Seungri POV

I been walking for long time in my life. I just let my feet bring me to anywhere that it want. Right know I cant think clearly. How I supposed to face my life, my hyung, my family and everyone. I very useless in this moment. I feel very empty.

It's been a month and a half since I went into the hospital. I would take one dose and end up with nearly toxic levels in my blood so then the doctor do drop that dose down and end up with levels that barely registered. So far so good.

One thing I've learned about this whole process that I wasn't prepared for is that isn't one furious sprinting battle that I'm fighting, but several much smaller long-term ones. 

And for me, that is harder. I'd rather attack like crazy and get it over with,  but unfortunately that isn't an option. I had prepared myseld for some sort of immediate life or death strungle, thinking I had form of cancer. I could very well lose this battle.

I've also learned how much I value my family and friends. I thought I knew that before but it ia different now. If i didn't have the parents, brother , aunts, uncles, cousin, friend and my hyung that I do have, I'd be in a much worse place right now. 

I can't imagine dealing with this alone and its hurts me to think that there are people out there who forced me to go it alone all the time.

For few weeks, my gums were very tender and I had a pretty bad canker sore. The gums would bleed whenever I tried to brush and the sore made eating and sometimes even talking. Pretty painful.

Can I made get through this in my life. It difficult to me. I'm not selfies to keep this secret for myself. I dont want anyone be sad or sympathy for me. I hate that. Hate when people sympathy with me. I'm must strong. Did I very strong......