Shin Hye sat in front of another psychologist. Her uncle really hoped that she would forget the trauma inflicted by her parents. He didn't need to do that because to her, her parents were as  good as dead.  When she ran away from home, she didn't expect that her uncle would force her to see a doctor. Its been 11 years and she's done with it. She put everything in the past. All she wanted to do was take care of her uncle, since he has a heart disease. 

"I know you don't think I can help you." Min Ho pulled a chair and sat in front of her. "But do you even know why they gave me your case?"

She shrugged. "They gave me all of the doctors they could and you just happened to be the last one."

"That's not why. You and I are around the same age, having someone whom you can talk to informally, will help you open up about yourself more."

"I don't want to talk to you. I'm tired of all this. I don't need help."

"Accepting that you need it, is the first step to getting better." He commented. He hesitated when they offered him the case. Honestly a patient with depression is no joke. One must be very careful when saying things. 

"I already told you I don't need it, besides why couldn't I get a female doctor. Or how about a doctor who has had problems in their life before. I hate the fact that you people think you can help. You think that the words you say makes someone feel better. You ask patients to try their hardest. You say you understand, but how do you know what it feels like?!" She said coldly.

"Over the years we studied the way the human brain works. We watch doctors working with patients." He paused. "Tell me something. Why is it that for the past 11 years, you have refused to recieve medical help? You did but there was no improvement."

"You couldn't give me the help I needed. Talking about the situation which caused you pain, hurts one even more. Besides, I did come to appointments every single time."

"You didn't come willingly. What are you scared of?" He looked at her. She had big round eyes. A button nose and small pinkish lips. She was beautiful but very serious. 

Shin Hye took a deep breath, she was tired of repeating the same thing to each and every single one of the psychologists. They had 11 years worth the things she said. The same questions he asked her, those questions were the same ones asked before. "Why don't you tell me something? Why are you so confident that you could fix something that I have buried years ago?"

"I'm not one who gives up easily. During the time that I will take on your case, we will not only have sessions were we talk. We will go to the places that brought you pain but also places that will teach you happiness." He reached for her file. "You said that you were hurt because of your parents, but you don't specify why you were hurt. Now I really want to help you, but I need answers."

"What will I gain if I tell you? I will become bitter and I don't want to hurt anymore." She hated the word parents, it made her feel hollow, and sad. She felt destroyed.

He felt a pang in his heart. Her voice was painful to hear. Even if all of the others gave up on her too soon, he was going to fix her. He needed to be patient, she was stubborn and it was going to drive him insane. "Why don't we start from the beginning? I promise, I'm not going to hurt you. I'm going to heal you."

She laid down once again on the same sofa. It was supposed to calm her down but it just made her nervous. She didn't want to remember the past. Closing her eyes brought her back to the dark and empty world she used to live in. There was no meaning, no hope. No reason to live at all. "I don't want to talk anymore." She got up and left the room. The reason their sessions were done at her house is that her uncle didn't think she really went to the appointments. Bringing it to him will show him that she did, but they had no effect on her at all.

Min Ho sighed. He thought she was going to open up but she just left him there, doubtful. He packed his things. He needed to approach her in a different way. She wasn't going to talk until she was comfortable.

Shin Hye stood at the top of the stair case waiting for him to go. She hopes that he gives up soon. She hated the fact that she spoke her mind in today's session. She shouldn't cooperate with him or with anyone anymore. She was a grown woman and maybe, just maybe, she should stop seeing psychologists. But she did it because the man who took her in, gave her love and patience, he wanted it and she would do it if it made him feel better. 

Min Ho stared up at her. "I didn't achieve what I wanted to but there's always the next appointment."

**********

It was now saturday, their second apponintment was today. Min Ho knew just the way to make her trust him. He was going to talk about himself. Every doctor had their own tactic. His, it was different with every case. He knew that in this one, what mattered the most was trust. He could make her see him as a friend not as a doctor.

Shin Hye watched as he came in with a briefcase. "Is that supposed to be prescriptions? What are you going to give me pills? If you are why don't we start with sleeping pills. That's what they always give me. I guess they just think I'm dead on the inside.They think there's no point keeping me alive. I'm just another mouth that eats in this world."

He took a chair and sat in front of her. When she wouldn't stop talking he reached out and pinched her lips shut. "Why don't you just let me talk first?" She watched him sternly. He slowly let go and regained his composure. "Now since you're having a hard time talking about yourself then let's talk about me."

"If it makes you go home any faster, be my guest." She sat back on the sofa.

"Well for starters I'm Lee Min Ho. Now I know you know that but don't you dare call me Dr. Lee. Just call me by my name. I'm 29 years old. I live alone."

She cut him off. "I don't think I should hear about your private life. Just tell me what makes you so positive that you're a good doctor?"

"How can you just assume that I think of myself that way?"

"I know I don't talk much about others like you want me to. I may not do that but I do pay attention to the actions people take. The way they carry themselves. Besides you told me yourself that you weren't going to give up. I think I got you figured out."

"And what exactly do you think of me?"

"You want to understand others, but life was so easy for you that you don't know how. You are passionate about your job. You don't know what its like to live with needs. Your parents gave you all the love in the world. You were cherished and treasured. You carry yourself in a high pedestal, it doesn't mean that you will treat others badly. You enjoy life and you have no regrets." She talked with no hesitation.

He listened to her attentively. Everything she said helped him figure her out. He couldn't be so sure that what she said could be used against her, that's why he needed to learn about her weak spot. The way she talked and observed seemed like a coping mechanism. It may not be new but it wasn't something he has worked with before. "Since you apparently think you have me figured out, let me tell you about what I found out. You are a teacher."

"What's so wrong about that?"

"There's nothing wrong. Now I think that you're depression is linked with your career choice."

She kept silence.

He knew he was getting somewhere with this. He leaned foward in his seat. "You teach kids and from the research that I have done, they adore you as a teacher. But, I know why you decided to become a teacher." He raised his brows.

She bit the inside of her cheek, her hands holding tightly onto the ends of her shirt. 

"You wanted to know if you were just like your parents. You have depression because of your parents. They inflicted a trauma on you when you were younger. Did they abuse of you in...."

She stopped him. "Please cut it out."

He didn't talk. She became so vunerable in a moment. She looked weak and lost. Her hands began to shake and she gripped so tightly onto her shirt that her knuckles turned white. In none of his reports did he ever read about her symptoms.  He took a hold of her hands. "Shin Hye listen to me. You're going to be okay. Take deep breaths."

Her breathing was very uneven at first but she slowly regained control of herself. Her head fell on the couch and she closed her eyes for a brief moment.

She was more delicate than he thought. He caressed her hands in a soothing manner.

Shin Hye avoided talking about her past, she knew this would happen if someone were to bring it up. Her uncle did and that's when he found out that she was sick mentally. She hated the fact, it made her feel like a beast, she felt....abnormal. 

"Why don't we end it here today? Go rest."

"Please make yourself out." She said, her eyes still closed. 

********

Min Ho was called by her uncle. Shin Hye was working and her uncle told him that he must not tell her of their encounter.

"I really did not want to have to call you but she wouldn't tell me about what happened in the last session."

"Your niece has a very complicated situation. She has locked herself in her own world for many years."

"I trust that you can make her right. I have tried everything. I should've taken her away from my sister if I knew this was going to happen to her."

"Did Shin Hye ever show any signs of being abused physically?"

"She never talked about anything. In fact it was hard to convince her to tell her parents that she was staying with me. The day I went to my sister's house I didn't see anything out of the ordinary. I went, I needed to get her papers. I was taken to court and I won her custody. Shin Hye testified and they let me keep her. The thing is that she wouldn't testify in trial. She kept saying that if it wasn't in secret and only with the judge, then her parents will hurt her."

