Chapter Thirty Six

The Past Continued

Previously:

Heechul leaned his head on the table trying to calm himself, while the rest just watched him giving him the time to collect his thoughts.... Yunho was shocked listening to Heechul... a lot of things happened to his wife before that he has no idea about.... He knows that the private detective won't be able to give him everything but he was thankful to Heechul who opened up to them even if it clearly was hard for him. 

"Hyung... Are you ok?" 

Junsu said putting his palm on the other's arm. 

"deh... I'm fine..." 

Heechul said looking up wiping his tears. 

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"Heechul-ah... what happened to Jaejoong after that?" 

Yoochun asked wiping a lonely tear that escaped his eye hearing Heechul story. 

"Jaejoong woke up the next day like nothing happened... he barely remembered what happened to him after saving the little kid.... so I didn't gave it that much of a thought as the doctor in the hospital we took him to told me that being in such situation may cause a panic attack and since it never happened before I shouldn't think much of it..." 

The others nodded at him. 

"But it happened again and again... once when Siwon broke to my house at night leaving Jaejoong a big box full of bloody baby dolls that he discovered in the morning next to his bed... they looked real and  Jaejoong was so scared that he couldn't sleep alone for a while, and even when we slept in one room after that, he couldn't get enough sleep for months having nightmares about that  and sometimes it turned into panic attacks depending on how bad they were I guess..... other times were when that crazy celebrity got mad and tried to attack Junsu, you remember that time?"

Heechul asked looking at his dongsaeng who nodded to him feeling a shiver run down his spine remembering how bad it was dealing with a deadly pale barely breathing Jaejoong. 

"Sometimes he would panic suddenly and we still have no idea what triggered it" 

Heechul continued before he sighed straightening up his back looking at Yunho who looked back at him with sad moist eyes. 

"I have a close friend since high school who happened to be a psychiatrist... I kept telling him every detail of Jaejoong's state, I even taped a couple of his panic attacks to show them to him, knowing that Jaejoong wouldn't agree to see a psychiatrist.... and what I got from him analyzing Jaejoong's state was that he thinks what Jaejoong has been through did affect him deep but he dealed with that kind of stress and hurt by ignoring it or denying it, and by doing that he just buried everything inside and went on... In the end it all explodes at once when those memories get triggered, and if it was bad enough that he consciously can't handle it may cause him to panic and so a panic attack occures...." 

Heechul said swallowing his saliva before he continued: 

"It's almost a year now since it all started.... he kept relapsing every now and then, Junsu was responsible to keep an eye on him at work and I stayed by his side at home.... we always have some sedative injections in case it got bad.... even though we learned how to deal with it.. it still hurts to see him like that... even after what he has been through, he still have the will to move on... He is such an angel that would put everyone before himself.... he moved out of my house against my consent to a new apparetment because he said that he can take care of himself as he has been taking some self defense courses and he didn't want to be a burden... pffft! That kid! a burden he says! your little brother who you love so much would never be a burden.... I begged