He was so beautiful.

The way his sweat trailed down his face in little droplets, causing his overgrown light brown bangs to stick to his forehead as he was bouncing up and down on Chanyeol's flesh, panting, . He was beautiful, breath-taking even, as he roughly scraped his sharp nails down the taller man's throat and chest, almost as if wanting to cut him open, as if wanting to tear his heart out right then and there. And Chanyeol knew that Baekhyun would. He would do it without hesitation had he not already stolen Chanyeol's heart a long time ago, had he not broken said heart without a plausible reason after three years of relationship.

The taller man watched as Baekhyun opened his small but keen brown orbs, momentarily stepping out of his high to look into Chanyeol's big almond-shaped eyes and right into his soul while the taller male stared back, gaze holding a mix of pleasure, disbelief and unanswered questions. Why are we still doing this? Why won't you let me go? Why won't you let me move on? Questions. So many ing questions every time Baekhyun wordlessly barged into his apartment, pushed him on the nearest suitable surface and had his way with him, ignoring Chanyeol's pleas and protests about this being wrong and that they are not together anymore and that Baekhyun had a girlfriend at home, waiting for him to come back from "work". 

Answers. There were rare times when he received some yet none of them offered clarification. Instead, they just confused Chanyeol more and more. And when they didn't confuse him, they stinged quite badly because Baekhyun would never hesitate to slap him and tell him to shut up whenever his pretty mouth didn't feel like talking. 

Today was one of those days. Chanyeol still felt the slight burn on his right cheek, the fresh scratch marks on his chest adding to the pain. 

Nevertheless, this was bearable for Chanyeol. Physical pain was bearable. What really hurt him was something else. What really hurt him was how close and yet far Baekhyun was to him in this moment, how he could only almost hold him, almost kiss him, almost lean up an whisper to him that he loved him so much he would die for him. Though Chanyeol did already.

Park Chanyeol died every time he let Byun Baekhyun do this to him. Playing with his feelings. Toying with his heart. Taking advantage of his undying love.

The tall man closed his eyes for a second, feeling how he was almost there with Baekhyun still bouncing vigorously on top of him. The heat around him was burning hot, so unbearably hot and pleasant that he knew the end was near, that's why he tried to savour these last moments of bittersweet intimacy between two people who weren't supposed to be intimate with each other at all. But they were. They had been for a while after their break-up. And Chanyeol couldn't fight it. Not his body, his ing heart couldn't fight it, that heart that was so weak for a certain petite brunette, that heart that couldn't say "no" to any of said brunette's wishes, even if those included breaking Chanyeol, destroying Chanyeol, using Chanyeol. Chanyeol, who was so "whipped" as their friends had pointed out teasingly back then. Back then, in happier days. Much happier days.

"Tell me you love me."

Chanyeol looked up to two demanding brown eyes which were heavily lidded. Baekhyun must be close because this particular command was always uttered whenever he was about to reach his . It was routine. It was almost a sardistic ritual: torturing Chanyeol's heart and then getting off on the way the younger male still declared his love for Baekhyun so honestly, like the fool that he was.

"I love you.", he said huskily.

"Say it again."

"I love you."

"Again."

"I love you.", Chanyeol rasped, meaning every word. "I love you so much."

They had reached the point. The euphoria hit them both, causing two equally loud cries of pleasure to resound in the taller's bedroom, a room that used to be so much more than one they had in, a room that used to be filled with their soft laughters at midnight, when both of them were too awake and in love to go to sleep.

Sudden flashbacks of happy memories appeared in Chanyeol's head like fireworks, his favourite being Baekhyun's dazzling smile, that kind of smile that used to turn his eyes into crescents, that smile that once belonged to Chanyeol. A wave of nostalgia hit the taller man as soon as he had calmed down from his , drowning him in sadness.

It suddenly hit him how long it had been since he had last seen that smile on Baekhyun's face, how long it had been since he had woken up to Baekhyun brewing fresh coffee for them in the kitchen while humming a random song, how long it had been since he had felt Baekhyun's slender fingers running through his hair in a soothing manner. It hit Chanyeol how much he missed these little things. He missed Baekhyun's velvety voice. He missed Baekhyun's soft kisses. He missed burying his nose in Baekhyun's neck and inhaling his sweet scent. 

He missed Baekhyun. 

By now, Chanyeol was so consumed by the pain of longing that he didn't even notice the few tears running down his face until Baekhyun used his thumb to wipe them away with a blank and yet satisfied expression on his face. 

"Why are you crying? Was I too harsh with you?", the smaller man asked calmly, pretty fingers caressing Chanyeol's cheek, the one he had slapped quite hardly earlier. "Does it hurt a lot?" It didn't seem to bother him that the taller was still buried deep inside of him.

"Baekhyun, why are you doing this?" Ironically, Chanyeol had chosen to pose the same question that had caused the stinging in his cheek in the first place. But this time, Baekhyun didn't slap him. Instead, he just kept his face with his slender fingers, a small smile (not that smile) gracing his beautiful features.

