SUGAR FREE

╰☆╮

It's been a year since I started my relationship with my girlfriend, Kim Taeyeon. But in those past months, I have only seen her once a month! She's always busy with her vocal lessons and her classes in school. She always doesn't have time for me because she's training to be an idol in a huge company. I want to understand her because I should; I'm her girlfriend after all, but am I really the girlfriend? If I am the girlfriend then why do I feel like I'm being left out and abandoned? Why do I feel like I'm not special when we are together?

She only shows up to me when it's our monthsary or my birthday. But every time we spend time together, we act casually. No kissing, no hugging, no holding hands... I don't really like PDAs but come on! Sweetness is necessary in relationships! Sometimes, I steal kisses from her, hug her abruptly and hold her hands when she doesn't notice but that's just it. She never responds to my affection. In fact, she has never told me that she loves me. Don't get me wrong, I love spending time with Taeyeon, she's my everything. I love her with all my heart and with the deepest part of my soul, and that's why I’ve been holding onto this relationship till now.

Before Taeyeon became a trainee, we became friends and I started to have feelings for her. She rejected me and said that I was not her type. But I never gave up on her; I sent her letters, flowers, chocolates, jellies, tic tacs, skittles and all her favorites. I waited for her classes to be over and walked her home all the time. I let myself be her chaperone every time she goes to bookstores and buy dozens of books. However, she still rejected me on my second attempt to get her heart.

I almost gave up and lost my confidence. Taeyeon didn't like me...I did not stand a chance. One night, I suddenly had an idea to get over her. Clubbing, dancing and getting drunk. Sounds legit. I danced and danced until I got tired and socialized with other people but still, the only one on my mind was Taeyeon,Taeyeon,Taeyeon. I went to the counter and got drunk.

The next day, I was hungover. I woke up in a neat room. Bookshelves were organized and paintings on the wall were displayed. I looked at myself in the mirror; my clothes had changed into a green PJS. I smelled bacon and eggs outside the room so I went out. To my surprise, I saw Taeyeon...cooking breakfast.

“Oh, you’re awake now,” she said.

“Uhm, how did I end up here?” I asked.

“You called me last night to pick you up at the club,” she said.

I was drunk, so I did not remember anything much of what happened the previous night.

“I'm sorry for being such a burden.”

She just looked at me.

“You know, when people are in love they tend to do stupid things. It's also goes for people who want to forget...believe me Taeyeon, I’m trying but I just can’t. All I want is for you to be my girlfriend. One last time, can you please give me a chance?” I asked

Getting no reply from her and not wanting to cry in front of her, I decided to take my leave.

“I’m sorry for disturbing you... I will take my leave now.” I said.

“Oh, eat some breakfast first. I don't want my girlfriend to be hungry.” she said.

Whoa, am I hearing things?

“G-Girlfriend?”

She just nodded.

What I did next was to hug her tight and kiss her. She looked quite shocked at my actions but I saw her smile afterwards.

“I love you Tae...thank you, thank you very much...” I cried in joy.

“Hmmm...” was the only thing she managed to reply as she patted my back.

╰☆╮

After a week, she already became a trainee so she doesn’t really spend a lot of time with me. But I appreciate that she's present on our monthsaries and my birthday. Every time we meet, we watch movies, stroll around a park, go to libraries because she loves to read too much. We also go to museums. Taeyeon and I are so different. She’s quiet, studious and shy. Much like an introvert type. Unlike me, I’m outspoken and loud. Though our dates seem to be boring looking through my perspective, Taeyeon spending time with me is enough. She's all I need and nothing else. As long as she's present on the important dates, that means that she cares for me and I still have something to hold on to. On our first monthsary, I gave her a necklace with my name on it.

“Why is it your name written on the necklace?” she asked as we continued to stroll around the park at night.

So that you won't forget me...” I grinned and held her hand.

“That’s so corny!” she chuckled.

