[closer - oh my girl]
[8k words]

one.

“I thought we agreed on ending this.”

Jessica peers up from the untouched drink in front of her, her long ponytail swinging as she turns her head slowly, eyes leisurely lifting in the direction of the voice. The music pounds against her ears, the thumping bass so loud, it makes her bones thrum wildly. She stares up at him, her pointer finger twirling along the rim of the glass, as she crosses her legs, one foot over the other, dark jeans constricting around her knees.

“I remember discussion but I don’t remember any agreements being made.” Jessica states, smile humorless.

She watches Oh Sehun narrow his eyes, noting the way his eyes linger on her curled fingers, on the way she crosses her legs, his dark hair falling into his eyes. The look he’s giving her would be intimidating to anyone else, but to her it’s amusing, a challenge really.

Sehun leans against the bar counter, his lanky limbs accentuated by his low slung ripped jeans and a black t-shirt, the tip of a familiar tattoo peeking out from beneath the right sleeve, inky black against his pale skin. He reaches for her drink. Their fingers brush and Sehun’s eyes never leave hers, even as he downs her drink in one go. “Jongin is waiting outside.” He murmurs, too casually in comparison to the dark intensity in his eyes.

Jessica feels a slight chill run up her spine because despite how amusing she finds it to be challenging, she’s still not quite immune to Jongin’s presence. He doesn’t put up with her bull and Sehun loves how easily Jongin’s able to subdue her; he revels in the process of it.

Frankly, she ing hates it and they both know it.

They use it to their advantage, more often than not.

“I’m busy.” Jessica states, coldly, promptly turning towards the bar as she raises her hand, flagging down a bartender.

Jessica is aware of Sehun’s eyes on her, even as the bartender hurries down the bar, bowing to her apologetically, eyes filled with anxiety as he makes a huge effort to look at anything but her. Jessica still finds it strange that LILAC owns this bar now, that these employees are actually terrified of them, that people in SM Town actually recognize them now, despite it already being a year since everything was thrown out into the open.

“If you drink that, I won’t be able to stop Jongin from hauling your out of here.”

“I’d like to see him try.” Jessica snaps back, watching as the bartender pours out double shots of rum for her.

“You would, wouldn’t you?” A familiar voice—Jongin’s voice—brings her attention over her shoulder, to the quirk of his eyebrows as he eyes her up.

Jessica blinks, purses her lips as he smiles, the angelic quality of it mind-numbing. In an act of blatant defiance, Jessica locks eyes with him and downs each shot, one after the other, before slamming the glasses down with two dull thuds.

Jongin steps closer, all lion-like grace and lithe movements decked in all black and leather, while Sehun remains leaning against the bar counter, right next to her, eyes following the scene with careful speculation.

She rolls her eyes when he stares down at her, stern eyes glowering, but she just slides off the stool, sidling past him, arm brushing against his chest, before she strides out of the night club, the bodyguard bowing his head to her as she passes by without a second glance.

 Her phone buzzes against her hip just as Sehun appears at her side. She ignores him, unlocking her phone and reading the text, eyes flickering up at her surroundings out of habit.

(She notes the burly looking man walking down the sidewalk, in her direction, and she stiffens a bit; she always stiffens because he has ruined her life and she doesn’t think she’ll ever not be on her guard when another man is anywhere near her. Sometimes she even panics around Sehun and Jongin (Baekhyun, too, for God’s sakes) and she knows she’s never going to be fixed, not really.)

From: Sooyong

Jess where are you??? Please don’t go looking for weapons. Please. It’s not a big deal. I’m fine. They didn’t do anything but talk to us. It happened days ago, Jess. We’re  fine. Please.

There’s a soft cough and Jessica looks up from her phone. Jongin is dangling a pair of keys in his fingers, eyes pinned on her face, “Let’s get you home.”

“You took all our weapons.” Jessica crosses her arms over her chest, her hair swinging as she tilts her head, scowling at Jongin. “And my friends nearly died at the warehouse because of that.”

“If you all stayed out of it, like Kris asked, then that wouldn’t have had to happen.”

Jessica snorts, “ off. You know that’s not true.”

Jongin’s eyes flash a bit, the corners of his lips turning down suddenly. He leans further over the top of the car, his elbows spread out over the roof of the car. “Get in the car, Jess.”

“No.” Jessica rolls her eyes, the alcohol in her system making her much angrier than usual. She figures the shots were much stronger than she expected. Jessica watches, with narrowed eyes, as Jongin slowly stalks around the length of the car, until he’s standing right in front of her, leaning forward a bit at the waist, hands stuffed in his pockets, lithe as ever. She gives him a slow onceover, eyeing the way his shirt pulls taut against his bent arms, against the slim muscles visible in his forearms, purposely twisting her expression into something condescending.

(They’ve always been like this, constantly up in arms about something. Because Jongin won’t admit that he’s jealous of the attention Sehun gives her while he simultaneously feels some kind of pull towards her. Jongin won’t admit that he likes her company a hell of a lot more than he wants to admit and she loves to remind him that she knows that. They’ve always been all tension, which usually finds a way to manifest physically. She never fails to remind Jongin of that the next morning, much to Jongin’s chagrin, but lately the tension has become stiffer than before, angrier. Maybe it’s because their fights stopped ending in a one night stand exactly five months ago and Jessica can’t seem to figure out why.

Jessica tries to write it off as Jongin’s usual angst.

But she thinks it has something to do with her encounter last summer with Zelo, whom Jessica thought she’d never see again after the whole hooking-Baekhyun-and-Sooyong-up incident almost a whole year ago.)

Jongin stiffens and for a moment Jessica truly thinks he’s going to drag her into the car in a fit of anger.

