Author's Note:Well, this story is inspired by F(x)'s Milk. I tried to write a fanfic with a feeling of melancholy. Suggestive, Angst, and some faint description of I guess.

BGM: ‘Milk’ –F(x)

Jimin’s POV:

  The wave of summer heat wiped through the city of Seoul, and the noisy incessant chirping of the mynahs rang through my ears. But I did not perceive it; I stood rooted to the ground as Jungkook began to open his mouth.

  “Jimin-hyung,” He gulped, “Let’s break-up.” He looked down at his feet and didn’t try to look up. The usually calm boy was fidgeting, as he played with the loose strings of his gray t-shirt.

  “Why?” I asked quietly, but I already knew the answer. I guess I just wanted to hear the reason with my own ears, so that I will be able to give up on him properly.

  “It’s not you… It’s me.” Jungkook muttered. I never thought that I would be hearing the typical break-up line with my own ears. It was unexpectedly excruciating despite how mundane it sounded.

  Jungkook looked right into my eyes as if he was pleading with me to let him go. And I did. I looked back into his eyes and nodded weakly, then turned my body around and walked towards whatever direction I was currently facing. I didn’t look back, until after I had walked a couple of steps.

  My dearest Jungkook had almost blended in with the crowd of people, by the time I turned my head around to find him. He didn’t even try to stop me. It hurts. It really hurts. I knew that there’s no way he would hold me in his arms once again; that will only happen in the movies and not in real life.

  If only I had the courage to stop him, and begged for him to stay with me. But the way he looked at me right before we broke up was so desperate: he wanted to leave me as soon as he could. That pleading gaze from his dark eyes drove me crazy; did he really find me so revolting that he couldn’t bear with me any longer?

  Someone once said, ‘First love never last.’ Promises of two young adolescents can never be taken to the heart; they will just be shattered after a certain amount of time. Two as one, just become two separate individuals… Two, whose paths would never ever cross again.

  I turned back and continued to walk forward, back to my own apartment. I jostled through the crowd; the feeling of strangers’ sweaty skin bumping again mine made me felt nauseous. The summer heat made my head spins, making me want to puke. Beads of sweat trailed down from my forehead, and I lifted my hand to wipe it off. No matter how much I tried to wipe it off, it just continued to form; just like the throbbing feeling of heartbreak that just creeps right back into me. I quickly made my way back to my flat as I tried to fight off the tears welling up in the corner of my eyes.

*

    I turned the doorknob and pushed the door with my body hastily, then kicked off my shoes and stumbled straight to the kitchen. I was unable to walk straight as the extreme summer heat made me dizzy. My vision was a little bit blurry as I opened the fridge door, and took out the carton of cold milk. I twisted open the cap of the carton, then began drinking the cold white liquid. I gulped down the cold milk and focused on the sensation when it went down my throat. I wiped off the excess milk that trailed down my chin with the back of my hand, and then leaned against the kitchen counter and closed my eyes in exhaustion.  

  As I closed my eyes, the noises around me seem to have become much louder than it usually would be: The roaring of vehicles’ engine on the asphalts just outside my apartment and the occasional chirpings of the birds. It was weird how empty and boring I felt, now that I have separated from Jungkook.

  Click. The door opened, but I was too tired to respond. Heartbreak can make a person lethargic and indifferent to their surrounding, I guess.

  “Jimin ah~” a soothing and gentle voice called out. It was my roommate and senior in the college I am currently studying at, Jung Hoseok. I heard his shoes knocking against the cupboard, and the eager footsteps on the wooden floor of the apartment: he must have anyhow left his shoes at the entrance again. I then heard clattering sound around the living room and Hoseok hyung’s rambling about how bad his day was. I noticed the small details in my surrounding, but it didn’t felt like it mattered to me.  

  Hoseok hyung walked into the kitchen as he started to speak, “Yah, have you eaten yet? Or do you want to have lunch-“ he stopped midway through the sentence and looked at me with concern. “Are you okay?” I can sense the sincerity in his words; he always took care of my feelings and needs, unlike Jungkook.

  “What makes you say that?” I smiled and turned my head to face Hoseok. Then took a sip of milk as I waited for his reply.

