160707 Thursday 

He admits.

He was afraid when Joo-hyung popped out of nowhere and suddenly appeared in his life, a life where he thought was complete.

Joo-hyung … is right here, right in front of him. Joo-hyung … the man he loved with all his heart. Joo-hyung … the man he thought he hated.

Joo-hyung … Joo ing Sung … the motherer that he actually ing hates with all his guts.

But it’s time. It’s finally time to show this bastard what he’s got.

If he can act, so can I.

I can do better.

“Baekkie.” The way he calls his name is so gentle, so careful, as if he never wants to hurt Baekhyun, but Baekhyun knows better. It takes a good actor to see one. He’s not ing fazed one bit. Knowing Joo Sung, he has a motive. And Baekhyun thinks he had seen his motive.

“Baekkie.” Joo Sung had called, but his eyes had been on one place. Chanyeol’s neck.

That’s why Baekhyun had agreed to talk to him. Otherwise, he would’ve kicked the ing bastard in the ing balls until he was near death and then he would finally send him to ing jail, where he deserves to rot for the rest of his ing life.

Joo Sung looks at him so gently, so lovingly … pfft, that. Baekhyun is immune.

“He your boyfriend?” Joo Sung asks quietly. “Chanyeol, is it?” Chanyeol? Baekhyun thinks, almost smirking, except he doesn’t because his heart is thumping fearfully for him. I don’t remember telling you his name.

“Yeah.” Baekhyun replies, watching the way the older man continues to glance towards Chanyeol.

“Look, Baekkie … I came here to apologise.” Joo Sung whispers. “I came here to say sorry, for everything I’ve done.”

“You hurt me, Joo-hyung.” Baekhyun says softly, voice trembling. He looks into Joo Sung’s eyes, pretends to act like the naïve, innocent him seven years ago. “You hurt me so much.” Joo Sung takes a step forward, and he takes a step back.

Act afraid, pretend he doesn’t trust Joo-hyung yet.

Act afraid, pretend he doesn’t want to know how his heart might react.

Act afraid, pretend he’s supposed to be ing taken, but pretend that all he’s thinking about is this man before him.

“I know.” Joo Sung whispers. “It was all to protect you.” Baekhyun’s anger flutters.

“What?” His makes his voice small and hopeful. “What … what does that mean?”

“It means …” Joo Sung’s face is kind. Bull-ing-. “It means that I had to act. It was all my fault, Baekkie, but I needed to act … I need to protect you.” Baekhyun is silent, breath hitched in his throat, trying not to let the anger control him. Instead, he takes a deep breath, pretending that he’s trying to push down his tears.

“Do you believe me, Baekkie?” Joo Sung sounds so sad, but not sad enough. “I waited so long. I looked everywhere for you, but I couldn’t find you.”

“Yeah.” Baekhyun whispers, and all he’s thinking about is Chanyeol. “Yeah, I believe you.”

“You’ve grown so much.” Joo Sung’s voice is soft, eyes raving over Baekhyun’s face. Baekhyun wants so bad to spit in it. Then he leans in. Baekhyun can’t breathe. The expensive cologne is still there, the same as ever. And it makes angry signals go off in his head.

“Your boyfriend seems to be jealous.” Joo Sung chuckles. “If you want, meet me here during midnight.” With that, he sends one last smile at Baekhyun, then leaves.

You think you got me under your little finger, don’t you? Baekhyun seethes. I’m not falling for your trap. I’m not falling for you. Ever again.

A sense of dread clings onto him though, and he knows if he doesn’t play along, he’ll never be able to get Chanyeol away from that maniac.

Baekhyun closes his eyes, taking a deep breath.

He hasn’t acted in a while. It’s time he starts it again.

And to be a good actor, he has to deceive everyone, even himself.

Putting on a neutral face and trying to hide his guilt, he brushes Chanyeol off, trying not to break his façade when he sees the hurt and confused look spread all over his boyfriend’s face.

“Wait. I want to show you something.” Mama Im pulls him inside her room and takes out a yellowed piece of paper. When she flips it around, Baekhyun understands what it is.

“Park Chanyeol, with the most unique ears in the world”

The writing looks very unique though.

Yet very familiar.

When he finally returns home in his own bedroom, he pulls out his drawer and takes out all his things – the things that used to mean a lot to him when he was younger. It takes him a long time, but eventually he finds it, a card.

“Kangmin-ah,

Knowing you love paintings, I’m giving you my special one.

This one has been with me for years. I hope one day you’ll find it useful too.

Minji.”

He searches up all the Park Minjis that could have appeared, and he finds one that seems to fit whatever he’s looking for.

“Park Minji and Park Jimin, the founders of one of East Asia’s most popular jewellery retailer and manufacturer, Golden Parks.

Although the brand is still ongoing and not as well-loved as it once was, Park Jimin and Park Minji died in a horrible fire that started in their house during early 1993. The cause is unknown.

Although the Parks have stated in an interview in early 1992 that they wanted to have children soon, unfortunately that was unable to happen, thus they have written in their will to let their butler, said to be a well-known friend and relative, inherit their company.”

Baekhyun scrolls through the page, hoping to find a confirmation to his suspicions – any confirmation. And there, as obvious as day, he finds it.