(It momentarily freaks her out because Jongin never touches her without her consent, he never drags her around, no matter how angry they get with each other, the same way she treats him. Because, in some ed up sort of way, they both care more for each other than they let on. But her mind latches on to the idea and she can’t seem to shake away the thought that maybe he doesn’t quite care for her anymore the way she perceived he did.)

Jongin lifts his hand and she flinches, much to her utter horror and embarrassment. She tries to recover from it, stiffening immediately as she forces herself not to step away from him, but both Jongin and Sehun notice the way she jolts away.

Jongin blinks and his tense expression melts away so quickly, she’s left to wonder if she was imagining all that tension in the first place. He’s left with wide eyes and a look of concern and Jessica feels like she’s being pitied (and that’s worse than anything she can imagine).

That’s when Sehun finally speaks, reminding her of his presence, “Jongin, start the car.”

And Jongin just nods, his eyes drifting off her face for a moment so he can look at Sehun over her shoulder, eyes softening a bit.

(A little voice in her head murmurs that he doesn’t care about her anymore, he never did, he only tolerates her for Sehun. Sometimes she isn’t even sure Sehun cares about her as much as he once did either.)

She watches Jongin get into the driver’s side of the car, jumping in her spot when Sehun touches her elbow.

“, sorry.” Sehun says, his voice soft, “I should have asked before touching you.”

Jessica shakes her head, “No, it’s fine. I’m fine.”

He sees right through her words and she feels like screaming.

“You have every right to be mad.” Sehun mutters, eventually, his eyes fixed on her while her eyes are fixed on the running car. “But…you shouldn’t be here and you know it. You promised you’d stay out of trouble.”

“It’s useless, Sehun.” Jessica speaks sharply, her words blunt. “Ever since Yongguk, everyone has been out to get us. Maybe, they were nervous about it in the beginning, but it’s been a year. We couldn’t stay out of trouble even if we wanted to.” Then Jessica snorts, crossing her arms across her chest, “Besides, they want us dead anyway. If the people in SM Town fail, the others won’t.”

Sehun doesn’t reply, his lips pressing down into a thin line.

“You know I’m right.” Jessica points out, glancing sideways at him, eyes drifting away from the outline of Jongin sitting in the driver’s seat, impatiently tapping at the steering wheel with a sour expression plastered across his face.

Sehun makes a face but they both know he has nothing to rebuke that statement with.

She’s right.

She grins, but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes.

(It never does.)

“I’m always right, Sehun.” Jessica drawls out, pointedly.

That’s when Sehun rolls his eyes, “One time doesn’t make it always.” He laughs, quietly, his indifferent expression melting away with the sound, and it warms her heart just a bit, the sound of it softening the tension in her shoulders.

(It always does.)

~.~.~.~.~

Jessica sits in the backseat, behind the passenger’s side, and listlessly stares at Sehun and Jongin’s intertwined hands resting between their seats. Jongin rubs the back of Sehun’s hand with his thumb absentmindedly, drawing soft circles around and around and around that remind her of their first night in YG City, a couple nights before Jongin dragged the two of them into virtually every club in the city until early morning. Jessica never pegged Jongin for the hardcore clubbing type (she quickly learns that he isn’t), but when Jongin wants to disappear, he never just means physically, he means mentally and emotionally as well. Kai wants Jongin to disappear.

(She can imagine what Sehun and Jongin must be feeling. Jongin’s fingers are awfully rough, calloused little bumps riddling the pads of his fingers, nothing like Sehun’s soft nimble fingers, smooth and gentle. That night in YG City was a one-time thing, a stupid drunken mistake, and it would never happen again, not when both Sehun and Jongin had pulled her aside at separate times and explained that it wasn’t meant to happen. But she still remembers more than she should and she’s a bit disappointed that it was a one time thing, despite knowing that, logically speaking, Sehun and Jongin were both right. What they had done was wrong. But that night in YG City had been one of the only times Jongin had ever been truly sweet with her, aside from the fifteen minutes it takes her to conk out after those rare nights he spent the night, much too long ago, and she hates that she had gotten a taste of that sweetness because that’s all she ever wants from him; sweetness and care. Sehun always takes care of her, though there’s always this sort of indifference in his expression that never sits well with her. She knows he has trouble expressing emotions but it still leaves her heart feeling heavy, even when she’s curled up in his arms on those rare nights she asks him to stay and he listens.

One thing for certain is that they are never as sweet with her asthey are with each other and she can’t help the tightening in her chest as she stares at their intertwined hands, right then.)

Jessica jolts out of her thoughts when the car comes to a sudden halt and it takes her a minute to realize that they’re parked outside of Mina and Sooyong’s apartment. Jongin’s already killing the engine and Sehun’s at her door, holding it open for her.

She just stands there, staring up at the apartment building, when suddenly someone storms out the front, a familiar tuft of short blonde hair swaying as she stomps down the sidewalk.

Minhee pauses a meter in front of them, halting mid-stomp, and blinks at Jessica. Minhee was never the type to stay angry for long, she always had to actively work to keep her anger going and Jessica always found it so incredibly amusing. She can already see the anger flickering out of Minhee’s eyes.

“You’re back.” Minhee murmurs, her eyes darting from Jessica to Sehun to Jessica to Jongin and back again.

Jessica juts out her chin, “I wasn’t gone for long.”

“No, you weren’t.” Minhee agrees, absentmindedly fiddling with her hands, before she sighs, loudly, jabbing a thumb in the direction behind her, “The rest of them are in there. There’s a guest.”

Minhee’s eyes darken and the shadows on her face lengthen, hiding her expression well under the moonlight.

