"Are you ready?" Kibum asked Donghae who was sitting next to him. He was observing how drops of rain run down the window. How one drop merged with many others before disappearing from his sight. 

"Donghae?" Kibums voice was hoarse and weak. "Are you ready?" He asked again reaching to fix the collar of Donghaes shirt. But the latter pushed his hands away before answering in an even more hoarse voice. "I'm not." Donghaes throat was aching when he was breathing and speaking. But what hurt the most was his heart. He still couldn't believe something like this happened.

With one last deep breath he opened the door with a heavy heart and stepped out into the heavy rain. It was quite ironic. Such weather for such an event. Just thinking about it made Donghaes emotions and feelings flood his heart and body again. The sudden wave made it hard for him to breathe but never the less he tried to suppress his tears that were burning in his eyes already. 

The rain dropped onto his body. Each of it felt like it could break his body easily. He felt so fragile and weak that he believed he would literally break apart right there anytime. Just when he was about to lose the strength in his legs he felt a hand squishing his shoulder. He glanced behind himself and saw Kibum holding an umbrella above their heads. He had a sad smile on his face. 

"Let's go."

Donghae looked to the front where a small group of people were standing. They were standing with their backs facing them listening to the words of a man standing at a lectern. Their heads were sunk under the black umbrellas. Even from their distance Donghae could make out Eunhyuks figure. He felt another big pain in his heart. 

"Yeah let's go." he whispered. 

Kibum made a step forward but Donghae didn't move.

"Come on." Kibum murmured while pulling him softly.

But Donghae only stared at the mass before shaking his head and the first tears ran down his face.

"I can't Kibum. I'm not read for this."  He sunk to his knees."I thought  I was but I am not!" He cried. "I can't do this."

Seeing his friend break down again in front of him made Kibum lose his control. Just as his friend his tears started to run. 

He wasn't ready either. Nobody was.

It was so soon.

Too soon.

So surprising. 

Nobody expected something like that to happen. 

But that was the last possibility to say goodbye. So he pulled Donghae up to his feet and dragged him towards the group. 

When they were near enough they could hear the silent sobs and cries of the gathered people. 

"We all gathered in this rainy day to say our last goodbyes." The man at the lectern spoke

Kibum looked through the people and spotted Eunhyuk, Siwon and different friends from school and people he called family. Even Kyuhyun and Nana were here. He spotted Sulli hugging her mother tightly as she cried in her shoulder. Her father was covering his eyes while crying. He saw many faces but none of them belonged to Hankyung.

Kibum shook his head and looked at the black coffin lyling on the ground. White roses were lying on top of it. The rain was washing the beautiful petals away. Kibum but his lips and listened to what the man was saying.

"We gathered here today because we lost somebody important in our lives, somebody we cherished and loved with all our heart. We lost a friend, a brother, a son." 

Donghae gripped harder on Kibums hand as he looked at the black coffin for the first time. He felt so lonely. So weak and bad.

His look shifted to Eunhyuk who was staring at the coffin with equally hurt eyes as himself. He wanted to hug him. To feel him. To hear his beautiful voice whisper soothing words for something this painful. But this wouldn't happen either.

It was over now too. It was over because of something stupid he did.

Maybe things would have turned out different if he hadn't confessed his love so surprisingly. He'll never forget the look in Eunhyuks eyes. There was so much disgust and anger that Donghae feared Eunhyuk would never look at him again. And he didn't. Until now. It was the first time after his confession that Eunhyuk looked at him. But this time there was something more. Besides anger, sadness and disgust there was also blame.

His look was so fierce that it made Donghae gasp. He broke their contact and stared at the ground before gripping his chest and trying to breath in. He blamed Donghae for the happenings. Even thought it wasn't his fault Eunhyuk blamed him. "Donghae!" Kibum hugged him tightly and started patting his back to calm him down. "It's my fault!!" He cried desperately but Kibum only shook his head. 

"It's not. It's nobodies fault."

"It is!!!"

"No.. Nobody expected that. Nobody knew."

"But--!"