“Because I love you TaeTae!” I smiled sheepishly and hugged her.

╰☆╮

But right now, I seem to be losing the only thing I’m holding on to. Fast forward to our first year anniversary last week. We had an arrangement that we'll meet each other at Shay's, a fancy restaurant, at exactly 8pm. I had prepared a lot for that. I brought some flowers with me and even prepared a song number for her. I waited for her...waited and waited... Until the clock struck at 10 o'clock, but she still was not around. I then suddenly received a text on my phone.

“Hey Tif, sorry I can't go tonight. Had my practice with my dance instructor.”

“Can you still come?” I replied.

“I don't think I can now. I'll just see you soon, maybe on our anniversary?” I read her message.

Our anniversary is today...how could you forget it?!

“Our anniversary is today but you know what? Fine, just don't come. I'm tired too. I’m tired of always waiting for you.” I replied.

She called me but I did not answer and turned off my phone. I left the restaurant, crumpled the lyrics of the song I prepared for her and left it on the table.

After a week, I came to my senses. I shouldn’t do this to myself. I feel stupid always waiting and longing for Taeyeon who doesn’t really give a damn about me. Because of this, I finally decided that our relationship should come to an end. I called Taeyeon and asked her to spare me some time and meet me at the café near her school. Taeyeon usually gives me some spare time when it's really urgent. As usual, she's late again for thirty minutes but I waited for her because I'm an idiot.

“I’m sorry to keep you waiting... I had a recital with my vocal instructor.” she said apologetically as she sat on the chair in front of me.

I remained silent...this is the last time I will wait for you...my heart is tired.

“Did you order already?” she asked me.

“Hmmm...” I nodded.

“I only have fifteen minutes of break, anyway, I have something for...” She was talking but I cut her off.

“Let's break up...” I said.

“W-What?”

“I'm tired waiting for you...let's break up.” I said.

“O-Okay...if that's what you want.” she said.

That's it? After everything I did for you, that's it?! No sorry or whatsoever???

“Honestly Taeyeon, did you ever love me? Even just once?” I chuckled sadly.

“I...I-I...”

“You know what, forget it. I'm leaving. Have fun with your life and good luck.” I said and left the café with tears flowing in my eyes.

╰☆╮

After four years, I moved on with my life. I became a manager at a company while Taeyeon became a famous idol in the country. I'm happy for her. She worked hard to be there so she deserves it. I wonder how she is right now? I bet she has many admirers. She sings a lot of songs, mostly very sad ballads. Why are her songs so sad? Maybe sad songs fit in KDrama OSTs.

One day, I was at the mall with my 3 year old niece. I saw a lot of people crowding around a record bar.

“Unnie, let's go there!” my niece said as she pulled me towards the record bar.

“Manse, it's crowded there you might get lost!” I said.

“Then carry me please unnie...”

“Urgh, fine.” I carried her and went towards the record bar.

“Miss, are you two lining up for meet and greet?” The bouncer asked us.

“Yes! I want to see Taeyeonnie!” my niece said.

“What Taeyeonnie?” I asked.

“It's Kim Taeyeon, ma'am. She's signing CD's” The man said.

Taeyeon... My heart began to beat faster at the thought of meeting her again but I know I shouldn't. I should move on and forget.

We lined up. I still carried my niece with me. We were the last in line so we waited for an hour to get our CDs signed.

“Your name?” Taeyeon asked as she's looking at the CD.

“Manse!” My niece said.

“Oh, that's a cute name,” She chuckled.

She still looks cute when she laughs... In fact, she's gotten extremely beautiful.

Taeyeon looked at us. She seemed to be shocked when she saw me.

“Tiffany...”

I just smiled at her. Manse climbs down off me and went to Taeyeon to hug her.

“I love Taeyeonnie!” Manse said.

“Manse, calm down...” I said.

“Tiffany...” She said again.

“Your songs are good, my niece is a fan of yours.” I said.

“N-Niece?” she asked.