Jessica blinks, “Who’s ‘the rest of them’?”

Minhee’s eyes settle pointedly on Sehun and Jongin. “Who else?” She bites out bitterly.

Jessica glances back at Sehun, brow rising, and Sehun’s grimace deepens.

“Who’s the guest?” Jongin asks, frowning.

It’s silent for a moment, when Jessica meets Jongin’s eyes, but then she’s glancing back over at Minhee, and Minhee’s looking between the three of them with a speculative tilt to her lips and an observant narrow of her eyes. Minhee fiddles with her perpetually bandaged hands, a habit she’s picked up since she’s lost her fingers a year ago.

(Minhee is a hacker, a computer whiz, for a reason. She has excellent attention to detail, of the inner workings of everything and everyone around her, and Jessica knows Minhee sees more than she ever lets on. It always makes Jessica uncomfortably vulnerable, especially at that very moment.)

Minhee doesn't seem to hear Jongin’s question.

Instead, Minhee peers up at the night sky, at the stars above them, her short little ponytail swinging back, and fiddles with the front of her shirt, another habit she’s picked up ever since she’s gotten stitches all across her stomach, scarring the smooth skin there.

Then her eyes snap back to the three of them, settling on Jongin, and she snaps, “If Kris tells me what to do one more time, I’m going to rip off his caterpillar eyebrows and shove them so far up his fuc—”

“He’s not that bad.”

“Not everyone has an EXO member keeping Kris from breathing down their neck twenty four ing seven. And you have two.” Minhee says, more in a factual way rather than in an accusatory tone, before she spins on her heels and stomps off in the direction of her car.

~.~.~.~.~

Jessica steps into the apartment to the sight of Sooyong and Baekhyun covered in flour, she notices, the substance paste-like and smudged all over the tip of Sooyong’s nose while Baekhyun has two streaks of it all down the side of his face and neck. There’s flour coating their hair white, too.

They would have been an adorable sight, all messy from some kind of cheesy baking stint Jessica learned from dramas that couples have a thing for, if it wasn’t for the fact that Sooyong has one of the handles of a rolling pin shoved in right against Kris’s jugular, her expression twisted with rage, while Baekhyun holds her back by the waist, his hand resting on her stomach as he murmurs something in her ear, eyes darting from her face to the rolling pin to Kris warily as he talks her down from stabbing Kris in the throat with a rolling pin. He noses at Sooyong’s neck as he whispers soothingly to her.

Kris’s eyes are narrowed into slits, his arms crossed and his fists clenched. Sooyong, Baekhyun, and Kris don’t even seem to notice them walk in to the apartment, too immersed in their fight, and Jessica knows not to interrupt those.

Jongin sidesteps the three of them without a second glance and Jessica figures it makes sense; Kris and Sooyong fighting while Baekhyun holds Sooyong back has become a common occurrence in their lives to the point where it can be considered incredibly normal.

Jessica trails after him, Sehun close behind, and she peers into the kitchen (it looks like someone set off a bomb in there, dishes upturned, chocolate smeared all over bowls and flour everywhere, and Jessica promptly decides she really doesn’t want to know what happened in there). So she glances in the direction of the living room, noting the crowd of EXO boys in there.

Jongin steps into the living room and promptly spins on his heels, eyes flickering from Jessica to a spot over her shoulder, eyes darkening as he shakes his head. She steps into the living room right as Sehun grabs her elbow and Jongin tries to block her line of sight.

Jessica frowns when she’s staring at Jongin’s chest and Jongin murmurs, in a voice a thousand times gentler than she’d expected from him at the moment, “Don’t look, Jessie.”

But she was never one for following directions and she’s already peering around Jongin’s shoulder, wrapping a hand around his bicep when he tries to block her view again. She pushes his arm down and he sighs loudly in resignation, just as she freezes in her movements, eyes pinned on the guest Minhee had alluded to earlier.

“Long time, no see, huh, Jess?” Zelo lolls his head to the side, the back of his head knocking against the high-backed dining room chair his limbs are tied to. He’s tied to a chair in the center of the living room, amusement filling his eyes as he looks her over carefully. He's bleeding, his lip sliced open as if he's been punched.

His smirk is eerily similar to Yongguk’s the time he had coaxed Sooyong into turning a gun on Baekhyun; it’s sly and nothing like the sweet, slightly hesitant smiles he used to have before Yongguk had been killed.

(One year can really change a person, she realizes, her eyes glued on Zelo.)

And then Zelo laughs and laughs and laughs, his dark hair falling into his eyes as his long limbs seem to encompass the chair and Jessica forces her expression into the blank indifference she’s learned to perfect.

~.~.~.~.~

“Jessica.”

Jessica keeps her eyes closed, mind reeling and whirling because all she wants to know is why Choi Junhung—Zelo—had allowed himself to get caught. Why was he here, when tensions were already running so high and there was blatant evidence that he was up to something in YG City? Why was he here when everybody and their mother knew that he was planning revenge on them? Why?

(Why does she care so much?)

“Jess.” The voice startles her out of her thoughts and she jumps against the counter, her eyes flying open. She stares at Sooyong’s worried expression, at the crinkle forming between her brows as Sooyong’s eyes flicker down to Jessica’s hands clenched around the counter, and Jessica slowly uncurls her fists.

“Hey.” Jessica murmurs, in a bored sort of tone. Sometimes she surprises herself with how much control she’s learned to have over her body’s reactions.

