudly said.

« Yeah your album is doooope, » another guy yelled as he raised his cup.

They all copied his move and started cheering again. Jonghyun still didn't budge. He hadn't even heard the album yet. And he was holding on to his resentment despite knowing how petty he was. He didn't quite know why he was feeling that way, but he couldn't help it.

He turned his head towards the patio door nearby and walked to it. With a swift push, he opened it and stepped out to get some fresh air. He inhaled deeply, already feeling a little bit better. He let his arms rest on the railing as he looked over to the little group of people who were at the other end of the yard. It was a chilly evening and he was glad he was wearing a hoodie right now. He continued to slowly sip on his rum, trying to just stay in the moment, worry-free.

He slightly jumped when he heard the door being pushed behind him, a few minutes later. He didn't look back, thinking it was probably more people he didn't know who just wanted to have some fun outside. So when a hand grabbed his shoulder, he was totally unprepared causing him to almost jump out of his skin.

« What the hell? » he yelled as part of his drink spilled over his hand. He looked to his side and couldn't help his surprise when he saw who it was. The big brown eyes he hadn't seen in a while were staring right at him.

« Woah, didn't mean to scare you, » Okasian said as his way of apologizing. He took out a napkin from one of his pockets and handed it to the blonde.

Jonghyun took it and wiped his hand clean after setting his drink on the table behind them.

« Thank you, » he then said as he picked up his cup again.

« Smells like rum, » Okasian observed as he leaned closer to the cup. He cocked an eyebrow. « Were you lying when you said you weren't a drinker? »

« No, it's true. It's just... I like to have rum once in a while, calms me down... » Jonghyun admitted as he averted his gaze.

« Something stressing you out tonight? » Okasian asked, still looking right at him.

Jonghyun bit his lip. The thought of suddenly running away crossed his mind, but he knew how ridiculous that'd be. He had a wonderful opportunity to confront the other and he couldn't blow it.

« Maybe... » He wanted to see how the other would react first.

« Does it have something to do with me? » Okasian dared to ask before leaning on the railing.

Jonghyun's eyes widened. Was he that transparent? « What makes you think that? » he inquired, trying his best to keep his tone neutral.

« Well I haven't really gotten any news from you these last few weeks and I saw you leave just now as everyone was cheering, » the older one pointed out.

« I haven't gotten news from you either, » Jonghyun threw back, a little irritated.

Okasian nodded, his gaze falling further down. « I mean... I don't know... I kinda felt awkward texting you after your promotions were over, » he admitted in a low voice.

Jonghyun froze. He hadn't expected the other to feel this way too. He had really thought he was alone in this. « Me too, actually... » he finally said as he looked at him.

Their eyes locked.

« So you were mad at me for not keeping in touch? » Okasian observed with a playful smile.

Jonghyun felt his face get hot. Damn alcohol. « I wasn't mad, » he denied.

Okasian laughed. « Good to know. »

They shared silence for a few seconds, both looking ahead as the tension between them subsided.

« I have your copy of the album upstairs, » the brunette indicated as he straightened.

« Oh, cool, » Jonghyun awkwardly acknowledged. « Do you want to give it to me now or...? »

« Not necessarily. Feels good to get some fresh air, » he replied.

« Yeah... » Jonghyun also straightened, detaching himself from the railing. A thin smile stretched his lips.

« Are you going to leave me drinking alone? » he bantered.

Okasian blinked at him. « Um... no... »

Jonghyun laughed. « Well go get yourself a drink, I'll wait for you here. »

Okasian smiled. « Okay... do you want a refill? »

The blonde took a few seconds to think before handing his cup over. « Why not? »

He watched as the brunette stepped back inside. A sigh instantly left his lips as he stood alone. He was glad the awkwardness was out of the way. He didn't like how much that had all affected him, but right now, he finally felt like his mind was lighter. He could only hope it would stay that way.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Jonghyun was bobbing his head as the last track of the album started. This one was his favorite. He leaned back against his chair as he closed his eyes. The song was a little more upbeat which he gladly welcomed after having gone through slower beats and darker lyrics. This one was filled with hope and new beginnings and for some reason, he always felt like the rapper was speaking to him as he said Believe! Even though the path is frightening. Believe! Even though the frowns around you are paralyzing. Contentment stretched out his lips into a wide smile every time he heard those words again until the rapper said them one last time before silence followed.

