ive realized...that my so called long updates...arent long at all...but why do they seem so long then????sighs...whatevs...sooo...another chappie!!!!yay!!!!should be doing hw...but...needed to distract myself...meannie essays...oh wellsies!!!!good thing im almost done em!!!!yay!!!!sooo...this is kinda short...but...i didnt know what to say after like half of it...so...yeah...anyways!!!!enjoy reading!!!!

“The concert tour has been extended by 2 months, I’ll be gone for 3 months now instead.” Jaejoong leaned back on the couch, breathing a sigh of relief.

You sit there not saying a word, stunned at what he had just told you. 3 months, he’ll be gone for 3 months. Starting next week. Next week, in 7 days… You sit there, the shock at his announcement now wearing away and being replaced by anger. Anger at the fact that he had only bothered to tell you now, the fact that it was extended so much, and the most important factor, the fact that he’ll be gone for his birthday. The first birthday of his during our relationship. What was supposed to be a memorable event is now going to be me at home all alone, while he’s jetting off from one foreign place to another, having fun and singing and whatnot. All those things I had planned, all are gone to waste.

“You’re leaving for 3 months next week, and you only bother to tell me now?” Your eyes flash, warning him that one wrong word out of his mouth will result in an explosion of anger that you both will regret.

Jaejoong cautiously said, “It was unexpected. Our concerts sold out within minutes and we had been considering extending our stays in some places and added more dates, maybe even a couple more countries. We had to wait for confirmation if it was possible or not.” Jaejoong shrugged, thinking that that was a good enough explanation.

“Considering? You mean that you knew about this?” The shock once again returning in your voice, but tinged with fury.

“Yeah, it was actually us who put that idea forward, about…” Jaejoong furrowed his brows as he thought back, “I think it was a month ago? Whatever, it was sometime ago, but we started worrying when we hadn’t received any answer to our proposal.”

“You knew about the possibility of you having to be gone for longer, you put that idea forward and the fact that you received no answer was what has been worrying you, right?” You repeated his words to get confirmation that what you heard was true and at Jaejoong’s nod, you stand up in a huff, moving away from him, your arms crossed in front of you. “And you decided to only tell me this now, 1 week before you have to leave?”

Jaejoong got up too, making a move to come closer to you, but when you narrow your eyes at him he stopped. “I just didn’t want to make you worry or anything until everything had been decided.”

“Either way Jaejoong, you should have told me! You don’t think I have the right to know that my boyfriend’s going to be gone for 3 months? Possibility or reality, I should know!”

“Babe, you know the life of an idol, I thought you were used to it?”

“I am! But…you know what, I give up.” You throw your hands in the air and storm off to your room.

It’s not even about him leaving for 3 months, why does it seem like he can get along fine with or without me, but here I am, on the other hand, dependent on him so much. I adjust my schedule to his because of his job, I knew I had to, I knew I had to make sacrifices. I just didn’t know that one of those sacrifices would be my self worth. Why couldn’t he have just told me?

Not thinking, but going with the flow, you drag out your suitcase and open your closet to start to pack, but you stop yourself. Do I want to leave? No, and I if I do, I’ll be the one crawling back, like a pathetic person. Why did he have to go and make his presence so big in my life, when did he become such a huge part of it? You sit in front of your suitcase, dejected, staring into the empty suitcase, the tears starting to well in your eyes.

You hear soft footsteps come toward you and feel the warmth of another body settle itself beside you. “____, why do you have your suitcase out? Do you want to leave?”

You hear a small note of panic in Jaejoong’s voice and you smile a bit. Maybe I was wrong, maybe I am a part of his life, just as much as he is in mine. But the smile disappears. This, inconsiderateness though, I don’t think I can live with this, I shouldn’t have to be subjected to feeling so small.

“Answer me!” Jaejoong yelled out in frustration and you look up to glare at him.

“If you want to know so badly, then yes okay? Yes!”

“What?”

