"Sica, they know."

They were the first words Yuri had said the moment she managed to take Jessica inside a room before they were going to an event. Yuri whispered the words fast, but softly, her voice croaking, and shaking. Jessica took notice of how the sweat started to form on Yuri's forehead, and the uneven breathing of her girlfriend. 

Jessica tilted her head at the comment, confused as to why Yuri would grow so uncomfortable about the statement. They? Their members? But they have known for a long time now. Their families? They were even the ones who encouraged them to be together. Could it be.... No, they were careful enough to not be caught in a too much of an intimate circumstance in public. "Who are they, Yuri?" 

Yuri gulped before answering. "The company, the managers, they know about us."

Jessica stared at Yuri. Her face showed indifference, but she heard her heart pounding against her ears, fast and vigorous. All of the sounds outside the room were blocked by her own ragged breathing at gasping intervals. She could not feel her feet, the fact that they knew, held her in place, paralyzed to her very core. She was afraid the moment she would move, the action would bring fear into her mind and heart. 

"Since you had a schedule, manager oppa could only call me to the office this morning. The CEO was there, our managers, even our stylists. They told me they knew." Yuri mirrored her own body. Her hands trembling on her sides, and her eyes were glimmering with moisture. 

"How?" Jessica asked, her voice breaking as she did so. "Did they tell you anything else?" 

"They didn't tell me how, but they said if we were caught in any sensual situation or position, they would...." Yuri swallowed the lump in . "They would..." The tears started to fall one by one on her cheeks.  

Small but strong arms pulled her towering form to Jessica. Crying as she desperately gripped on her shirt, feeling hopeless and weak. "We're going to be okay, Yul. Shhh, don't cry, baby. Please, don't cry." But Jessica's own eyes betrayed her as they did the same. 

Jessica closed her eyes tight shut, imagining herself and Yuri living in another reality, in another lifetime where they weren't condemned by loving someone their own gender. In a place where people considered falling in love with a woman beautiful. In a place where they wouldn't have to look over their shoulders in caution before giving each other a kiss. In a place where they would be free to love. 

Yet she knew dreams like this were never to come true for them. She knew that. Yuri knew that. It was a consequence they both had to live with for loving each other. 

But never had they regretted doing so. 

And never will they ever. 

________________

Days have passed since Yuri and Jessica were confronted with their predicament. Both of them have become more prudent, wishing to avoid any more potential problems in their relationship. They have interacted less in public, and have become more careful even when they were alone.

And Yuri hated it. But it was something they needed to do in order to save their careers from falling down the drain. Yuri was willing to give up her own for their love, but she had bore witness to the struggles and achievements of the group and Jessica. It wasn't something to be impulsively decided. However, Yuri knew in the end of the day, her body, mind, and soul were all surrendered to Jessica's.

Just not right now.

They were on their way to the Lotte pop-up store downtown for their promotions on their new album. Yuri sat behind Jessica on the van and it was killing her that she had not held her for that day. All she could do was stare at her form, and it was being a burden to have the feeling of a void between them. Stupid managers, stupid company. She couldn't help but curse in her mind.

Yuri saw Jessica looking out the window, giving her a view of a part of her face. Those eyes, she just wants to drown in them. Those cheeks, screaming to be . Those lips, just begging to be kissed. Yuri wanted to do them all know, but she was aware of the eyes that were on her. On them. She couldn't risk it.

Once they have arrived in their destination, Yuri walked ahead of Jessica. The latter gazed at the slender back of Yuri. The tanned woman would not look at her. 

"Yuri, when I look at you at this moment, I feel like my eyes are stuck on the distant sky. There is a line painted between the land and the heavens, separating me from you."

Once Jessica saw an opportunity, she stood beside Yuri, the back of their hands meeting in a clash, the emotions suddenly awoken inside of them. Just like the other times their skins have touched, Jessica wanted more. She knew it was dangerous, and that she should be content with what they were having at the moment, but deep inside her she was craving for Yuri. Any of Yuri was to be accepted. Her touch, her gaze, her smell, but she did not receive anything enough for days now. 