Jonghyun took off his headphones and sighed. There was always a certain sadness that filled him whenever he finished listening to a good album. For half an hour or so he was engulfed in a wonderful world so coming back to reality was always a hard thing. He took out the disk from his laptop and put it back into its case. He couldn’t help but look at Okasian’s face on the cover; there was something hypnotizing about his eyes on it. The dark orbs were filled with depth that he’d probably be too scared to dive into if he had the opportunity. 

A knock on the door had him raising his head. « Yes? »

The knob turned and in came Kibum. « Wow, glad to see that you’re alive! » he exclaimed as he looked him up and down. 

Jonghyun snorted. Couldn’t he be left alone for a couple of hours? They barely had any time to themselves these days. 

« Yes, I’m alive and well. What can I do for you? »« he instantly asked as he wanted to minimize the conversation time. 

Kibum closed the door behind him and took seat on Jonghyun’s bed, action that had the latter frowning.

« What were you doing just now? » the brunette asked instead of answering the previous question.

Jonghyun’s brows furrowed even more. « I was listening to music, » he simply answered, knowing very well that wouldn’t satisfy the other’s curiosity.

And he was right. « What artist? » The younger one immediately inquired. 

« Okasian, » the blonde nonchalantly answered. 

It was Kibum’s turn to snort. « The guy’s alright, but he’s not that good. »

Jonghyun felt anger rise inside of him. « I didn’t ask for your opinion, » he retorted. 

Kibum stared at him for a while silently. « Well, well, well… clearly I don’t hear what you’re hearing, » he finally stated. 

« Have you even listened to his music? » Jonghyun asked as he crossed his arms.

« Well I heard some of it since you kept blasting his songs in your room, » the brunette indicated in his defense.

« I think you should give him another chance, » Jonghyun advised as he handed him the disk he had placed nearby. 

Kibum took it and gave it a look. « Gosh… he just looks so weird, » he observed as he scrunched up his nose.

Jonghyun chuckled. « Well, he can be awkward, I’ll give you that. »

Kibum looked at his friend again. « So you two are friends now or what? »

The blonde looked away. He still wasn’t sure what he could call the other. « I guess… »

« You can be so unconfident sometimes, Jjong, » the younger one pointed out with a little laugh. « I’m not blind and you’re not good at hiding things. You never used to text that much and nowadays you’re always answering messages ».

Jonghyun felt his mouth turn dry. He had nothing to hide, but it did feel like someone had just discovered a secret that he’d been trying to keep. Secret which was their constant bickering back and forth over this and that ever since the other’s album launching party. They were never really serious when disagreeing, but it did bring them to know each other better. It was also their only communication right now since he had started touring in Japan again with SHINee. It had been three weeks now since they had last seen each other and even though he couldn't yet admit it to himself, he missed the other.

« You do know I have other friends right? » Jonghyun conveniently reminded.

A snide smile stretched on the younger one's lips. « Yeah, yeah, I know. »

Jonghyun frowned again. Before he could come up with a clever comeback, his phone buzzed against his bureau. He gave it a quick look before looking at his friend again.

« Go ahead, text your heart away. I'll let you be now, » Kibum said in a still mocking manner.

He got up with the disk in hand and left the room, closing the door behind himself as he did so.

Jonghyun immediately took his phone and looked at the new text message he had just received. It was no surprise to him to see whose name it was.

Can I call you? he rapidly read. He couldn't help the smile that lit his face. They rarely talked on the phone; in fact, it had happened just once over the last few weeks. He lost no time to give out his answer.

Yes.

It was only a few seconds after he hit the send button that his phone's screen lit again, showing that he had an incoming call.

« Hello? » he answered.

« Hey, » Okasian softly said. « I hope I'm not bothering you or anything, » he immediately added.

« No, no, I've got some free time right now, » Jonghyun reassured as he leaned back more comfortably in his chair.

« Okay, cool... »

Jonghyun waited, but all he got for answer was an awkward silence. « Um... was there a specific reason you were calling? » he asked to get the conversation going.

« Well...  » Okasian paused to clear his throat. « When are you getting back again? »

« In 2 weeks, » the blonde immediately answered. « Well actually, I'll be coming back to Seoul in the meantime but it won't be for a full day, » he specified.

« Ah, I see, » Okasian uttered with a clear tinge of disappointment in his voice.

Jonghyun's eyebrow cocked at his tone. « Why? »

« It's nothing important... well I mean, I just wanted to try out something, » the older one vaguely answered.