One of the photos is of a signed contract between Golden Parks and another successful company. The signed ‘Park Minji’ is unique and obvious, the signature looking almost the same as the handwriting that Baekhyun had seen at Chanyeol’s house and on the same card that he had kept for years.

Baekhyun leans back as he takes in the information. Park Chanyeol was not abandoned – his parents died for the strangest reasons. Park Chanyeol was loved – that much he could see from the interview.

And Park Chanyeol is rich.

Baekhyun wants to tell Chanyeol, but he figures the taller is not too ready yet. After all, things need time sometimes, and Baekhyun understands that more than anyone. Also, if he tells Chanyeol, the other would want to investigate his parents’ death, because that was dodgy as hell, considering his parents dumped him in a bin full of blankets. It’s strange, and it leaves a strange taste in Baekhyun’s mouth, but he figures this isn’t the time yet. Smiling, Baekhyun shuts his laptop and closes his eyes.

Park Chanyeol was loved by his parents.

He wonders how Chanyeol is going to react once he finds out.

It’s time for Baekhyun to act.

He needs to get closer to Joo Sung in order to find exactly what he’s doing. He needs all the information, so he will know how to stop it.

Getting closer to Joo Sung means abandoning Chanyeol.

It’s hard, but Baekhyun had always been strong.

Taking a deep breath, mind set, he pulls out his phone and taps a number that he had saved all because the man told him to save it the last time he saw him. Now, he knows how lucky he is to have done so.

“Hello?”

“Jungsoo?” Baekhyun calls. “I need you to research on Park residency. The Parks that founded Golden Parks.”

“All right, will do.” Baekhyun hears typing. “The Parks, namely Park Jimin and Park Minji, founded Golden Parks when they were younger and had an interest in jewellery. They are famous not only for the unique look to their jewellery, but also because they are known to be the Golden Lovers. It’s rare for two lovers to work together on business. Also, even though they’re called Golden Parks, they only sell silver.

“They died in 1993, supposedly in a fire … That sounds a bit weird to me … No children, no true relatives … It seems they were orphans … Wait, I saw this interesting comment … … … They say the butler is looking for the true heir … What’s that about? They don’t have any true heirs …”

“Enough.” Baekhyun says. He heard more than he needs.

Chanyeol has a rich background. Baekhyun thinks to himself. That calls for trouble.

If he had been hesitating before, he’s definite now: he doesn’t have enough information. He needs to find out exactly what Joo Sung’s doing, exactly from Joo Sung’s own words. Even if Joo Sung is doing it for money, he has a psychotic tendency to hurt people, and Baekhyun will never put Chanyeol through that pain.

And he has reasons to use Baekhyun. He’s using Baekhyun to get to Chanyeol.

Baekhyun will let himself be used.

Because he’s using himself too.

“Jungsoo?” He calls.

“Yeah?”

“I need you to come here ASAP. I got a mission for you. It’s going to be a hard one, and there’s only gonna be two of us.” Baekhyun says. “I’m going to put a lot of my trust on you, do you understand?”

“Yes.”

“Meet me tomorrow at the school entrance in the morning. You know where.” With that, Baekhyun hangs up.

“Baekhyun-hyung…” Jungsoo greets once Baekhyun appears. The smaller grabs him around the neck and pulls him down almost playfully.

“Your mission now includes you to stop calling me ‘hyung’.” Baekhyun says softly. “Let’s take you to a café.” They get to business the moment the both of them sit down on a chair.

“I want you to go to school from now on, Jungsoo.” Baekhyun says, leaning closer just in case others might overhear. Jungsoo blinks in surprise.

“There is this man … I don’t know his motive, Jungsoo, but I know this man …” Baekhyun runs his hand through his hair, and Jungsoo can see how stressed and worried Baekhyun is. “He will hurt people. He will hurt people to get what he wants. And right now, he wants Chanyeol’s necklace.

“Chanyeol’s too pure and innocent to understand. He’ll see the best in people, and that’s why he’ll get tricked. Which is why I’m pretending to stay with this man.” Jungsoo’s mouth opens in protest, but Baekhyun’s eyes flash in warning.

“I’m going to pretend to love this man, and I’m going to pretend that Chanyeol means nothing to me.” Baekhyun whispers. “I’m going to distance myself from everyone, and I’m going to pretend there is nothing that is more important to me than this man.” Jungsoo nods.

“I’m going to act and pretend to be someone completely different … I’m going to pretend to everyone except you. You have to help me in this.”

“I’ll always help you!” Jungsoo says determinedly, loyally.

“I think we need to communicate, but just in case this psychopath checks my phone …” Baekhyun takes out his phone and shows Jungsoo a picture. “I want you to get these. When I wear these glasses …” Baekhyun points to the glasses in the picture. “You can see what I see. You see through my eyes, as long as you get it installed on your laptop. From there, you can record anything I see, and I want you to do that. Especially if I tell you to.” Jungsoo nods. “Buy two pairs of earpiece so we can contact through there. You know those ones.” Jungsoo nods again. “I want you to get them as soon as possible, preferably after we end this discussion.” Jungsoo nods once more.

“Is it … dangerous? What you’re doing?” Jungsoo whispers, worry etched onto his face.

“I … don’t know.” Baekhyun replies, then lets out a sigh. “I don’t really know what I’m getting into, Jungsoo.”

“Can’t you let someone else do it?” Jungsoo pleads. Baekhyun grabs his hand and squeezes it.

