Yeah, so as my 3rd aff-bday was approaching...i thought of how to celebrate myself this year....hmm, maybe advertising some of my fics would make me feel good...cuz then i'd be getting some generic 'congrats' comments and a whole ton of new subscriber who would just subscribe and that's that....haha...still...it's not bad for finished stories...at least it won't make me tear my hair in anticipation and stupid hopes...

but then today i saw...whut? 25000? 26000? /shakes head/ it ain't worth it...i'd have to spend real money like a lot just to buy karmapoints to have enough to beat that and it probly ain't worth it anyway...if experience taught me anything...

So...i thought oh well, i can do it like last year....how else? a blog post!!! lol. zero cost...

another year passed. and i feel that i've changed a lot...not in the best way...in fact, towards the worse turn...but oh well....my writing hasn't developed much either...i've become grumpier and more sarcastic and skeptic and detached n more unfriendly. those who have known and talked to me or be my reader for a long time would notice that i was no longer the good natured sweetie pie that i was(wait...was i? lol)...i can't control my annoyance anymore, nor do i want to so i lash out pretty freely...or i say nothing...and when i say nothing yeah that means a volcanic concoction is brewing on the inside...haahaa...

anyway...

interesting things (aff wise) that have happened/changed in the course of the year since last anniversary-or in another word-affiversary?

i met some interesting people, some become familiar faces/names, some become friends(even though i made more friends back then than now...)...thanks for being patient with my mood swings(although i read at a random zodiac site that this isn't mood swings but just natural for people in my zodiac...haha, though it's not like i want to believe...it's fun to see which traits matches you-doubt it's truth anyway since my sis n bro who share same zodiac as me aren't like that), many were ignored/unaccepted bcuz they fail to do a small part when adding me as friend...which is....'talk to me'...many were removed(planning to remove more actually, please don't get mad at me, i just get restless easily especially when we barely interact n you guys barely post anything...no hard feelings, you can remove me first if you want to)...and some were blocked...including someone nice who kinda made me feel...betrayed?...somewhat...by what she had to say abt me on my back despite not saying anything directly to me....dramasdramas...gotta get rid of 'em (now do you know why i actively remove friends?....it's always the seemingly nice quiet ones who backstab you...yeowch...)...i no longer add anyone bcuz i don't feel i can keep up with being friendly either...i'm not one who add for the sake of adding...so, don't hope on me since i'm bad with keeping relationship n commitments(another sagittarius trait much?lol)

i also became more emotional and snapped more often...i learnt to not express every freaking thing i think or feel bcuz it only makes me the stupid one...but i still express a lot i guess despite refraining a lottt,...it's in my blood n veins...lol (but today i feel it's a nice day to not refrain and say whatever i want to say since it's my day...so don't ruin my mood here)...and also...as you can see...my addiction to song shuffle games/playlist thingy ....i mean c'mon...i can't believe not many are addicted to this addictive thingy....shame on you/me...n blogthings quizzes(but i kinda stopped cuz it's annoying that barely anyone wanna share results when i'm providing easy n fun way for you to gain easy karma...unappreciated efforts should not be continued)....:p

one thing i feel upset with myself is...i kinda stopped reading...n that made me feel really bad to the writers...some asked me to keep commenting n i know it's cuz i'm awesome /get flying kicked for 100 times)...but...how am i to do that if i don't have the heart to read almost anything anymore?...well...i hope my desire to read will come back...bcuz lately i'm losing desire to read, write or anything in this site...i just want some simple pleasures n i get that from playing simple games like song shuffle n posting them instead...if i'm going to comment...i hope them to be comments that are worthy of your fics...so...yeah...i know some of the fics i comment on are fics that don't have many commenters...just like my own, n some on the brink of stop writing cuz of no feedbacks...that's why it made me feel guiltier for not keeping up...how do i get out of this slump...i hope i'll find my way out of it...somehow...