« And what is that? » Jonghyun inquired.

« I want to see how your voice would sound on one of my tracks. »

The words had been said rapidly, but Jonghyun caught them all. His mouth dropped open with surprise before he had enough mind to shut it.

« Oh... you wrote a new track? »

« Nah... it's one of the tracks on the album. The last one, » the brunette informed.

Jonghyun's face lit up with joy. « Oh my god... »

« Is that a good Oh my god? » Okasian verified with a little laugh.

« Yes, totally. It's my favorite track, » Jonghyun immediately said.

« Oh really? Well that's a good thing then. »

« How's my voice going to fit in though? » the blonde questioned as he gave the idea a little thought.

« I've already started modifying the track. It's longer now and I slowed the pace so you could sing a bridge or something, » Okasian explained.

Jonghyun smiled. « Why me? »

He heard a quick cough on the other end. « Well you know... I like your voice and I don't know... I just thought it'd be nice on that track, » the other shyly expressed.

Jonghyun's smile grew wider. « That means a lot. It'll be a pleasure for me to start working on it when I get back. »

« Thank you, » Okasian said with relief.

Another awkward silence followed, but this time the brunette was the one to break it.

« I won't keep you any longer. I've got a few errands to run anyways, » he quickly outlined.

« Oh, okay. Talk to you soon then? » Jonghyun verified despite knowing the answer.

« Yes, for sure, » Okasian acknowledged. « Bye, Jjong. »

« Bye, Jiyong, » Jonghyun then uttered before he heard the other hang up.

He let out a deep breath and closed his eyes again. He was happy beyond words that the other wanted to collaborate with him again. He couldn't quite comprehend everything that he was feeling, but one thing he was sure of was that he didn't want their relationship to just be something temporary.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________

« How was it? » Jonghyun asked after taking a deep breath.

« It was perfect, » Okasian replied with a warm smile.

Jonghyun instantly returned it. Ever since they had talked on the phone about collaborating again, he had been so excited to get back to Seoul. He had lost no time to get things going when he had returned, meeting up with the other several times to arrange the lyrics and experiment with his part. It had been weeks now since they had been working on it and this time it did feel like everything was falling into place. It finally felt right.

« You really gave it your all, » Okasian added as the blonde made his way to the chair in front of him.

Jonghyun smiled again. He did feel that way too. He had completely lost himself to the music just now, singing with every fiber of his being. This song spoke to him on so many levels and he had been dying to do it justice.

« I'm really glad you think so. I still can't believe you wanted me on that track, » Jonghyun noted.

Okasian let out a little chuckle as he rubbed the back of his neck. « To be honest, I'm still surprised that crossed my mind... it just popped up in my head and I couldn't stop thinking about it afterwards. »

« Well you've really come a long way. You didn't want to collaborate with an idol and now you've done it twice, » Jonghyun teased with a laugh of his own.

The brunette snorted. « To my defense, I'm only collaborating with you and to be fair, I can admit that you're more than a mere idol. You're an artist. »

Jonghyun's eyes widened at those words. He was utterly surprised. « You really mean that? »

« Yeah, I mean your album was truly amazing and I'm not just saying that because I was a part of it, it was just really deep and creative, » the older one fervently added.

The blonde was at a loss for words. He just kept blinking at the other as if he was looking at an alien.

« What? » Okasian asked with a knowing smile.

« It's just... I... Thank you. » There was so much going on in the younger one's head, but he couldn't say more.

« Just tellin' the truth, » Okasian lightly dismissed to not feel uncomfortable.

There was a sudden knock on the door which made them both look the same way.

« Yeah? » the older one loudly uttered.

The knob turned and in came Keith. He gave a quick look to Jonghyun before turning to his best friend.

« Yo, the guys are going down to that burger joint, wanna come? » the other blonde asked before taking a sip from his can.

Okasian remained silent for a few seconds. « Nah, man. You can go, » he indicated.

« Are you sure? » the other insisted.

« Yeah, I got a couple more things to discuss with Jjong so I can't, » the brunette informed categorically.

The one in question didn't know what to make of it. All he knew was that Keith didn't seem to like him very much; he hadn't even greeted him just now. And that had happened a couple of times before too when he'd been at their studio.

« Fine. See ya, » Keith sharply said before closing the door again.