“Jungsoo, I know it’s a lot of pressure right now, but I trust you with this. You’re the one that I need most for this job.” Jungsoo gulps. “But this is very important to me. I have to do it no matter what, and even if you don’t help me, I’ll do it.”

“Then I’ll help you.” Jungsoo says without hesitation.

“Only I can do this.” Baekhyun says softly. “Because I’m the only one that can play the part. Joo Sung’s looking for an idiot to coil around his finger, and that’s what I’m going to be. He won’t suspect a thing.”

He leans closer, eyes boring into Jungsoo’s. Jungsoo can see the determination.

“I’m asking you to swear secrecy to me.” Baekhyun whispers fiercely. “Promise me you won’t tell anyone. Promise me you’ll act your part.” Jungsoo hesitates, mostly because he wonders whether this will be a good thing to Baekhyun. Eventually, Baekhyun’s intense eyes, so full of persistence and determination, win over and Jungsoo nods.

“I swear. I swear I won’t tell anyone.” At that, Baekhyun relaxes. Jungsoo still feels uneasy though.

“Hyung –”

“It’s Baekhyun.” Baekhyun says. “Also, register yourself at the school, but live in my room, okay? Start school as soon as possible, but do it after you find me those glasses and that earpiece.” Baekhyun takes out his keys and passes it to Jungsoo. Jungsoo can feel his trembling fingers. “I want you to look out for Chanyeol. I want you to protect him.”

“I want to protect you –”

“Jungsoo.” Baekhyun whispers. “When you agree to do this, you have to listen to what I say.” Jungsoo sits there, looking like he wants to argue, but then he stops himself. Once again, the younger stares in Baekhyun’s eyes – they are so lively and glimmering so prettily. He sighs and nods, watching as Baekhyun nods too in satisfaction. Eventually, they finally allow themselves to drink their coffee – or rather, Jungsoo’s coffee and Baekhyun’s hot chocolate.

“All this?” Jungsoo asks eventually. “All this, for Park Chanyeol?”

Baekhyun doesn’t reply, but he thinks Jungsoo already knows the answer.

Of course Baekhyun has to meet with him.

He has to do it for Chanyeol’s sake.

Chanyeol, who’s oblivious and pure, who made him see the world in a completely different light. Chanyeol, who seems to be the target of Joo Sung. For what reason? He doesn’t know.

But he’ll find out.

As he lets Joo Sung hold his hands, he mentally closes his mind and whispers to himself: ‘It’s all for Chanyeol’.

And Park Chanyeol never leaves his mind.

He avoids Park Chanyeol.

He avoids the hurt looks Park Chanyeol sends towards him. He avoids the concern that’s edging to leave Chanyeol’s lips.

He avoids Park Chanyeol, because he doesn’t want him involved in this. It’s too dangerous, because Baekhyun still doesn’t know exactly why Joo Sung wants his necklace, and it’s too dangerous because Chanyeol doesn’t ing know how Joo Sung can deceive.

He knows. He knows if he tells Chanyeol, Chanyeol would stop him. Chanyeol won’t let him go anywhere near that er. And if Chanyeol knows, he won’t do anything, as long as Baekhyun isn’t doing anything rash in return. Then Joo Sung will somehow or rather sneak his way in to find Chanyeol, trick him, and hurt him.

Baekhyun doesn’t want to go near Joo Sung. Every touch makes him feel revolted, makes him want to puke, and sometimes Baekhyun feels so afraid with Joo Sung because he was the one who started it all. Then he reminds himself – he’s fearless. Chanyeol helped him overcome his past.

This is nothing but a small challenge.

So he avoids Park Chanyeol, and gets closer to Joo Sung.

The very night he decides to permanently leave the school and live with Joo Sung, he decides to bring Chanyeol along.

He knows Chanyeol knows he had been sneaking out. He can tell by the stormy and troubled expression on his boyfriend’s face – Chanyeol had always been so easy to read. It wasn’t hard to bring the other to follow, because all he needed to do was make his movements louder.

He slowed down to let Chanyeol catch up. He made himself visible just in time for Chanyeol to see. He led Chanyeol to their secret meet-ups.

He does that, because he wants to break off all ties with Chanyeol by taking advantage of his selflessness and his kindness. He wants Chanyeol to break it off with him because he knows he can’t do it himself.

Every time Joo Sung stepped closer, Baekhyun had urged every part of himself not to move away. Because it’s all an act, and Baekhyun’s an actor. To succeed and get what he wants – to protect Chanyeol – he has to act well. Even if it hurts him. Even if it hurts Chanyeol.

Chanyeol is so obvious, at least to him. Chanyeol had always shone in a different way, at least to him.

Even though he wasn’t looking at him, Baekhyun could see his pain, mirroring his own, hidden one.

I’m doing it to protect you. Baekhyun whispered mentally, but he knows he’s trying to convince himself more to keep going. I hope you understand.

Then Joo Sung wanted to act more convincing. He almost kissed him in front of Chanyeol. The moment he saw those lips near him, Baekhyun broke a little.

“Chanyeol.” He had whispered. It slipped out so naturally because Chanyeol had never left his mind. He closed his eyes, remembering to act, remembering to bring his hands to Joo Sung’s arms, holding him desperately when all he wanted was to hold Chanyeol instead. Still, he closed his eyes to give himself some time, to forget Chanyeol because Chanyeol shouldn’t be in the love life he’s acting.