  “Well, you looked unusually pale. Plus,” Hoseok said as he walked towards me, and took away the carton of milk that I was drinking. “You have always hated milk.”

    I chuckled and rubbed my right palm against my nape, there was nothing for me to say. Beads of sweat trickled down from my forehead. Hoseok’s face was a little blurry; it was probably because of the summer heat.

    “What happened?” Hoseok asked, he placed the carton of milk on the counter beside me.

    I remained silent. I did not know how to say it out; it wasn’t that I was uncomfortable with him, but I just didn’t know how.

    “This is just a wild guess,” Hoseok said as he scrunched his hair, “Is it a break-up?”

    I broke into a smile and whispered, “More like Jungkook left me.” My vision grew even fuzzier and my face felt wet; I must be crying.

    Hoseok’s hands reached out and wiped off the tears that were trailing down my face. However, it didn’t stop. He must be a little overwhelmed by me, since he took half a step away from me. “Sorry for bringing this up, I will leave you alone.” He spoke softly and turned away.

Are you going to let him go again? Are you?

Just reach out your arm and grab him. He will definitely stay if you do so.

Or do you want to be a coward all over again?

    I reached out my arm and grabbed the hem of his sweat-soaked shirt. He jerked a little and turned his head around, “What’s the matter, Jimin?”

    I looked up and smiled, “Comfort me.”

    “W-w-what?” Hoseok stuttered as he looked at me in disbelief. “Do you even know what you’re talking about?” He chided me and frowned.

    “I know.” I spoke in a whisper and pulled him closer to me. “Hurt me, abuse me, and use me. Just do whatever you want.”

    He frowned even more as he gripped onto my wrist tightly, “You are not in the right state of mind, and you will regret this.”

    Noisy. I grabbed his jaw with my free hand and forced my lips against his. I can hear his muffled voice, and his hot breath against my skin. He was trying to pull away from me, but my grip on his jaw tightened. I pushed my tongue into his mouth and tried to deepen the kiss, but he broke loose from my hold and pushed me away. He wiped away the drool with the back of his hand, and looked at me in confusion. He was flushed to the tip of his ears.

    “Y-you… Stay here and cool down a little.” He raised his volume a little and attempted to walk away.

    Make him stay, and don’t let him go. The tears rolled down my cheeks once again and I choked out, “Don’t go.”

    Hoseok stopped right in his track and stood rooted to the same spot.

    “Stay with me.” I sobbed; my voice cracked a little as the words came out from my mouth. I buried my face into my palms, and the tears began to fall.

    Just then, I felt a strong grip on my wrists and was forced to look up.

    “I am going to regret this.” Hoseok panted. His eyes were half-shut and I could see the lust in his eyes. He leaned in closer to my face and spoke in a hushed tone, “Can I?”

    “Go ahead.” I responded.

    He pushed me onto the counter forcefully and smashed his lips right against mine. He was unexpectedly rough, since he was always so gentle to me.

    Thud. The carton of milk dropped onto the kitchen floor. I watched the white liquid form into a puddle on the kitchen floor as I held onto Hoseok’s body with all my might.

*

    I sat still on the kitchen counter, as I looked into the space. I was and covered in sinful substances from both Hoseok and myself. My body aches and I felt as if my energy has been drained. My eyes groggily followed Hoseok, who was taking a roll of paper towels from the drawer. He walked back towards me and started to clean my dirty body with the paper towel carefully and thoroughly, as if he was handling a fragile object. My mind kept drifting back to when we were having , how his skin felt against mine, and how his moans sounded like. Though I just couldn’t comprehend why he kept muttering apologies to me. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. I should be the one who is asking for forgiveness, since I am the one who made use of him for my own satisfaction.

    Afterwards, he hastily cleaned his body and put on his clothes. He took my clothes from the floor and made sure that my private part was not exposed. He looked right into my eyes, and for the first time since we became friends, I could not see how he felt. He reached out his hand towards my head, but pulled back before he could even touch me.

    “Hoseok-hyung.”

    “Yeah?”

    “Can you get me a glass of milk?”

    Hoseok smiled bitterly and replied, “Of course.”