« Do we really have things to discuss? » Jonghyun immediately inquired afterwards.

Okasian softly laughed. « To be honest, I didn't really want to hang out with them right now. Sometimes being around them can be... draining... » he tried to explain.

Jonghyun nodded. « Yeah I see what you mean. That can happen when you hang out a lot with the same people. Sometimes I just really need a break from my fellow members. »

« Exactly. I'd rather spend more time with you instead, » the brunette admitted.

Jonghyun felt his face heat up. The more they hung out together, the more the other seemed to get more and more forward. He was an open person, but he wasn't so used to have other people be so open with him.

« Aaah, that's nice... » Jonghyun awkwardly voiced.

Okasian let out another laugh. « I just made things weird now, didn't I? »

« No, no, no, » Jonghyun instantly said. « It's just that you keep saying surprising things lately and I'm not used to it, » he then explained.

« I know... I rarely am that way... It's weird, » the brunette shared.

The words of Kibum suddenly came back to the younger one's mind causing him to chuckle.

« What? » Okasian inquired.

« What you just said... it just reminded me that Kibum said you looked weird, » Jonghyun filled in.

The older one frowned. « What's that supposed to mean? »

Jonghyun laughed some more. « I don't think it means anything actually... I think he was a bit jealous that we've been communicating so much lately. »

« Oh, really? » Okasian's expression hardened briefly before it softened. « Well sorry not sorry. »

« I mean I see the guy almost every day so there's really nothing to be jealous about, » Jonghyun continued with a shake of the head.

« Exactly. I don't get it... »

« Boys will be boys, » Jonghyun said before bursting out into laughter.

Okasian cocked an eyebrow. « Um... what? »

« It's one of our songs... I don't know it just came to my mind... » Jonghyun explained, feeling a little embarrassed by his lame joke.

Okasian shook his head as he smiled. « I guess I get it, » he said as he tried not to laugh at his friend.

Jonghyun crossed his arms as he pouted. « At least you're nice enough not to make fun of me. »

« Another unusual thing... you're lucky, » the brunette said with a half smile.

« I guess, » Jonghyun acknowledged as his face lit up with a grin.

They locked eyes for a few seconds not saying a word. Jonghyun coughed as he felt the other's intense gaze on him. « So when are you going to release this? » he asked as he pointed towards the laptop's screen.

« As soon as possible, » Okasian answered. He looked at his screen and saved the recording again just to make sure.

« Cool... » Jonghyun looked away, rubbing his arm for comfort. « Well I think I'll get going now... » he announced shyly.

« Oh, you've got something to do? » Okasian inquired.

« Um, not really... I just thought I'd let you to your stuff, » Jonghyun replied in the same tone.

« Well it's not like I'm really busy right now... »

« Oh... are you saying you want me to stay? » the blonde verified, unsure.

Okasian coughed. « Well only if you want to... »

« Alright, » Jonghyun accepted. « What do you want to do? »

The older one searched his mind. « Well do you want to go to my crib? »

Jonghyun's mouth fell open. He was beyond surprised. « Um well... okay... »

Okasian got up swiftly. « Okay, let's go! »

The blonde got up too. His heart rate had radically quickened and his hands were now sweaty. One question kept repeating in his mind as he followed the other. Why am I so nervous?

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________

« So yeah, that's my apartment, » Okasian indicated before he let himself fall onto the couch in his living room. « Make yourself comfortable, » he added as he gestured towards the armchair that was in front of him.

Jonghyun settled into it as he gave the living room a look. The quick tour he just had made him feel good because that was just another part of the other's life that he was getting to see, but at the same time he felt like an intruder. He still wasn't sure why he was here, but now that he was, he just wanted to be as comfortable as possible.

« It's a nice apartment, » he noted with a smile.

« It's not much to be honest, but it's just enough for me, » the older one replied.

« So you live alone here? » Jonghyun guessed.

« Yeah... my girlfriend used to live here too before, but she left when we broke up, » Okasian shared in a soft voice.

Jonghyun's eyes widened for a split second. « Oh... » He didn't know what made him surprised, the fact that the other had a girlfriend or that he was sharing that kind of information with him.

« You don't need to answer but... was it recent? » he dared to satiate his curiosity.

« The break-up? » Okasian verified.

Jonghyun answered with a nod.

« Yeah it's been a few months now... It just wasn't meant to be... »

Jonghyun could feel the pain that was underlying those words. Whatever had happened between them still left a wound on the other's heart.