“I didn’t—” Sooyong looks up at the ceiling, at the messy kitchen counter, her eyes drifting and sliding around the kitchen. There’s a moment where her eyes grow unfocused, while she’s looking over Jessica’s shoulder, and her lips tug up into a fond little smile, before her eyes fix on Jessica’s again, the smile disappearing. “I didn’t realize you were here. I would have…I didn’t want you to see him. I told Kris—”

“It’s fine.” Jessica murmurs, shaking her head as she cuts off the beginnings of what she knows will be a long rant. “I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not.” Sooyong eyes her seriously, examining Jessica in a way that unsettles her, because Sooyong always has this way of staring at her as if she’s staring straight into her soul. Jessica’s noticed that Byun Baekhyun tends to do that, too, and she figures Sooyong’s somehow picked up the habit (if it can even be called a habit).

“What about you?” Jessica twists the attention back on to Sooyong, her dark eyes boring into Sooyong’s. “Are you okay?”

“Of course I am.”

“Liar.”

“I am not lying.” Sooyong whines, wrinkling her nose at Jessica. She rolls her eyes as she saunters over to Jessica’s side, leaning against the counter right beside Jessica, their arms brushing. “I’m fine. I mean. It’s not like…it’s not like Yongguk is back or anything.”

(There’s the smallest tremble in Sooyong’s voice and Jessica feels terrible that she can’t quite understand how Sooyong feels, because despite what Jessica has been through, she doesn’t completely understand the psychological trauma Yongguk had put Sooyong through.  She could easily imagine it, but that's not enough to understand. Sympathy is not as meaningful as empathy, Jessica would know.)

Sooyong’s voice is soft though when she speaks of Yongguk and Jessica smiles bitterly at the floor, though there’s nothing funny about Sooyong’s words. Sooyong hadn’t seen Zelo, then. Because whatever was in his eyes, it was exactly the same as what she’s seen in Yongguk’s eyes, and she doubts Sooyong would have missed it.

“That’s true.” Jessica doesn’t say it with much conviction, because she doesn’t agree. Zelo showing up here means that it’s starting all over again and Sooyong has to realize that sooner rather than later. Jessica just hopes that it won't be soon. Her eyes snap upwards when she feels a feather-light touch against her temple.

Jessica watches, eyes wide, as Sooyong brushes a strand of loose hair behind Jessica’s ear, smiling in that motherly way of hers Jessica wants to find annoying, but can’t.

(There’s a weary look in Sooyong’s eyes Jessica can’t seem to tear her eyes away from.)

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about that Bangtan incident from a few days ago.” Sooyong murmurs, dropping her hand as she crosses her arms, sighing loudly. “I didn’t want to worry you.”

“Yeah, well, you’re not forgiven.” Jessica states, crossing her arms as she glares sideways at Sooyong. “You should have told me.”

Sooyong smiles, “I know.” Then Sooyong drags a hand through her flour covered hair before gesturing wildly in the direction of the living room, “What are we going to do about that?”

“Pray that we don’t die.” Jessica mutters sarcastically.

Sooyong snorts, humorlessly.

It’s quiet between them for a long, long time before Jessica finally speaks up, eyeing Sooyong seriously. “We can’t rely on EXO too much. Not after what happened with those Bangtan people.”

Sooyong nods, lips forming a tight line. “I know. I’m working on that.” She pats Jessica’s elbow gently, “Don’t worry. We won’t be left weaponless like that ever again. I’ll make sure of it.”

“Are you sure you don’t need hel—”

“Go home, Jessica.” Sooyong interrupts, tone morphing into a stern one, even as she steps away from the counter, her eyes growing distant for a split second as they drift sideways. Jessica follows her gaze, but there’s nothing there but empty space. Then Sooyong’s eyes refocus on Jessica, smile so incredibly weary, and she’s walking away, back stiff and tense, fingers flexing in a way Jessica figures Sooyong thinks is discrete, “If anything, I know how to keep this under control, at least.”

~.~.~.~.~

Jongin doesn’t speak the entire drive back to Jessica’s dorms and Jessica doesn’t like the fact that she feels so nervous about that fact.

(He won’t even look at her and she hates that it makes her uneasy; upset.)

The car slows to a stop in front of her dorm building and Jessica quickly gets out of the car, opening to at least break the silence between the three of them. But then she sees Jongin grinning so adorably at Sehun, lips forming words Jessica can’t make out, and she decides it’s not her job to make the atmosphere less awkward. She slams the door shut behind her and decides that the faster they leave, the lighter her chest will feel. She wants to be alone.

But one of them doesn't leave.

Sehun’s at her side about halfway to her building and Jessica tries to ignore him completely. Slowly, carefully, he places a gentle hand at the middle of her back, like an unconscious gesture to guide her along, but it makes her blink rapidly, head jerking upwards. Her hands still when she’s searching through her backpack and she has to close her eyes for a moment to control the sudden need to run.

She fumbles with the keys when his hand starts to move up and down, carefully her spine, her eyes pinned to the bag in her hand as she tries her best to look completely unaffected.

But she can’t seem to find the right key on her keychain and Sehun is not a patient person. She doesn’t expect him to place a hand over hers though, impatience be damned, his fingers wrapping around her hand, but she’s excellent at pretending that she did expect it, his warm hand engulfing hers.

(Only then does she realize that her fingers are shaking, keys rattling in her grip, and she has to bite her lip to keep from looking up at Sehun’s knowing gaze.)

Slowly, carefully, Sehun guides her fingers towards her dorm door, fingers maneuvering hers into place as he helps her insert the key into the lock, palms warm against the back of her hands. She keeps her eyes trained on the door, willing her cheeks to stop flaming. She’s supposed to be unaffected by these things, for God’s sakes.

The door creaks open on its hinges and Jessica doesn’t spare Sehun another glance, stepping into her single room dormitory as she shakes her hand out of Sehun’s.