as far as writing works go though...i feel that my activeness of ideas are just like before(despite my lack of drive to keep each fics going to the end)...and i launched a bunch more new works without thinking a hundred times first....bad move....many had to be stopped prematurely...tsktsk, shame....luckily i've learned to not feel bad and apologetic to my readers since...eh....most are silent readers anyway....why the heck should i feel guilty? duh...we're mutually treating each other the same way...it's fair n square. and also...i've done some things i never did before...like advertise fic - [Twinnieverse: The Youngsaeng Hunt-advertised by my co-author, The Green Giftbox-advertised by me and my co-author, Unlock the Devil Fourever-most worthless advertisement ever lol...n random but do you know one of my username in one of the many forums i joined used to be worthless? :p...] (advertise - not really worth it...but it's fun i guess...getting some notifications once in awhile when you usually have none...n yknow...get that experience.../coughslol/) ...and also joined some writing contests for first time [Unlock the Devil Fourever-withdrawn, Intensely Subtle-withdrawn again...haha, 천년가도 (Even If A Thousand Years Pass)-ongoing but who knows if it'll also be withdrawn too? i realized i don't fit to join contests...cuz i like my freedom way too much. n contests often put limitations to that, that i can't quite adapt well...even many contests will have those cheatsheets of their fav idols and all and i'm like....'uhhh...maybe not...'...actually, the reason i first thought of joining contests is bcuz...i want to seek motivation to complete my fics through the limitations/due date/etc....but then i finally realize...even that won't work on me. i'm too much a freebird /flapping wings/

I've also successfully completed some older major works from previous years...including [Floral Rain] and [S.P.E.C.T.A.C.U.L.A.R] in this past one year...especially the latter that was started way back in 2012...but then got into indefinite hiatus as most of my fics...until a commenter popped in and commented despite thinking i might not continue writing it cuz it had been abandoned for long....and you know what?....when i got that random comment...it made me read the fic again that n my ideas and determination to write came back and boom! after all the struggles...it finally wrapped up...thanks to the one comment. that, my stalkers, is the power of a comment, an appreciation. I will forever feel thankful for that one comment. /bows/ thank you.

anddd...in this year, i made a new trailer for my fic [Unlock the Devil Fourever] after the last one i did was sooooo long ago...with Accidental Soulmates 

making your own trailer is so much fun...despite the poor quality/amateurness...but it just...take TOO much time n effort....

and about annoying new trends/attitudes of people that become a pattern i notice in aff....let's not even get into that...today is my good-mood day and i'd rather not ruin it with annoying things though you know i like to talk those things the most...><...

 

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I also started a bunch a truckload of fics/projects within this one year....

 

- The Spectacular Illusion of Lovability | a ZE:A Writing Challenge (nonfanfic-ongoing,inactive)Created on Oct 18, 2013 | my first nonfic fic probly...ambitious even with lack of interest....it's not active now...but ongoing...the goal was to encourage more people to write ZE:A stuffs...giving some prompts, n motivation and also the mini challenges that offers small karma points that i earned on my own to give out...since i didn't even force the participants to subscribe or upvote...that's how ambitious it is.../shrugs/...lol. just cuz it's not being updated now...i hope...i don't get flak for it...instead...how bout coming up and helping this poor one person who can't possibly hold all the passion and energy in the world to keep something ignored going on and on?...the last mini challnge didn't even have any participants despite me preparing it when i was really busy....so...really...what's the point of being too hard on myself rite?

- One Less Lonely Night (oneshot-completed) Created on Oct 20 | this was written as soon as i completed Floral Rain and had those withdrawal thingies...i came up with random oneshot to stop my urge from making a sequel for Floral Rain...cuz really...a sequel...i already had an idea...but what if it ruin something i hold dearly to my heart? lol...

- Of Beautiful Accidents and Hideous Fortunes Created on Oct 22, 2013 (chained-oneshots/drabbles-indefinite hiatus)| another ambitious thingy...that's not really ambitious...this was simply created to give example to those interested and encourage more participation for the ZE:A writing challenge...so, it's me taking my own challenge....lol...this was going to be one of the darker ones...and has some crime theme centered but oh well...i lost it somewhere...i might discontinue it altogether...

- Good Night, Sleep Tight Created on Oct 27, 2013 (oneshots compilation-ongoing,inactive)| another case of taking my own challenge, but this time....the oneshots are just oneshots that shares same theme/keyword but no relation in plots...tbh...i think the oneshots here are some of my better ones personally...and has more creativity and diversity compared to my other ones...haha...whenever i'm feeling y of myself as a writer wannabe...i'd sometimes go here and read and thought 'hey, i'm not thaaat bad'...lol...though of course, the grammar/language/tenses are as poor as ever...blabla...