Jessica extended her index finger to brush against Yuri's hand. Oh God, in a flash Yuri was everything in her. Yuri was in her view, in her nose, in her skin, in her mind, and in her heart. 

But it was a privilege taken from her the moment Yuri shifted her stance in such a way her hand would not be in contact with Jessica's. 

Jessica's happiness faltered, but was soon covered with a smile as she waved to the cameras. Then, they were left to roam around the store.

Yuri walked towards the stuffed toys section when she saw a box with Jessica's photo. She went to it and saw the picture. She could not take her eyes off her, almost as if looking at Jessica would provide her water as she wanders on a desert land. But on the corner of her eye, she saw her water in the desert walking towards her. She recoiled from the box like it was a burning metal and faced her. 

Jessica was holding two small teddy bears, frozen in her spot as her eyes met her loved one. Thinking Yuri would laugh at her gesture, she held the two bears in her face made them kiss, puckering her lips to add the effect. 

Yuri thought of it as cute and was about to hold the other bear, but she caught the glimpse of their manager and looked away, pretending not to have seen anything. And Jessica, once again had to hide her hurt by playing by herself. As the tears slowly pool in her eyes, she tried showing them in front of Sunny instead, but it was never the same.

She walked away from where Yuri was and took off in another direction. Yuri, feeling the pain of ignoring Jessica, bit her lips as she held the stuffed toy on the shelf tightly. I'm sorry.

The rest of the event was a barrier for the both of them. No interactions.

Nothing. 

___________________________________

Yuri was standing outside the door of Jessica's villa. After what she had pulled that morning, she did not think it was right to enter and pretend nothing had happened. But she had seen the longing in Jessica's eyes, because they were reflections of her own. No one would be looking, no one would be rebuking them inside. 

She took the spare key Jessica gave her and unlocked the door to an empty and silent atmosphere. The lights were out, the noises were nowhere to be heard, but she knew Jessica had gone home. Yuri walked along the hallway and saw the frames that hung on the wall that contained pictures of them. Some were back when they were still trainees, and some when they were already idols. An overwhelming sense of nostalgia took over her as she saw a particular photo on the wall. 

She and Jessica were standing side by side, their hands interlocked as they smiled to the camera. It was one they took a day before their debut. They have been through so, so much.

Yuri stopped by the door to Jessica's bedroom and took a deep breath before entering. Jessica was lying on the bed, her back facing the the door. Yuri placed her bag on the floor and started to remove all of her clothing, leaving her body in her undergarments. She moved under the covers and pulled Jessica to her from behind. "I'm sorry."

She was about to enter the state of rest when she heard a sniff. And then another. Yuri propped herself on her elbow and tugged on Jessica's shoulder to turn her so that she was lying on her back. Yuri's heart broke into little pieces seeing Jessica cry. "Sica, I'm so sorry." Yuri placed her body over Jessica's and wiped her tears away with her kisses. 

"No, I should be the one sorry." 

Yuri looked up to her, and she cupped Yuri's cheeks. "I know that we should be careful, yet here I am, being desperate. I'm sorry for what I did earlier. I understand why you did it. I should stop crying, huh?" 

And every tear that would come out of Jessica's face weighed a ton for Yuri, and it was opening wounds in Yuri's heart to see Jessica cry, and it was frustrating not to be able to do anything because it involved the managers and the company. "Yes, yes you should stop crying." Yuri let out a laugh as she dried her cheeks with her thumb.

"I'm just afraid that I would lose you to them. That this will drift us apart." Yuri shook her head and rested her forehead against Jessica, feeling the heat emanate from under the skin. 

"Remember what I told you days before Christmas?" She felt Jessica nod against her. "I can't predict the certainty of what will happen in the future, but Sica, none of this will change who I want to spend the rest of my life with. You have all of me. Always have, and always will."

Even if one day you'll be taken away from me.