« Sorry, I shouldn't have asked that, » he immediately apologized.

« No, no, it's fine. In fact, I've never really talked about it before so it's good that I can now, » the brunette reassured.

« Oh, okay... » Jonghyun still felt uneasy. He didn't know why but that piece of information he had just acquired on the other bothered him.

« Who broke up? » he went on despite himself.

Okasian chuckled. « She did... I didn't treat her right so I kinda saw it coming... »

« What do you mean? » Jonghyun knew he shouldn't keep at it, but he wanted to know more.

« Well... I never understood what she was doing with me in the first place so I guess my insecurities got the best of me... » He looked down as he paused. « I neglected her... »

« You say you're in love with me but I ain't sure whether you're lying or you're stupid, » Jonghyun quoted in his not so great English.

Okasian blinked at him. « Damn... you really do love my music huh? » he exclaimed with surprise.

« I already told you, » Jonghyun replied with a small smile. « So those lyrics were about her? » he then asked.

The brunette sighed. « Yeah... I wrote that a few weeks before she left. »

Jonghyun felt empathetic towards the other. Losing someone you love was never an easy thing to move on from. « Do you still miss her? »

The other's brows furrowed as he pondered on the question. « I guess I miss the idea of her now... I mean having someone to share your life with... something like that. »

Jonghyun acknowledged his words with a nod. « I understand. »

Okasian suddenly got up from the couch. « Okay enough of that depressing talk. Do you want something to drink? I do have rum, » he proposed with a wink.

Jonghyun smiled. « Yeah, why not ? »

He watched as the other left the room to go into his kitchen. It was only a few seconds before he was served a glass of rum and had the bottle set in front of him on the center table. He looked at his friend fall right back onto his couch with a beer in his hand. He had put other bottles on the floor making his intent clear.

« Do you plan on getting drunk? » Jonghyun inquired playfully.

« I plan on celebrating after all those weeks of hard work, » Okasian corrected with a little smile.

« Hmm, it is a great way to justify bad drinking habits, » Jonghyun teased with a laugh.

« I'm not an alcoholic or anything. I just enjoy having a few drinks once in a while, » the other conveniently pointed out.

« Yeah, yeah, whatever, » Jonghyun dismissed with amusement. He took his first sip of rum, not minding the other's fake offended look.

« I didn't know you could be mean, » Okasian teased before taking a sip of his own drink.

« I guess there's still a lot you don't know about me then, » Jonghyun threw back in the same tone.

« Well I'd love to be enlightened, » the other one said, his voice full of eagerness.

Jonghyun looked away, feeling shy. « I didn't really mean that... »

« But I'm sure it's true... » Okasian observed. « I just shared with you on a sensitive subject so what's your weakness? » he straightforwardly asked.

Jonghyun looked back at him, uneasiness clear on his face. « Are you serious? »

« Yeah, I do want to know, » the brunette pressed before drinking again.

Jonghyun copied the move, taking in a lot more at once than he probably should have. The liquid burned his throat, making him cough a little. « Um.... » He tried to think but his brain didn't seem to be responding. « I don't know... I have a lot... »

Okasian snorted. « That's too easy, » he reproached. « Let's see... » He swirled the liquid around in his bottle as he thought. « What's your biggest fear? »

« Not being able to make good music anymore, » the blonde instantly answered. « And being abandoned, » he then added after giving the question a little more thought.

« Hmm... » Okasian finished his beer and put the empty bottle on the table. « Well for the first one, I think as artists we all have this fear. But why are you scared of being abandoned? Because from the way I see it, that fear comes from having had that experience several times. »

Silence followed those words as Jonghyun fell into his thoughts. Scenes from his past were all coming back to him vividly and it was almost too much. His vision suddenly blurred and he turned his head to not let the other see his distress.

« Jjong... » Okasian softly called. « Are you crying? » he then asked as he watched the other turn further away.

The one in question didn't answer, trying to wipe off as many tears as he could off of his face. He heard the sound of cushions shifting and steps right after. He suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder before he was turned back to face the other. He felt shame fill him up as he stared into dark orbs.

« Jjong... I'm sorry if I upset you, » the one kneeling in front of him softly said.

Jonghyun felt himself melt at those words. He wiped the remaining tears that had fallen meanwhile before gathering himself. « I guess that's also another weakness I have, » he noted with a small laugh.

