.

This is not what he wanted to happen.

This is not what he wanted to say.

That is not how he wanted to handle the situation.

He did not want Jackson to start crying, looking like he was some child who got scolded or look like a kicked puppy.

Well what the did you think would happen when you refused to let him talk and called him a child? His brain asked and Mark really wasn’t in the mood to fight with his mind right now.

“Oh no-Jackson- im- that’s not- I didn’t mean-please look at me.” Mark quickly got out. Whatever act he was putting on a few seconds way instantly disappearing when Jackson gave him that look - that look of pure dejection – and looked down.  

Maybe it was a bad idea to ask Jackson to look at him, because when he did, his throat tightened. Jackson refused to look at him in the eyes but Mark still noticed the glassiness in the others eyes.

Great, you made him cry. Nice going, jackass. Mark ignored his thoughts and took notice of how Jackson was still shivering. So as if Jackson looking near tears wasn’t enough, the fact that he was standing there dripping wet and shaking made the situation a whole lot worse to look at.

He quickly grabbed Jackson’s hand and pulled him inside. “Take off that sweater, you’re going to catch a cold. Stay here while I fetch a towel-“

Mark’s words got interrupted because next thing he knew, he had a handful of Jackson in his arms. The younger had quite literally launched himself at Mark as soon as he pulled him inside and was now clinging on to his chest. He heard him let out a small sniffle and at this point he just wanted to go back in time to shoot past Mark for handling the situation the way he did.

He automatically wrapped his arms around Jackson, being at a loss for words. He felt awful and was pretty sure any words of comfort he would say would just make the matters worse. So Mark just let him quite down on his own, hugging him tighter and running his hands through his hair. He was getting his own clothes wet but he could care less about that right now.  

Mark would really love to enjoy how intimate they were both being right now but this is not the type of intimacy he wanted -with an armful of a crying Jackson. An armful of Jackson- yes. But not an armful ofcrying Jackson.

Why are you just standing there? Has your mouth stopped functioning? Say something! Mark’s head was extra chatty today but this time didn’t have a reason to ignore it.

“Jackson I’m-“

“I’m sorry hyung.” Jackson interrupted. “I know it’s not enough and I have a lot of explaining to do but I’m so sorry for avoiding you. I know it sounds cheesy, but it wasn’t you, it really was me who…needed to pull my together and I didn’t know how-“

Jackson was rambling now, still pressed against Mark’s, words slightly muffled on his chest. The more Jackson talked, the worse he felt. Why is he saying sorry? Mark should be apologizing. He was the one who acted harsh with his words and wouldn’t let the younger talk.

He pulled back slightly and took Jackson’s face in his hands, forcing the younger to look up at him. He wasn’t crying but his eyes were slightly red and mouth set in a frown.

“Stop apologizing. You’re actually making me feel worse. Whatever your reason was, I should’ve given you a chance to explain instead of-instead of saying all that I said.” Mark spoke softly, hoping Jackson could hear the sincerity in his voice. “I…I’ve missed you. I was upset and just lashing out-”

Ok. What did Mark do now? Because instead of hoping his words would comfort the other, they were doing the exact opposite. Jackson looked like he was close to tears again. But the reddening in his cheeks and smile working its way on his face said so otherwise. “I’m sorry-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you again-“

Jackson chuckled –oh-he was laughing -and smiling- thank the lord he was finally smiling. “I’m not crying.” He replied and abruptly hit his chest. Quite hard actually. “I’m just relieved. I seriously thought I screwed up everything and that I crossed some line with you-“

“No Jackson, you didn’t screw up anything. I could never stay mad at you for too long. Which is pretty impressive because you can seriously be a pain in the sometimes.”

Jackson pouted and was about to reply in protest but sneezed instead.

“Go sit down and let me get you a towel. This is why I told you to take off your sweater. You’re going to get sick” Mark said scolded, pushing Jackson towards the couch. 

Jackson grinned and let out a sigh of relief. Everything was ok. Everything was ok. Mark wasn’t mad at him. He hadn’t ruined everything. Mark forgave him. Mark even apologized himself. Mark said he…missed him. Things were under control again.

Damage control: Check.

Jackson did as we was told and took off his sweater, sighing in relief as the wet material left his body and air touched his bare skin. He caught a glance at the little piece of writing on his hand that was the cause of all this mess.

Oh yah. He thought. I still had to explain the whole tattoo business to Mark. 

He heard movement behind him and turned around to see Mark approaching him.

Mark halted his movements for a brief second, forgetting momentarily that he had asked Jackson to take off his sweater. He took in a deep breath and tried not to think about how gorgeous Jackson’s arms and chest currently looked glistening in water. Those trips to the gym were definitely paying off. His body was toned and lean in just the right way, without being too much. It doesn’t even make sense for Mark to call Jackson a kid, when he was anything but-physically.  But the sight of Jackson standing there in just his tank really was beautiful and Mark could probably make a fan page dedicated just to his body but that would be equally parts creepy and erted of him. He resumed his movements and slowly approached Jackson.