Joo Sung held his hand. His grip felt different and so wrong. Baekhyun let the older kiss him, let the older his cheek, and tried to imagine the touches as Chanyeol’s.

“I’ll get this sorted.” Baekhyun whispered, heart racing and sinking, hoping Chanyeol won’t be able to hear this line from the script that he’s improvising. “Then I’ll be yours.” He let Joo Sung pull him towards the bench, taking a deep breath as he forced himself to lean against Joo Sung, tightening his hold because he needed to hold onto something.

(even though he didn’t want to hold Joo Sung)

Even when Baekhyun was not looking, he could see Chanyeol. He was glad he’s too far away to see every crease of hurt on his lover’s face. He closed his eyes, hoping Chanyeol knows. Hoping Chanyeol understands.

“I’d do anything for you.” Baekhyun said softly, hoping that Chanyeol knows this is meant for him.

Baekhyun returns, tired and worn out.

His heart wrenches when he sees Chanyeol, hair messy and eyes wide and haunted. He doesn’t want to hurt Chanyeol, but what other method is there?

Collecting himself, Baekhyun turns and walks to his bed, pretending not to notice, pretending not to care. But eventually, he can’t take it anymore.

“Nightmare?” He asks, knowing that it’s anything but.

“Shut up.” Chanyeol growls. He sounds so hurt, so pained … so heartbroken. Turbulent feelings roll and roll inside Baekhyun, but he hides it.

They said actors are able to act because they contain so much feeling.

Baekhyun may look apathetic, but inside he feels more than anyone.

He bites the inside of his lip when Chanyeol stands, so uncontrollable that his feet are unstable. Chanyeol had taken it worse than he expected, and now it’s affecting him too.

Somehow, it’s easier to act around Joo Sung than Chanyeol. Why is that so?

Park Chanyeol, what have you done to me?

“Baekhyun …” Chanyeol whispers. His voice is ragged and husky and so broken. Baekhyun feels his heart thumping painfully. He hates how it has to come to this, but Joo Sung is a maniac and Baekhyun wants to protect Chanyeol at all costs, even if it means hurting him like this. “Baekhyun … Break up with me.”

Baekhyun’s breath hitches – he can hardly breathe. But instead, he blinks and pretends it doesn’t affect him. “What are you talking about?” He laughs, trying not to choke. “Why would I –”

“Break up with me.” Chanyeol’s voice is firmer now but it cracks. It cracks like Baekhyun’s heart. He hates it, hates how Chanyeol is still so selfless after everything he’s seen. He hates how he had given Chanyeol the responsibility to do something so hard. He hates how … how Chanyeol is letting him go. Just like that. “Break … up with me. Please.”

Please don’t let me go. Baekhyun wants to say. Baekhyun wants so hard to break all his facades and apologise, tell Chanyeol exactly why he’s doing this. But he promised himself. He can’t go back now.

“It’s over.” Chanyeol tries to stand straight and act tough, and he pushes him. Baekhyun is so taken aback he falls. Instead of immediately sitting up, Baekhyun uses this time to hide his face in his sheets, for a fraction of a second letting his true expression show. But then he’s back again and he sits up, watching Chanyeol with cold eyes.

“It’s over. You can do whatever you want now. I don’t care anymore.” Chanyeol cares. Baekhyun can see that, so clearly in his eyes – the exact words: I want you to be happy.

“Chanyeol …” Baekhyun’s voice is a mix of emotions, of pain, of hurt, of frustration, of reluctance, of determination, of persistence. Of sadness.

“I don’t care.” Chanyeol continues, standing there but looking as if he’s about to fall. Baekhyun wants to hold him up just like he had done to Baekhyun all those other times Baekhyun needed it, but he only stands there, frozen.

He thinks about the weight of what he’s done, and what he’s done to Chanyeol. Maybe they’ll never date again. Maybe they’ll never see each other again. Maybe Chanyeol will move on and love someone else. He thinks about all this, and for a moment he asks himself: Is it worth it?

Is this worth breaking up?

Why did he even ask that question?

 “All right.” Baekhyun’s voice is soft, and his heart breaks. “Okay.” Heart in his throat, Baekhyun grabs his books and heads towards the door – he has nothing more to say to Chanyeol. His job is done, his mission at this checkpoint complete.

“Thank you.” Baekhyun whispers, because it’s all part of an act. Still, in those two words he holds part of his most sincerest feelings. Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for protecting me.

“Do you trust me?” He blurts. He doesn’t know what made him ask that. He doesn’t know why he had just revealed a part of what he’s about to do, and he prays Chanyeol doesn’t see through him.

He waits there for a long time, because part of him wants Chanyeol to pull him back, tell him he’ll never let him go again.

Eventually he pulls himself together and leaves, feeling like he’ll never be happy again.

Baekhyun’s free.

Baekhyun’s free to do whatever he wants.

Chanyeol’s free too.

Chanyeol’s free to do whatever he wants, to relive, to re-love.

To forget that such a person like Byun Baekhyun has ever existed.

He packs up his things.

It’s time he lives in his enemy’s hideout so he can find out what exactly his enemy is planning.

It’s crazy even to him how easily acting in front of Joo Sung is compared to acting in front of Chanyeol, it’s like a piece of cake.