« What? » Okasian uttered from confusion.

« I cry a lot, » Jonghyun revealed with a chuckle.

Okasian couldn't help but laugh too, the action relieving some tension. He straightened up, bringing himself on his two feet before he walked back to the couch. He took another bottle of beer from the floor.

« Man... I didn't think that night would turn out so serious, » he bantered.

Jonghyun laughed again. « Well we can change that. »

« Yeah, no more depressing talk. Only frivolous from now on, » Okasian declared with a grin.

Jonghyun nodded before filling his glass up with more rum.

And for the next few hours that's exactly what happened. They talked about lots of things, going from tv shows, to books, to movies, to music and whatnot. It was now close to three in the morning and Jonghyun suddenly realized he had probably overstayed his welcome.

He got up from the chair. « It's ... it's getting really laaate... I should've... um... should've left alreadyyy, » he stuttered as his surroundings started dancing around him. He put a foot forward but almost fell as he lost complete balance. The table saved him from the fall as he set his hand on it for support.

Okasian laughed at the sight. « You don't have to... you can stay the night... » His voice was drowsy. He too could feel the effects of the alcohol on his body. That's why when he got up, he went at it more carefully and slowly walked towards the other.

They were now face to face, awkwardly staring at each other.

« No, no... I should go... » Jonghyun reiterated as he tried to keep a straight posture.

« No, seriously, stay. You're in no shape to drive or even to get a cab, » Okasian firmly pointed out.

« Do you have another bed? » Jonghyun asked.

Okasian cocked an eyebrow. « Why? »

« So I can sleep, dummy, » Jonghyun said before he hiccupped.

Okasian stared at him, amused. , he's being cute again. « No, I don't, but it's fine. I'll just sleep on the couch, » he indicated.

Jonghyun shook his head with the little energy he had left in him. « Noooo... it's your bed... »

The older one rolled his eyes. « Well that's the only solution, Jjong. It's not like we're going to be sleeping in the same bed, » he then remarked.

« Hmm... why not? » the blonde suddenly questioned.

Okasian froze, eyes widening from surprise. « You're the one that just asked if I had another bed, » he exclaimed.

Jonghyun shrugged. « I know... that was stupid. It's not necessary... we can share the bed... »

Okasian couldn't believe his ears. What is this guy thinking? I... I don't... I don't even know what to say. «O-okay... » he finally accepted.

A wide smile stretched the other one's lips. « Awesome... » He then yawned, instinctively bringing his hand over his mouth.

« I think it's time to hit the hay, » Okasian said, barely managing to keep his yawn in.

« Mmmhhmm... » Jonghyun acknowledged.

The rapper led the way and soon they were both lying next to each other on his mattress. It would've been a lie to say that this didn't make him uncomfortable one bit. On the contrary, this was probably the most uncomfortable he had felt in a long time. He gave a quick glance over to the other. The latter had turned the other way, but he was so still that he figured that he was already sleeping. He closed his eyes only to reopen them a few minutes later.

Get it together man. You've already shared a bed with some of the guys before. He sighed. That internal thought didn't seem to help one bit.

This is going to be a long night.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

Hey! You have reached Okasian's voicemail. Please leave a message after the tone. Beeeep.

Jonghyun sighed. This was the third time today he was directed straight to his voicemail. And that had been happening for the last few days. He hadn't wanted to believe it, but he could clearly see now that the other was ignoring him. He also had an idea why, but there was nothing he could do about it now; especially since the other didn't want to talk.

Does he hate me that much? He moved with his rolling chair to his laptop and refreshed the page he had been on. He gave the page a quick look again. Another sigh left his lips. There was no sign of their single's release. He would've at least hoped that the rapper would've put it out already for the world to hear. That was even more disconcerting. He felt scared that whatever they had was totally ruined now just because they had shared a bed. He personally hadn't thought much about it, but he had gathered from waking up alone and from the other's face the next morning that it had been an issue. So much that they had barely exchanged words before he had left his apartment.

And now it had been a week since they had last talked and Jonghyun was close to being out of his mind. He just wanted a chance to clear up things. To get back to what they were. He shut his laptop and closed his eyes.

A sudden knock on the door had him opening them again. « Yes? » he grumpily answered.

The knob turned and the door opened, revealing a smiling Kibum. « Am I bothering you? » he asked as he stepped in.