She busies herself with throwing her jacket on top of the small couch in the corner, where there’s already a growing pile of clothes. Her dorm room is incredibly small, her bedroom, kitchen, and mock-living room all stuffed into one giant room, like a smaller version of a studio apartment. Jessica used to hate it. She used to hate how her barely furnished kitchen (if one could even call it a kitchen since it only consisted of a mini fridge, an electric stove, a tiny sink, and three small cupboards) is built in to the wall right next to the door, a bar-like counter dividing the tiny space from the rest of the room. She used to hate how between her bedroom all the way in the back and the kitchen, she only had a small coffee table, a futon with enough space for one and a half people, and a tiny television, a door to a separate tiny bathroom situated between the polka-dotted divider she got on a sale and the television. She used to hate how cramped and one dimensional her dorm room was, but now she’s a bit grateful because it’s just open space. She can see every corner of her room and it’s awfully comforting. No one can lurk in dark corners here.

Jessica plucks a cup out of one of her cupboards and fills it with water, busying her hands so she doesn’t have to look at Sehun.

That’s when Sehun finally speaks, snorting quietly, “Can’t even say thanks, can you, brat?”

“I didn’t ask for your help, did I, brat? ” Jessica mutters, repeating his insult back at him. She can imagine him rolling his eyes at her as she leans against the kitchen counter, the bar-like counter behind her so close, she thanks the heavens she’s never really had to cook in her kitchen before, thanks to her friends. There’s barely any room to move around in her dorm, let alone cook in her kitchen.

Jessica takes her time sidling out of her kitchen, her eyes drifting to where Sehun’s seated on her futon, his eyes pinned on her. She can feel his eyes observing her every movement as she plucks her jacket off the futon and folds it, before slipping behind her bedroom screen and dropping it on her bed. She can feel his eyes boring into her back when she carries her boots across the room, placing them on the shoe rack in front of her door. She can feel Sehun staring at her, watching her movements, eyes following her as she avoids his long limbs, and with each passing second it gets harder and harder for her to concentrate on ignoring him.

“Jessica.” Sehun speaks in a soft voice, a warm and gentle caress she finds incredibly familiar and so secure, right then.

Jessica turns on her heels, eyes drifting over Sehun’s lounging figure with a questioning eyebrow raise. Sehun just leans back on his elbows against the futon, his long legs folded over one another. He didn’t even bother taking off his coat, his dark eyes boring into hers the moment she meets his gaze. She blinks, pursing her lips, “Yeah?”

His eyes trail over her face for a long, long moment, long enough for Jessica's stoic mask to falter, because it always does.

"Sit down."

Jessica's eyes narrow at the demand because she doesn't like demands and Sehun's lips curl up into a fond little smile, even as he drops a hand to the empty space beside him, patting it.

Her eyes narrow further, eyeing him with distaste, and he lets out a long sigh. "Please." He tacks on with no sincerity whatsoever.

She lingers for a moment before carefully taking a seat beside him, eyes pinned onto his face, watching his every move.

(She's always watched his every move. She chalks it up to suspicion, because Sehun did feed her lies about how oblivious he supposedly was regarding him, and she never quite trusted Sehun the same way again after that. She can see it in the way he interacts with her that he feels the same about her, ever since EXO had found out about LILAC's identities.

That's what they do. Watch each other as if they're suspicious of each other, despite trusting each other much more than the other would ever admit.)

His stoic, unreadable eyes morph into warmth, melting before her as his smile widens with concern, "Will you be okay?"

(He doesn't pose the question the way Sooyong had. He doesn't ask if she's okay because he knows her more than she wants him to. No, he looks her in the eyes, with dark eyes that know too damn much, and murmurs the follow up question because he knows she’s not actually okay right here and now. But will she be okay?

She doesn't know.)

"I don't know." Her words are soft in the small dorm room.

Sehun's eyes are penetrating, searching her face for something she isn't even sure about. His eyes flicker back and forth back and forth for a long time until he lifts his hand slowly and places the back of his fingers against her cheek.

Jessica doesn't jerk away, her eyes widening instead.

Sehun's smile is genuine but small and her lips twitch upwards in response, despite not wanting to appear fond of him at the moment.

Slowly, carefully, the back of his hand traces along her jaw, pushing loose hair back into place.

His knuckles are gentle, careful, and she relaxes into his touch, the bumpy planes of the back of his hands dragging across her skin.

And then his fingers are splayed out across the back of her head and he's her hair in a comforting manner, smiling softly, sadly. "I'm sorry."

Jessica tilts her head into his big hand, eyeing his expression with analytical eyes. His eyes are filled with double meaning, the kind he used to give her all the time back in the beginning, when trusting, living, was so much harder than it is now.

"You want me to stay out of it, don't you?" Jessica narrows her eyes at him.

His head dips downwards in a nod and she pulls away, frowning at him. “I won’t.” She shakes her head furiously, repeating herself. “I won’t.”

“Jongin wants you to stay out of it, too.” Sehun’s voice is monotone and it has her blood boiling at the lack of emotions in his tone.

“I won’t stand by while my friends are targeted. I won’t stand by and watch while everyone I care about is in danger.” Jessica scowls up at Sehun, crossing her arms across her chest. “What the hell do you two take me for? I can handle myself, Sehun.”

Jessica bites out her last words, anger radiating from her eyes.

Sehun purses his lips. “I know that.”

“Then don’t ask me to stay out of it ever again.” Jessica snaps at him, eyes pinned onto his dark gaze. “Just stop.”             

He doesn’t nod yes nor does he agree in any other way. Instead, he pushes himself off the couch and Jessica watches his back, watches as he leaves with stiff shoulders, the slam of the door ringing in the silence.