"Because you aren't supposed to talk when I want you, Yeol. You are supposed to keep quiet and obey."

"I didn't mean that.", Chanyeol said, stifling a sob, "Why do you keep coming here after we ... after you ... I mean, we are not together anymore. On top of that, you have a girlfriend at home."

"And?"

"And? This is wrong, Baekhyun. What we are doing is wrong."

"But you still love me.", the smaller man whispered, now Chanyeol's full lips. "And you like it when I do this. You enjoy it. You love it so much.", he added absentmindedly.

The taller paused for a moment before replying, pain evident in his deep voice. "It doesn't matter that I do, Baekhyun because you ... you don't feel the same way about me. And if this is all about ... then I am refusing to be your toy. I love you so much but I cannot let you do this to me anymore.", Chanyeol spoke, finding it very difficult to grab Baekhyun's delicate wrist and gently pry it away from his mouth, causing the other to look at him blankly.

The taller tried to meet Baekhyun's gaze in the dark and succeeded in doing so, trying not to feel intimidated by the way the elder's eyebrows had furrowed, his droopy orbs forming into alarming slits. Chanyeol took a deep breath. This was hard, but necessary.

"I love you, Baekhyun. But you're not mine anymore and it kills me to do this with you, to have you so close but yet you are so far away. It kills me how all I can do is watch when I am itching to hold you in my arms. It kills me how I know that, once you are satisfied you will just put your clothes on and go back home to someone waiting for you while I sit here all alone, missing you. And it hurts that I have become nothing more than a meaningless to you while you are still my everything, my world. Whenever I look at you and you look back with those emotionless eyes, it hurts me. It hurts so ing much, Baekhyun.", Chanyeol gasped, inhaling deeply because the lump in his throat was constricting his airways in such a painful manner, it almost left him breathless.

"Until now, I let you do this to me because I couldn't say "no" to you and because I was desperate to feel you. But it isn't the same anymore, Baekhyun. It doesn't feel the same because you don't feel the same as before. And I can't stand it. I ing can't. So please, let's ... let's stop this. I let you go and you have to do the same for me. Let me go, Baekhyun. Let me try to move on. I am begging you. I just -"

Chanyeol was already in tears but couldn't finish as Baekhyun's hands were suddenly on him again.

However, instead of caressing his face like before, they were now gripping his throat and strangling him. Chanyeol gasped in fear.

"B-Baekhyun."

"Shut up!", the smaller male screeched almost maniacally, "Shut the up!"

"B-Baek, air, I can't - ", Chanyeol croaked, attempting at prying the brunette's hands away, though with less strength than he actually had since he was afraid of hurting the older male.

It was pathetic. Chanyeol started seeing black dots. He was probably on the verge of suffocating and still cared more about Baekhyun than he did for his own life.

Life. He hadn't had a real life since the break-up anyway, since the day his life, his light, had walked out through the door of this apartment and into the arms of someone else.

For a moment, death didn't seem as terrifying as it had been in happier days. Much happier days.

Chanyeol once felt alive because of Baekhyun, now he was dying through his delicate hands.

It seemed logical for a while.

It seemed acceptable.

But as soon as Chanyeol had started to accept what was happening, it didn't happen after all.

He didn't reach that point after all.

He didn't because Baekhyun soon removed his hands from the taller's neck and slapped him alive. Chanyeol's eyes widened and he coughed and gasped for air when he realised what he had just escaped from. 

"It's that Chinese wallflower, isn't it? He made you say this to me! It's because of him, right?", Baekhyun shouted angrily, grabbing a fistful of Chanyeol's raven-black hair. "Answer me!"

"B-Baekhyun, I don't know what you are talking about.", the taller stammered, brain obviously not having fully recovered from the lack of oxygen yet. 

"I knew it. I knew he was after you. He is the reason why you are telling me all this bull!", the brunette shouted furiously, his usually blank eyes mirroring pure menace.

"No, that's not true! It's not Luhan's fault, he is just a friend - ah!", Chanyeol flinched when Baekhyun tugged on his hair. "Baekhyun!" 

"Don't ing lie to me! Don't you dare to ing lie to me Park Chanyeol!"

"I am not lying! It's my own will, ok?! I  want to do this, Baekhyun! I have to do this for our own good, don't you understand?!", the taller yelled back, eyes b with tears of frustration as he grabbed the elder's wrist in a failed attempt at stopping him from tugging on his hair.

He didn't expect to see Baekhyun crying, too.

"No, I don't understand! I don't want to understand!"

He didn't expect to see him breaking down.

"I just want you to keep loving me."

Didn't expect that heart-wrenching sob coming from his mouth.

"Only me and nobody else."