- Chrysanthemums for My Dimwitted Supernova Created on Nov 16 (oneshot-completed)| this is another...taking my own challenge thingy....written as example for Hyungsik oneshot writing challenge...but of course, not as participant...like duh...i can't be judgin' my own fic...lol....it's kinda one of the simplest i've written...n spent less than a few hours on it...so it kinda baffled me when it got more attention than fics i wrote with all my lifeforce pushed in it...lol...

- More Than Words Created on Nov 24 (chaptered-completed) | a random fic written when i'm just feeling sick and annoyed of...whatever...idk...i felt that i need a breather....so came this little weird fic...that i wrote without much planning and a slightly different style...for me it's experimental and special...even if there's just one commenter...lol.

- Tell Me, Why Did Step by Step, We Crashed? Created on Dec 17, 2013 (drabbles-hiatus) | special for being my first non-ZE:A fic...i think? was it?....idk...it's a semi-reality fic...well, many of my fics are like that...but this is created to celebrate Battle's anniversary and also...educate people on some things about Battle while not making it rigidly info-fic thingy...but sadly...i don't know that much either...i didn't watch that much of their reality/variety show cuz i was more on live perfs...so....it kinda got stuck...oh well...i'll probly find a way back somehow...cuz they're my love. lol.

- Backwards Created on Jan 14, 2014 (draft) | created for ZE:A anniversary writing challenge...but also...for the reason of my brokenheartedness when their concert in my country was cancelled....just imagine...it could be their first out-of-Korea/Japan concert...and their so called fans here ruined it with their 'supportiveness'....i was really heartbroken and pissed off when i started this...i had no idea what to write...i simply started it....so it most definitely will be discontinued.

- He Loves the Rain Created on Jan 21, 2014 (indefinite hiatus) | sequel for One Less Lonely Night. i been trying to continue it over n over...the only problem is...i think i'm losing my streak for writing boyXboy fic...i mean, i still ship them but...it's a lil different...and the sikwang moments doesn't help? hey...this fic is supposed to be about how how broken hearted kebbin n kwangiee bonded for the same reason...how am i gonna get inspired if sikwang n kevsik shoved down my face everytime i watch ZE:A stuffs...lol. -_-

- Silhouette of a  Created on Feb 9 (indefinite hiatus-draft) | ambitious ambitious...my 2nd nonZE:A-centered fic....i just felt uncomfortable when i started getting a lot of subs suddenly...who were probly expecting a erted fic(i stalk their subscriptions-yeah i'm creepy) bcuz of the M-ratedness n title...which isn't gonna satisfy their uhh...needs?...idk...i might continue it one day if i found the drive to write it again...but we'll see...what makes it hard is...having 690768576586758 characters...

- Created on Feb 20 (draft) there's one review community i almost started to encourage unappreciated/unpopular fics...well, already had the base rules etc prepared but never published...figured it'd never work out...yeah well...next...

- Heart-Warming, Thought Provoking & Refreshing Fanfic Recommendations | aka hopelesswriter's Selection Created on Mar 7, 2014 (ongoing-inactive) | because i figured the previous idea won't work out considering how deader n deader aff is becoming day by day and i don't think i can count on anyone to help...i came up with my own one-person effort thingy...lol...smaller scale project to show my support for fics that i feel deserve more love...i'm going to be shameless here and say that this is definitely different than the other recommendations you'll find in aff...no exo, no overpopular stuffs...more persuasion and personal opinions hopelesswriter style sprinkled instead of just /give link/ boom out. and the best thing about my recommendation that makes it diff...i don't nitpick language skill...unfortunately...my frustration and tiredness make me unable to read fics anymore for the past months and thus...the recommendation have not been updated eversince...