"Now that's where I'm confused. I need to know if she was hurt physically or emotionally."

"That's what I want you to find out. She won't tell me and I can't pry her. I know its hard for her and she remembers her childhood very vividly, but there rest seems kind of blurry to her."

"If the time period in which damage has been caused to her is blurry that makes her case even more difficult. The only thing that I can think of is that she remembers but tries so hard to forget."

"When we first came to the visits, she just sat there and stared at the doctor. He would talk to her calmly but he received no reaction from her. I know she isn't giving her 110% to get better. But if there is something I could tell you, it is that there is a little girl calling, no, screaming for help. And I'm scared, the longer the time she spents without telling anyone, the more harm she does to herself."

"I know this can harm her a lot but I just need to be able to get her near her parents. Or maybe I can just have the name of the judge she spoke to."

"You're in luck, the judge is in the city. She retired about two years ago and all she has done since then is travel. I'll give you her number but don't tell Shin Hye I gave it to you." He got up and went inside.

Min Ho followed him, "What's the judge's name?"

"Kim Hee Ae." He rumaged through the papers on the table.

'What?' His eyes widened, there was no way that his mom took on Shin Hye's case.

"Here you go. I did call her a few times and she asked about Shin Hye. She even talked to her for a bit but of course it had to be in private.  All I could tell you is that the one who knows most about Shin Hye is her."

"Why didn't you tell the other psychologists about this?"

"I didn't think that things will get to this point. I should've gave it in the beginning but I guess I didn't trust the psychologists as much. But you, I can tell that you can change her. Maybe its the look in your eye."

Min Ho took the card. "I'm determined to help her no matter what."

*********

Shin Hye dismissed the kids in her class. 

Min Ho came in. 

"What are you doing here?"

"I have to talk to you."

"That's why we're meeting in the afternoon.” She didn't like to mix her personal life with her work. Everything could go downhill if people find out that she has to see a doctor.

“I have my own reasons for asking this right now.”

“You couldn’t call me?”

“Take a seat.” He whirled her around and pushed her towards a seat.

She reluctantly sat down. "I can't believe you would do this. None of the other doctors ever came to bother me."

"That's because they weren't trying as hard as I am." He didn't know how to ask her about the trial with her parents. He couldn't just ask her. "Shin Hye, you know that in life we do things that are very hard for us. We have to go against our own family members and it hurts us. But sometimes you do not want to see the betrayal in their face, so you ask that everything is done secretly."

"My uncle spilled the beans. I know he told you about the trial an I don't see what you can gain from this. It didn't even hurt me to see them go, its what I wanted all along."

"I need to know what you told the judge. I am one hundred percent sure that if I know, it will get easier for me to understand you."

"Why don't you just ask the judge? The police carry the recording of what I said that day, don't they?"

"They won't give it to me." He hadn't even asked.

"You're a doctor, use that as an excuse."

"Why don't you answer at least one question?" He pleaded. Now he knew why no one could get answers, she made ways to avoid the question and to still be able to answer it. "Why don't you want to get better?  Why do you lock yourself away? Why do you try so hard to forget the past, why don't you fight it instead?"

"What's there to fight? Do you even know how I felt when I had the sudden urge to kill myself? Do you know what it feels like to feel your life slipping away?!"  She raised her voice. "My life used to be a hell with those people, and now that I'm finally out of it" She paused. "I'm constantly reminded about how it feels to fall through the darkness, never being able to touch the ground."

"You aren't constantly reminded, you have kept everything to yourself all these years." His gaze softened. "Don't you want to know what it feels like to be free? Free from the chains of your past?"

She wanted to nod her head vigoriously. She wanted to tell him that she wants to feel like the weight is off her shoulder. "Those chains that you mentioned, they are tightly wrapped around your neck. You can't breathe, you can't see, and the only thing you could do is live with them."

"Do you ever really try to forget? I think you just want to keep it near you, you're afraid of what living could be."

Its like he could read her. Maybe she was comfortable  living the life that she has. Perhaps it was all so she wouldn't get lost and lose her ground. She didn't want to look at the world with the eyes of love, all she truly felt was hate. 

*********

Shin Hye sat on a park bench looking at the people passing by. The way the laughed with each other. She looked at the way couples held hands. She looked down at her own, what does it feel like to be truly in love? What does it feel like to be close to a man? What does it feel like to be kissed? 

"I've been looking for you all over the place." Her uncle sat down next to her. He looked in the direction she was facing. There was couple laughing and hugging. He patted her hand. 

Shin Hye wiped away her tears. "Why are you out of the house? You shouldn't worry too much, I'm a strong girl."

"Even the strongest people have weak moments. Shin Hye, why don't find a nice guy to take care of you and make you happy?"

"Promise me you won't ever leave me. Without you, I don't know what I would do."

"That's why you need to find someone. You know I'm sick and I will be leaving soon."

Shin Hye swallowed the lump in and she let her head fall on his shoulder. If he wasn't there when she left many years ago, she would probably be dead by now. 

"Remember that even after I go, I will be watching you from up there." He pointed to the sky.

"Don't do that, that would be a waste of time. Watch over your kids." Shin Hye told him.

The woman who was once his wife asked for the divorce when Shin Hye came into the picture. She thought that Shin Hye was a bad influence on his kids. She took his kids away and neither of them ever called him. "My children don't care about me. You are my only child."

"When you're gone, would you be disappointed in me if I stop seeing a psychologist?"

"I would be. I want to give you advice, life goes on and if we don't try hard to get over the things which caused us pain, then we will never have a taste of life at all."

"I think I have no hope, I'm not meant to live."

"Do one more thing for me. Please tell someone your story."

*********

Min Ho came into their session with a smile.

"Someone's in a good mood. Why, having a date tonight?" She threw her book aside.

"What? No." He took his usual spot. "I've had a good day so far."

"Well then I guess I'm going to ruin your mood." 

"Let's hope that won't happen." He whispered.

"So, did you get to talk to the judge?"

"Yes and she won't tell me anything about your case. She said its not her story to tell." He lied, even when he tried to talk to his mother there was always something interrupting. Therefore, he didn't bother to mention it. 

"What are you planning to do now?" She looked at his face and noticed how his features darkened, in a frustrated kind of way. "You're going to give up." She hoped.

"No. I'll make you talk. What will it take?"

"Do you think you can actually listen to me?" She asked. 

"I just need some information."

"I would hesitate but this is the longest a doctor has stayed with me."

"What are you going to tell me?"

She laid down. "Do you know what it is like to live in fear every single day? If it were up to you, how would you have handled the situation?"

"What situation? Be specific."

"I only told you, I was going to tell you a bit." She snapped. She continued slowly at her own pace, "I was only 15 years old when I ran away from home. But to me that's the best thing I've had ever done. I know you want us to become friends, you know it will make me comfortable. But friends also think with each other. Now tell me what would you do if there was a pain filling you up slowly? A pain that would strangle you."

He thought about it. "I'm not saying that what you did was wrong. But I think there were many ways to fix the situation back then. Why didn't you talk to your parents about what you felt?"

"They wouldn't listen to me. To them I was someone worthless. I didn't deserve attention. They would laugh at me over any thing. My parents are evil, the ones who should be getting help is not me but them. "

"If I were to take you to them, would you come?"

"Why would I, so I can remember? Never in my life do I want to see them, it will only create something terrible." She laughed. It was pathetic. 

"Well then at least, let's go to one place."

She sighed. "Who is going to be there?"

"You, me and the world."

Shin Hye followed him and hesitated before getting into his car. Was she sure she could trust him?

They stopped in the apartment she used to live with her parents.