"Donghae!" Kibum took his face in his hands and made him look at himself. "It was not your fault. If you want to blame somebody then me. I was the last one who spoke to him. I probably even helped him by lending him some money. So if you want to blame somebody then blame me!"

"We are here to say our last goodbyes to Kim Heechul." The man finished his speech,stepped down from the lectern and for a short moment it was silent. Everyone just stared at the coffin being let down into the hole. 

Kibum will never forget the day he got the message from Siwon. That day his whole world broke down in a split second. Everything lost it's importance.

He'll never forget the scene of Heechul lying in bed. He was curled up in a small ball hugging a teddy bear. His face was stained with dried tears. His crying expression was frozen on his face. 

It broke his heart every time he thought about it. Donghae was even more shocked. He didn't speak for days but continued to cry behind closed doors.

The same day Kibum walked to Hankyungs house and rang the bell. A maid opened. 

"How can I help you?" Not caring about her Kibum pushed her to the side and walked inside to search for Hankyung. He found him in the living room reading the news papers.

With trembling hands he pulled Hankyung to his feet and punched him with all his strength in the face. 

"I hate you." Kibum grunted as he punched his face again. "You're such an idiot. I thought you were a good person but instead you killed him. Slowly but surely."

"What are you talking about?!!" Hankyung spat at him but only received another punch. "You bastard. He did everything for you. And still you hurt him so much."

"Who are you talking about?!"

"HEECHUL! OF COURSE I AM TALKING ABOUT HEECHUL! YOU BASTARD! HE WAS TRUSTING YOU. HE WAS CARING FOR YOU AND YOU CHOSE TO HURT HIM SO MUCH. YOU DIDN'T EVEN REALIZE WHAT YOU WERE DOING: AND NOW HE'S GONE."

But Hankyung only laughed. "No he's not. He's living at Siwons place." He received another punch. 

"He's not. He's dead."

It was silent as Hankyung stared up at the man straddling his chest.

"He killed himself last night."

"W-What? Stop joking al--" He got punched again.

"Joking? Do I look like I am joking?" Kibum glared at him. "He took a hand full of sleeping pills and cried himself to death. Does that sound like I am kidding? You ing bastard." He punched him again. 

"He was hurting so much. Hurting so much because of you. So much that the only possible way to end his pain was to kill himself."

"Why--?"

"He loved you." Kibum stood up and started walking out of the room. "He loved you so much that it hurt him seeing you with Jessica. He didn't want to be your puppet anymore because the more time he spend with you, the more he fell for you. And the more he loved you the more he hated himself for falling in love with somebody he'd never be able to have, He knew that you love Jessica and still he allowed himself to fall for you. He hated himself so much that he chose death as the only way out."

Kibum looked at Sulli throwing one last red rose on Heechuls coffin before walking away. Now it was only him and Donghae who stared into the hole.

"I still wanted to do so many things with you Hyung." Donghae started. "Why didn't you talk to me? We could've managed it together. But how am I supposed to overcome this hard time without you? Huh? Why did you decide so on your own you egoistic bastard?" Donghae sobbed and sunk to his knees. 

"I love you Hyung. And I'll miss you." Donghae said standing up to go. He turned around but suddenly froze in shock. Slowly Kibum turned around and saw Hankyung standing with a boquet of red and blue roses in one hand and the teddy bear in the other. With heavy steps he came closer to the hole and stopped in between the two males who stared at him disbelievingly. 

"You truly are an idiot." Hankyung whispered. Kibum mustered the latter face and immediately noticed his red swollen eyes as well as his dark bags under his eyes. 

Quickly Hankyung jumped down into the hole surprising Donghae and Kibum. He opened the coffin and stared at the male. He looked as if he was sleeping peacefully. Gently Hankyung slid his hand over Heechuls cheek and through his hair. 

"He looks as if he's sleeping." Hankyung whispered and smiled sadly and Heechul. "We used to share one bed from time to time." Hankyung said as he took Heechuls cold hand in his. "I'd stay awake the whole night over watching him sleep. Some nights I'd even sneak in his room just to watch him." He raised Heechuls hand and pecked it softly.

"I also loved him." He sobbed as tears ran down his face while he placed the bear next to Heechuls head.

"I love him." 

THE END