“Baekhyun, here are the equipment.” Jungsoo says when they meet together in the café. “I made sure to get one that regenerates battery through the sun’s rays, so it doesn’t look suspicious. When you put it on, it registers with the iris of your eyes. When you take it off, I can’t see anything.” Jungsoo takes out his laptop. “I already installed it on my laptop. Let’s check it now.” Baekhyun puts on his glasses, blinking when he feels dizzy for a second and everything seems to blur around him. Eventually, they focus and everything looks normal. Baekhyun looks around the café with his glasses.

“Yeah, it’s working well.” Jungsoo says. “Don’t wear it too much because it tires easily and you can hurt your eyes.”

“Nicely done.” Baekhyun says as he takes it off and puts it in his glasses case.

“Whenever you wear it, I have to leave my laptop on so the information can be passed and I can record everything, which is why this earpiece comes in.” Jungsoo passes it to Baekhyun. The earpiece is transparent, and Jungsoo passes a little oval-like thing to him. “This is the microphone for you to speak. You have to put it near your mouth. I think you should make it less obvious.” Jungsoo takes out a bandaid gives it to Baekhyun. “Pretend you got scratched there and wear a bandaid over it. It’s really small so it shouldn’t bump outwards.” Impressed, the smaller lets Jungsoo help him put the bandaid over the microphone.

“This bandaid is water-proof and very sticky, by the way.” Jungsoo grins. “So you don’t need to take it off when you shower or anything. Also, if you want to switch it on, just tap the microphone twice and automatically my earpiece will switch on. Same vice versa. Even if my earpiece is off, it’ll automatically switch on if you need to talk. When you switch it off, press your finger against it for a few seconds.” Baekhyun smiles back.

“You sure did a lot of work on this.” He says.

“I tried the earpieces, by the way.” Jungsoo says, taking out his own pair. “They work great.”

“Good.” Baekhyun stands. “I want you to wear the earpiece all the time, no matter where you are. You can hide your speaker in your pockets just in case you need to reply to me.” He gathers his stuff in one arm. “Go register for school now, you should be able to start soon, I think.”

“Hyung.” Jungsoo stands too. “Be careful.”

“I will.” Baekhyun smiles. “Oh yeah, remember to call Chanyeol ‘hyung’, okay?”

But Chanyeol doesn’t make it easy.

Even when Baekhyun walks past their room, heart always hoping to see Chanyeol even though he doesn’t hope Chanyeol to see him, somehow his ex always finds him. Even when he wants to hurry away, Chanyeol sees him, grabs his arm, and pulls him in.

“What the hell?!” Baekhyun blurts out of fear rather than annoyance. He’s afraid Chanyeol will see through him. He’s afraid he’ll break, and then Chanyeol will be caught up in this mess.

“Baek, we need to talk.” Baekhyun hates how bad Chanyeol looks, how his shoulders are slumped in a dejected manner, eyes almost hooded as well as the way his ex backs against the door almost possessively. “I’ll let you go after I’m done. I promise.”

I don’t want to see you. Not anymore. The frown hanging on Baekhyun’s lips is heavy, especially when it tries to hide his true self. Even so, his heart softens, because it has always softened for Chanyeol. “…Go.” He stares hard at the ground, not wanting to look Chanyeol in the eye for fear he’ll throw down everything and walk up to his old roommate, reach up to caress away invisible tears.

The laugh that escapes Chanyeol’s lips almost breaks him.

“I … I know … I know you don’t want to see me …” Baekhyun can only close his eyes and take a deep breath. “Because I … Because I was always just a replacement for him …” Baekhyun is shaking. “But … But don’t feel guilty, Baek. Don’t push me away because of what happened.”

Why don’t you ever believe in yourself? Baekhyun wants to say, but he forces his lips closed. Chanyeol is bleeding in front of him, but he can only stand away and pretend he doesn’t see anything. He tells himself if this is what it’s going to take to protect Chanyeol from harm, he’ll do it. Even if it means hurting Chanyeol like this. Even if it means hurting him like this.

“I … It’s understandable, wh-what you did …” Baekhyun clenches his fists. “I don’t blame you.” Baekhyun bites his lip, trying to quench the anger that had been created out of sorrow.

“W-We can pretend it never happened. We can pretend ‘we’ never happened.”

“What are you saying?!” Baekhyun whispers. And when he closes his eyes again, memories of ‘we’ flashes before him. Unforgettable. Undoable. And it calms him a little.

“I’m willing to forget everything that happened between us.” I’m not. Suddenly, Chanyeol’s warm hand grabs his, and Baekhyun flinches away like he had touched fire, because he had. He felt the spark, and he felt the warmth. And he promised himself he would give that up, as long as Chanyeol can be safe. Even if he’ll never have that warmth again. “We can even be enemies again. Just … don’t avoid me. Don’t ignore me.”

I can’t do that. Baekhyun wants to shout. I already decided to protect you. Don’t make me go back on my word.

“Chanyeol.” He says instead, remembering his role now, remembering his initial motive for doing this. “Don’t.”

“Baekhyun, please – ” Baekhyun moves away, afraid that if Chanyeol touches him again, he’ll bury his face in Chanyeol’s chest instead, and shield himself away from all the horror he knows he’s about to face.