- Unlock the Devil Fourever Created on Mar 12, 2014 (indefinite hiatus)| oh well...don't even get me started...this fic is probly a big instigator for my annoyance in aff...and this fic makes it in my personal history of my fic with the biggest number of UNsubscriber...which are mostly silent readers anyway...and deservingly go to my block list...yay~this fic is special to me though...it's my first major OC(you know how i hated and fear OC rite?....so this is like a challenge to overcome my own fear and narrowmindedness in judging OCs in generalizing way by writing an OC myself...and even the other main character...while is taken from a singer, i see him as sort of OC bcuz i made him as...sort of one?...my first nonhuman character, which turns out to be a devil...haa. tsktsk...this fic affected me in the most negative ways...and yet, hold so much of my love still...i think it made my mental state more twisted...haha, i'm not crazy really.../coughs/...too bad i've gotten so sick n annoyed that idk how to update anymore...but if i may leave a spoiler...there's supposed to be another character added...and no, the character is not from any of the groups in the story already...and not OC either. but since i'm not sure if i'll ever get to that part or if i'll give it up for good...let's leave it at that...

- Too Perfect for First Date Created on Apr 13, 2014 (indefinite hiatus-draft) | ambitious attempt to add more Rainbow fics...but as usual...started without much thinking n lack in drive...

- That Person I Hate to Love to Hate Created on Apr 15, 2014 (draft) | haa, bet nobody know this one rite? yeah...well, this was never published anyway...but exist as draft...it's a mild boyXboy fic...maybe kinda...friendship/relationship?...inspired by a song i hate that one day i realize i don't hate anymore(it made me wonder in marveling kinda way of how such strong feeling can disappear just so simply)...and also a dating-scandal-rumour. it's a SS501 fic btw...so i'm guessing you can guess at least one of the character...or maybe both already based on the clues...but for some reason...i kept it at draft...even after one chapter was kinda done...it's just supposed to be 2shots.

- I Have Fan...boys? Created on Apr 17, 2014(draft) | 2nd of my ambitious attempt of adding moreee Rainbow related fics. but again...stopped prematurely...too bad though cuz it has some of my old fic feels from the foreword....those lighthearted bizarre feels...and the pairing is totally...new n refreshing...well, not exactly a pairing but...the main female n male characters...those who know him would find the clues in the description very straightforward n not mysterious at all...lol.

- 천년가도 (Even If A Thousand Years Pass) Created on Apr 23, 2014 (hiatus) | my most creative/different fic yet. fake-historical tragic romance of love that can't be...written in poem form and so far looking like a crack/comedy-_-...inspired by the song with same title...i have hopes to complete this due to my love for poems...but i'm not sure yet since it's been on hiatus for awhile n i'm not sure if i can pick back the momentum from where it's left...though i manage to do that for S.P.E.C.T.A.C.U.L.A.R n Mystical Gift miraculously well, thanks to the support...well, if you want something...you gotta make sure to show that you deserve it rite?.../shrugs/...

- 365 Strumming Scents Created on Apr 26, 2014 (ongoing....verrrryyyy slowwwwly) | my first non-mainstream centered fic...wow...i feel like over the past year...i've broke many of my own limitation/boundaries...this is inspired obviously by the performance...n my little girlcrush.../blushes/...lmao. i need more characters though that our cool brooding guitarist heroine will randomly meet along her journey besides all my fav idols/singers i could think of n listed in......so feel free to give me your suggestions...but let me know some characteristics of them too or how am i gonna write them rite? though this fic is solely in journal form which means...only first person pov...i had thought that this might end up as my yet another fic that end as draft...but thankfully...just recently...i manage to write the first chap...xD...the love n inspiration are still there....whew i guess...

- Intensely Subtle Created on Apr 28, 2014 (draft-most probly will be discontinued)| written for a contest...but as happened with my other fics written for contest...i'm again, reminded that i'm not meant to write for contests....bcuz i don't have that drive/determination n i get stressed easily when trying to cater to contest deadlines/requirements/etc...i fit better as free-writer...i mean, if you see things n people i write about you can see for yourself whether i'm a writer who really bother recognition or not...rather than deciding it based on my whiny blogposts. ever heard of 'action speaks louder than words'?...yeah...apply it in your judgments thanks. anyway, this fic got like 10 subs and a few comments even before it started? -_-....the power of linking it to a popular contest i guess?...but even that proved to not be able to motivate me...i guess....actually...it's a more reflective n broody toned fic...so...it's kinda hard to write...i kinda give up...

