I can feel the party before I see the party.

    Hyuna’s fling is being held off campus, at some hall on the outskirts of town. It takes us 15 minutes to get there- we have to call an Uber- and the instant we step out of the car, I can feel the ground vibrating below me because of the loud, thumping EDM music inside.

    Fei sees my fingers fidgeting with the hem of my dress, and she gives me a stern shake of the head. “You look fine,” she says. “Just come on.”

    “Sorry,” I mutter. “It’s just my first time wearing something like... this.”

    This refers to the sheer mesh black dress that I am clad in, which hugs every curve and barely covers my . It took me an hour to get ready. By the time Suzy was done touching up my smoky eyes, I couldn’t even recognize myself in the mirror. I look stunning, gorgeous, incredibly attractive... but strangely mature. It’s weird.

    JB sees the uneasy expression on my face. Before we walk in, he calls, “Hey, Mihi and I will be inside in a sec.”

    Jackson’s eyebrows shoot up suggestively. “Ooh. Getting your freak on before the- ow! Mark!”

    “Oh, shut your face, Jackson,” Min huffs, rolling her eyes. “JB, Mihi, we’ll be inside.”

    “Thanks,” I whisper to JB. “Sorry, I- I just need a moment to brace myself. I don’t know why I’m so nervous.”

    JB laughs. “It’s okay, Mihi. Take a deep breath and stop worrying. These parties are really fun.”

    “Really?” I ask skeptically. “Because from what I’ve heard, all you guys do at these things is get completely wasted.”

    “Yeah, but I’m not going to let you get completely wasted. Look, try a drink and see if you like it. If you don’t, just don’t drink anymore.”

    I exhale. “Okay. I’ll try one drink. That’s it.”

    “Gotcha. Now let’s go in.”

    “Thanks, JB.” I give him a nervous smile.

    All vestiges of embarrassment about my skimpy clothes disappeared once I walked into the party. If I thought I had barely been wearing anything- well, I think I just saw Song Victoria disappear into a bedroom wearing nothing more than a bra and booty shorts. Diplo is pounding through the room- I can feel the bass trembling beneath my feet. Everyone is screaming, shouting, pumping their fists on the dance floor, vodka sloshing around in their cups. Rows and rows of neon jello shots line the countertops as teenagers, roaring with laughter, drown cup after cup of alcohol. A strange, sweet odor ades the air; out of the corner of my eye, I see people huddled over, their eyes closed in bliss as rolled up joints lay between their fingers. My ears are aching and there are strobe lights going off everywhere and it is all crazy.

    “Oh my god,” I whimper, but no one can hear me over the deafening music.

    “Here you go!” Min pushes a green Jello shot at me. “Let’s get it started!”

    JB and I exchange a glance. He tilts his head, his eyes asking, Do you want to?

    Steeling my nerves, I down the drink.

    Hm. Not bad. The sharp taste of the alcohol is offset by the sweetness of the Jello.

    “How is it?” Suzy asks.

    I grin. “Pretty okay.”

    “Nice.” She ruffles my hair, her face glowing. “We wanted to start you off easy. Usually, we get buzzed before the party, but this is your first party, so we’ll hold off on that.”

“Mihi!” Jackson shouts. He is standing on the edge of the dance floor, two glasses in his hand. When I shove my way through the crowd and get over to him, he hands one to me. “Bottoms up!”

This drink is searing, acidic. I clutch at my throat as I swallow. “What is that?” I rasp.  

“Whiskey,” he grins. “Here, have another one!”

I nervously glance around, looking for JB. Where did he go? It’s so dark, I can’t see 6 inches ahead of me.

“Let’s dance!”

Dancing isn’t really dancing. It’s grinding, twisting, the most provocative, raw motions conceivable. Everyone is pressed up on each other; there is barely any space for movement. Someone places their hands on my hips and starts rubbing up on me and I shove them away.

“Oh my god,” I gag.

    “Gross,” Jia sniffs, joining me in the middle of the dance floor. “Why are these wannabes at the party? They shouldn’t even be allowed in.”

    I wince, backing away from the crowd. My head hurts and I long to be back in my quiet dorm room, poring over my History of the Arts textbook. Or- better yet- chatting with Haemin at the Honey Cafe after we’ve closed up as we split a tiramisu, giggling about the cute guy who walked in earlier. I don’t like this. I don’t like this at all-

And then I see him. Standing with his friends on the other side of the dance floor, a half-empty cup of whiskey in his hand. I thought that being drunk would cause him to loosen up, laugh a little. Instead, he looks haughtier and as condescending as ever.