“Don’t.” Baekhyun’s voice is stronger now, firmer, as he remembers why he’s letting Chanyeol go. “Pretend I don’t exist. Don’t look for me again.” You can be happy without me. You need to be happy and safe, whether I’m in your life or not.

“I know you don’t love me, Baekhyun.” Baekhyun stops now. “I know you never loved me … I thought you did, but you don’t. And … I’m okay with that. I just … I … I want you to be happy.”

Furious, Baekhyun storms out, slamming the door behind him.

Then he runs. He runs to the toilets and locks himself up in the cubicle, sinking down on the floor, hands in his hair as he lets out a shaky breath.

Why don’t you ever appreciate yourself, Chanyeol-ah? Baekhyun thinks, face in his hands as he lets himself break down. He hates how even after all this time, Chanyeol doesn’t have enough confidence in himself (in them). And he hates how he’s the one who caused it. You said you learnt to love yourself. You ing liar.

You’re a ing liar.

And I hate how you never thought it was my fault.

Walking away from Joo Sung, Baekhyun thinks he’ll finally have time to rest a little, to at least let down his guard a little.

But then suddenly someone grabs him, and when he turns around, he sees Chanyeol again.

Chanyeol, who looks sadder and sadder as each day passes. This time, Baekhyun doesn’t even have the time to hide his heartache and his pain that is, at that moment, so obviously mirroring Chanyeol’s.

But then Chanyeol doesn’t see it, because Chanyeol isn’t looking into his eyes.

“Baekhyun.” Chanyeol’s voice is so broken, and Baekhyun, like so many other times, nearly breaks down, wanting to wrap his arms around the taller. Then he reminds himself why the he’s doing this.

Forget me already! He wants to scream. Forget me and live a better life. it up. Don’t you understand I don’t want you into this mess?

“Baekhyun.”

He desires it. Baekhyun desires the comfort and security Chanyeol brings, and he ing misses how it felt to have Chanyeol hold him.

Instead, Baekhyun rips his arm off Chanyeol, does it extra hard so Chanyeol can hate him and forget him and pretend he never exists. He walks away with purpose, with no regrets, because he wants Chanyeol to resent him, resent him so he can move on and stop drowning himself in pain.

Once, Baekhyun had everything. His everything came in secret kisses shared in the hallways, shameless hand-holding in front of his friends, chaste pecks on the face during busy nights, stupid arguments over stupid things, heated disagreements that caused heated intimacy, shy flirting that sometimes ended in awkward silences, and the laughter and happiness that these little things, and the tall giant dork that created it, gave him.

And now he has nothing.

“Have you showered yet, babe?” Joo Sung whispers as he holds onto Baekhyun, pulling him closer gently, large hands running all over his face. Ever since Chanyeol is gone, Baekhyun finds it so much easier to pretend. A piece of cake now, compared to what it was when he was in front of Chanyeol, the man who can see through his every action.

“No…” He replies, closing his eyes and pulling Joo Sung closer, taking in the expensive cologne that smells so different from Chanyeol.

“Go shower.” Joo Sung chuckles, pushing him away lightly. Baekhyun forms a pout on his lips.

“Are you going to come with me?” The smaller pulls him by the arm, but Joo Sung laughs and shakes his head.

“I’ve got something to do, baby.” He leans in and kisses Baekhyun on the cheek. “Enjoy your time in the shower, okay?”

“Yeah.” Baekhyun sighs, pretending to be disappointed. He grabs his clothes and hurries towards the shower further into the master bedroom. At the last minute, he remembers that he has to bring his glasses, since they’re really sensitive and he doesn’t want them out of his sight. He drops his things, then opens the door again.

He walks outside to the room he shares with Joo Sung (he had pestered that he wanted to sleep with Joo Sung, only because this allows him more access around the older’s room), looking around for his glasses, trying not to curse at how clumsy he can be sometimes. He finds the glasses sitting on top of a table near the door. He picks it up, heart racing because he could’ve lost it and/or anyone could’ve found out what he had been planning to do. Just as he is about to sneak away, though, he hears Joo Sung talking outside the door.

“I told you already.” Joo Sung’s voice sounds impatient. “I want to get that goddamn necklace.” Baekhyun leans closer, daring himself to press his ear to the door. 

“Yes, you ing idiot, I said I’m going to get that necklace.”

Heart in his throat, Baekhyun slowly puts his hands in his pants into his underwear and takes out a small, nano-ipod-sized device. He clicks a button, then pulls the antenna up to its maximum, then presses another button.

“Didn’t I tell you? This boy looks exactly like me! This boy is stinking rich, but he doesn’t even know it. I showed you the ing poster – the butler or some wants to find the son of the ers that died. Yes, they’re stinking rich, because even after they’re buried in hell their company is still going twenty years later?” Baekhyun frowns. “…...............Why? Are you an idiot? I told you, I look exactly like him, so what do you think I’m going to do, peabrain? ………Yes, I’m going to steal his identity! Are you ing stupid? Why did I even hire you again? You wasted my time to ask me this? Do you know how ing suspicious it would look to the if he came out of the bathroom and heard me calling you?” Baekhyun grimaces. As if you weren’t suspicious enough already, you dip. “Okay, I’ll make this clear for you, one last ing time. I am going to steal that goddamn necklace and present myself to the butler. Then once I’m declared the heir of Golden Parks, that Park ing Chanyeol can go to jail for stealing my identity. Yes, happily ever after for us. I give you money and you can live your life and I can live my own. Get it? Now go do your work.” Breath hitched, Baekhyun bounds across the room silently, then closes the door behind him.