"Why did you bring me here? Are you insane?!" She felt like she couldn't breathe. Why was she here again after so long? "How did you find out about this place?"

He got out of the car and pulled Shin Hye out. "I talked to your parents."

"Are they here?" Her forehead creased. 

"No, they moved, but I was able to get in touch with them." He dragged her to the roof of the apartment complex and made her look over the railing.

"I heard that you attempted to kill yourself right here where we're standing."

She grabbed onto his arm, her nails digging into his skin. 

"Why did you try to take your life? And what made you change your mind?"

Shin Hye looked up to the sky, it was pitch black but there were millions of stars. "I looked down and I thought it was my only way out. I could hear my father's voice even from up here. Then I stood on the ledge. I could hear his steps thundering up the stairs. I inched closer but then I heard a voice. It shouted at me telling me not to do it." She smiled sadly. "I should've done it."

"Its that what you think even until this point. You think you should've jumped. Your inner voice told you not to do it, deep inside your heart you know you're glad you stopped yourself."

She casted her eyes towards him. "No, I'm not glad at all. Do you know what kind of punishments I recieved for what my dad thought was a way to pretend that I'm a victim?"

"What did he do to you?"

A tear rolled down her cheek when she thought of how painful it felt. 

Min Ho wiped her tear away with his thumb. 

She stared at him. This was the first time she was this close to a man and her heart began to beat faster. 

"Did he hit you?" He asked. When the tear rolled down her face he could feel the pain. His heart began to hurt and the only thing he wanted to do is rip it out.

Shin Hye rolled up the sleeve of her shirt and he could see the faint mark on her arm.

"What is that?"

"My father, he grabbed his lit cigarette and pressed it against my skin. I shouted and begged for mercy but he just wouldn't listen to me."

How cruel. He could't believe any parent had the nerve to do something like that. "Why didn't any of the neighbors call the police?"

"They thought it was just a parent trying to discipline their child."

"What about your mother? Didn't she try to protect you?"

"They say that a mother's love is the biggest and most greatest thing in the world. But my mother only watched as I was being torture and when I asked why, she told me that I deserved the way he treated me."

Min Ho looked at Shin Hye, she was someone very simple. Unlike other women she didn't dress up and she didn't wear make up. She just wore a simple long sleeve shirt and skinny jeans. "Did you ever hate the fact that you were a girl?"

She shook her head. "I know I'm not beautiful and I don't get attention from men. To me, none of that matters. I just want a peaceful life."

Her modesty made her shine out.

She looked over the railing once more and then moved backwards. "If I ever come back I hope that I don't have to remember any of this anymore, and this could just be another rooftop in the city of Seoul."

"If you give me your trust, I promise your life will be like any other."

*********

Shin Hye ran through the streets. She felt as the rocks stabbed at her bare feet. She kept looking backwards, trying to see how far he was from her. When she rounded the corner there he was. She cried as he laughed in her face. He grabbed her by the arm and dragged her away. He threw her against a wall and kicked her until she couldn't move. She cried out for mercy but he just got angrier and meaner. He was going to hit her with a bat....

Shin Hye woke up alarmed and scanned her surroundings. She placed her hand on her chest, trying to control her breathing. It was all a nightmare. The dream caused her to break out in a cold sweat. Shin Hye leaned against the bed frame and tears began to roll down her cheeks. She pressed her hand against , trying to stop herself from crying out loudly. Ever since that night on the rooftop she couldn't stop thinking about her parents. She was scared that they would come back to harm her. Shin Hye leaned towards the beside table and turned the light on. She went into her drawer and tried to look for the sleeping pills. They were gone. She had probably thrown them away in a fit of rage. Now she needed them and she didn't know what to do. She remembered that her uncle has some different types of medicines for when his heart ached.

Tip Toeing out of bed and out of the room. She decided to look for them in the medicine cabinet in his bathroom. She entered his room very slowly and made sure that he was asleep. When she took a step towards the bathroom, the light . She cursed mentally and turned around. "You aren't sleeping." She smiled slightly.

"What's going on? Why are you in here? Are you okay?" He rubbed his eyes trying to shake off the sleep.

"I---I needed to use the bathroom."

"You have one in your room."

"I know but something's wrong with the light." She said the first thing that came to her head.

"You could've used the guest bathroom."

"Yeah but that would mean that I have to go down stairs and its such a long trip."

"I'm not buying it. What were you trying to do?"

"Is there a possibility that I can take one of your sleeping pills?"

He shook his head. "If your doctor hasn't prescribed it to you, I can't help you. Why do you need one?"

"I can't sleep." She sat on the edge of his bed. "I had a nightmare."

"Then let's go downstairs, I'll give you some tea."

"I don't like tea."

"You're just the same. It relaxes you, therefore you're going to drink it."

Shin Hye sat on the chair by the kitchen counter.

"Do you want me to call Min Ho?"

"No, its late. I don't want to bother him. Also I think you're getting attached to him." Shin Hye commented.

"Its just that you two have been spending a lot of time together."

 She frowned. "I don't like it. He just comes at any time of the day and asks too many questions."

"Give the guy some credit, I mean he is really trying his hardest."

"That's why he should just give up." She stood up and placed her cup in the dishwasher. 

"What do you think of him? Besides the fact that he's your doctor, do you see him as a friend?"

"I don't know. Whenever I'm near him, I don't know what to do. I tell him things I try to keep to myself.”

"That isn't a bad thing." He smiled silently, his niece was falling in love without realizing it. 

"If I tell him everything, I'm scared of how he will use it against me."

*****

"Today, we will talk about depression." Min Ho took his usual spot. 

"Since I'm the one with it, I think I know more about it."

He took out several things from his bag. There were scissors, a razor blade, a knife, and a rubber band.

"So today's lesson is really about the things people use to inflict pain physically." She concluded.

"No, this is to help you learn more about what you have and to make you understand that you are not alone, there are other people in the world who suffer from what you have." He told her patiently.

"Why did no one tell me about this when my situation began?"

"Can you tell me when it started?"

"Nope, not yet. I have to figure it out by myself first."

Min Ho could tell that he was gaining her trust, he felt more confidence surge through him. "Everybody has different ways to deal with their depression. Some spend most of their free time sleeping, others eat, and others barely touch food at all. Of course there are those who hurt themselves physically, so that the pain they feel would make them forget about their pain emotionally. These items here are just some of the ways people hurt themselves. Some don't cut into their skin but instead they scratch themselves. Reasons for depression vary. If someone doesn't feel good enough, they will always compare themselves with another person. Those people have a hard time trying to love themselves and even if the people around them support them, they will always feel alone and they feel as if no one loves them. Others have it due to  events that occured in the past, such as abuse or maybe even bullying."

"Why do you think I have depression? What if it's just a trauma?"

"Shin Hye, I could tell due to the way you talk. You sound like you have no meaning in life. If your uncle were to be gone tomorrow, I bet you would stop everything and just let the whole world move on its own. Did you ever harm yourself?"

"I remember that I used to hide."

"Hide? Where did you hide?"

"I don't know why I did it, but I hid in closets. The ones in the house and the ones in the halls, you know the ones were the janitors kept their stuff. Sometimes I just didn't go inside of the apartment and stayed in the closet. I knew when my dad would come home. I always slept there. It made me feel safe. Then one day the cleaning lady found me there and made me get out. She told me to tell her where I lived, but I would just stay quiet. She used to live in the building but on the first floor, she didn't know about what my parents did to me. I stayed in her apartment for a couple of days. One day I got out, and regreted it. My mom was coming out of the elevator and she saw me. She pulled me by the ear, I looked at the lady begging her with my gaze, I asked for help but she just stood there in silence."

