11:45pm,Wednesday, May 21 2014.

Eyes glued to the floor,not willing to look away for this certain fusion of feelings dominating in me.The plastic bags that once held tightly to my chest were no longer being held at all cost anymore,right now all i wanted was to be there as quickly as possible.Sighed,I'm not sure if i was ready for this but here goes nothing."Alright Mrs. Kim,for now there's nothing much i could say,but be sure to tap into that orange buzzer whenever you need me okay?" Still not moving away from my spot,curious she was i could tell,the little jet black hair nurse turned behind her."Oh,Mr Kim!" 

'It's about time.'

Reassuringly,the petite nurse whom I don't care much for her name told me that there's nothing to be worry about.Nothing else i could say but praised heavens.Soon as the nurse left,"Hey,don't drink that's mine!" Teasingly,i pretended to gulp a huge sip of the orange juice she requested moments ago.

'Pouty kid'

"Oh i know what you're thinking Mr.Kim"."What?" Yeap,no matter how hard i tried to act,she's always right.It's weird how dad onced told me that no matter how hard i wanted things to be on my way,at some points,another person will always wins,and that's no other than this beauteous creature who was once petite but now twice of her size,lying flimsy on this not so comfortable hospital bed.

3:14am,Thursday,22 May 2014.

I was awaken to the sound of soft groans somewhere coming from behind me.Frantic I was when the bed was only covered with blankets and Woochi lying with its back with those big,wide googly-eyes staring at me like it knows i'm responsible for this."Honey,don't run away from me like that!".I half yelled.Turns out she wanted a cookie but the mild contractions shooting her at the wrong moment."I was hungry!" I couldn't help but to crack a small giggle,but it didn't last long.In fact,no soft puches which i'll doubtlessly would receive from her.I hate to see her swollen arms getting tangled by the iv,somehow i wished i could untangle her,cuddle her and told her everythings's going to be alright.Shower her with all the kisses she needs like everytime back at the apartment when i have to give ludicrous excuses for a day off from the office just to take care of her when she's on her period cramps even when eventually i got for chided for it.Lying helplessly on the bed,arms draped over her eyes,i know my baby girl is fighting hard.Intimately,not any intentions of waking her back to reality,gently i placed my ear on her belly.Under this faded worn out hospital gown,a little heart beating inside waiting for his moment to come.Hardly at all placing my palms on her swollen belly,i whispered "Hey little baby,in few more hours we'll meet.I cannot wait to see you dear.Mommy is ready to see you too.Promise me that you'll work together with mommy okay?" My warm breath caressing her belly before i gave her a gentle kiss on the forehead.My trembling hands cradled her small face,gazing deeply into her eyes,no words no whispers just the sound of the monitor beeping and her heavy breathing because i know that she's struggling real hard now for me,for us,for our new sunshine in the family.If epidurals won't work plenty,it's the least i could to comfort her."Soon,it will ends soon"

'I promise'

4:05am,Thursday,22 May 2014

"10 cm,she's ready to go doctor."

"It's okay Mrs.Kim,it's going to be all alright"

The pain was clear in her face.Every second was followed by screams and yelling that i've never expected to be coming from her.Somehow i wished i had the ability to ease this pain away from her,to not let her feel this way.Its a tragic to see her like this.If there's some sort of device that could make our bodies swap,i would volunter.I kissed her white knuckles that were firmly twined towards mine endlessy,just to reassure her that everything's fine.It rived me into shreds listening to her cries "Please make it stop!" Her battle had affect her emotionally and physically which i will never fathom a way to help her."Honey,have faith.It will all ends soon."

"I can see the head!"

'This is it'

"Get me my gloves! Im taking out the forceps now"

'All the waiting'

"Mrs.Kim,stay with me okay?"

'Finally has come to an end.'

"Mr.Kim,would you like to see what's going on too?" I hated myself.Hated myself for turning away.Only lord knows how much i wanted to be there too,to be there with her but it's just too painful to watch.I fall into pieces to encounter her in such situation.

5:14am,Thursday,22 May 2014.

After an hour of anxiety,agitated and a lot of screaming and the word "Push!' chanting like an endless mantra,the baby finally showed his head.But,

"There's no other way,via vacuum or the baby will drown."

"What? What's happening? Let me see her!" It was indeed a chaotic moment.Though i were noted that everything's gonna be alright,but it's a situation between life or death."Mr.Kim,these people had been through the same procedures for years.You can count on us." Throwing in the towel,im helplessly helpless.They're right.Who am I to be dubious about this.