- Teddy Bear; It's You Created on Apr 29, 2014 (draft)| another one you probly never seen? yeah cuz i never put it out of draft...haha...what could've been my first straight-out fluff...i mean...see the title? teddy bear?....lol. it's SS501-pairing-but-not-my-otp fic, oneshot, planned to write for contest but then got lazy...yeah so ZE:A fics aren't the only ones suffering from chopping blocks okay...my Rainbow fics n SS501 fics suffered just as much if not more...

- Bukan Sendirian Created on May 2, 2014 (oneshot-completed) | my first and only malay fic so far. another breakthrough made for the year since i've always wondered if i could write fics in malay thinking it'd be weird and all...lol. and i declare this as one of my greatest fic ever written cuz i'm totally confident of my language ability and...i really like how i started and end it...i feel that...i kinda did justice for the awesome song from which i borrowed inspiration...yes, another song-based fic...Bukan Sendirian translated in English is...Not Alone...and to make me love it more...is the use of unknown/forgotten idols as main characters....i know when i wrote this, that it won't get readers/attention at all...yet i wrote it...it makes me feel awesome...now, this...is what i call writing completely for myself.

- Twinnieverse: The Youngsaeng Hunt Created on May 6, 2014 (ongoing...i guess?) | this is me as co-author so you'll not find it in the normal tab of my fics. so i only write half of the fic...but hands down this is the craziest fic i have ever written in my life. boundaries are boring. it's great to be freed and feel free to fly proudly across the boring line of logics and convention. and from the title...you can guess the main character rite?...uhh...sorry...the main character is ME. haha...this is also first of my fics, that were advertised(well, like i say it's joint effort...and i barely contribute to the advertising at all)...not too much impact...but who cares? not everyone are awesome enough to appreciate such amazing fic..their loss./gets slapped over and over and over again/....

- Love Song in May Created on May 12, 2014 (completed) | another personal achievement...my first...OC-centered...and i mean...all the main characters are OC or semi-OC, not just the female one...now you be asking...why post it in asianfanfics?...well....uhh...they're asian? and i did say...the may character could be replaced with any idol depending on your imagination...actually...most of the monthly characters were drafted with celebrity in mind...but...i play with changing some of their characteristic traits n keeping some...your imagination is more fun tbh...and my first old-ish main character whom i somehow can relate to a lot more than i want to....lol...and as crazy as it is...this is obviously written knowing i won't have readers cuz why do people wanna read fic with none of your oppar/unnir tagged? n there's not even much of a plot...but surprisingly it got more attention than even my fics that use idols...huh...speechless...but grateful...so i have more stalkers than i thought? 

 

- The Green Giftbox Created on Jun 1, 2014 (nonfanfic-completed)|my first collaborated anniversary project, so it's not entirely my effort n i depended a lot on the co-author since i was really busy at the time n struggling to complete it on time...it's crazy...n goes out to...SS501!...yeahyeah i know many of ya are anti Hyunjoong rite now...and i have nothing to say more than what i have said...i prefer to be impartial than biased or judgmental...but let's be matured and not drag the group in your hate cuz that's just tasteless and tacky. SS501 is a group i never thought i'd like for the same reason as many groups in the same league. too popular for my liking...even if the other four members were never that popular individually, but then after giving myself chance to try out...damn this group is amazing><...i'm honoured just to call myself a fan.

- June's Promise Created on Jun 3, 2014 (completed)| sequel of Love Song in May^^. by this time i've decided whether or not, i get strength n support from stalkers...i'm gonna grit my teeth and see it through till the end or the farthest i can go. and i don't mean with just this month...but for the following sequels...another OCs centered fic and by this time, i've decided that i will continue with this pattern and make it a challenge.

 

- there's a ZE:A project that i unfortunately had to give up...sometimes...knowing so much about the group can make it more difficult to organize everything...in SS501 project...i simply throw everything inside the pot and bam...finish....lol. so, this ZE:A project, i deleted it once...and then try to recreate it but still...yeah well...