"Did you ever doubt yourself?"

"Yes, millions of times. People would always point at me. When I had school functions, my uncle came. People always made fun of the orphan."

"You felt like an outsider? How about friends, did you have any?"

"I was always the outsider, even though I tried to maintain friendships, it would never last."

"Why didn't they last?"

"Their parents found out about my situation every single time, I don't even know who told them. It wasn't me, and I considered that maybe at least one of them will go against their parents and fight for our friendship. All I wanted was a friend." Tears threatened to fall.  She brought her knees to her chest and buried her face in her knees. 

"You don't have to go on." He rubbed her back soothingly. "The point of today's appointment is to tell you that I'm your friend. Think about it, if you would've thrown yourself off of the building then you wouldn't have been meeting this annoying doctor."

"You say you're my friend but its not as simple as that, once someone you love goes against me, you are going to end up pushing me away." She said sadly. She had grown to enjoy his company. He said things that made her feel relieved, even though there were times of suffocation.

*********

Min Ho decided to take Shin Hye to a park.

"What am I supposed to be learning here?"

"I want to teach you what childhood is like. I want you to know what you missed out." He led her to the swings. He made her sit in one and then he pushed her gently.

She smiled at his attempt to recreate something she thought was gone. "I don't think I missed much."

From the way she said it he could tell it was the complete opposite, she was touched. "I want to show you everything you didn't have a chance to enjoy."

"I think I'm too old to play tag." She inquired.

He laughed and took the empty swing next to hers. "There are a lot of things we can do. I can show you what a best friend is like."

She bit her lip. "Don't tell me you're going to wear a dress?"

He shook his head, "There is someone who wants to meet you. She has heard a lot about you."

"She wants to meet me? That's hard to believe. You probably bribed her or something."

"She doesn't judge people and well she isn't a doctor. She isn't going to force you to talk to her. She just wants to be friends with you."

"You really didn't have to. I don't want pity, I may not have friends but I have learned to live without them." She pushed herself slowly. "You pity me, don't you?"

"No, of course not. Your story is touching and very intriguing but I am not here for pity."

"You're here because you're my doctor."

"Its way past working hours, right now I'm just your friend."

"You shouldn't spend so much time with me, it could be a bad thing."

"Don't bring yourself down. You are peaceful, trust me some of my patients are completely insane."

"I thought you said you weren't my doctor right now."

"I'm not it was just a comment."

"Why did you really bring me here? I know I'm don't know much about friendship, but we obvoiusly do not want to get to know more about each other, in terms of two people. I think you have been my doctor all along. Just be honest and tell me what you want to know."

He rubbed his nape. "I thought I could make you tell me more about your childhood." Then he just paused and after what seemed like forever he spoke again. "But I actually like spending time with you."

"I told you to be honest." She snapped. She didn't want to hear him, it scared her. It made her nervous. "I know that I'm probably just another experiment for you."

 "That's not true!" His voice was louder than usual. "All my intentions have been good, I have tried my best to help you. I thought we had some progress but I see you are still cold, just like when I met you. If you want to live in a world where nothing will get better, then fine. But don't you dare confuse my intentions! I give up." He got up and stormed away.

She should feel happy that he's going to leave her alone, but she can't lie. She felt kind of sad to see him go.

******

Shin Hye started to miss his presence. She got so attached to him, he was always around. Even when she constantly asked him if he could give her some space, he was always there. He became part of her everyday life and it has only been two months since they met. One session every week but he turned it into coming whenever he had time. She didn't understand why she started to think about him more often, he is supposed to be her psychologist. She had started to look towards their sessions. She didn't give him the trust he deserved and that's why he left her. She shouldn't be so tense, it drives people away, but it has become like a habit. She has never let anyone into her world and she didn't like the fact that he was so far in already. That's why she pushes him away when he's close because she can't tell the difference between him being professional and him being a friend or even a man. Yet she didn't want him to go further from her so she decided to call him and apologize.

She bit her lip when the phone rang. After three rings she was about to put it down when someone picked up. "Hello, may I speak w--with Min Ho?" She stuttered.

"Shin Hye?" He recognized that voice anywhere. He felt guilt for storming away like that he shouldn't have said what he said. He was harsh and he wants to apologize. It made him feel good that she would at least take a step to talk to him.

She held onto the phone tightly. "Can we talk?"

"I didn't expect that you would call me at this time, and I am in the middle of a family dinner, you don't mind if we talk tomorrow?"

Disappointment rushed through her. She doesn't know if he's really busy or he's just using an excuse to avoid her. "Just call me when you have time. I don't want to disturb you."

He took a deep breath. "How about later? Do you have any time?"

"Yeah" She said almost immediately. "That's okay with me, but I'm not home."

"So we can't meet?"

"We can but its not going to be somewhere where you would be comfortable."

"It's okay, don't worry about me. Text me the address."

"I guess, see you in a bit." She hung up and she could feel herself smiling, almost to the point where her cheeks began to hurt.

Min Ho arrived at an orphanage, he doesn't understand why Shin Hye would be there, she never lived in an orphanage. Min Ho asked a young woman at the entrance to help him, she knew Shin Hye and took him to her. He leaned on the doorframe and watched as she and a little girl painted the room. The little girl would laugh often. He liked the picture. Shin Hye looked very caring, he's not saying that she isn't but he has never seen that side of her. 

Shin Hye turned around and paused when she saw Min Ho. "Why are you just standing there?"

"I didn't want to interrupt." He smiled slightly and motioned towards the girl.

So Won looked at Min Ho with curiousity, she never knew that Shin Hye had friends. She bowed politely and excused herself. If Shin Hye had a friend that meant that the person is very important.

Shin Hye picked up a brush and continued to paint.

Min Ho gave her time, but he needed it as much as her. He didn't know where to start. He took off his sweater and pulled up the sleeves of his sweatshirt. He picked up the other brush and helped her.

"Sorry." She began. He stared at her and she started to feel a sensation at the pit of her stomach. "I know I don't say it often, but I mean it. I know it gets frustrating having to help someone who is hard headed, someone who refuses any help. I have wished so many times that I could accept the advice of anyone. To be honest you make me feel better. I want to feel better but I'm scared."

"What are you scared of?"

"I'm scared of my feelings."

"You aren't the one that's wrong. If anything, I should be sorry, you don't deserve what I said."

She cut him off by holding his arm, "Yes I did deserve it, it opened my eyes."

He stopped, the way she touched him felt sincere. He looked deep into her brown eyes. "What are you seeing now?"

'I see you' She thought, and that's why she felt scared because he made her feel special. She cleared and waved the topic off. "I bet you're wondering why I'm here."

"At first, but I forgot all about it honestly." He decided to let it slide this time, she'll tell him when she's ready.

"I volunteer here. This place feels like home sometimes. I realized that I have never really had parents and since those kids called me an orphan, I guess they were right. I could understand the kids here, they are all looking for love. They start to grow up and some don't get the love they need."

"Is the little girl an orphan?"

"So Won? Not necessarily, but her parents are always working so she stays here. Her aunt is the headmaster and I'm glad she's not alone. She is a very amazing girl, very bright and hard working. She always achieves what she hopes for. Yet, I know that she wishes to spend more time with her parents."

"Do you symphatize with her?"

"She's in a better position that I am. Besides, she can count on me if she ever needs anything."

He nodded. "I know this is off topic but are you still willing to meet my friend?"

"Just bring her to the next appointment." The brush slipped from her hands and when she kneeled and picked it up, it fell again but this time in the bucket and the paint splashed.

Min Ho helped her up quickly and turned her to him. He grabbed a paper towel and wiped her face. He held onto her chin and gently wiped everything off. When he was done he couldn't help but to continue staring at her.

