Chapter 13. Yuri : First.

I could feel Jessica waking up beside me, how the mattress dipped at her every slow move. After a few times of finding my wife not in the bed after midnight, my body easily reacted even to her slightest motion. I kept my eyes shut, letting her went out of the bedroom undisturbed before sitting up and sighed.

It was hard to do anything about it because Jessica didn't even talk about what was currently disturbing her. She was all fine and positive at day, despite the trial and tribulations of first trimester pregnancy, but always had disturbed sleep at night.

It was time to put this to an end though. If I counted right, she had spent all five night of this week waking up gasping in the middle of night. She might always smiled up at me in the morning, but there was no mistaken the sign of sleepless night in her eyes.

When I got to the kitchen, I saw Jessica sitting at the dining table. She was crying, shoulders shook as she sobbed into her folded arms on the table.

I said nothing, pulling a chair and sat close to her side instead. One of my hand rubbed her back, the other rested on her shoulder. She clearly didn't expect me to be here, suddenly busy wiping off the fallen tears with the sleeve of her pajama top.

“So I'm not even allowed to see your tears now?” I hold her left hand, rubbing the wedding band on her ring finger with my thumb. “I thought we're husband and wife.”

“Sorry.” She tried to pull her hand away but I didn't let her. “Hormone.”

“Was hormone also the one that disturbed your sleep these days?”

She looked away.

“It's okay if you don't want to talk about it, Jess. At least don't try hiding it from me.” I rose up, kissing the crown of her head. I didn't want to prod, not tonight. She was the type of woman who run further the more you chase her anyway.

“I had nightmare.” She tugged at my hand when I was about to leave. “Our baby....”

I turned around, kneeling in front of her and rested a hand on her stomach. Seeing the fear in her eyes, I understood what the nightmare was about without even asking further. “It's just bad dream. Our baby is safe in here.”

“It felt so real, Yul. I was holding our baby and then storm came. I can't-” She looked up, sniffing back tears. “Anything could happen, Yul. I'm so scared. I've lost our baby before.”

“But we won't this time.” I rubbed her still-flat stomach gently. “I'll make sure of it.”

“How?” It was a challenging question I couldn't find the exact answer yet. But her eyes were so full of despair I forced myself to think fast.

“By not letting anything bothers you.” Gathering her hands in mine, I kissed her knuckles. “By making sure that I'm in the know of anything you feel, physically, mentally.”

She sat still, looking down at our joined hands.

"You know? If we first find the source to our pain, healing it will just be a matter of time." I stood up, walking for the stove and start boiling water in the kettle. “But for a start, let me make you and our little champ something to drink.”

Jessica wiped her eyes again, looking at me.

“What do you think? Will our strong baby appreciates hot choco with extra marshmallow at this hour?” I grinned down at my wife while setting two mugs on the counter.

“Just tea please.” She smiled, albeit wanly. But for the moment, it was all that I needed. “Chamomile.”

“Alright.” I swapped the mugs with two tea cups. “Two cups of chamomile tea will be served soon. Would Mrs. Kwon and baby Kwon love some saltine with it? And a movie too? I think I have two or three dvds that I haven't watched lying around somewhere in this house.”

The smile got wider.

I inwardly applauded myself.

“Please.... No! No!”

I had to use every ounce of power in me to sit still, to not launch myself forward and yank my wife off the blue sofa where she was lying and writhing. Sweats beaded on her forehead, her lips trembled, and her hands fisted tight on each side of her body.

She was under hypnosis. After a few try at therapy, her nightmare didn't go away. We agreed on a hypnotherapy shortly after I found her waking up screaming herself hoarse in our bed.

“Nooooo! My baby!”

Youngae, Jessica's therapist was calm though. She sat on her chair taking notes like Jessica's struggle was nothing. Every now and then, she would ask Jessica question that led my poor wife deeper into the nightmare.

At some points, I even had the thought of choking the therapist to stop her from hurting Jessica more. But this procedure was necessary. I kept reminding myself that without this hypnotherapy, Jessica wouldn't be able to share about her nightmare. I turned my head, looking away at the window that displayed the heavy rain outside while hoping that this session would end soon.

After a while, I heard Jessica's cry no more. I looked at her, glad to see how she seemed to breathe calmer as Youngae started to inject positive suggestions into her mind. Jessica's fingers uncurled on the couch and I had to restrain myself from holding her hand. I wasn't supposed to be in the room. I wasn't even allowed to make a sound for it might interrupt the session. But I had insisted on staying by my wife's side. I didn't want her to get through this alone.

“Jessica. You may wake up now.” The therapist gently rested her hand on Jessica's thigh. “Slowly, in the count of ten, one... two...”

I watched as my wife slowly opened her eyes, her eyelashes flutters as she sighed heavily. She gazed up at the ceiling for a moment before turning to look at me. Our eyes met and I tried my best to smile. With a nod from the therapist I came to sit by the edge of the couch, helping my wife sitting up then hugged her tight.

She sobbed in my arms and I knew a part of the burden weighing her frail shoulders had been lifted. There were probably a few more therapy needed for her to completely wipe out the nightmare. I was also fully aware that somewhere in the future we might have to undergo this situation again. Jessica was fragile at times, but I knew I want her in my life forever.

“It's okay now, baby. It's okay.” I rubbed her back, hearing Youngae leaving the room behind me. “I've got you. I love you.”

“Oh God. What is it that smells so strong, mom? The soup?””

“Codfish soup.” My mother-in-law answered as she slid the bowl further from Jessica's side of the table. We were having dinner at Jessica's parents' place. “Sorry, I forgot that you're oversensitive with smell at the moment.”

“It's okay mom. I'll just have the rice.”

“Here, baby. Have the japchaae too. ” I slid a plate to her side of the table which then immediately pushed back to my direction.

“Just the rice, Yul. With clear broth if any.”

“I'll heat it up for you.” Jessica's mother hurriedly got back to the kitchen.

“I really want to suggest you to eat more for your baby, Sooyeonnie. But at this point it's better if you eat whatever you can hold down rather than eat a lot but throwing it all up later.” My father-in-law spoke as he helped bringing more dishes to the table.

I hated to admit that Jessica still couldn't eat most kind of dishes without puking them out in a few seconds. She was ten weeks along, at the most crucial part of he