He looks so ing good. He looks effortlessly superior to all of us.

My stomach clenches. him. I ing hate him, I hate his friends, I hate everyone looking at him like he’s a god. I hate how he’s in that elite little bubble that I can never hope to penetrate. I hate that he’s in a world completely separate from mine and no matter what I do, no matter how I act and no matter how good I am, I can never win against him.

“Who?” Suzy asks, and with a start, I realize that I’ve said everything out loud. Suzy cranes her neck, following my line of sight. “Oh, Sehun?”

“You know what, Mihi?” Min grabs two more glasses of alcohol from a table. “Let’s go show him who’s boss.”    

My eyes widen. “Wait, what-,”

“Let’s go dance, idiot. You look hot as hell. Show it off.”

Suddenly, someone stumbles into me. I turn around. Fei is holding onto my wrists, giggling.

“Mihi...,” she laughs. “You’re so pretty, you know that?”

Her eyes are glazed over and I frown. Is she on something?

“Drink up, , and let’s dance!” Min shouts, and before I’ve finished my drink she pulls me onto the dance floor. My body merges into the writhing, gyrating mass dancing to the music, shakes and moves and shouts. Adrenaline is running through my veins- that must be the alcohol- and I feel fantastic, extraordinary- on top of the ing world. Someone passes another glass to me and I chug down whatever is in it, savor its burn as it travels down my throat. A person comes up behind me and wraps his hands around my waist and I tip my head back onto his shoulder as we move to the music. A flash from a phone on the right, a snap of the camera on the left, someone’s hands on my hips- everything is a kaleidoscope blur of colors and swirls and laughter.

Suddenly, I become aware of shouting from the kitchen. I turn to see what the noise is about. Hyuna is standing up on a table, brandishing a bottle of Patron. Her pants have mysteriously disappeared.

“Someone drink with me!” she giggles, waving the bottle. Everyone hoots, clapping their hands in anticipation.

I look around. Everyone is waiting expectantly- waiting for someone to step up to her. Even Sehun has paused, his eyebrow quirked upwards.

Steely resolve runs through my veins and I march up to Hyuna.

“Let’s do it,” I grin tipsily.

The crowd erupts into cheers and a warm, triumphant feeling fills my chest. I can see Min, Jackson, Mark, and Suzy going absolutely wild. Out of the corner of my eye, I notice Sehun tip his head back.

He thinks I can’t do it. They all think I can’t do it. They think I’m just the quiet little scholarship student. The loser with no friends and no social standing.

I’ll ing do this.

Hyuna pours us both tequila in shot glasses. “1, 2, 3!” she calls, and both of us down our glasses at the same time. I have to resist the urge to double up over the table- this stuff is harsh. It feels scalding hot.

Don’t ing quit.

For every shot Hyuna pours, and for every shot we drown, the crowd gets wilder and wilder. When the bottle is a quarter-empty, I can feel myself starting to slip in and out of a haze; when it is half-empty I am about to collapse. My arms are shaking and I am going to fall over until I see his face again.

I can see it in his eyes. He knows I’m about to quit.

I can’t.

After Hyuna and I gulp down the last shot, everyone starts screaming so loudly- louder than I’ve ever heard anyone be before. They all rush to me and start hugging me, screaming in my ear- someone lifts me up on his shoulders and they parade me around the room, chanting my name over and over again. I should feel victorious and vindicated but all I feel is the searing alcohol bubbling in my stomach. I can’t think. I can’t- I don’t know what’s happening- all I see is darkness with the colorful lights flashing on everyone’s faces, illuminating them for a split second- Jackson- Suzy- Fei- Sehun- Sehun- the panic is rising up in my throat and I feel like I am going to scream and vomit at the same time but I can’t do that after all this, I can’t embarrass myself like that, I’ve just gotten my victory-

And then I feel a warm pair of arms guide me down from my perch on the nameless figure’s shoulders. The arms slowly guide me past the screeching masses, through the foyer- out the door. Icy sheets of wind slap me in the face and I wince.

“Come on,” someone murmurs, guiding me towards a blurry blob of black.

And then everything is warm and I finally allow myself to slip into darkness.

A/N: hey guys! :) sorry for the lack of updates hahah things have been kind of stressful lately, but I really wanted to update this hehehe. anyway SWAG yeah lol mihi ur a mess but its okay