What Happiness Entails

Fatalis Dilemma
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so yesterday i was trying to delete the poll i held earlier and accidentally ended up deleting the new chapter instead... #oops. remind me to never use the aff poll again, i hate the new system x__x anyway, here's the chapter, re-uploaded!

 

 

 

Sehun isn’t sure how to say this.
 
How do you tell someone that the child you thought you made with that person… might not be his?
 
Isn’t his.
 
But this is a big thing and Sehun has to tell him. He can’t keep this a secret.
 
He has always believed in the phrase, ‘honesty is the best answer’.
 
“Sehun, what’s wrong?” Kai asks, worried, settling onto the edge of the bed next to him. “Can you breathe? It’s okay, Sehun.”
 
“It’s not okay,” Sehun whimpers. “Nothing is okay.”
 
“What’s wrong? You can tell me. Is it… Was it something Jongin said?”
 
Silence.
 
“What… what did he say?”
 
“Kai, I don’t know how to tell you this,” Sehun admits. “Especially since you forgot your memories. Everything’s so messed up…”
 
“Something with my memories…?”
 
Sehun looks at him sadly. If… If Kai hadn’t gotten amnesia, does this mean when Sehun had told him about Sowon, he would know? Know that he never had with Sehun back then? That it wasn’t him?
 
“You can’t remember five years ago… But I wish you did. Maybe then I wouldn’t have misunderstood so badly… Found out at the worst possible time…”
 
Kai frowns, trying to make sense of Sehun’s words. “You… misunderstood…?”
 
Sehun nods, a jerky movement.
 
“About something… five years ago?”
 
Another nod.
 
“And it’s something to do with… Jongin?”
 
Sehun flinches at this, which tells him enough.
 
“Did…” Kai starts, feeling all the cogs inside his head turning. “Did Jongin… pretend to be me? Back then?”
 
“You knew?” Sehun gasps.
 
“I… caught him once. That time I was coming back home. You were there, taking care of his wounds, and I. I couldn’t come out. I wouldn’t even know where to begin explaining to you. So I stayed hidden.”
 
Sehun stares at him, affronted. “Why did you never tell me about him? How you have a twin?”
 
“We… You can probably tell, but we don’t have… the best of relationship. And you know I never liked to talk about my family in general. I sort of… hate them all…”
 
Sehun sighs. Jongin told him the exact thing back then. He still doesn’t understand why two twins―identical twins, at that―would have such a terrible relationship with each other, but Sehun guesses that’s a thing for another day.
 
There are more pressing matters to concern with, at this moment.
 
“So… So you found out it was Jongin back then? I’m sorry I never let you know. It was bad of me, I should’ve―”
 
“You really should’ve…” Sehun interrupts. “You should’ve told me you have a twin. You should’ve told me you were leaving. You should’ve…” His voice cracks at this. “You should’ve been the one to meet me at the graduation party, five years ago. Oh, Kai, why wasn’t it you?”
 
“What…” Kai breathes, digesting the information. “Graduation party… where you told me we had―You mean that wasn’t me? Was it Jongin? It was―”
 
“It wasn’t you,” Sehun confirms, voice shaking. “It was Jongin. Except I thought it was you. I thought Sowon was yours, but he’s not. He’s not, Kai, he’s not―”
 
Kai feels his world crashing down. “You had with Jongin?” he chokes out. “While Jongin pretended it was me? God―” In hindsight, this makes sense. Kai was already doubting himself on why he would push to have with Sehun back then, especially since he left to go study abroad the next day. There was no way he would want to use Sehun like that―to take his body knowing he would abandon Sehun soon after.
 
It didn’t make sense. The story was not adding up.
 
But Kai had believed in Sehun’s words. Because Sehun wouldn’t lie to him.
 
But it turns out… Sehun didn’t, but Jongin did.
 
“Jongin took advantage of you while claiming it was me? ing hell, I―” Kai stands up, seething with anger and disbelief.
 
Kai had noticed it. This… this fascination Jongin seemed to have, with Sehun, before. When Kai had watched the two interact through the crack of the door five years ago, when Sehun was meticulously bandaging Jongin’s wounds, there was this look in Jongin’s eyes―this glassy, dazed look. Like he was in a trance, hypnotized.
 
If Kai had fallen for Sehun for his kindness, of course his ing identical twin would fall the same way, too.
 
They were both lacking a lot of love from their parents and the people surrounding them, after all.
 
But Kai didn’t think that―didn’t think it had gotten so bad, this obsession Jongin seemed to have with Sehun. So much to the point that he had pretended to be Kai again, and used it as a chance to have with Sehun.
 
Sehun’s first time… which also gave birth to Sowon.
 
Oh, .
 
“That bastard…” Kai hisses, vision bleeding red. “I can’t believe he―I’m going to kill him. That son of a ―”
 
“Kai, no!” Sehun calls out, hurriedly grasping onto Kai’s arm when the latter makes to leave, probably to find Jongin and really kill him.
 
“What,” Kai snaps, turning back to him angrily. “You can’t tell me not to―that you’re defending him! What he did to you was immoral! ing disgusting!”
 
Sehun drops his head, grip loosening. “I know, but… I don’t want this to blow up even more… Jongin apologized, and he seemed really sorry…”
 
“Just because he apologized doesn’t make this magically okay!”
 
“I know!” Sehun retorts, sighing in frustration. “Nothing can make this okay. But I can’t hate him. I just can’t. I don’t have it in me…”
 
“Sehun―!” Kai exclaims in disbelief.<

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pcyosh
[FD] 170618: c34 posted! flashback of 5 years ago time~

Comments

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ooh_yunhee #1
Chapter 9: At first i thought there are 2 of them... but after read 8 chapters i kind of think maybe kai is alter... lol...
ooh_yunhee #2
Chapter 4: I bow you for this fic... thank you....
I really like it... i feel warm... feel sad and many nore.. lol
Missa007 #3
Chapter 38: Sowon-ahh, Noona will look for u!! :(
Tae_love_93 #4
Chapter 38: PLEASE COME BACK TO THIS.

Ok. So I recognize it has been a very long time... but I simply adore this story and I just need to know more. Its heartbreakingly beautiful. Please consider it?
igolden #5
coming back to this after a while... thank you authornim <3
cyd4294
#6
Chapter 38: How could you leave me hanging like this ㅠㅠ

You havent tell us kai's side story yet. I dont even know if its possible to hate a character so much, but with every sob story of jongin's i kinda hate him more. Sure, i do feel pity for him. But all of that doesnt make him, hmm how should i put it.. Even with all of that, he should know how to differentiate between right or wrong. He's just so ed up bc of his childhood and its just, it is love, or is it an obsession? For sure that is an unhealthy love. Being drunk and love and his childhood is not an excuse for what he did 5 years ago.

And gdi, not knowing kai's side story is just... I've been rooting for Kai. Leaving Sehun is such a move but i need his side of story. What is the deal between him and his father?

Hopefully everyone can find their happiness. Including Chanyeol; it seems like theres smth abt him, and imma not gonna say it bcs i need ur update
Haruharry
#7
Chapter 38: I just cried buckets. Hope you find it in you to continue.