Shin Hye's forehead creased. "Why are you looking at me?"

"Because you're beautiful."

She pulled away but he grabbed onto her waist, one of his hands held her nape. She closed her eyes when he leaned in. His lips touched hers and she gasped. He kissed her gently before intensifying the kiss. She held onto his arm, trying to deal with the intensity of the kiss. His tilted his head and deepened the kiss. When they both needed to breathe he let go. Shin Hye opened her eyes and from what it looked like, she seemed scared. It was her first kiss and it just happened like that.

"Why did you do that?"

"I------I" He didn't how to respond.

Shin Hye understood, he did it on impulse not because he truly felt anything. "Let's just pretend.........that it never happened."

"But, I....." He wanted to explain in some way but he couldn't.

"You don't have to say anything, I'm okay."

*******

Goo Hye Sun was Min Ho's childhood friend, they have been through everything together. She noticed the change in him when Shin Hye became his patient. Of course as a doctor he cannot tell her anything confidential, but he told her about Shin Hye and how she is. 

Shin Hye walked in, she probably looked more tired than usual. After the kiss they shared she couldn't eat or sleep. Maybe she took it too far and thought of it as too much.

Min Ho smiled at her, "Just like I told you about this is my friend."

Shin Hye took a good look at her. His friend was beautiful, unlike her she knew how to dress. Her hair frames her small face very nicely. She has a very warm expression on her face. She looks like someone who is polite and caring. She looked healthy, everything that Shin Hye could never be. This just made her feel like she was getting pity. Shin Hye sat down. "I guess I'm finally meeting you."

Hye Sun sat next to her. "You seem kind of tense."

"She just needs to get used to you."

"Min Ho, how exactly is this supposed to help me?" Shin  Hye asked. She just felt worse about herself. She had looked in the mirror ever since he told her she was beautiful. What did he see that made him think that? She was nothing out of the ordinary.

"I just want you to lead a normal life." 

"I already am." She motioned towards Hye Sun.

Hye Sun tried to fight off the awkwardness. "I'm Hye Sun. I know you probably don't trust me, but trust me I am someone good. You can count of me."

Shin Hye tried to make out a normal smile, but it was more lopsided than anything.  "I'm sorry but I'm not looking towards having a friendship."

Hye Sun raised an eyebrow, "Then how come you and Min Ho are friends?"

She adverted her gaze, "We aren't necessarily friends." She couldn't even tell what they were.

"We are friends." Min Ho frowned. He didn't know why she was acting like this.

"I don't want to talk about that right now." Shin Hye commented. 

Hye Sun shrugged off the intensity in the room and looked at Shin Hye, "I still want to be your friend, so go get your stuff because we are going out to the mall."      

Shin Hye complained. "I don't want to." She didn't have anything against Hye Sun, she just wasn't the type to go out shopping. 

"You have to go willingly or by force, you choose."

She reluctantly got up and went to her room.

"Am I invited?" Min Ho asked.

"Nope." Hye Sun smiled.

He rolled his eyes, "I could just follow you."

"I'm serious, I want to just have a friend who isn't you." She said in a half joking matter.

He scoffed. "What's so wrong about me?" He packed his stuff and got up.

"You don't understand how I feel, I think another girl would understand."

His forehead creased. "And you think Shin Hye could understand you?"

Hye Sun shot him a look.

Shin Hye stood by the door and she couldn't believe what she just heard. Now she completely understood that she doesn't mean anything in his life. She took deep breath before stepping into the room. "I'm ready."

Hye Sun got up and walked out with Shin Hye.

******

As time went by Shin Hye started to like having Hye Sun around, she made her feel relieved. She didn't have to worry about judgement from her. Yet, she couldn't tell her everything. She couldn't tell her that Min Ho has become someone extremely important in her life. 

Hye Sun took a seat in front of Shin Hye, they were going to eat lunch together.    

Hye Sun  greeted Shin Hye with a grin. 

"Why are you so happy?"

"I haven't told you this yet, and I don't know how to. I feel kind of shy saying it."

"Why?" Shin Hye asked with curiosity.

"I told you that I had someone who I had in my mind all the time."

Shin Hye nodded.

"I think I am closer to his heart."

"Did he tell you that? Who is he?"

"He didn't tell me necessarily but its Min Ho. I know him like the back of my hand and if someone who is close to him told me that, then I might as well believe it."

Shin Hye felt a lump form on and she could feel the tears start to swell in her eyes. She tried to push the feeling down. "Who told you?"

"His mother and I've always known she's honest." Hye Sun clapped her hands together. 

"Is he important to you?"

"More than you can imagine. We grew up together, we shared the best times of our lives together. All these years, I wished that we were destined to be together. Its just I'm scared, I don't know if I should tell him as soon as possible, or if I should give him time. What do you think?"

"Give him time." She said without hesitation. She wanted him to herself for just a bit longer. They may not be anything but if he's going to be with her, that'll mean she'll have to witness them. She wanted to get ready for the pain. Eventhough one day she won't need him anymore, he will still be there because Hye Sun is her friend. 

"I agree with you, but I just can't wait. Please let it be soon." She smiled brightly to herself. "Don't you know how beautiful it is to be in love?"

Shin Hye shook her head. "I haven't experienced that sensation. One time I fell for this guy and he asked me out. I thought that someone finally overlooked my flaws but turns out it was just a bet."

"Well I hope with all my heart that you'll find someone who loves you unconditionally."

Shin Hye cleared changing the subject. "How did you meet Min Ho?"

"I was one of his father's patient. He was very kind and gentle just like Min Ho. One day I was having an appointment later than usual and Min Ho came home from a friend's house. I was having a hard time and he came and did foolish things. He did everything he could to make me feel better. I don't know how but we got to see each other often."

There was really no reason for him not to like her.  And she had to do her best to not go against the only friend she had. 

*******

Shin Hye's nightmare was just about to begin. As she entered the room to meet Min Ho for their appointment, she caught sight of two people whom she didn't want to see ever in her life. The coffee cup fell to the ground and shattered making everyone turn to her. "How could you?" She looked at Min Ho breathlessly. 

Min Ho his lips nervously and stood up. He grabbed her by the arm and after she stumbled he helped her sit. "I'm sorry for doing this but I have to."

She grasped his arm and shook her head multiple times. "No, you didn't have to do this. I--I was getting better."

"If you were getting better, you wouldn't be scared right now." He whispered back to her. 

She found it hard to swallow the knot in . 

Her parents came foward and stood in front of her. 

Min Ho got up and took a step back, clearing his voice. "I know this is hard, but I want you all to mend the pain of the past."

Shin Hye clenched her fist and felt anger creeping under her skin. She laughed increduosly. "Mend? You want me to forgive them for what they did?! You must be joking."

Her dad got on his knees in front of her. "Shin Hye, I am sorry. I knew I was wrong."

"Then why didn't you fix your problems?! Why did you have to take it out on me?" She raised her voice.

"It was hard on me. I didn't know what to do. I didn't mean for all of this to happen to you."

"You did not struggle for 15 years, there are enough resources if you have problems. You are too late to come and ask for forgiveness." She was not going to give them peace of mind, she wanted them to suffer just like she did. 

"Shin Hye don't talk to your father that way." Her mother said tenderly. 

"Father? You two are not my family, my only family is that one man who dared to go against his family just to give me a better life."

"Shin Hye believe it or not we love you. We raised you and took care of you."

"What you did was destroy not take care. Because of you..." She pointed a finger at her father. "I have had nightmares, I tried to take my life." She started screaming. "How can you take a person's life so lightly?!!! How can you come here and ask for forgiveness?!!! Are you not ashamed of yourself?! A simple sorry is not enough to take a lifetime of pain."

