Chapter 19. Jessica : In The Dark.
Breathing was so hard to do with darkness engulfed me like a tight blanket. Pain was pulsating everywhere in my body. My leg, my back and my stomach felt like tey had been crushed.
I instinctively moved my hands to feel. My stomach was flat. There was nothing. No bump. No sign of the baby I had been waiting for so long.
Someone screamed, so loud, so sad, I had to cover my ears to block the searing agony.
Then I realized, I was the one who screamed.
I was the one who lose my baby.
My knees felt weak so I let myself fell to the cold ground. Hot tears filled my eyes as I curled into a ball, wishing my baby to come back to me.
In the dark, I could hear someone laughing hysterically.
I kept my eyes closed.
My fate was laughing at me.
Birds were chirping outside. Sun was shining ever so brightly and the room smelled like flowers and fresh grass.
I woke up happily. From the open window, I could see an unfamiliar garden with so many purple lilies blossoming prettily.
A man was there, in the garden, pushing a stroller on a pavement leading to a majestic fountain. Tall, lean, with the aura of comfort and safety.
Yuri! My Yuri!
I got out of the bed and ran to him.
My back hurt. My right leg felt like it was made of stone. I kept on running.
And there he was. My man with his back facing me. I hugged him from behind, reliving the feel of his strong shoulder on my forehead.
“Yul... I've missed you.”
He didn't say a word.
I hugged him tighter.
He didn't budge.
A baby was crying.
Is it my baby? I moved forward to look inside the stroller.
There was no baby though. The stroller was empty. Only pink blanket and pink shoes inside.
I looked up to my husband. His expression was cold.
“Yul...where's our baby?”
He didn't say anything.
The cry was getting louder, as if begging for me to come in a hurry. I my heels to see. The garden went dark. The lilies were all wilted. The water in the fountain went red.
“Yul... Our baby? She needs me. Where's she?”
Yuri didn't answer, just standing there staring at me in something I could only describe as pure anger.
While the baby was crying louder, my heart ached more and more.
“Yul.... where's our daughter. Please. Tell me.”
Wind was howling, blowing everything away. The stroller dissolved into dust. I desperately held on to Yuri's arm but he also started to dissolve.
His lips moved, mouthing words.
“No. Yul. Please.”
“You lose her.” There was this creepy smile on his face as he pushed me away. I fell to the ground and he laughed like he never did before.
This was not my Yuri. This was not my loving husband.
“You fool!” With those last words. The creepy man in front of me disappeared. I was left alone in a whirl of darkness.
Somewhere far, I could hear the baby crying.
I cried too, covering my eyes with both hands.
It was tiring. I would wake up from one nightmare to another nightmare. Clawing for some truth out of the confusing scenes but always ended up with the fact that I had lose my baby again.
I was exhausted. Crying and screaming were the only things I was capable of.
Sometimes I could see Yuri. Krystal, my parents, my friends and Yuri's family were often there too. But no one actually helped. No one actually stayed that long to explain to me what was actually going on.
I was drowned. I was swept away by storm. I fell into the deep ravine. All just so I could get into another chapter of total darkness.
This time was no exception. I walked alone in a narrow path. Moon was pale on the dark sky, clouds distorted its shine. Dying trees lined up the side of the road. Scrawny branches looked like monster's hands, long and scary. As if they would grab and ripped me apart at any given moment.
I kept walking despite the pain on my leg. I wanted to stop but I had no idea how.
The road ended on a black ocean. Wind was so strong and I felt so cold. I hugged myself, surprised to see blood all over my gown.
“Please... stop...” I begged to the howling wind as high waves crashed to the shore. A pink baby shoe drifted to the sandy surface.
Somehow, I fetched the shoe. In my open palm, the soiled shoe looked so tiny and fragile.
Tears rolled down my face again. The cry I often heard was now echoing on the beach, battling the crash of the waves. I looked around, desperate to find the source of the sad mewling.
I ran as far as I could, following the call. When I got to the other side of the beach the cry disappeared only to come back again from the other end.
“Please....” I fell on my knees. The waves reached my gown. From the distance, the baby's cry got louder and louder. “Please... stop this... let me see my baby.”
“You lose her.” Shadows suddenly surrounded me, blocking the light.
“I know...” Guilt was weighing my heart. I knew I had lose another precious chance. I was a moron for not being able to keep my baby safe in me. “Just let me see her once.”
“You're a bad mother.” The shadows came closer and closer. The baby cried louder.
“I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.” I clutched at the pink shoe. My eyes automatically went shut as darkness start to envelope me.
“Jess...” Someone called my name in the midst of all the noise.
It was Yuri. My Yuri!
“Jess... please wake up.”
I opened my eyes. The shadows were now flying crows attacking me furiously. Winds getting stronger. Coldness bit into mys kin mercilessly
“Please, baby... open your eyes.”
“Please, Jess. We're all waiting for you.”
I stood up on trembling legs, shielding my face with my arm.
“Our baby is waiting for you.”
I clung onto Yuri's voice desperately, taking slow step ahead. The crows were getting aggressive but I refused to stop. My feet touched the cold water but I kept on moving, dragging my wet gown forward. I was knee deep in the black ocean now, ready to drown.
“Please, Jess. I love you.”
Suddenly, I felt his warm hand holding mine. Blinding light assaulting my eyes but I didn't close them. Yuri was here, close and real. I knew I could count on him.
I fell. I readily fell into whatever would happen next.
Be it more nightmare or another torture.
I was ready.
I had Yuri with me.
--- tbc ---
Author's note : Surprise update for those who have been so faithful to this story. Those who read and comment despite the lack of update and the insignificant plot. Thank you.
Those who are new, welcome! Share me a thought or two via the comment box please. ^^