“I feel like I’m of no consequence to you Jae, alright? I feel like you take me for granted. Sure I know how unpredictable your life can get, what with you being an idol and whatnot and I’ve dealt with it have I not?” You don’t wait for an answer. “So many times in our relationship, you’ve kept things from me and every time I tell you to stop, that we’re a couple and we should talk things out, not keep it bottled up! And you know, that doesn’t just include feelings and whatnot, it includes things that are going to affect our lives! Before I decided to take a break from university, did we not talk it out? Did I not ask your opinion on that decision? I make you a part of my life, my whole life, not just half of it! I feel like you feel that I’m not important enough to be your whole life, and today is just the perfect example of that!”

“But, honey,” Jaejoong grabbed your hand and held fast. “You are my whole life, I tell you that everyday. I need you.” Jaejoong’s eyes implored you to look at him, to forget your anger and forgive him, but you remain hard.

“Yeah you do, but that doesn’t make it a reality.” The tears that had filled your eyes now spilled over and Jaejoong’s eyes widened.

Jaejoong’s POV

I’ve made her cry again. Two days I’ve hurt her to the point that she cried. All I do is hurt her, don’t I? She’s not truly happy is she?

Your POV 

“To tell you the truth, it’s not about you leaving for 3 months, that I can deal with. We can call each other or Skype each other, it makes no difference.” Your anger gives way to hurt. “It’s that fact that I won’t be there to celebrate your birthday with you, your first birthday since we’ve been together.” You give a bitter laugh. “You know, I had already planned out what I was going to do to celebrate it? I had everything set up, recipes printed out, a list all made up, everything was going to be perfect.”

“Babe…”

“Stop Jaejoong. This was supposed to be a special memory, like a first anniversary, but now, I’m going to remember it by being all alone, mad that you didn’t bother to share such a big thing with me, while you’re off in some country living it up with Junsu and Yoochun and enjoying yourself performing for your fans and whatnot. But you know what? I’m glad that it’s just your birthday. If it had been our first anniversary, I think I really would have left.”

“You’re not leaving?” Jaejoong asked quietly.

“No! Do you think I actually could?”

“But what if it had been our first anniversary?”

“A birthday comes every year, no big deal if we can’t celebrate one together. I can already tell that if this relationship survives, there will be many things that will be missed, anniversaries included.”

“Then why the first?”

“Really Jaejoong? Really? You’re saying the reason every time you open your mouth! It’s our first anniversary, a first never comes back, it’s a one time thing only. Maybe to you it may not be a big deal, but, if I can say this, for girls it is, especially for me.” You let out a long sigh, the energy disappearing from you and you let your body droop. “I really didn’t want to fight, I wanted to make the most of these 7 days, but look at us now.” You let out another sigh.

“____, I’m sorry.” Jaejoong pushed the suitcase away from you and took its place in front of you, his face sincere. “I’m really sorry baby, I promise I’ll try to change, it may take me some time, but,” Jaejoong lifted your chin until your eyes were meeting, “I don’t want to lose you, you are my world, even if I don’t show it. Please forgive me?”

“I need some time Jaejoong, I’m going to need time to get over this.” You feel a pang in your heart at the sight of Jaejoong’s fallen face. “I think it’s time you should go to your room, I…I want to sleep now.”

Jaejoong nodded silently, getting up, but he pulled you up too. He stood there for a second, just looking at you, before he crushed you into a hug, and gave you a long kiss. Then he left.

You fall onto your bed, clothes and everything just the way they are, and, like the night before, you let the tears fall freely and wait for sleep to overtake your tired body.

Jaejoong’s POV

I have to change. If I don’t, I’ll only hurt her more and I can’t see her in pain. The only choice then would be to leave, but I can’t leave and I don’t want her to either. Jaejoong gave a determined nod, before he lay down on his bed, a sleepless night ahead of him as your words swirled through his mind.

so...howd you like????comment please!!!!