He doesn’t glance back and that fact sticks with her even after she’s curled up in bed a few hours later.

~.~.~.~.~

From: Mina

You ok?

To: Mina

Fine.

~.~.~.~.~

“Liar.”

Jessica looks up from her phone, blinking rapidly at Kim Jongin leaning over her shoulder, eyes flickering to her phone, smile lopsided and amused.

Jessica blinks rapidly at him and he just stares at her, leaning against his palm. The more confused she looks, the wider his smile grows, until he’s grinning into his palm, eyes crinkled into crescent moons, and she’s staring at him like he’s lost his damn mind.

“Aren’t you supposed to be…” Jessica trails off, cheeks warmer than she’d like them to be, when she realizes just how close he’s leaning forward, his chin balanced on his palm and his nose (his damn lips) centimeters from her face. Jessica blinks, eyes darting back up to his eyes when she catches herself staring at his lips for entirely too long, and Jongin is baring his teeth at her, grin wider than she’s ever seen it before. She coughs, clearing while she scoots the library chair away from him. “Aren’t you supposed to be angry right now?”

Jongin purses his lips, eyes raking over her face for a moment.

(She hates the way he looks at her because it’s so damn intimate when it really has no business being that way, not when Jongin’s just supposed to be a tag-along of Sehun’s. He’s not supposed to know her so damn well, but she’s an open book to the two of them and she hates it.)

“Do you want me to be angry?” His voice is curious, strangely rough, and the quality of it has her averting her eyes, unusually shy.

She shakes her head, “No.” She mumbles, before scowling at him, “It’s a nice change, for once.”

Jongin snorts and before she can stop him, he gently flicks her right in the middle of her forehead, rolling his eyes while Jessica swats at his hand in annoyance, “I’m in a good mood.”

“That’s—”

“Don’t say it.”

“Unusual.”

Jongin glares at her, his expression morphing back to the angst-ridden one she’s used to. “Why do I even talk to you?” Jongin sighs, eyeing her with playful contempt as he places his hands behind his head, elbows in the air. He leans back in his chair, resting his legs on her chair and she copies his expression.

“I ask myself the same question every time I see your face.” Jessica mutters, her expression stoic.

“Are you imp—”

Bang.

Jessica jumps in her seat, the breath leaving her lungs as her heart skips a beat, her head whipping to the side. Standing in front of their table is a dark haired man with sparkling eyes and a small dimple on his cheek, three heavy encyclopedias sprawled out all over the ground around him along with the contents of his bag.

He looks sheepish, bowing apologetically (along with murmuring a bunch of formal apologies) to both Jessica and Jongin, as well as the students studying all around them (anyone who makes eye contact with him, really), his hand seemingly plastered to the back of his neck as if he’s become permanently flustered.

Jessica stares at him for a moment, watching the way he falls to his knees and fumbles for his things, his snapback slipping from his bowed head constantly, and she feels a pang of pity for the boy; he’s obviously a scared little freshman and she remembers what that had been like.

Jongin doesn’t rise from his seat but he doesn’t stop her either, though she can feel his eyes trained on her, observing the way Sehun always does.

(She fleetingly wonders if that’s why he’s in a good mood, because he never falls back into the habits he’s picked up from Sehun unless he’s spent a long time alone with him. He’s also never in a bad mood after seeing Sehun alone and the tiniest inkling of feeling surges through her at the thought, a kind of feeling she can’t quite explain, though it’s clawing at her chest and her fingers are tightening around a flimsy red folder in her hands, her expression as stiff as the frown tugging at her lips.)

“Thanks.” A voice shoves her out of her thoughts and Jessica looks up from the floor, quickly brushing the curtain of dark hair out of her eyes. The freshman is all dimples and shy smiles, his voice musical. Jessica can’t help but want to protect him from harm and she wonders if this is how her friends felt when they first saw her a couple years ago.

“No problem.” Jessica tries for smile but she’s sure it didn’t quite make it there, if the freshman’s expression says anything about that. “Just be careful next time.”

“I totally will.” He squeaks, grinning shyly. “I’m Donghyuk, by the way. And you are?”

“Jessica.”

The freshman—Donghyuk—stretches out his hand then and Jessica stares down at his outstretched hand with a single raise of her brow. “It’s nice to meet you, Jessica.” Donghyuk grins, his other hand ruffling the hair at the back of his head.

She looks up at him, eyebrows still raised, and Donghyuk turns his outstretched fingers into a fist, “Okay…how about a fist bump, then?” Donghyuk blinks, smile faltering a bit when she doesn’t reach for his hand. “Yes….no….leaving me hanging? Okay. Alrighty then. That’s cool.” Jessica watches as he awkwardly fist bumps himself.

“I don’t like touching.” Jessica decides to explain to him, her lips twitching despite the fact that she thinks he’s a bit of an idiot, like Chanyeol or Jongdae.

He points at her (finger guns awkwardly, in all honesty), and his grin is back on, wider than before, “No touching! Got it! I’m so sorry. I didn’t know and—”

“It’s okay.” She cuts off his word vomit and his cheeks turn endearingly red.

“I…” Donghyuk’s eyes flicker over her shoulder before his eyes widen to the size of the moon. He jabs a thumb behind him. “I gotta go. It was nice meeting you, Jessica. Bye. Thank you. Sorry.”

He bows one last time before he’s hobbling away, weighed down by three heavy encyclopedias, and Jessica spins on her heels, crossing her arms at Sehun, who’s leaning on his elbows over the back of Jongin’s chair, his dark eyes on her and his fingers fiddling with the back of Jongin’s jacket collar. Jessica’s eyes flicker from the amused quirk of Sehun’s brows to Jongin’s full blown grin and she scowls, “Did you really have to scare him off?”

