Happy Birthday, Kim Sungkyu
Happy Birthday, Kim SungkyuIt's almost midnight. The boys are still practicing the new dance choreo preparing for the comeback. They look exhausted but have no will to stop. Wait, where are Sungyeol and Woohyun? The light goes off by the time I realise they went missing.
"Happy birthday to you~~......" Oh, right. It's Sungkyu's birthday. They all sing in unison, smiling and wishing their hyung genuinely. I help them to take pictures, and then, some of them exchange their mischievous smile, I know the cake battle is about to start.
Then, the cake is on the floor already! I look at them disbelieving and can't help to chuckle. Sungkyu saw it coming, he ducked so quickly and ran away, laughing at whoever got the cream on the face. But everyone was fast including Sungjong. He was so proud of himself for not getting any cream this time, and Myungsoo joins him.
"Alright, enough for today. Woohyun, Sungyeol, clean the mess and we're taking off in 15 minutes." Sungyeol starts grunting about why him and not Sungjong, I just smile at his choding. Then there's Sungkyu smiling and blocking my way to retrieve my backpack.
I see his tired eyes smiling. "Noona, you haven't wish me yet." I raise my eyebrows looking at him, and he's waiting, smiling, insisting. I can't help to smile at his cuteness overloading. I remember he was all grumpy just now complaining how tired he was and how difficult the dance moves was. Maybe he's still happy with his winning of the cake battle.
"Happy birthday." I say genuinely. "And my present?" He asks hopefully. "Honestly, you afford to get anything you want." He looks at me, hesitating. "Apparently... not everything..." I look at him, he does not look away. I drop my gaze and look away, pretending not to catch his hint and try again to walk past him. This time, he doesn't block me.
Sungjong, Hoya and Sungkyu hurry into my car while the rest heading to Woohyun's. Sungjong and Hoya drift off immediately when we leave Woollim's building . Sungkyu surprisingly stays awake the whole journey. Too hype or too upset to sleep, I'm not very sure. I stay focus on the road driving. I'm not their driver, but sometimes the manager couldn't make it and I'm there to help.
After 30 minutes, we reach the condominium's basement carpark. Before I kill the engine, Sungjong and Hoya say goodnight to me and Sungkyu, then get out of the car and walk straight to the lift. I turn to Sungkyu, he smiles weakly and I know it must be his order.
I try to avoid his gaze. Silent fills the lift and also the corridor, I can actually hear him breathing. Or sighing. When we reach my door, he leans his left arm against the wall looking at me, waiting. I know what that look means. His tired eyes full with red lines, which hurts me even just to look at it.
Instead of persuading him to go back, I open the door and let him slips in, hoping that he might drift off on the couch as soon as he lies on it. At least he can still get some rest, rather than fighting to talk over me and waisting all the precious sleeping hours.
He bounces to my kitchen, searching. "What are you looking for?" "I want some lemongrass tea." Puzzled. Since when he started to like lemongrass tea? "Let me do it, birthday boy. Go to the couch." He grins happily and bounces to the living room, to the couch. His favourite.
When the tea is ready, Sungkyu is already in his dreamland. I place the mugs carefully on the coffee table, avoiding any sound that could wake him up. It's either the lemongrass' smell or my weight on the couch gets him, he awakes and happy to see the mugs full with the tea. Holding his mug with both hands, he sips the tea slowly, enjoying both the scent and the warmth.
"I thought u said it smells weird." I say. He replies, "Not so weird now, it's refreshing." I try to study his expression, he does look enjoying and pleasing. How odd. Wonder if the Birthday mood really hits him hard. I drink my own mug of lemongrass tea, when I put down my mug, so does Sungkyu.
"You still don't want to sleep?" He shakes his head lightly. "Then give me your handphone." "Why?" Curiously, he hands me his phone. I slide it unlock and search for the Twitter app, press it open. There, all the birthday wishes from the fansites and fans from all over the world. The pictures fansites took and the birthday project held by fansites... It's all very overwhelming. And touched.
"Here... Look for yourself." He looks at the screen, scrolling and smiling. "Have you seen those billboards at the subways?" He shakes his head, eyes never left the phone screen. "You should go there and take some pictures. Your fans will love to see you there." "Will you go with me? I need someone to take pictures for me." He continue to scroll the screen, types some messages and replies.
"If any of your fans see me, they might throw me rotten eggs. So, no thanks." My theory cracks him a big laugh which makes me laugh too. "Nah... They won't. My fans are lovely." "They are lovely to you but not to any ladies around you." He smiles at the thought, amusing.
I pull out my iPad and look at my Twitter. The pictures fansites take are always marvelous, Sungkyu looks so charming and so cute in their works. They are indeed very professional, no one should doubt it. I could stare at those pictures all day long. Sungkyu notices what I'm looking at, he takes away my iPad and put both my iPad and his phone on the coffee table.
