⇋

“I tried so hard,” the older man continues to say, like he hasn’t heard Sehun. Like he’s in a trance, like he’s enraptured. “But I guess, in the end, I’m still that weak boy I was in the past, and I can’t―” 

“Jongin―” 

“―resist you,” Jongin finishes, lifting his head and pulling Sehun down― 

―to press their lips together. 

Jongin is kissing him.

⇋

Sehun freezes in shock. Then, the hand at his waist squeezes, touch almost possessive, and Sehun lets out a small, unwitting gasp that creates enough opening for the other man to slide his tongue in.

For a moment, Sehun finds his eyes fluttering shut, fingers slipping down Jongin’s biceps weakly as the latter molds their lips together, tongue into his mouth. Sehun feels himself shuddering, lost in the sensation because it has been so long since he’s been kissed, the last time was that night, five years ago, when Kai had held him inside his arms and whispered promises of love, when they had become one―

Their first time together, before Kai abruptly disappeared, like a cloud of smoke dissipating, like a flicker of fire being blown out, like―

Like Kai breaking Sehun’s heart and leaving him alone with a baby inside his stomach, their child―

Sehun’s eyes snap open as he shoves the body against him away, and the resulting banging sound from the other’s back slamming against the elevator wall is deafening in such an enclosed space.

“What―” Sehun croaks, voice shaky as he brings stunned eyes to the man. “What are you doing? You just―”

The other hasn’t moved an inch, sprawled against the wall with his head down, and Sehun can’t see his expression, but―

“Why did you kiss me? You can’t just―” More silence. “Damnit, Jongin! Say something!”

When Sehun grabs onto the other’s shoulder in frustration, he finds it trembling, and it’s only then does he notice how out of breath and pale the older man looks, wheezing, almost like―

“Are you having a panic attack?” Sehun asks in concern, scrambling closer and momentarily forgetting what happened just now. “Jongin? Are you okay?”

“I’m sorry,” is what he hears the older man whisper, face still covered. “I shouldn’t have done that. I had… panicked. And I wanted somebody close to me. A distraction. It was wrong of me to take advantage of you being there to make me forget about my claustrophobia. It was so inappropriate of me to. I am willing to give you compensation shall you want to file for―”

“Jongin,” Sehun cuts in disbelievingly. What is the other man saying? That he only kissed Sehun because he was the only one by Jongin’s side the latter could use to distract himself away from his phobia? That’s it?

Sehun doesn’t know what hurts more: Jongin pretending to forget him but still kissed him, which means he might have some lingering feelings for him, or―

―or Sehun was only used as a tool of distraction for his claustrophobia.

“You are―” Sehun chokes out, blinking rapidly to stop the tears he can feel forming in the corners of his eyes already. “You are an absolutely despicable person.”

As if on cue, the light turns on right after his sentence, and he instantly looks down, stifling back a sob and hoping Jongin won’t see his glassy eyes.

The other man, however, simply inhales deeply before standing up, eyes resolutely not on Sehun the whole time. “You’re right, I am,” is what he tells him, voice calm and cold as ice. Emotionless. “You can’t get to where I am today, being the president to a multi-million company, without being a despicable person and doing despicable things.”

Sehun only remains rooted to the floor, eyes trained down while his fingers clench tightly onto the hem of his shirt, trying to control his trembling.

“Looks like the elevator is fixed now,” Jongin says, pressing on a button, and Sehun can feel them moving up, no doubt to the top floor where his office is. “Would you like a break today? I can give you the day off for all the… damage, I’ve caused, due to my careless action. I can even offer you monetary compensation―”

“Don’t bother,” Sehun spits out, voice harsh. “I don’t need―any of it. Your actions don’t affect me in any way.” Liar, Sehun. You’re such a liar. “I would just appreciate it if you keep your hands to yourself and don’t ever, ever touch me again. You have no right to.”

There is a pause, like Jongin is shocked. Lost on what to say. Finally, he replies, “Of course. I sincerely apologize again, Secretary Oh Sehun.”

The elevator dings soon, and Sehun can hear the opening of the metallic doors.

“Wait,” he whispers, not sure if the other can hear him,