“Babe, are you done?” He hears Joo Sung call, feelings boiling when he hears how soft and gentle it sounds.

“I’m changing!” Baekhyun calls back. Panting, he switches off the recording device and pulls off all his clothes, changing into new ones – no time to shower now. He stuffs the recording device down his underwear, grimacing at how horrible a place it must be, but knowing there’s no other choice – if Joo Sung ever searches him, he won’t even think to touch down there.

Once he returns to school, he’ll be able to pass the memory to Jungsoo. One piece of evidence collected.

That’s Baekhyun’s main mission – to prove that Joo Sung has sinister intentions. He will collect pieces of evidence, and then present it to the police, then throw him in jail. Then he won’t ever be able to harm Chanyeol.

Hopefully in the midst of trying to protect Chanyeol, he can help the 15-year old him too.

“Maybe you should talk to Chanyeol. Don’t cut him off because of me.” Joo Sung whispers, pulling Baekhyun into a hug. The smaller finds it’s not as tight or warm or secure as Chanyeol’s is.

“I don’t want you to think I’m cheating on you!” Baekhyun says teasingly with a smile on his face. “I won’t ever let you go, hyung. You’re the best thing that’s happened in my life.” He buries his face in a broad chest and stops his breathing because he doesn’t want to smell Joo Sung. You ass piece of think I’m going to let you get close to Chanyeol through me? that, I ain’t giving you any chances.

“By the way, Baekkie …” Joo Sung pulls away. “… How do I say this?”

“You can say anything, hyung.” Baekhyun whispers. “I won’t ever judge you.” I don’t need to judge you to know you’re a mothering .

“It’s like this …” Joo Sung looks hesitant, and briefly Baekhyun wonders if this is all just an act. “Has Chanyeol ever …?”

“I told you I don’t want to talk about him.” Baekhyun crosses his arms. “Pretend he doesn’t exist. I only have you in my heart.”

“But Baekkie.” Joo Sung pleads. “Just this one question, then I’ll stop asking, okay?”

“…Okay.” Baekhyun loosens his arms and lets them fall to his side. “What is it?”

“Did Chanyeol ever … you know, show him the most precious thing he owns?”

“…No.” Baekhyun replies carefully.

“Nothing? Not like … you know, something that’s passed down from his parents?” Oh, you er.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Baekhyun answers, shaking his head and blinking his eyes dumbly. “I don’t think Chanyeol ever owned anything that expensive. Okay, you promised! You’ll never talk about him again.” Joo Sung looks as if he’s about to protest, a dark look flitting over his eyes, but Baekhyun turns away to grab his bag, giving Joo Sung some time to recover from his fury. “I have to go class now.” When he turns back, like expected, Joo Sung is back to his acting role, looking kind but guilty.

“I have other things to do, babe.” Joo Sung looks sorry. “So you’ll go there by yourself.”

“That’s okay.” Baekhyun smiles. “You do so much for me already.” Thank god. He grabs his bag and leaves, finding a bus that can take him there. He loves it when he’s sitting on the bus, because it’s at this time when he can express his frown and let himself reflect, let himself remember the person he still is. Sometimes, in the long ride, he can close his eyes and think about Chanyeol, trying to remember how it felt when Chanyeol touched him and kissed him, trying to imagine Chanyeol’s laugh and his wide stupid grin and his stupid huge ears. It’s at that time when Baekhyun is the happiest. He loves buses for a reason, because after all, it was Chanyeol who taught him how to ride them.

And it’s at these times when Baekhyun can settle in the loss that he had created for himself, the grief that he feels knowing that Chanyeol might not even be his anymore after everything is over.

Baekhyun gets off the bus, slinging his bag over his shoulder casually. Instead of going to class, though, he goes to the room he shared with Chanyeol. Baekhyun taps his band aid twice.

“I’m in your room.” He says as he opens the door and lets himself in. Meeting here in private was Jungsoo’s decision, since he said Chanyeol doesn’t return until after 9 o’clock at night. No longer than five minutes later, Jungsoo appears.

“Here.” Baekhyun gives him the memory from the recording device. “Save it to your laptop and remember to make multiple copies just in case.”

“Yeah.” Jungsoo pulls out his laptop and inserts the memory stick in. In the meantime, Baekhyun explains to him what he had heard and recorded.

“So it’s confirmed.” Jungsoo says quietly. “That’s what he wants.”

“Yes.” Baekhyun says. “He even asked me about the necklace today, that er’s got guts. He also said something about a poster … That a butler released. Can you search that up?” Jungsoo immediately proceeds to do so and finds something just as quickly.

“It became widely announced a few days ago.” Jungsoo says as Baekhyun takes a seat next to him on the bed, peering in. “They posted this online on Golden Parks’s official website.”

“SEARCHING FOR LOST HEIR

Are you an orphan? Have you never seen your parents? If so, then this might be for you!

The butler, Lee Mansu, is finally retiring. He reveals that Park Minji has actually given birth to a baby boy two months before her death, but the baby boy had been unfortunately lost during the frenzy of the unfortunate deaths of the lovers.