'Hang in there'

5:21am,Thursday,22 May 2014.

"This isn't good.Something's not right.

I bit my lip. Like a bullet shot right through me.Lord is putting me on a test.

"The baby's heartbeat is slowing down"

"Quick doctor we don't have much time.Do a C-section!"

"By the time its done,the baby probably won't survive.For this, we have to leave faith alone."

Eyes dancing every corner of the room,i couldn't control my breathing and heartbeat anymore.'Is this what she's going through now?' Not even one milisecond I would stop praying that may lord be with us and that everything will be alright.

'Please be alright'

'Please be alright'

'Please be alright'

7:08pm,Saturday,22 May 2016.

"Happy birthday to you,happy birthday to our gun yeong-ie! Happy birthday to you!"

"Ahh daddy it's not fair! It's your birthday too why do I'm the one that always got the surprises first?"

"Maybe it's because i'm the coolest daddy in the world?" quickly a peck i stole from his cute pouty little cherry red lips.Just like his mother,a pouty baby."Are we watching movies tonight?" He climbed into my embrace,clings to me like he wont ever see me again.An idea fall on the train of my thoughts reasoning the devious smile across my thin lip."But you didn't prepare the the things like i told you so" By the minute his little body spun inside my embrace,i knew that it's a success."But you didnt told me anything about preparing!" And again,a peck on his little cherry like lips were stolen."I was just kiding,i've prepared for us.Come lets go,hurry mommy is waiting for us inside"

"This is my favourite part daddy!" "Mine too!" The living room echoed with our giggles whenever the part where the lady falls inside a thick blanket of ice appears on the screen."Look at Woochi's eyes!" I couldn't help myself from not joining my little boy giggling to the screen.We watched each clips and several of them bursts us into big cackle and it will always be the lady's part.Gun yeong's favourite part will forever be the time when the lady's failed attempt on feeding the ponies."I'm not scared!" It amazed me that GunYeong memorized most of the lines from the least to his most favourite parts of the clips.I would laugh at his action imitating the lady.The night grew darker,and Gun Yeong is already curling into a fluff ball with Woochi,(y/n) favourite plushie that she used to bring it to bed with her.Too bad Gun Yeong fell asleep before he could see my favourite part of the clip.

"I pronounce you man and wife" The most happiest day of my life.

I forwarded it to the next clip

"Honey,help!! Help!! Im drowning!" "What?!! I"ll save you! But how..uh..I CANT SWIM! Here! Grab this stick!" I still remembered this,our 2 weeks honeymoon getaway in Boracay,Philippines.How can a stick save a 143 pound man though?

I skipped the clips without knowing where to stop untill..

"Look who's going to be a father today? Yay!" The lady rubs her belly,repeating the same words all over again like a broken tape."Cheer up,Im the one going to deliver the baby but why you with the long face?" 

"Im scared if something goes wrong with you"

"Nahhh,we will be together soon Junmyeon.You,me and the litlle baby here." She smiled to the camera while her hands guiding his's on her swollen belly.I cradled my palms towards my cheeks,imagining she's here.Right now.Warm tears painted my cheeks brought me back to reality.If only i knew that would be the last time we spended together,i would tell her how much i loved her even if she hates it because she thinks its funny and odd.I would shower her with all the kisses and never let go off her hands.I would take a long moment to gaze into her eyes as i know it would be my last.The reminiscence is pure agony to hold on to but here i am,holding to an inamitate black wooden framed photograph of her as if she's here,in my arms.If i could turn back time,i would,and i will do whatever it takes to bring you back to me and end this grief. 

"Daddy,it's okay,i missed mommy too.We will meet her one day.Don't cry anymore okay?" Two pair of cold soft palms warms my puffed cheeks from unrestrainable tears.His almond shaped brown eyes,thick copper hair,red cherry lips and a tint of crimson on his cheeks.

Kim Gun Yeong.Gun means 'strong' while Yeong represents 'person with courage' Even when lord had taken the sunshine away from me,but he gave me the moon that glint brightly in the dark.(y/n),every day,every minutes,seconds of my life i will never let the memories of us evanescence.Maybe we're not the perfect family here,but in heavens will.

'Every breathe,every step i take reminds me of you'

'I love you'

'I love you'

'Even if the world ends,it'll always be you'