So I wanted to explore the depths of their relationship, which is why I'll be writing flashes of moments about the early stages of their courtship or whatever up to Jessica's departure. :) the upcoming chapters are set before "Rest of my life" and "Making Love"
 

This chapter is somewhat like a prologue so I'll jump directly to Yuri's confession
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Yuri gently poked her food with her chopsticks, mind in a faraway place. Her eyes were closed, taking in the scent of her breakfast, as if pleading it to take her feelings for a certain ice princess away. And it just had to be tuna fried rice, the only dish Jessica knew how to cook, and it wasn't even extremely good, but for goodness' sakes she would eat a whole truck of it if as long as it was from her. She tried fooling herself her feelings were faux, but the twinge in her heart told her otherwise. Even if Jessica felt the same for her, same- relationships were not celebrated, even more so recognized in her home country. It was a taboo, something banned on grounds of morality and reality. If she and Jessica were to commit to each other, she didn't want to restrain their relationship in the fear of being caught or judged by the people. She wanted her love to fly like a bird, not like a kite, though swaying with the wind, held captive by a rope down below.

A clink of plates took Yuri away from her trance. Her mother sat in front of her, with a little smile on her face. What was she to do? Could she tell her mother about who she really was, part of the supposed-to-be-nonexistent race of lesbians?

"Not hungry? You haven't eaten even a lil' bit." Her mother asked.

She would tell her mother. Right now. "It makes me think of her."

"Her?" Her mother put her chopsticks down, curious. She sent a teasing smile to her daughter, ignorant of her daughter's dilemma on her ual orientation.

Yuri didn't respond, thinking of what she would---how she would tell mother Kwon. Seeing her daughter just staring at her, she wiped her smile off her face and sat up straight. "Yul? What is it?" Mrs. Kwon knew Yuri was a strong, and determined girl, but right now, she was the image of fragile and delicate.

After a moment of deafening silence, Yuri finally spoke in a pained whisper, her mother barely caught it. Barely. "Stupid, I know... but this tuna fried rice brings me back to the thought of her."

By then, her mother found herself by Yuri's side. "Who are you talking about, honey?"

Yuri looked down, ashamed. "Jessica."

Her mother understood. "You love her, don't you?" Yuri couldn't look at her mother's face. She chuckled at the prospect of being disowned by her parents, doing so only confirmed her mother's claim. "So what happened?"

"Are you not disgusted by me loving another girl?" Yuri looked at her mother's eyes. They were gentle, and did not hint at any violent reaction.

"We love you, Yuri. We would only come out as hypocrites if we feign disgust when we taught you love conquers what is the norm." Her mother engulfed her in an comforting embrace. Though we do hope one day you'll bring home a man."

"Mom, I--"

"But I guess right now the right phrase would be,"I hope my daughter brings home a womderful woman." So tell me, what's bothering my kkab daughter?"

Yuri managed to smile. "I love her, and I want to tell her I do, when life is giving all the chances in the world. But I'm afraid of what Sica would say."

"Love is never meant to be easy, Yuri. If you really love her, then tell her. But if this love is for you to keep, it will be. But if this love is not meant for you, it will never be. Tell her, and the rest is up to her."

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it was 7pm and the girls went out to buy dinner. 7 girls to be precise. Yuri stayed behind because her person of affection was inside her room, reading, if not sleeping. She waited just outside her room, her back to the door, contemplating about what her mother said. She'll admit to Jessica, and it's up to her where they'll go from there. But should she risk it? Should she undress her heart, open to attack and damage, to show her adamant feelings for Jessica? Should she put their friendship on the line in the hopes of being more than friends? Would they remain as friends if Jessica denied her? Or would she look at her in despise? But if she wouldn't tell her, it would never be enough not saying it to her. Millions of questions leak out of Yuri's mind, and no answers are thrown to the black pearl.

As if her hand had a mind of its own, she knocked.

This is it.

"Yuri? Come in." So she did. Jessica leaned on the headboard of the bed, book in hand,"The Straight Man." Oh the irony. Jessica scooted a little to the side to give space for Yuri. "Wanna sit with me?" Yuri made her way to the bed. Everything was so confusing and scary, but she couldn't back out now.

"I love you." Yuri said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Her eyes found Jessica's, wishing she would grasp what she meant to say. Yuri had said it countless of times to her, but they way she said it with that loving look on her face made Jessica suspicious and uneasy about what kind of love Yuri was implying. "I don't know, but I couldn't help myself. You're more dear to my heart than anyone could ever be. I'm in love with you."

Jessica's eyes lost their glowing radiance. It was all cold. "Is this some kind of joke? This isn't funny Yuri."

It hurt her, when Jessica thought of her love as a joke. How would this even be a joke when her heart was exposed to its deepest pits, all for her to see. And she thought of it as a joke? Yuri was on the verge of crying, but she needed to make her understand she was sure. She was serious. "Sica." She reached for her hands, but the girl stood up from the bed. "Jessica, please." Her voice was quiet, trembling with emotion. She got out from her spot and approached Jessica slowly. Every step she took forward, Jessica would take a step back. It wasn't until her back made contact with the wall did they both stop, two feet away from each other.