Her mother got on her knees next to her father and started to cry. Min Ho couldn't bear to watch. Maybe he should stop Shin Hye from saying anything else. How can he be dumb enough to bring her parents? She wasn't scared, if anything she was angry and she wanted to torture them with cruel words.

"Please Shin Hye, forgive us.  We know that what we did before was cruel but I really didn't want you to suffer and have such a life crisis." Her mother begged as the tears streamed down her face.

"Do you think that I will feel bad and forgive you just because you are crying? I cried a million times before and none of those times did you ever have mercy on me. You tossed me around like an animal, a savage. All I wanted was comprehension. I wouldn't be hating you but you took away all of my chances of having a life. Because of you two, no girls turn back to be my friend. No guy looks at me and thinks good things. Everyone just has pity for me, and I am sick and tired of it." Her voice shook. "I tried my best to do what you wanted. I knew I wasn't what you wanted, I know you wanted a boy. I cried myself to sleep every night thinking about how it would've felt to be normal.  I hated my life every single moment and until today I still want to kill myself."

"We want to make it up to you." Her father tried to convince her.

"The only way is if you can reverse time. If you can bring back my childhood."

"You know we can't, if we could we would."

"But you can't, get out of my house. And don't you ever step foot in it again. You have a restraining order and the next time I see you near me, I'll send you to jail." She said coldly.

Min Ho didn't even think a Shin Hye like this existed. He thought that she would try to forgive and move on, as a way to relieve the past. But instead she threatened her parents, she told them there was nothing to do. Her eyes were black with fury. Her hands clenched into fists.

Her mother reached her hand up to Shin Hye's face and almost immediately Shin  Hye stood up. "Don't touch me. I am never going to allow you to hurt me again."

Her mom stood up and tried to grasp her hand. Shin Hye curled into herself.  She was scared of feeling the hand that tortured her for so long. 

"Get away from me." She gritted her teeth. 

Her mother did the complete oposite, she pulled Shin Hye into an embrace. Shin Hye squirmed and managed to push her mom until she fell on the floor. Without turning back she ran out of the room, looking for any place that will help her feel better. 

Min Ho helped Shin Hye's mother to stand up. 

"Do you think she will ever forgive us?"

"No, actually I'm starting to believe that she won't be able to get better."

*******

Min Ho got to the hospital as fast as he could. He got a call from Shin Hye's uncle telling him that Shin Hye had tried to take her life. He had never experienced a worry so big before. He watched Shin Hye's uncle pace the room when he entered. Min Ho called out to him with short breath. 

Park Won Sang received the biggest blow of his life. He thought Shin Hye was fine, and yesterday he saw her mood was very negative. He just thought that she had a tough day at work but when it was dinner time and she wouldn't come down he got worried. He went into her room and found her sprawled on her bed, next to her was a bottle of pills. He called his private nurse and she called the hospital immediately. He didn't want to lose the only family he had left. Maybe it was out of place but he called Min Ho. He was the only person he knew that cared for Shin Hye as much as he did. 

"How is she?"

"Awake." Was all he could muster to say. But was she really awake, she seemed to lose consciousness once in a while.

"Can I go in to see her?" Min Ho saw him debate and he send him a pleading gaze. After some hesitation, he nodded. 

Min Ho opened the door with cautiousness, he didn't want to make so much noise. He closed the door behind him and turned to her. Her face was pale and her hair framed it gently. She seemed so frail that he just wanted to bring her into his arms. He sat next to her bed and his hand shook as he grabbed hers. He felt at fault for her situation, if he hadn't brought her parents, she would've been fine. He would punch the wall a million times if it could ease his pain. He planted a kiss on the back of her hand. 

Shin Hye's eyes fluttered open and adjusted to the light. felt dry and she found it hard to swallow. It was cold but she felt heat eminate from beside her. She felt weak. She gathered her strenght and looked to her side, she expected it to be her uncle, but it wasn't. She abruptly took her hand away from his grip.

With that little action, Min Ho knew she had lost her trust in him. 

"What are you doing here?" She said in a cold voice. Her heart shattered seeing his expression, but she didn't want to forgive.  Yet there wasn't anything that she had to forgive him for. He was just doing his job, that's why he shouldn't be there.

He couldn't find his voice. He tried to look into her eyes in order to get to her, but he couldn't get past the cold gaze. He felt like he had lost everything, he had lost his effort. "I'm sorry. You were right from the beginning I don't know anything, I had everything and I was stupid enough to think that I could heal you." He stood up reluctantly.

"I was wrong about you. You aren't what I thought. But why did you do it? Why did you bring them when I told you it would only create  a big mess?"

"I wanted to see if you had gotten any better, if you could at least live with seeing them. I wanted to see if I had kept my promise of fixing you."

"You did all of this just so that you could keep your promise?" She said hurt.

"No, of course not. I want to see you better." To him it was more about his feelings for her than his promise to make himself proud.  

"Don't confuse yourself Min Ho. You don't know as  much about me as you think."

"I wouldn't be sticking around if I were confused. As soon as I knew how complex your situation was and the time at the park, I was really thinking of giving up. So answer me a question Shin Hye, if you wanted me to leave you alone, why did you call after the incident at the park? You could've just ignored it and I would've been out of your life by now." He spatted. 

Shin Hye prayed for a miracle, anything than telling him what she felt. 

Hye Sun busted through the door. "Shin Hye." She ran to the bed and threw her arms around her.

Min Ho noticed the relieve wash over Shin Hye's face. What did she need to hide that she couldn't tell him? "Hye Sun, leave us alone. You can come back when I'm done talking to Shin Hye."

Hye Sun turned back to him and raised her eye brows. He had never raised his voice at her. He would always fool around that he wasn't even serious. Just what does he feel for Shin Hye? Why has he suddenly changed so drastically? She got up but Shin Hye held onto her hand.

"Min Ho, I think you should leave. I already had enough, don't you think?" 

"I'm not leaving until you answer my question. I don't care if Hye Sun is in the room!" He shot her a harsh look. 

Shin Hye clenched her fist. "Leave us alone for five minutes."

Hye Sun hesitated before she stood up, she held Min Ho's arm gaining his attention. "Don't stress her out. She's in the hospital for a reason."

Shin Hye waited until the door closed in order to speak to him. "Sit."

He sat impatiently. "I don't want you to avoid the question like you always do."

"I missed you." She finally said. She was also tired of beating around the bush for every single one of his questions. 

She knocked the wind out of him. "You missed me?"

She nodded. "I thought I could be fine without you. But I felt so lonely when you weren't there to constantly nag me."

He sat next to her on the bed and pulled her into his arms. 

Shin Hye's eyes widened with utter surprise. She felt this warm feeling creep to the pit of her stomach. She felt peace and comfort in his arms. The way his broad shoulders held her head and the way his strong arms wrapped tightly around her.

"I didn't know you needed me. I thought I bothered you uncontrollably."  She smelled like violets, sweet and pure. Holding her made him feel like a protector. He wants to keep her in his embrace forever. "I'm really sorry for doing this to you." He whispered into her ear. 

She didn't know what he was feeling. She didn't know if what she felt was true. She didn't want to just be some joke to him. And if he felt something for her, was it love or did he simply just care for her as an older brother? What would happen if it were to be love? What would Hye Sun think? "I think the five minutes are up."

He let go slowly but she wouldn't look at him in the eye.  "I'll be outside."

She shook her head. "You don't have to stay."

"I know but I want to." He motioned towards the door and she nodded. After he closed it she sighed. 