“I did not.” Sehun says with a blank expression, his long fingers tangling in Jongin’s hair.

Jongin bursts into laughter, his voice echoing loud enough for the librarian to pop out from behind the bookshelves and shush all three of them, eyes narrowed and voice shrill.

“You were so mean to that poor boy.” Jongin murmurs, in a thoughtful voice, eyes dancing in a way Jessica hasn’t seen in a long, long time.

“Why’re you so happy?” Jessica ignores Sehun’s snigger and Jongin’s comment, eyes narrowed in suspicion.

Jongin just shrugs, leaning his head back further into Sehun’s fingers, while Jessica stares on from the other side of the table, that clawing feeling in her chest returning full-force.

~.~.~.~.~

Jessica’s phone buzzes at the same time that Jongdae, Minhee, and Sooyong’s light up, buzzing against the food court table of SM University.

Sooyong doesn’t seem to notice her phone, but Jessica watches as Baekhyun’s eyes dart from Sooyong’s phone to Jongdae’s to Minhee’s before they flicker up to meet Jessica’s eyes, gaze questioning. Jessica purses her lips and fishes her phone out of her pocket, just as Baekhyun nudges Sooyong and nods towards her cell phone.

From: Yixing

He escaped and Kris is angry. Come to the basement as soon as you can for an emergency meeting. :-(

“.” Sooyong’s chair skids across the linoleum floors, her hand outstretched for Baekhyun despite the fact that she hasn’t taken her eyes off her phone at all, typing with one hand at lightning speed. She curls her fingers when Baekhyun doesn’t take her hand immediately, blindly grasping for him until he notices her hand and carefully curls his fingers through hers.

(Jessica tears her eyes away and actively forces herself to stop wondering about what the heavy feeling in her chest means.

Her eyes tear away from Sooyong and Baekhyun only to lock with Sehun’s dark, too knowing gaze.)

“Jess.” Sooyong’s voice echoes in her ears and Jessica pulls away from both Sehun and Jongin, following after Sooyong blindly like she always does.

~.~.~.~.~

Her head is swimming and she hears her name, like a church hymn, a chant, a prayer carrying in the wind.

“Jessica.”

Jessica doesn’t stop for the voice, she keeps walking and walking because Jessica doesn’t answer to church hymns or chants or even prayers, she has no savior and she listens to no one, she’s established this fact a long, long time ago.

“Jessica.”

She’s pulled out of her thoughts by a loud, angry voice and that’s when she registers that she’s being pushed sideways, her shoulder knocking against a door hinge, the pain of the impact dull but substantial enough to bring her back to reality. Jessica blinks and Jongin’s lithe form is leaning over her, eyes wild, angry. She stumbles back further into Baekhyun’s unused dining room, away from Jongin’s looming figure, away from Sehun hovering just over Jongin’s shoulder.

“What the hell do you want?” Jessica glares at him, rubbing her shoulder as she attempts to burn holes into his skull with her eyes alone.

“You’re not going to be a part of this.” Jongin says.

“Oh, hell no.” Jessica shakes her head and tries to sidestep him, which only makes him step closer to her, looming over her with storms clouding his eyes and lightning waiting to shoot from his lips. He’s trying to intimidate her but she’s not an easily intimidated person, “We are not having this conversation again.”

“You’re zoning out again.” Sehun speaks up from behind Jongin, his voice a quiet juxtaposition to Jongin’s. “Aren’t you?”

“Does it matter?” Jessica tries to sidestep Jongin again, but this time he steps right into her space, leaving only centimeters of space between them. “Move.”

“Jess.” Jongin’s voice is soft, smooth, and it drifts and caresses her in a way that momentarily ebbs the anger boiling in her blood. “Come on, Jess. This isn’t good for you. Trust me, baby.”

He hesitates when he reaches for her, his eyes locking with hers, and she holds his gaze, even as he reaches out and his fingertips brush along the skin of her jaw, raising goosebumps. “I’m…” Her voice drifts away and he just rubs shapes into her skin, Korean characters she will never be privy to.

And maybe, a long, long time ago, before they had taken down Yongguk, she would have succumbed to Jongin’s words, to his soothing security, but Jessica was never one to listen to anyone, so she purses her lips, her eyes searching his.

Her tone is sincere, unwavering as she reaches up for his hand and wraps her fingers around his wrist, fingernails digging into his wrist. Jongin doesn’t even twitch at her grip but his full lips form a tight line revealing his discomfort. “If you trust me, you’ll respect the choice I’m making, Jongin.” She bites back.

Her words seem to strike a chord in him because his eyes remain locked with hers for another full minute before he steps out of her personal space, his wrist slipping from her fingers.

His jaw tenses, his eyes unwavering in their hold on her gaze, and she watches as Sehun reaches out and wraps a hand around Jongin’s elbow, thumb drawing soothing circles into the skin exposed from where Jongin rolled up his sleeves. “Fine.” Jongin breathes out, though there’s a crease between his brows and an expression on his face that makes it obvious he doesn’t want to let it go. “This is only going to end badly, but fine. ing fine.”

Jessica snorts at him and his glare darkens, even as she steps around him and walks out of the dining room, making sure to slam her shoulder into his on the way out.

~.~.~.~.~

“Now is not the time for a lover’s quarrel, darling.” Jongdae tells Jessica in a pompous voice the minute she plops down beside him in the basement.

Jessica takes her time adjusting herself on the couch before she promptly shoves Jongdae off the couch, Jongdae’s pitched scream earning him a glare from Kris and a pillow to the face from Baekhyun. Jessica grins at him and Jongdae mumbles expletives under his breath, pouting childishly in his seat beside her.