"Why are you looking at the pictures? I'm just sitting right next to you, noona." Adjusting his sitting posture, now he sits crossed legs facing directly to me. I want to laugh at his serious face which look so funny at the same time, but the serious Sungkyu is frowning at me. I imitate his serious straight face and adjust my sitting posture, so that I'm also crossed legs facing directly to him. Just that I rest my head on the couch, hoping that he would do the same and loosen up a little bit. And he does.
It's been a while since the last time I looked into his eyes. Usually I avoid his gaze. There's no point to hold his gaze when I couldn't promise him anything. He deserves someone younger and lovelier, not someone like me, older and weak.
The time is ticking away, I thought Sungkyu might drift off if we sit like this after some time not talking. Surprisingly, no trace of sleepiness. He's still waking and looking at me, as if to memorise every details of me.
His eyes are smiling but forcefully. The way he blinks his eyes a few times and the tenderness in his eyes do no good to me at all. I'm utterly weak to his big laugh and his tenderness, that's why I avoid his gaze. But now his gaze just did the magic work to swipe all the barricades that I've been fighting so hard to put on. I'm melting away so badly and so thoroughly. I hate myself for being so weak.
"Noona, no one should be blamed for being honest to our feelings." There he is, I'm not surprise. Our minds work quite similar in their very own way. I could understand his jokes when others still couldn't catch it. He knows what I need without me showing or saying it out loud. My determination for not allowing anything to happen between us holds the same weight as his determination to find a way through and work the hardest until succeeding.
I drop my gaze looking at my fingers, fighting my mind to say something but fail. His hand moves over and holds mine, as if to tell me that no words are needed. I look at his beautiful fingers that resting at the wrong place, but only then I realise how much I love the way they hold mine. The warmth his fingers send through my skin reflects how very cold my fingers are, and that makes me feel even better to have them holding on mine. Everything feels so good and so wrong at the same time.
I hear myself saying, "Every time when I thought I could manage, you came and messed up everything. And now, just like before, I have to start all over again." I sound so pathetic, and that I hate myself even more. "You don't have to do this, noona." He assures me with his strong and firm grip. I insist, "For all the reasons, I must, because you're thinking in the wrong way and making the wrong decision." Finally, he releases my hands and sighs.
"You know what... my father said exactly the same when I said I wanted to be a singer. Now, I always feel very grateful that I have never given up for what my father had said, or I'll be living in the pathetic life regretting for everything I never fought for." He stops talking as if for the words to sink in my mind. "You know that I won't give up once the decision is made. I'll work and fight the hardest until I reach the goal." He lower his head to my eyes' level, make sure I could catch his forceful gaze again. "So please noona, don't ask me to give up on you again. For all the reasons, you know I won't."
He means it, I know.
It weights greatly and sinks it's way to the deepest part of myself. We hold a long gaze waiting for either one to say something but none speaks. I see my hand reaches out for his cheek. He tilts his head presses onto my palm with his eyes closed. We linger a while in the soothing closeness, forgetting our 'debate' for the first time through the night. When he opens his eyes again, he catches my hands and says in his soft voice, "Noona... We could be great together... and you know that..." I couldn't deny it. We know each other well, feel almost effortless and comfortable when spending time together. Flashback of countless moment with Sungkyu runs through my mind...
"If being older than me is your greatest concern, I can assure you that everything could be fixed perfectly especially here in Seoul. Just saying, you can even look like 18 if you want." I burst into laughter, totally didn't see it coming. He joins me in laughing, looks glad to loosen the tension. I ask playfully, "Hmm... What about implant?" He looks startled at the idea and reply in his unsure face, "Err... That's... really not necessary if you ask me." I laugh even harder to his answer and that's how I get his scowling.
Wait until I'm fully controlled, he continues, "We also have good medical centres in Seoul, you shouldn't be worried for health problems too." Then, almost inaudible, "You know, a few years later... those... err... women's health...... pregnant...... " He looks away sheepishly. Now it is me who get startled. He thought of me pregnant! We have never touched on this part. I know he would think of a lot of things but I never expected him to think so thoroughly! The problems that laid between us, and the frustration that has been troubling me since some time ago, he sorts them out! He is indeed... serious.
I look at him, admiring his thoughtful and well concerned, and that he knows his chance is hopeful. He leans in, narrow the space between us, and waits patiently looking at me when I still couldn't respond to him. One thing I know for sure is, I wouldn't want to end up regretting myself by letting go of someone who cares so much and thinks so much for me. When the picture gets clearer, I smile and retune my gaze to Sungkyu. Before he could respond, I lean over and peck on his lips. He stares at me in the mixture of startled, surprise, happy and disbelieving. To assure him, I say, "We would be great together." He smiles widely and pulls me over him for a full embrace.
We stay in the closeness for a long while, no one wants to let go. I loosen my arms a little bit and rub his back a few times, and that's when he finds his voice again, "This is the best birthday I have ever had." Slowly, I pull away until I could see his eyes again. With my soft voice I say, "Happy Birthday, my dear Kim Sungkyu." He smiles the sweetest smile, caressing my face and my hair, and finally leans in for a full mouth kiss.
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