********

Shin Hye was out of the hospital now and she felt like she was being watched at all moment. Her uncle came into her room multiple times at night. She couldn't sleep, it felt weird to be in a place where you tried to take your life. Her uncle tried to change the enviorment by changing the furniture, and the color of the room. She didn't want to tell him that his efforts were all in vain, so she kept quiet when he wanted to do something. Shin Hye shook off her pensive state when her uncle's private nurse came in.

"He wants to see you." She said politely.

Shin Hye stood up and went to his room. He had a giddy smile when she entered the room. "What's going on?"

"I've been thinking and I came up with a good idea." 

She didn't say anything and waited for him to continue.

"What if I pay Min Ho to live here?"

"What?! Have you gone crazy all of the sudden?"

"It's a good idea. He could be here to monitor you daily."

"I'm tired of all of this. I've had enough with just having to attend appointments with a psychologist in the first place. I am trying my very best to please you but I don't want to be watched twenty-four seven."

"It's just with the recent event I just want to look out for your safety."

"Well I don't care about my life, you are going to leave me anyway. I won't have anyone else in this world so what's the point of living." She cried out. 

"I don't want to leave you alone. But this damn disease is getting the best of me. I hate to see you suffer."

Shin Hye felt bad because he raised his voice and she felt his temper. "Why did you take me in? You should've left me to die on the streets. I am just ruining the little time you have left. I took away your wife, your kids and your time. I'm a tragedy and no matter what anyone tries to do I am not going to change." She sort of scolded him for giving her the only home she has ever had. "I gave you stress, I still do. This is the reason why you are going to die. I killed you." Her lip quivered and she bit on it to stop herself from crying.

"It's not your fault."

"I heard the doctor. He said that there was something that worried you. At the time you only had me. I was the reason for your disaster."

"We all have to die someday. Besides I had a very stressing job. Listen to me, you are just saying this because....because"

"Because I have depression, I am a lunatic and a psychopath." She finished off for him.

"Is that what you think of yourself?"

"Everybody thinks the same. I am tired of pity, I have said it over and over again."

He stood up to hug his niece. The most important thing in his life. He knew how much she needed to cry these days. 

Shin Hye held tightly onto her uncle's shirt. He seemed so fragile but was strong and could comfort her like no one else could. "If you leave me, who am I going to be?" 

"You will always be Park Shin Hye, the warrior. The fallen angel who is just trying to find its way back to heaven."

"Please, don't make him come." She pleaded.

"You like him, don't you?!" He knew sooner or later that it was bound to happen. She was going to realize that he was more than a mere doctor. 

"He already has someone else and I don't want to do anything to hurt her." She told him with her head bowed down. 

"You can't hold onto your feelings for long."

"It won't be much longer." 

''Why do you say that?

"I will do my best to get better, so you can leave without worrying about me."

"Can I hire Min Ho?"

"It's like taking away his time. I don't want him to have to watch me all day. He has a life too." 

"It just has to be nights and he could have the weekends off."

"I have a feeling you already discussed this. You talked to him behind my back, he agreed and that's why you keep insisting."

"If you know then just agree to it."

"Why should I be forced into this? Why do you do this without asking first? Don't you care about my opinion?"

"Of course I do, but there are some things that I want to have control over. I am your guardian, the one is supposed to take care of you."

"But I'm an adult." She paused, feeling the heat of her anger reach her face, turning it red. "Did you also give him the consent to bring my parents?"

He sat in silence.

"Answer me!" She raised her voice, she shouldn't be such a brat but she couldn't help it. She was feeling angry those days, no one would listen to her. 

"I allowed it and I am disappointed." He was serious. "Since you came into this house, I taught you principles. Most important was that no matter what anyone did if they were older than you, you must show respect. You are my niece and I love you, but it tore me up when I heard that my sister was crying and you had no mercy. I wondered where your heart of gold was. Where was the Shin Hye, who held her head up high when everyone would laugh at her? Where is the Shin Hye who doesn't stoop down to other's level?"

She took a blow, she almost forgot how to breathe. That was the saddest thing she heard. It hurt her and shook her at the core, her heart ached and she hated herself almost instantly, not because she hurt her mother but because she hurt the person she loved the most. "I've never held my head up high. I'm sorry."

"I am not the person you should be saying sorry to."

"I am not saying sorry to anybody else." She got up from her seat and rushed out of the room. She slammed the door of the house. Her steps echoed on the pavement as she made her way into her past. She first stopped at her elementary school and touched the gates. It was unlocked and she entered. What hurt her the most about her childhood was the fact that the parents would pick up their kids, and they were all busy. Her mother who didn't work, didn't even bother to show up. Shin Hye became independent through those experiences. She wanted someone to count on but at the same time she didn't have anything to share. She sat in the spot underneath the tree. The spot in which she would lay down and sleep everyday at recess. The best place to be when the heat came. She touched the spot in which she carved her name. Carved it in the cracks of the tree. Trees had an imperfection that made them beautiful and that's just how she wanted to feel. She got up and went somewhere else.

Shin Hye watched parents screaming at their kids to stay still. It was an amusement park. She would walk past it every day when she was younger. She would just watch the rides go up and down. Kids with cotton candy in their hands and running around to the nearest ride. She dreamed of experiencing something like that but it was too late. She remembers when a clown came up to her and gave her a sword-shaped balloon. That was the first time in her childhood in which she felt happiness. Shin Hye snapped out of her thoughts when her phone started ringing. She saw the screen and hung up. She send her uncle a mesage. It read, 'I'm okay, don't look for me.'

Her phone started ringing again as she made her way up the steps of her old apartment building. She grimaced when she saw Min Ho's name on the screen. Just thinking about the fact that her uncle will get him to live in their house made her uncomfortable. She turned off her phone. She took out the key hanging from her necklace. At the lobby she asked someone if anybody lived in her old apartment, she told her that no one had lived there for the past 10 years. That meant that a year after she moved in with her uncle, her parents moved out and went somewhere else. She inserted the key and luckily it clicked. The locks hadn't been change. As soon as she stepped past the doorway, an eerie feeling crept over her. She turned the lights on and stared at the room in front of her. Everything was in the exact same order, nothing had change. The furniture was there and there was a faint smell of cigarettes. She took one step and then another until she reached her room. Once again, everything was in place. 

She kneeled in front of a wall and looked for the part where the paint peeled off. She stripped the paper away and grabbed the box. She opened the box and a tear fell on her hand. She took out the letter she had written as a 15 year old. It was an assignment in class that had asked her to write about what she wanted in the future. She talked about that single person who she hoped to find that would transform her life into something. Someone who gave her meaning. But even as a teenager she knew good things were not bound to happen to people like her. People who were sick. 

She picked up the feather at the bottom of the box. She had helped a bird that was injured and it meant a huge deal to her. It was her only companion and instead of being sad  that she had to let it go free, she took it to the roof and loved the way it spread its wings and took flight. The bird had the opportunity to run away from such hell but she did not, seeing that something could, gave her the strength to leave. Enought strength to run away. 

She put the things back in the box and stood up. She turned all of the lights off before shutting the door and leaving the apartment. There was no point in keeping the key any more, she carried it and she took a taxi to Han river. She looked at the key one more time before tossing it into the water where it will sink to the bottom never to be seen again. She laid in the grass and just stared up at the sky. Her life was real, if anyone else saw her they might think that she was normal.  So why couldn't she wrap herself up in a world of illusions, in a world where she led a normal life. Where she would have friends and go on dates. Part of her wanted to but she knew that it was all too surreal to make believe. She couldn't say that she didn't know what love was, she felt it. That feeling deep inside of her that constantly nagged her reminding her of that certain someone. That even when she tried to ignore it, its just too obvious. Her face turned a different shade and her eyes wouldn't meet his. If she had to deal with it everyday, she would explode. But it was almost over, her war was soon finished. She wouldn't have to worry about seeing him over and over again. She knew that slowly her love for him will disappear. She was going to make herself think it was certain.