Lee Mansu is meeting up with possible heirs from now on. ‘I will know.’ He says. ‘Because his parents left him something very precious. They left him their trademark.’

PHONE NUMBER: 123 4567 8900”

“…Wow.” Jungsoo says, eyes wide.

“Search through the news.” Baekhyun says impatiently. That er must’ve seen this and found out who the heir was. Imagine his face when he realised that Chanyeol looks exactly like him. Jungsoo searches really fast, and eventually they come upon a video of Lee Mansu being interviewed about this.

“It sounds very ambiguous how the child was lost during their deaths?” The interviewer asks. “Is there more to this story than what’s been said?” Lee Mansu has white hair and a white beard, wrinkles adorning his forehead. Even so, he doesn’t look too old, and is probably in his sixties. A serious and grave expression adorns his features.

“Actually … they did not die in the fire.” Lee Mansu says. “There were murderers who wanted to find them and threatened them for their money.” There is silence. “Minji saved her son just in time.”

“Will you tell us how he was saved? Will you give any hints?” Lee Mansu shakes his head.

“I’ll know.” He says. “I’ll know when he comes to me. They gave him their trademark.”

“Will you reveal what this trademark is?”

“No.”

“Her son must be very loved.” The interviewer says softly. “Do you think he knows that?”

“I don’t know.” Lee Mansu’s eyes have softened. “But I hope he does. I hope he knows she gave him all the love she had.”

The video stops. Baekhyun and Jungsoo glance at each other.

“That’s how he found out.” Baekhyun mutters as he stands up. ’Trademark’ must be the jewellery they make. Chanyeol has a necklace passed down to him, specifically made for him, with a note of love and nothing else. It must be the necklace.

And yet, Baekhyun knows it’s not that simple. Lee Mansu had this strange expression on his face when he spoke, and Baekhyun knows the necklace can’t be it. He borrows Jungsoo’s laptop and scrolls through everything he can find about Golden Parks and their founders and even the butler. When he’s done, he gives it back to Jungsoo, then stands up.

“My class is over. I have to go soon.” Baekhyun says, remembering the phone number by heart as if it’s his birthday. In many ways, it’s more important than his birthday. “Jungsoo, make sure Chanyeol doesn’t lose the necklace. In the meantime, as long as I don’t contact Chanyeol, Joo Sung can’t get to him.”

“What if Joo Sung finds Chanyeol himself?” Jungsoo asks. Baekhyun clenches his hands into fists.

“He won’t. He can’t. He won’t be able to contact Chanyeol. And I’ll distract him enough.” Baekhyun says. “And you’ll watch him, will you not?” Jungsoo nods profusely, but then shakes his head.

“Can’t you just drag Chanyeol’s to the butler and deal with him there?” Jungsoo asks instead. “Do you have to put yourself in danger?” Baekhyun’s eyes darken.

“That will do anything to get money.” Baekhyun hisses, eyes flashing with anger. “With not enough proof, he can’t go to jail. I want to make sure that he definitely goes there. If his plans are ruined, he will ing hurt someone.”

“But –”

“But he can’t hurt anyone when he’s in jail.” Baekhyun turns and heads towards the door. “And I will make sure he’s stuck in there for the rest of his life.”

“Baekhyun –”

“We also don’t know exactly what the butler wants.” Baekhyun says quietly. “We don’t know anything yet, and we don’t want to put anyone else in danger.” Jungsoo stares at him, conflict in his eyes. He says nothing.

“How’s Chanyeol?” Baekhyun asks softly, and his heart throbs with pain at the thought that the last time he saw Chanyeol, Chanyeol wasn’t well. “Is he better?”

“Yeah.” Jungsoo says. “He’s less depressed now. He stopped drinki–  Uh, yeah, he’s less depress –”

“He drank?” Baekhyun narrows his eyes. Jungsoo flinches visibly and looks away, guilty. “Since when?”

“He … he started drinking when it became too hard.” Jungsoo says miserably. “I mean, the others stopped him for a while, but then he secretly did it when I went somewhere else.” The room turns chilly and Baekhyun’s eyes are too dark.

“Jungsoo, didn’t I tell you to look out for him?” Baekhyun’s voice is angry and pained at the same time. And tired. Jungsoo winces.

“But I wanted to make sure you were –“

“You’re supposed to look after him, not me!” Baekhyun shouts, exasperated. Jungsoo shuts up and looks down, guilty. Baekhyun takes a deep breath, then lets it out slowly.

“…Okay. How is he now?” Baekhyun mutters quietly, trying to push down the heartache that comes with the fact that Chanyeol had been using such a horrible method to forget. Chanyeol-ah, weren’t you the one who told me to stop that?

“He …” Jungsoo looks around nervously, as if already heaps guilty from before. “He says … he said he was thinking about dating Kyungsoo.” Baekhyun mutes. Jungsoo feels like he’s walking a tightrope here, and the silence is deafening.

“I-It was just a thought.” Jungsoo adds quickly. “He’s not –”

“Let him.” Baekhyun says softly. “Convince him to.”

“No!” Jungsoo argues. “It’s obviously hurting you.” He steps forward, wanting to grab Baekhyun and explain to him, but the older pushes him away.

“If that’s what makes him happy, then let him.” Without another word, Baekhyun opens the door and leaves.

Somehow, Jungsoo feels as if all the energy had left Baekhyun when he walked out that door.