 

- My Little Songbook Created on Jun 30, 2014 (nonfanfic-ongoing) | my first lyrics-translating project. wow...who'd have thought me...mee....meee? translate?? hahaha....well, desperation leads you to great places, apparently....even the seemingly impossible ones...sorry it's not fanfic but i need a place where i can organize the lyrics n i like it in aff anyway...n i feel like while researching for each translation...i'm learning more about the languages and sharing it with readers...see? i love my readers/vomits-thecheesiness/ though they don't give a fk about my works....hahaha....and some of my fav songs i never thought would ever be translated by anyone...finally i translate it...it made me feel great ><...also...malay lyrics! xD

- Juliet of July Created on Jul 1, 2014 (completed) | sequel to June's Promise obviously...:p...i left many hints on who inspired the July character but it seemed nobody manage to guess who it's inspired from...well, that's good i guess...don't try to guess now anymore...the guessing period's ended...xD...

- Halted Steps Created on Jul 18, 2014 (hiatus/onhold/draft) | what could be my first mildly-religious fic n of self discovery journey...actually meant as indirect sequel to Bukan Sendirian....strange eh...malay fic, and english sequel? but since it's religious centric...and involving mixing of different cultures and society background...i felt that i had been hasty to start it n need more time to organize things...n probly would be the first fic that will have my own thoughts directly adopted for a character(who's not the main one)...so, in other words...self insert kinda thingy?

- An August to Cherryish Created on Aug 1, 2014 (completed) | sequel to Juliet of July if you haven't guessed...:p...i'm starting to really enjoy this chain thingy....haha...however...my annoyance with whatever...i'm just always annoyed lately for every littlest reasons... reached a breaking point that i disabled comment...well, if the readers feel insulted...how bout get a taste of what you always make writers feel when you be silent readers? i'm disabling comment to get some inner peace n bcuz i need some concentration n inner peace to finish it since i went over my own due date...knowing i don't have to expect for anything...i might reopen it in the future once i've cooled down but there better be no complaint about it cuz really...writers are given rights to enable and disable comments just like you silent readers always justify your rights to comment or not...so just... it up.

- My Bandmate's Wedding Singer Created on Aug 2, 2014 (oneshot-completed) | inspired by a performance/song. one of my personal favs...though as usual...barely a few response...though ironically...they quiet voters asking for sequel when they never appeared to say anything after reading the fic? hmm....should i listen to them?....i don't think so...but seriously...i'm planning for a sequel anyway despite the fic ended perfectly for me. just not for those peeps. this is also my 2nd fic with characters that are older in age(40yrs++) but this time...it's idols...xD...it's my typical type of fic...and omg...for once in a longtime...it's not written in first person, i just noticed it....lol. i think i really like mild/calm melancholic thingies...-_-...

- A September to Remember Created on Sep 20, 2014 (ongoing) | sequel to An august to Cherryish...:p...it's October n i've not completed it aaaaaaaaa....oh well...i started it late due to august fic ended late anyway...so i guess this is where it ends since my October fic will start a little late...so it's already past 4th october n will be included in next year's list...if i'm still here...

 

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so...more than half of my entire fics...happened this past year? i had no idea...lol...it's like...more than fics i wrote for the first two years here put together...

and here i thought i'm sick of everything...i really am...which is why i'm not sure if there'll be such a long list next year...even for this list....there are more fics that are started but discontinued...or never left the draft phase...that's nothing to be proud of tbh....it's be nice if i can complete more fics rather than starting more.../snerk/...

and thanks to one friend in my list who actually wished my AFFiversary even before i proudly announce it in this post...lol. wowwwww...that's so unexpected...lol....i really appreciate it...thankyouuu....(though no worries...i'm not expecting anymore wishes with this post.../rollseyes/...feeling obligated would annoy me okay, so don't...i'm just making this to celebrate myself lol.)

so...

i turn 3 years old today...leaving my baby/toddler years into preschool n stuffs...snifle...i feel so grown up...lol.

So, Congratulations and Happy Annffiversary to myself yay~!

i kinda wish i could do this anniversary thingy for my youtube too...it'd be so much fun...blabbering like it's nobody's buzinezzz....lol.

and of course gotta end it with my fav bday song...fitting for my aff bday

^ though this song might appear in my future fic too...xD