Junhong—Zelo—hadn’t escaped on his own. The six highly armed guards Kris had left with Zelo (our best aside from the twelve of us, Joonmyun had murmured with a dark look in his eyes) were dead, brutally torn to pieces and piled into the cage they had left Zelo in. Jessica can’t imagine what Kris is describing, she can’t imagine Zelo chaining these bloodied corpses together, words forming between the bodies and the chains. She can’t fathom the fact that Yixing is sitting there, expression calm as he explains that he hadn’t waited until they were dead to break their limbs and thread chains through skin and bone in order to spell out a message. She can’t seem to fathom the atrocity of it all, her stomach churning at the fact that the sweet boy she thought she was friends with had turned into this, just a year after Bang Yongguk, Junhong’s older brother not by blood, but by choice, died.

She feels a sharp elbow nudge between her ribs and Jessica looks up, eyes falling on Jongdae watching her in barely hidden concern. “You look pale.”

“I’m fine.”

Jongdae doesn’t look like he believes her, but he doesn’t push it, instead giving her a reassuring pat on her elbow before turning away.

“He could be anywhere.” Joonmyun’s voice echoes in the quiet basement.

No one speaks for a long time and Jessica feels a shiver run up her spine at the silence.

It’s not like they had been doing badly since B.A.P.’s downfall and the revelation of everyone’s identities, despite people obviously wanting them dead. They hadn’t transferred out of SM University, mostly because Sooyong wasn’t going to and Sooyong, Mina, Minhee, and Jessica were a package deal. They had established that way before Jessica even joined the group, when the group had been just Mina and Sooyong and Minhee was spending her school days playing away in some internet café on the other side of South Korea while Jessica slept away her days in the back corner of her high school homeroom. They hadn’t left and respect, fear, had to be earned all over again, without the luxury of anonymity this time. EXO and LILAC had a tentative sort of agreement no one bothered to discuss or straighten out and Jessica anxiously watched her friends try to recover from what Yongguk had done to them.

In a way, LILAC had disappeared, melting into EXO’s name through rumors and those few operations Sooyong had managed to carry out together, but somewhere along the way, they had taken over everything B.A.P. used to run, though it was obvious Sooyong and LILAC had a higher standing than Yongguk and B.A.P used to.

(It didn't stop Kris fom trying to dictate them, though.)

They were monopolizing SM Town again and the threat of civil war and tension between syndicates fell back into the shadows. The rumor about YG City rallying against them had all but died away, though Jessica had always felt that that was all orchestrated. Faceless, unidentifiable people are still trying to kill them, along with people they know, and Jessica wouldn’t be surprised if YG City or the remaining allies of B.A.P were behind it.

The underground is filled with vicious cycle after vicious cycle of bitter spite, spinning around and around and around, repetitive and revengeful and never-ending. What comes around, goes around and revenge is all some of their people live for.

“It’s starting.” Mina speaks up for the first time that day, her voice soft. The old fire in her eyes flickers the tiniest bit, the old Mina returning in bits and pieces, like a broken teacup gluing itself together, chipped and never quite whole, but distinguishable.

(It still makes Jessica happy, the corner of her lips twitching upwards as she looks at Mina.)

Luhan looks exhausted, and Jessica makes it a point not to look at him, her fingers curling around the pillow in her lap at the sound of his voice. If only she could censor his damn voice, too. “You don’t know that.” He snaps, voice grating to her ears.

“That ing kid left a message with the dead.” Kris leans forwards, hands hanging between spread legs and his elbows resting on his knees. “She’s right. It’s starting.”

“What was the message?”

“I think it’s a bible verse.” Yixing responds for Kris and Kris rubs his temples, even as Baekhyun snickers humorlessly at the absolute irony of it all. “Exodus 21:24.”

Minseok’s cat eyes flicker between each person in the room, “Do any of you know that verse?”

“No offense, but we steal and kill people for a living, hyung. Why would any of us know a bible verse off the top of our heads?” Chanyeol says, snorting in amusement. Minseok rolls his eyes, but before he can answer Kyungsoo speaks up.

“It’s about revenge.” Kyungsoo murmurs, his voice muffled.

"You read the bible?” Jongdae sputters, everyone else in the room eyeing Kyungsoo in shock, as well.

Kyungsoo waves his phone, scowling at the obvious disbelief in Jongdae’s tone. “It’s called the internet, .”

Jongdae pouts but Sooyong cuts him off.

“What does it say?” Sooyong’s voice is barely louder than a whisper, her gaze intense.

“The first google result says ‘eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot.’” Kyungsoo look up from his phone, his jaw tight.

“So, basically, very serious revenge? Of biblical proportions?” Baekhyun murmurs, the humor in his tone coming out completely flat. The question doesn’t need answering, but Kyungsoo still nods, expression grave.

And then Kris is pushing himself off the couch and stomping out of the basement, the door slamming shut behind him, and Jessica is ing terrified because it’s happening again, barely a year later and it's happening all over again.

a/n: I'm writing a complementary chapter thing I'll update good girls with revolving around baek/sooyong (which I will hopefully update today too) but here we are!! the first chapter!!! I wanted to make this work as a standalone but there's way too much background info for that to happen so remember to read good girls first!!! on to round 2 let's DO this!! Remember to leave your thoughts below and thank you so so much for reading and making good girls get featured I love you all so much ahhhh

also it was completely a coincidence that the eye for an eye quote ended up being in the exodus bible verse when I googled omg I legit gasped tbh. which leads me to the disclaimer: I don't know anything about bibles so I'm sorry if I misrepresented anything in any way. Let me know if it was offensive and I will change it.

xoxo