Taeyeon’s POV

Here I am, sitting calmly in our favourite restaurant, we should have lunch together here, but the reality said different, Im here but without her.

“Thank you.” I said to the waitress who put my order on my table.

I locked my gaze to the view in front of me, so close yet so far, there is a girl who laughing and talking happily with someone, she looks enjoyed every single time that she has. She wears a soft pink dress which wrapped perfectly on her body, she has long dark wavy hair and using natural make up that made her more look gorgeous, I dont know how long I admire her figure, I just cant enough to see her.

She is beautiful.

Even though I just can see her from afar, she is still looks beautiful. I adore how her lips moves when she talks, I adore how her eyes curves when she smiles, I adore how she makes me cant get off my eyes on her.

But I feel hurt in the same time.

That should be me, the person who sit beside her, make her laugh and hear everything that she talks. Because the girl over there is mine. She is my soul, my life, my everything.

I thought only me that can make her smile and laugh like that. But today, I know something, im not the only one.

He can do that, maybe he can do anything that I can do. Maybe he can do more than I can do. So, what the special things about me?

I dont know since when they hang out or spend the time together. Is that yesterday? Last week? Last month? Last year? Or before she met me? I dont know.

I just know that it is hurt.

They look like happy couple, and im here, alone and lonely, just like a loser.

I want to grab her hand and bring her out from there. Run as faster as I can from anyone that make her far from me. But, I just cant.

She looks happy, I cant break her happiness. I ever said that im happy if she is happy. But the reality is not that easy, it hurts to see her happy with someone else. Im so selfish.

Sigh.

Why? Why did I come to her life? Why did she has to meet me? Why did she give her love for me? Because she deserves better than me.

I took a deep breath again and take my phone from my pocket, I tap a green button on her phone number. I have no idea what im doing, but I cant stop it. I just want to hear her voice. I saw her stopped talking and staring at her phone. She smiled as she saw her screen phone, does she happy to know that I call her? Why? You deserves better than me, I came to your life is a mistake. You shouldnt meet me.

“Hello?” I heard her cheerful voice. I can see her bright smile there, it makes me smiled but I dont know why it feels so painful in the same time.

“Hello.” I replied in weak voice. I dont know why suddenly it feels really hurt. It feels like I will lose her soon. I covered my mouth with the back of my hand, hold my tears to come out.

“Have you eat your lunch? Should I come to your office to feed you?” She said in worried tone.

I see Nichkhun tries to feed her ice cream but she uses her hand to refuse it, he doesnt want to give up easily, he pokes her nose with ice cream, she shows her death glare and wipe it with a tissue, he just smiled playfully and tries to feed her again, but at this time, she accepted it.

I dont realised since when the tears fall down like a river on my cheeks, but I still covered my mouth, I dont want she hears my sobs, I dont want she knows that im crying, I dont want she knows that im so weak, im weak if it is come to her.

“I love you.” I said weakly.

My fragile heart cant take it anymore, my shoulder is shaking because I hold my tears to fall again.

“I-i love you too, Taetae.” I can see her confused face from here. “Why did you say it so sudden? Why is your voice trembling?” She asked.

“I just want you to remember it whenever and wherever you are, I love you, all of my heart.” I said truthfully with still hold back my tears.

“Of course, I want you remember it too, I love you, Kim Taeyeon.”

I covered my mouth tightly, but it is useless, I cant hold back my tears anymore, it is falling smoothly, makes my cheeks wetter and wetter.

“Taetae? Are you fine?” She asked in worried tone again.

Im not fine at all.

“Im fine.” I try to compose my voice in normal tone.

“Really?”

No, Im really not fine at all.

“Yes.”

“Uhm okay.” I can see she is smiling, it feels really good to see her smile.

I wipe my tears roughly, I dont want she feels worried again because of my shaky voice.

“I will end the call.” I said after calming myself for awhile.

“Oh okay, you are so busy. But you have eaten your lunch right?” She asked.

I smiled, she cares about me so much, but she always forget something, that she is my business.

“Yes I have.”

I dont need to ask about her lunch, because I already know the answer.

“Okay, see you later, Taetae.”

“See you later.”

“Wait!” She said suddenly when I was going to hang up the call.

“Yes?”

“I love you.” She said softly.

I bite my own lips to prevent my sobs came out from my mouth.

“I love you more.” I replied and smiling when my tears is ready to fall again.

***

6:33PM

I checked my phone, it received one message.

‘I have to check the location for fashion show next week, I will be home late, dont wait me, okay? Just sleep already, you have to take a good rest, love you, boo.’

I sighed and put my phone on table again. Usually I fetch her from her boutique and we go home together at this time, but not for today, she has something to do.

‘Where is it? I will accompany you.’ I replied her text.

A few minutes later, my phone vibrated again.

‘No, you dont need to do that, you have to rest.’

I sighed again. She is so stubborn sometimes.

‘Okay, take care.’

My phone didnt vibrate again for fifteen minutes, is she really busy? I dont know. So many things happened today, it makes my head wants to explode. I cant stay at this office any longer, I think I have to go home and refresh myself now.

***

11:03PM

I cant sleep, it is obvious. How can I sleep if my wife is still at somewhere outside? Even I cant sleep without her beside me, I used to sleep with hugging her and feel her warmth.

She doesnt text me or call me until now, does she really busy? But it is already late, and she doesnt come home yet. I cant stop to feel worry and afraid, afraid that something bad happen to her.

But suddenly I heard the sounds of car engine outside my house, I open my curtain a little to see what happens there.

I think I dont need to worry, I dont need to feel afraid. She is completely fine, she has someone that protect her and keep her safe, it is him.

She has him, she doesnt need me anymore, I feel my heart like stabbed by thousand knifes again, It is too much painful.

She is with him, again. She spent her whole day with him, she had her lunch and maybe her dinner with him. No, it is not her fault, it is my fault, I cant be with her when she needs me.

Sigh.

Should I act like I didnt see anything? Is that possible? Is that possible to me forget all those things that happened today? Suddenly I wish I could wake up with amnesia.

She waves her hand to him, he waves his hand back from his seat. She is still waving her hand even though the car is far away from her sight, he seems so important for her. She turned around and I saw her smile appeared when she looked at our house.

What should I do now? Im really good at hiding something, include to hide my feeling, but it is not worked for her, she knows everything, she can read everything just from my eyes, I cant hide anything from her.

I lay my body on my bed immediately and pulled the blanket, I curled my body to the side, close my eyes and pretend to sleep. Yes, this is the best way to do now.

A few moment later I heard the door opened, she slipped herself carefully, tries to not make a sound. I can smell her perfume, she walks closer towards me.

Something warm and soft touched my cheek, I dont need to think hard to guess what is it, it is her palm. She caresses my cheek softly, like I am a fragile figure, yes im fragile, but not there, here, in my heart.

“Good night, sleep tight.” She bent her body and kissed my cheek for a few seconds, I feel her warm and soft lips againts my cheek.

Do I deserve her? Deserve her and her love? She is just too perfect to me, why does it feel hurt when she shows her love to me? How to make myself back to myself before I meet him? Why does everything seems different right now? Why do love her sounds so wrong right now? Why? Why do I have to feel