Jonghyun shook his head, knowing that his answer didn't really matter anyways. He watched as the brunette closed the door and made himself comfortable on his bed.

« So what's up? » the latter asked.

Jonghyun shrugged. « Not much, you? »

Kibum's eyes narrowed. « No, no, no. Let's try that again, » he countered. « What's up? » he then repeated.

« Not much, » Jonghyun said again, slightly irritated.

« Really, Jjong? » Kibum threw back, also irritated. « You can't talk to me anymore? »

The irritation was suddenly replaced with guilt, causing the blonde to chew his bottom lip. He did want to get his thoughts out and talk to him about it, but he feared sounding ridiculous.

« Yeah, but it's nothing... it's fine, » he replied as he looked away.            

« Pfff... it's fine, my . I know you love spending time in your room isolated, but you're taking it to another level right now, » Kibum toughly observed.

Jonghyun would've been offended if it had been anyone else, but he knew Kibum's words always came from a place of love.

« Yeah, I know... »

« Did you have a fight with your little boyfriend? » the younger one squarely asked.

Jonghyun's eyes widened. « What? » he let out loudly.

Kibum rolled his eyes. « You know what I mean. Your friend Okasian. »

Jonghyun didn't want to answer. It'd be too easy. But he knew his silence would give it out too. He sighed.

« I wouldn't say it's a fight. More like he's ignoring me... » he finally admitted.

« Oh, what happened? » Kibum eagerly inquired.      

« It's stupid really... » the blonde started. He paused to take a deep breath. « We just slept in the same bed and it seems like... I don't know like it created this problem... »

« Aaaah, I see. » Kibum softly laughed. « Seems like I wasn't wrong to call him your boyfriend, huh? »

Jonghyun blinked at him. « What do you mean? »

« Oh I just mean that he probably felt really uncomfortable because he has feelings for you and he's not ready to admit it yet, » Kibum naturally explained.

« That's crazy. He's not gay, » Jonghyun pointed out.

« uality and attraction are more complicated than being gay or straight or whatever. Feelings can just pop up if the connection's there, » the younger one swiftly countered.

Jonghyun couldn't agree more with that. He had never wanted to label himself anything, because he was just open to love. « I know, but in his world, it's as simple as that. Even if what you're implying is true, he would never admit to it, » he outlined.

The realization filled him with sadness, even more so that he knew there was no chance for him to be wrong.

« You don't know that. I know he's a rapper and rappers apparently can't be gay, but maybe he's more open than you think. Maybe he just needs to get over his initial shock, » Kibum observed.

« Yeah, maybe... » Jonghyun looked at his phone again, silently hoping that the other would call him later.

« I don't think you should keep waiting, » the brunette advised as he watched his friend. « You should go to his apartment or studio and talk to him. »

Jonghyun raised his head. « What if he doesn't want to see me? »

Kibum's lips stretched into a thin smile. « Something tells me that he'll at least hear you out, » he said before getting up. « I'll leave you alone now. Don't worry too much, Jjong, » he finished before opening the door and stepping out.

The sound of the door shutting had Jonghyun release a breath he hadn't realized he had been keeping in. Kibum was right. He needed to take action before this lack of communication became a permanent thing. He got up too, changed into more suitable clothes and walked out of his room.

A few seconds later, he was hitting the road, his heart beating incredibly fast as nervousness took over him. He had weighed his options and had ultimately decided to go to his apartment. It was already past eight and even though he knew the other could have late nights at the studio, something told him that right now, he'd be at his apartment. So he drove for what felt like forever, but for what in reality was twenty minutes. He parked his car in one of the streets nearby and made his way to the apartment complex that was now familiar to him. He was grateful for having such a great memory and remembering the address. All that was left now was for the other to give him the code so that he could get in. He texted him, silently praying for him to answer.

The answer came fast. He put in the code and heard the buzzing sound indicating that he could open the  door. He stepped inside and walked up to the third floor where his friend was. It was only a few seconds before he was in front of his door.

You can do this, Jjong. He knocked. He heard steps inside and his hands instantly became sweaty. The knob turned and there he was, in a white t-shirt and sweatpants, looking like he had just woken up.

« Hey... » Jonghyun shyly said.

« Hey... » Okasian said right back. « Come in... » He stepped back to give the other space to enter.

Jonghyun stepped in, relieved he hadn't been rejected yet.

« Do you want something to drink? » the older one asked as he led him to the living room.