 ******

Min Ho kept calling her but he gave up, he knew she had turned her phone off. He wished he knew any place where she could go. Even her uncle had not a clue about where she would take off to. He had already checked the orphanage but they had said she hadn't been there in a few days. She could've been hiding, but she didn't have anything to hide from. All he could do was sit around at her house and wait for her to come home. He was a bit skeptical when her uncle offered him to be her psychologist 24/7. What about his other patients? But what worried him the most was what about them? 

In his heart and in his mind, he knew that it was no lie that he wanted her. But he was a coward. He was too scared to tell her what he felt. He told himself it was because it would be new to her and it'll make her back away. Yet, he knew that what he felt was wrong. He overlooked his job and fell in love with a patient. He went past the limits, but he couldn't deny the way it felt when her scent pulled him in. That time when he kissed her, sparks burst inside of his mind. Electricity rocketed through his body. And then when he hugged her at the hospital. He loved the way she molded perfectly against his body. She was so soft and gentle in his arms. The anxiety that something could've happened to her wouldn't leave him alone, so when the door open and she came walking in he couldn't help but to embrace her. They were alone standing in the middle of her living room.  She writhed in his arms but he didn't let go, he just held her tighter. 

"Let me go! What are you doing here?!" She struggled to free herself. 

"We were worried about you, how can you just run off without saying a word?"

"I don't need to tell anyone what I do every second of the day.” She gave up and just stood still.

He pulled away just enough so that she could see his face but not enough to let go of her. “Where did you go?”

“Somewhere. Everywhere. Point is you don’t need to know, just go home.” She hated herself for enjoying his touch. If Hye Sun would walk in at the moment she would be angry and would never talk to her ever again. 

“Are you mad at me again?”

"I have every right to be mad, I can't stand when people are meddling in my life."

"I'm just doing all of this so that you could be safe. That's why I told your uncle that I would be staying here."

"But your family is going to find out and then what's the point, they will all go against me." She couldn't bear with the fact that if they find out she won't ever see him again. She leaned her head on his chest. 

"Is that what you're scared of? My family. They can't strip me away from my responsibilities. They know they cannot interfere with my professional life." He her hair.

"You're right, I am just a patient and you're my doctor." She said hurt that that's all he could say. She used all of her strenght and pulled away from him. "When are you going to work here?"

"Two weeks from now. I talked to your uncle about it when you were in the hospital."

She knew it. Her uncle had made up his mind. "You already know in what room your staying?"

"The one in front of yours." He just stared at her, at her sudden coldness.

Shin Hye nodded. She headed towards the stairs and when she put her hand on the rail, he put his hand on top of hers. She hadn't heard him walk. 

"I don't understand what I do in order to make you mad. I'm honest and open with you."

"One minute you act like my doctor and the next I don't know who you are."

"I...I..." He was constantly having trouble being fully open with her.

"Is everything okay down here?" Her uncle walked down the stairs. 

Shin Hye moved up to help him. "Yeah, everything's okay."

"Shin Hye we were worried about you. And Min Ho told me to go rest but after so much tossing and turning I gave up."

"I told you that I was okay."

"You could've at least answered my call."

"Well I didn't want to."

"Were you crying?"

"Of course not."

"Don't lie to me, your eyes are swollen. Where were you?"

"I just took a walk to Han River." Shin Hye paused. "It's cold outside and my eyes just got watery. I didn't cry. I'm okay." She looked back at Min Ho who was only a step or two away. Why couldn't he just be completely honest? She wanted to know his intentions. 

"If I didn't tell you about my decision, it was because I know that what I'm doing is the best for you."

"But it's my life, and I want to be able to decide for myself."

"And I'm not saying you can't, but sometimes its best to listen to people who care about you."

Min Ho sat down and he kept looking at her but she would just advert her gaze. Living with her was the best thing he could do. He will be able to bring her closer without her noticing.

*******

Shin Hye was having a session after such a long time, but Min Ho was quieter than usual. "Are you okay?"

He nodded absent mindedly.

"What's wrong? You are scaring me. Why? Are my parents coming again?"

"No." He shook his head. "I won't be doing that for god knows how much time." 

She sat next to him. "I don't need to be a doctor to know that something's bothering you." She hoped it didn't have anything to do with Hye Sun. And this was his way of saying that everything was over between them. Not that there was anything. 

He sighed. "I just feel alone. My mother and father are barely home and the house is just so empty. My family would always be together in the weekend but now they are gone to some part of the world. And the only person who comes to my house is Hye Sun. I don't mind but I miss talking about my week with them."

"You seem like you would have a lot of friends."

He laughed. "I do go to one or two parties every month but those are in the night. And a lot of my friends have girlfriends or are married."

"If you don't have anything to do during the weekend just come here, I mean I bet you will be tired of being here everyday once you start working here but.....I just think that you can come and we can talk. I mean it may not be a beautiful family gathering but we can try our best to make the day worth it. Can I ask you a question?"

He nodded, touched that she would offer something like that to him.

"Why did you think about this now?"

"As you know christmas is coming in a few weeks and I thought my family would gather together but my mom told me her plans and I guess I just knew. Can I ask for you to do something?"

"What is it?"

"Can you give me a hug?" And so she did. His head leaned into her chest. She ran her hands through his hair and he just let her pull him in looping his arms around her waist. He was happy that she did without backing away. "I know that we should be talking about you and I should be giving you advice."

"Shhh." She said quietly. "My uncle told me that everyone has their weak moments and just because you are a doctor it doesn't make you any less human. Besides you know that you take it to have sessions with me whenever you want."

"But I know you want to get better and I don't want to take my time. You are willing and that's the best thing you could do right now."

"Don't worry about me right now, this is actually my favorite time of the year. During this time, my uncle taught me what family was. When I was younger, my parents didn't do anything special for christmas. Since my father had his own company he was barely at home and my mother would just sit and watch T.V. Sometimes she would forget that I was there and she would just get ready and go out. I don't have negative thoughts during this time. My time is filled with the christmas tree and...."

He cut her off. "Do you want to do the christmas tree together? I mean I bet it's a tradition for you to do it with your uncle, but since he's sick and all I don't want him to tire himself out."

She loved the way he cared for her uncle. Ever since they met and her uncle got closer to him, she knew that he was becoming part of the family. "I don't have a problem with it."

He smiled. "You know I thought I had lost your trust."

"I thought you had lost it too. But I knew that you were just trying to help me. Everything you do is help me and I feel like a burden sometimes."

"Why would you even think of that?"

"Because no psychologist tried to help me. They just talked and talked. Then they gave me pills since I barely responded their questions."

"I wish they had never done that."

"But it helped me when I had nightmares."

"What were you scared of every time you woke up in the middle of the night?"

"I panicked, I was alarmed. I couldn’t stop myself from thinking of harming myself. I tried to overdose myself multiple times but I couldn’t bring myself to take in so much pills, so when I really did. I felt my life slipping away."

"Were you scared at that moment?" He wished she would say yes. Mostly because he wanted her to miss the life that she had now, the one with him in it. Because if he were to feel himself dying he would miss her.

"I wasn’t for the most part because I was glad that I could go, that I wouldn't have to feel any more pain."

"What about the pain you would bring to others?"

"My uncle will understand, he knows that it's  been hard for me. Besides him there is no one else."

"What about me? Were you going to leave without saying goodbye?"

"What about you?!" She let go of him. And all of the sudden everything came rushing in. She was hugging him and didn't even realize just how dangerous the situation was. She backed away slowly.

Min Ho cornered her.  Her back against the w