Its been 3 months since the day she left him. They decided to break up, because starting october it'll be hard to meet each other, even on weekend. It's a great deal for him, he had no one in this city, he only had her. So he spent his days with practicing, buried himself in studio, drenched in sweat, wont let that empty space to be filled with memories. "This is my decision. I have to go for my dream. I'm waiting for this moment in like 6 years. I can do this," he convinced.

But that empty space around the corner, where she usually sat and watched, he couldnt bear it. He stopped his step, threw his gaze to mirrors on the wall, and bite his lips. "Gosh why its so hard," he murmured.

***

Its New Year's Eve, yet he spent this night with his group members. His boss wont let him to go anywhere, he had to pay what he has done few days before. When he went out with other members, he drank a lot, talked nonsense, and ended up picking a fight. One of the members hit him in the left eye unintentionally until its bleeding. It's really bad, he had to cover his eye while performed on stage.

He already made up with other members, but that punch made him realize; he still needs her. He needs her when no one understand his silence. He needs her to soothe his fears. He needs her to tell him, "I know you can do it."

He held his phone, pressed that phone number which he knew by heart, but was hesitant to dial it. But that contact picture, that sweet lady photo with a black cat, it made him sure. He pressed that dial button and waited for her. He waited until she picked up the phone, but no, she didnt. He called her for like 13 times, but she wont. And at the 14 times he called, the number became inactive somehow. He stopped.

***

January almost came to an end, and on Feb 3rd, it's her birthday. Until now her number was still inactive, her friends wont tell him the reason, and she blocked him on any SNS. "Does she hate me now? Did she meet another man?" his mind was full with anxieties.

Now he worked on a collaboration project, and he had to do some emo rap for the song. He's in the studio, did a recording. He's stucked in lyrics, he couldnt think about any other except her.

"You miss her, dont you?" that tomboy girl asked him out of the blue.

He's a little bit taken aback, knowing that it was a plain truth.

"I miss him too..." that girl continued his sentence. "I think we should put our longing into our lyrics. Perhaps she will hear this song."

Then he wrote. He wrote his despair like he used to, like he has done before. But this time he want to be honest to himself. He put it into the song, how he try to forget her as the smokes from thousands cigarettes blew to the sky. How he swallowed his tears along with liquors down to his throat. How many times he called her but it's always the operator lady who replied and told him that she's "out of reach".

***

It's Feb' 3rd, late night. He got a message from an unknown user on kakao. He knew it. He knew it was her. She told him that she's really sorry that she made his heart torn apart. But she couldnt do anything. Its already more than one year, she thought he was already over her. She cut all communications, so he could concentrate on his dream, she said. But one year was quite a long time. She already had another dreams she wants to pursue. She told him, she still love him, but it's going to be harder and harder. She had to live overseas, and everything is already fixed.

He's staring at the phone, he couldnt believe what he read. He couldn't accept the fact that their dream would tear them apart. Now he realised, from the beginning, he was selfish. He was selfish to say that they had to break up because of his dream. Now everything's gone. He couldnt turn back the time, he couldnt say anything. He only stared at that corner where she used to sit and watch, bearing all the pain he felt inside. "I shouldnt let her go, I shouldnt let her go," he murmured.