« Um... water... » the blonde indicated before he sat down in the same chair he had been in last week.

« Okay. » He disappeared into the kitchen and came back with a tall glass of water that he handed to him.

« Thank you, » Jonghyun said before he downed half of it. His mouth was incredibly dry which was another side effect of his nervousness.

He watched the other sit down in front of him on the couch. It was totally giving him déjà-vu.

« So how have you been? » Jonghyun asked. He knew he should just get straight to the point, but he just wanted to have a few seconds of normal talk before things got weird again.

« Fine, fine... you? » Okasian returned as he scratched his neck.

« Um... okay, I guess... » Ugh, this is already so awkward. « I didn't get any news from you so I thought I'd just come by... » he added to momentarily stop the noise in his mind.

Okasian didn't say a word, instead looking down between his feet. It went on like that for a few more seconds before he looked at him again. « I did see your calls, » he admitted.

Jonghyun felt his chest squeeze. If his goal had been to hurt him, it had worked. « Oh, so... you purposely avoided them? » he asked knowing very well his voice was giving out everything that he was feeling right now.

The older one nodded. « I just needed some time to think... »

« About? » Jonghyun immediately inquired.

Okasian looked straight into his eyes. « That's what I've been trying to figure out... »

The blonde held his gaze. « But surely you've figured some things out by now, » he pressed. `

« Maybe... »

Jonghyun searched his big dark eyes, but that didn't give him any more clue. He didn't know how far he could push this conversation. He really didn't want to ruin it all.

« Well, maybe I should leave you to think then... » he suddenly announced before getting up. « I'm sorry I bothered you... » He started walking away, but before he could cover much distance he was stopped by a grip on his arm. He turned back.

« No, don't leave yet, » Okasian pleaded as he squeezed the other's arm.

Jonghyun gave him a confused look. « Why? »

« You just arrived... »

« Okay, I'll stay, but... we need to talk about what happened last time, » Jonghyun stated as he freed his arm.

« Yeah, okay... »

They walked back to their previous spots and sat.

« Why did you act so... » Jonghyun took a few seconds to think. « So distant the next morning? »

« I... that's what I'm trying to figure out... » Okasian shared with embarrassment.

Jonghyun felt frustrated. He just wanted the other to be a little more precise. « Are you sure you don't already know? »

Okasian looked down again. « I don't know what to tell you, Jjong... » His voice was down to a whisper.

« I think you're just scared and I get it, but I just need to know what you're feeling right now, » Jonghyun bluntly exposed. « So do you hate me or...? »

« I don't hate you, » the other immediately refuted. « Not at all... » he then said in a softer voice.

« So what now? » Jonghyun asked. He was terribly terrified of the answer.

« I want us to keep hanging out, » the rapper genuinely answered.

« Okay... » Jonghyun wasn't completely satisfied, but he was relieved the other still wanted him in his life.

« I don't want to be a coward, but... can you please give me a little more time? » Okasian asked, his voice pleading.

Jonghyun's eyes widened. He wasn't sure if the other meant what he thought he meant, but that didn't stop him from getting his hopes up.

« Alright... » he accepted with a smile.

The brunette's shoulders dropped. « Thank you. » He then returned his smile.

« So... do you still want me to stay? » Jonghyun verified.

« Yeah, » Okasian answered. « Let's watch a movie or something, » he proposed as he leaned forward to take his remote.

« Okay, cool. » Jonghyun finished his glass of water. « Oh and are you still going to release our track? » He had suddenly been reminded of that.

« Yeah of course. I just lost track of time, but I'll make sure that it's out before the end of the week, » the other reassured.

Jonghyun smiled again. « I can't wait. »

« I'm sure the reception will be great again, » Okasian confidently noted.

« Yeah because we make a great team, » Jonghyun pointed out with a little laugh.

Okasian looked straight at him again. « Yeah, we definitely do. »

Their eyes locked for a while, but this time there was no tension or awkwardness.

« Do you want to come sit on the couch? You'll see the TV better, » the older one indicated.

« Sure. »

Jonghyun got up and settled beside him. The space was suddenly filled with the noise of the television as the other turned it on. They both stared at the screen, but Jonghyun didn't miss the other's move. His arm was now resting along the top of the couch, bringing it close to the back of his head. He smiled.

Despite everything that was left to figure out between them, Jonghyun felt confident of one thing. Whatever they had was something precious and he was going to make sure to keep it alive.