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Going to work is arduous.

Outwardly, Jongin hasn’t acted any differently. He is still cordial to Sehun and smiles everyday as Sehun brings him a cup of hazelnut coffee, but that’s just it.

He is cordial… but the little actions are gone.

They don’t talk more than necessary. Jongin dismisses him as soon as he hands over a new stack of documents. They don’t see each other more than for business only.

Jongin hasn’t announced publicly that they have broken up, but Sehun suspects it is because he doesn’t want to deal with reporters bothering them again with renewed passions on why they have broken up, if it has anything to do with his recent hospitalization or even his twin’s.

But even that day is probably coming soon, once the recent news and rumors about his health die down.

And Sehun―Sehun can’t stand this.

It’s been two weeks and his mind has been in utter disarray. Inbetween the hospital visits to Kai’s slowly recovering health, to taking care of a growing Sowon, to going to work and encountering a cordial, but detached Jongin, Sehun’s stress is reaching its limit.

And this time, there is no one to rely on―no one to call at 3AM to rest his head against and just breathe. Just relax and feel safe and that everything will be okay again.

Sehun hasn’t realized how much he had relied on Jongin's presence in his life until he is gone.

It hurts.

That is why… Sehun is still lingering in Jongin’s office long after the man had finished his cup of coffee, today.

“Yes?” Jongin tilts his head questioningly at Sehun’s unmoving feet.

“I want… I want to talk to you. About something important.”

“Sure.” Jongin sets his pen down, gazing at him. “What is it?”

“I…” His fingers are clutching at his sides, hoping they will give him some form of courage, when he says, “I want to talk about us.”

“What about us?”

“I feel like you were assuming a lot of things, that day at the hospital courtyard,” Sehun begins. “But I want to let you know that the moment I agreed to be with you, I had really meant it. I wanted to begin something new, with you.”

Jongin keeps quiet.

“I was hurt from Kai and wanted someone to lean on, and you had offered me comfort. I admit maybe I haven’t treated you as well as I should’ve―that I was… using you, in a way, to get over Kai. But I really was sincere in wanting to forget him and starting anew, with you. I didn’t use you as a rebound to only discard you once I’m no longer hurt.”

“I know you didn’t mean to be manipulative nor malicious,” Jongin replies. “I know you’re not that type of person, Sehun.”

“Then why do you think I would leave you the moment Kai wants to get back together with me?” Sehun cries out, frustrated. “I am not… not some fickle person who changes boyfriends like they change clothes, who just bounces from person to person, seeking for the easiest path to take and whoever I feel like being with at the moment.” 

“I would not break up with you even if Kai wants to be with me again. This is the truth. Because I had already chosen you,” Sehun tells him.

Because it is the truth.

It is true Sehun still loves Kai, but this does not mean he wants to be with him. This does not mean he will just drop Jongin to be with Kai the moment Kai says he wants to be together again.

He has never been indecisive in what to do. His feelings were torn, he doesn’t get what the other man is trying to do now, with the explanations that Sehun never got to hear, when he was still dating Kyungsoo, but Sehun has never wavered in his decision.

“I had never thought of getting back together with Kai, because I was with you,” Sehun says, his words clear and sure. “I had chosen you, and I wouldn’t go back on my decision even if Kai wants to be with me now.”

Jongin stares at Sehun for a long moment, the younger trying all he can to hold his gaze and conveying as much sincerity as he can. Then, Jongin says, “Maybe this is why.”

“Huh?”

“Maybe it is because you would never break up with me first, that I needed to be the one to break up with you,” Jongin eleborates.

“But why―”

“That is the question I should be asking you,” the man interrupts, his face still perfectly calm and undecipherable as he continues, “Why do you not want to be together with Kai, now that you guys have a chance?”

“Because I had chosen you―”

“People make mistakes. They make wrong decisions, sometimes. You had chosen Kai five years ago, then realized it was a mistake as Kai now was dating someone else. So you decided on me. But what if this was a mistake, too, and Kai losing his memories was a sign that maybe you should be back to where you belong?”

“Why do you think Kai is where I belong?”

“Because you love him,” Jongin answers. “I don’t understand why you refuse to get back with him when you can, now―”

“Because I love you too!” Sehun screams out, hands shaking at his sides. “I’m sorry if I haven’t done a very good job at showing that. I’m sorry if you felt like you were in a onesided relationship, that I was only using you to get over my pain. I was, I admit, but there is so much more to what I feel for you. I was happy when we were together. When I was with you my heart was at ease. I felt safe―protected. Those feelings weren’t a lie.”

His vision is blurry―eyes welling up with tears as he pours his heart out, and he can’t make out properly what Jongin’s expression is, but the man is frozen in place at his seat. He can see that.

After what feels like forever as Sehun tries to calm his sobs, Jongin speaks. “Maybe you have all these feelings for me because I was the one by your side when you were most vulnerable. Give it some time. You will realize they were nothing more than feelings of dependency. Of the need to feel security and able to lean on someone when you were lost. Those feelings weren’t love.”

“What?” Sehun chokes out, honestly feeling offended. “You think I can’t tell when I love someone? That I mistook my feelings of dependency on you as love?”

“I think that this was all a big mistake. I should never have gotten close to you.” Jongin laces his finger