"I've nothing to say to you." Jessica's voice was void of any emotion. Yuri was not prepared for this. For anyhting.

"Sica... I..." Yuri coudn't take the letters from the alphabet and form coherent sentences. She was at a loss for them. Explaining why she loved her was an impossible task. I love you for you, Sica. Jessica would never believe her.

"Get. Out."

"Tell her, and the rest is up to her."

This was the path Jessica was driving them to. Yuri didn't want to force her into anything, even acceptance. Before she left her room, she stole a glance of Jessica. "I'm sorry."

Do you even apoligize for loving someone?

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It has been three days since Yuri's confession. Yuri didn't have the opportunity to talk to Jessica the past few days. Every time she would go towards her, Jessica would always walk or run in the opposite direction. Jessica was drifting away from her, avoiding her. She contemplated about kidnapping Jessica just to speak to her. It was driving her crazy and desperate. They were living in the same house and yet she couldn't even talk to her. She loved Jessica, truly, deeply. If she could have their friendship, that is enough. But right now, she didn't have anything. In front of their members and fans, they would act like best friends, laughing and joking, minus all the physical contact. Yuri even saw herself as a virus, a poison for Jessica would not dare to touch her. 

They were performing "Gee" on stage, and whenever they would make eye contact, Jessica would immediately break away. 

'Oheun hyanggi Oh Yeah Yeah Yeah'

After their performance, they sat inside their waiting room. Yuri was the last to enter, and thankfully, the space next to Jessica was empty. She took the chance to sit next to her. Yuri never realized how the privilege of having Jessica look at her would mean so much to her right now. She felt something almost crack inside her. "Si--" She didn't even finish what she was about to say as Jessica stood, walking out of the room, muttering comfort room on the way out.  Little did she realize, going out only gave Yuri the moment alone she had been craving for. After a couple of minutes, Yuri followed her.

As she was about to enter, Jessica went out, frozen on her spot. 

"Can we talk?" Yuri asked her, her heart drumming hard and loud. Jessica finally looked at her, as if free fro her state of confusion. 

"Uhhh.. I...uhh.. no..I don't...no.." Jessica tried walking pass Yuri but she held her wrist. It was hard to let herself go from Yuri since she was stronger than her.

"Sica, I know what I said three days ago was--" Jessica shook her head fiercely and pushed Yuri away, making her tumble backwards. Yuri snapped and pulled Jessica by the wrist.

"Let me go!" She harshly whispered, afraid of garnering attention they did not needed. Yuri led them inside a secluded room inside the building and gently dragged her inside. Jessica was unsure of what was happening. Yuri ran her hands through her hair.

"You make me go mad, SIca." She breathe in and out, calming her nerves, and her rapidly beating heart.

"I love you." There it was again, that look on Yuri's face. That look when a woman tells a man she loves him, and Jessica had to remind herself she was not a he. They were both in dangerous waters, and she had to find a way out of this predicament, even when it meant leaving Yuri behind. Yuri was afraid, not because of the obvious complacent response of Jessica, but the possibility of not being able to say it again and again to her.

"This---we can't be. Love can only be between a man and a woman." Jessica pushed. Why did Yuri have to be so stubborn?

"You're wrong! 'Cause I am the living proof that it is false, Sica." Yuri pointed to herself. Why did Jessica have to be so resolute?

Jessica pinched the bridge of her nose. "That's the point, Yuri! It's not---never was 'between us'. It's only you! I don't love you the way you want me to. And I can't love you the way you deserve to be loved." Jessica didn't regret saying the words, but seeing Yuri's wary expression induced Jessica that she should've just lied. No, Yuri deserved the truth. The painful truth.

"I'm not asking you to love me back! All I want is for you to let me love you. I don't want you to push me away. I'll still love you no matter how much pain and hurt you'll bestow upon me. But you know I'll always put you first before me, so if you really don't want me, I'll try my best to pretend I don't love you." Yuri could hardly stand on her feet. A little more and she'll fall on the ground.

Jessica knew that if Yuri would do one thing, she would would block out the world and focus on that. She was loving her, that's what she's doing, and Jessica doubted if Yuri could even pretend not loving her. She saw it whenever Yuri looked at her, felt it when Yuri took care of her, knew it when Yuri told her. She would allow Yuri to love her, but feelings for the tanned girl would have to be kept at bay. She was never to fall in love with Yuri. But did she really have no feelings for her? Or did denying love that was wrong in the eyes of the public was easy way to save them both? "If it's going to be like that, then show me." She did not have any idea what she was saying. Maybe her mind and heart had a different plan for her. She did not like it one bit.

"Show you what?"

"Show me how a woman loves."