Sehun and Luhan has been best friends for a very long time that both of them don’t even remember when did they start liking each other.

They had always been there for each other.

Sehun was there when Luhan cried after his piano teacher yelled at him,

Luhan was there when Sehun got beaten up because she made his soccer team lose even though it was just a game between neighbors.

 

Sehun was there when Luhan thought he likes boys at middle school,

Luhan was there when Sehun dated his classmate Irene,

And Sehun was there too when Luhan dated a senior Kim Minseok and got his heart broken because apparently Minseok thought Luhan was not enough of his ideal type and only God knows what Sehun did, right the day after Luhan came to him crying all his heart out, Minseok got beaten up so bad that he skipped school for three days and when he came to school he apologized to Luhan over and over again. Sehun never admitted to be the one who left the bruise all over Minseok’s face.

Luhan was there when Sehun and Irene broke up and Sehun accepted the feeling of his fellow player at the soccer team, Kim Jongin. It was then when Luhan knew Sehun was acceppting of anyone.

 

It was Luhan whose house Sehun ran to when he found out that the older was not going to enroll at the same high school he’d attend, he told Luhan that Jongin would go to the same school as Luhan but the younger was more devastated that he could no more be close to Luhan.

Sehun spent more time with Luhan, the older was smart so Sehun kept coming to him when he didn’t understand a lesson, they’d do sleep over sometimes.

Sehun dated Jongin for a quite long time until they felt no longer the way they felt before and Jongin complained how Sehun always ran to Luhan instead of him, Sehun never stall the facts Jongin had given him because apparently it was true. Three months later Jongin dated Do Kyungsoo, and Sehun never felt so relieved for letting someone go from him.

 

Sehun studied really hard so that he’d be in the same university as Luhan.

Luhan failed to get in to the university he wanted, the top uni in Seoul, he altered his choice to the second best and Sehun got in to the same university and Sehun was silently grateful for Luhan’s failure of getting in to the top uni because he wouldn’t be there with Luhan. It was too unreal.

Someone asked Luhan out, his name is Wu Yifan or he prefer to be called Kris, pretentious Sehun had told Luhan. But Luhan liked Kris, aside from his attractive appearance, for he was mature. Sehun had told Luhan he didn’t like the Kris dude but Luhan kept going out with him.

Luhan noticed how much Sehun had space himself from Luhan since he had started going out with Kris. One day Kris left Luhan alone for a whole day and Luhan thought why not hang out with Sehun but Sehun told him how he didn’t like to be someone Luhan only ran to whenever he needed a back up friends.

It got ugly from there, Luhan cried telling Sehun that he was not his runaway friend or any kind, he told Sehun he just liked Kris so much he was afraid of losing him, but then Sehun retorted how much he liked Jongin back in the day but he was more afraid to lose Luhan than he was to lose Jongin.

“I don’t know Luhan, it’s complicated. My feeling for you, I don’t think I can do it again.”

It was then when Sehun realized he might have liked Luhan as more than just a friend, and Luhan could not only accept it but he also told Sehun that he was afraid to lose him too.

Without Sehun telling him, Luhan left Kris. He told him that he was sorry but he already found someone he really likes and Kris just shrugged it off, he never felt anything with Luhan anyway and Kris said that he was grateful because he didn’t want to hurt Luhan and they remain as good friends.

 

It was Luhan who turned Sehun as a very good boyfriend that every boys and girls who were head over heels for him jealous, it was Luhan who woke him up every morning with the smell of breakfast he cooks, it was Luhan that he had been carefully loving and sincerely adoring, it was Luhan who would always be Sehun first love, the one and only Luhan.

It was Sehun who had loved him dearly, it was Sehun who always kissed him back to sleep whenever he had nightmares, it was Sehun who Luhan had his first longlasting relationship with, it was always Sehun.

But it was also Sehun that got his heart broken.

 

After two and a quarter years, Luhan just avoided any contact with Sehun. He kept his back facing Sehun for the last two weeks. One day Sehun asked what happened and all his nightmares and bad thoughts came alive, Luhan told Sehun that he needed to leave, he needed time for himself. Whenever he was with Sehun he didn’t feel like himself, Sehun couldn’t understand because all these while he had tried hard to make Luhan comfortable with him, then why? What did I do wrong Luhan? He had asked his boyfriend then.

‘It’s not you Sehun, it’s me’

 

that excuse, Sehun had enough. “Okay if that’s what you want” while massaging the apex between his eyes initially to prevent any tears coming out, “Sehun I’m sorry.” Luhan had told him with sad eyes. it was me who was supposed to be sad. Sehun thought.

“Can you please just go Luhan? I will need my room for my own at the moment.” Sehun said with a very sharp eyes, but sadness was clear in his eyes. Luhan nodded, “I was about to leave anyway.”

When Luhan told Sehun goodbye, Sehun had closed the door. Hard and harsh. Sehun felt like Luhan needed to know how broken his heart was, the smash on the door was not enough and not equal the pain he felt.

 

And Sehun miserable year started that night.