Something felt off in the air. Even though they cleared some of the tension between them a few minutes back, he felt like he was missing out on something and doesn’t know what. Mark thinks maybe it’s because of the fact that Jackson was standing there without a shirt, but there is something in Jackson’s eyes that he can’t quite recognize. He was playing with his hands, a habit he’s seen the younger do if he’s wants to say something but isn’t sure he should.

Jackson lifts his hands, palms facing up and towards him. Mark glanced at his hands and back at his face with a questioning look, but then did a double take when he spotted writing on the younger's wrist.

On closer inspection Mark realized that it was a tattoo. It was a piece of writing, he could quite make out. Written quite nicely – Oh. Oh.  It was a soulmate tattoo. Jackson’s…soulmate tattoo.

The situation seemed awfully familiar to the time he revealed his tattoo to Jackson and he had a sense of déjà vu. What a great day that was, eh?

He looked up at the younger, who was watching him closely. Waiting. He brought his palms closer to Mark, and asked “Do you see the name?”

He looked down at Jackson’s wrist again. It looked so much better than his soulmate tattoo.  Instead of a blotchy faded mess that was on his arm, Jackson’s tattoo, in clear blank ink read Mark Tuan.

…

Wait.

What?

Did he read that right?

Oh my god. He did. He did. He did read it right!

--oh my god.

That was his name. That was his ing name on Jackson’s wrist. It was his name.  Mark was…Jackson’s soulmate. He was Jackson’s soulmate.

Mark wished he could say something but no words seemed to be wanting to come out of his mouth. He bet he resembled a fish with how his mouth kept opening and closing. Honestly, he was 22 years old. An adult. Why can’t he do a better job at being in control of his actions?

Jackson looked at Mark, trying to gauge his reaction, not being able to decipher anything but shock. The elder didn’t say anything, looking quite flustered actually. His eyes were as big as saucers, mouth agape. But the silence was eating away at Jackson so he decided to say something to fill up the space.

“This is the reason why I’ve been avoiding you. I discovered it the morning of my birthday and… had no idea what to make of it. Because you already had your soulmate and I didn’t know what this would mean.” Jackson was impressed he managed to get that our without his voice breaking.

“Why…Were you…disappointed it was me?”

Jackson gave out a humorless chuckle. Disappointed did not come close to describing how he felt. But Mark was looking at him like he was almost afraid to hear his answer.

“Is that a serious question?” Jackson asked in disbelief.  “Of course I wasn’t disappointed. But the reason why… I handled it the way I did and didn’t tell you was because I thought this would turn into one of those unrequited love stories but really I was…” he trailed of.

“You were…?”

Jackson felt like the air around him was getting thicker by the second. His heart was still pounding away in his chest. But he’d already said so much, he couldn’t let his nerves get him down now. “I was… I was happy because… Iwasinlove. I mean, I um- am still in love, with you.” Yah eye contact, Jackson thought, looking down at his hands and toying with his fingers. No one told him saying those words would be so embarrassing.

If Jackson hadn’t looked down, then he would’ve witnessed the matching blush also creeping across his hyung’s cheeks at his confession.  

“And I was, um, afraid to do anything about it because I couldn’t, I’m not your soulmate.” Jackson knew he told himself that if Mark didn’t return his feelings then it would be ok. He wouldn’t push himself on the elder. But now, the thought of being rejected…

“So… you were avoiding me because I turned out to be your soulmate, and even though that made you happy, you were afraid it would mean nothing and that I wouldn’t love you back?” Mark asked, trying to organize the literal bomb of information that Jackson Wang just dropped on him.

“Yes.”

Mark wanted to strangle the younger man and then wrap his arms around him and never let him go. Did Jackson hear himself? He was scared that Mark wouldn’t return his feelings?! He? Of how Mark would react?

The Jackson who so easily understood Mark. The Jackson that dealt with his tsundere when he first met him. The Jackson who acted like a child 95% of the time. The Jackson who made him laugh till his stomach hurt. The Jackson’s whose high pitched hyena laugh made Mark laugh. The Jackson who went out of his way to meet him before and after classes. The Jackson who would stay over to watch movies with him and let Mark always pick the movie. The Jackson who had Mark’s Starbucks order memorized one week into their friendship. The Jackson who interacted with a little girl for 15 minutes and made Mark’s heart swell in his chest. The Jackson Wang who…made him feel not so alone in this world.

“I was wrong.” Mark finally decided to say. “You really aren’t a brat anymore. But you are, the biggest idiot I’ve ever met. In my life. And…so am I.”

Mark didn’t give Jackson the time to react before he reached out and grabbed him by the neck, startling the younger. Jackson gave out a small gasp that died halfway in his mouth when he felt Mark’s lips on his.