Chanyeol watched with worry and astonishment in his large eyes as Baekhyun removed himself and sat back on his haunches, face hidden in his palms. Uncontrollable sobs resounded in the bedroom. Their bedroom, that had been decorated by Baekhyun personally back then, Baekhyun, the love of his life, who was now kneeling on their bed, shaking and crying, who only minutes ago was as cold as ice and is now melting, melting under the fire of his own emotions, burning and suffering from the flames he had so desperately tried to keep at bay all this time.

But they had finally surfaced.

Chanyeol's heart swelled with deep sorrow at the sight of his beloved one breaking down in front of him, causing his eyes to shed even more tears. The taller male adjusted his position so that he could kneel in front of Baekhyun's small and trembling frame. There was it, his world, his everything. And it was breaking apart right before his eyes. For Chanyeol, there was only one logical thing to do and that was enveloping the smaller male in his strong arms to keep him from falling apart, giving him all the warmth and comfort he needs. 

Baekhyun sobbed even harder at the action.

"Baek, don't cry. Please don't cry.", Chanyeol whispered into the smaller's brown hair while it in a soothing manner. "You know that I hate seeing your tears."

"I won't let you move on, Chanyeol. I won't allow you to love anyone else.", Baekhyun spoke against the taller's scratched chest. "How could you think that I would let you lead a life without me? How could you think that I would let you go so easily? I have never let you go and I never will. Since the day we have broken up, you have never left my mind, not once."

The elder took a deep breath, inhaling Chanyeol's familiar scent before circling his arms around the man's torso, pressing himself closer, impossibly closer. Oh for how long had he yearned to do this, for how long had he wanted to go home into this pair of arms. Only these arms could make him feel at ease. Only this chest could make him feel comfortable. Baekhyun took another shuddering breath as he placed soft kisses on the ugly scratches he had made, the reality of him having hurt the person he loved most bringing tears to his eyes. 

Chanyeol kept Baekhyun's hair, occasionally pressing kisses into it as he listened to the brunette.When it was his time to speak, he took a deep breath. "But why, Baekhyun? If you feel this way about me, then why did you leave me? Why did we break-up when we obviously need each other? You knew. You knew that I cannot breathe without you, that I cannot be without you. Why did you do this to me?" A sob escaped the taller's mouth and he pressed the elder closer to himself, afraid that he would vanish if he didn't hold on tightly enough.

"I am sorry, Chanyeol. I-I am so sorry for everything I did.", Baekhyun cried, "I-I have issues. I-I think I need help."

The taller pulled away slightly to get a glimpse of the smaller's face, cupping it in his big and warm hands to wipe Baekhyun's tears away for him. "What issues? Tell me, baby. Please tell me so I can help you. I promise I will do anything to make you feel better."

"I-I just had these thoughts, Chanyeol. I had this fear of someone snatching you away from me. Whenever you went out without me, I started to panic. I started to have anxiety attacks when I thought about who you could be talking to. I started to ask myself if you had found someone better while I was at home, waiting for you to come back. I-I thought it was normal at first, that it was natural for me to become jealous and insecure but ... but it didn't stop at that, Chanyeol. I-I became possessive, maniacally possessive. I turned down our friends' invitations behind your back. I-I checked your phone when you were showering a-and deleted messages from others and ... stuff.", Baekhyun confessed, afraid of Chanyeol's reaction. However, the taller male only his cheeks reassuringly in return, silently urging him to continue, so Baekhyun did. 

"I-I realized that something was wrong with me. I realized it when I got angry at you for even talking to other's when I was in the same room with you. I-I wanted you all for myself, Chanyeol. I was became obsessed. It made me feel guilty because I knew I was going to ruin your life if I continued acting like that. So I decided to ... to let you go but immediately regretted it when I realized that I had unintentionally shoved you into the arms of other potential partners. S-so I tried to make sure that you would only love me and kept coming to you so that you wouldn't move on. B-But then you asked me to let go and I-I suddenly saw red. I lost control over myself, Chanyeol, I - I oh God, I almost killed you, Chanyeol! If something h-happened to you, I would have - oh my God. God, Chanyeol! I am s-sorry, I-"

"Sh, it's okay. It's okay, baby. Please don't cry."

Baekhyun kept sobbing as he held onto Chanyeol's warm hands that were still cupping his tear-streaked face. "I-I want you back, Chanyeol. Please take me back. I-I promise I will try to fix my issues, just take me back please. Let me be yours again."

A small smile graced the younger male's handsome face. Chanyeol leaned down to capture Baekhyun's pretty lips in a loving kiss, pouring all his feelings in this one simple touch that meant everything to him before he spoke against the elder's mouth. "You never lost me, Baek. I have always been yours and you have always been mine. We are just a bit too deep into each other. We are just a little bit too much in love." 

With that, they were back into their old position, Chanyeol hugging Baekhyun to his chest while his soft brown hair. "You are the only one for me, Baekhyun, don't ever forget that. Just stay by my side and we will be able to get through anything, even issues like these. We will fix this together, I promise you that."

"I love you so much, Chanyeol."

"I love you, too. More than anything."