Hi everyone. I don't even know if people are going to read this but someone (you know who you are) told me that there WILL be random people who WILL be interested in my life so I decided to try blogging. Beforehand, I just want to slightly introduce myself.

Hello! For those who don't know me, I'm snsd17, a jeti shipper. I would like to say I'm quite known in the jeti fandom keke. For those who want to know me better after reading my blogs/fics, you guys can call me Miny. I'm 18, a girl, Asian. I actually don't know how to describe myself lol. Anyways, I'm the type to think a lot, but not say anything. For all those thoughts that I've been holding inside me, sometimes I write things down when the weight in my chest gets too heavy. Before now, I have only posted some drabbles up in my tumblr blog but I don't think anyone reads those anyways... And now I want to post them up on here.

I don't know if I have depression of any kind. I have never been diagnosed because in my country, any type of psychological disorder is considered bad, insane, and weak. Not many people know the extent of my thoughts either, but that's partially my fault and it's partially theirs. I think there's only about three people that I've talked to when I have problems, but even with them... there are things that I cannot say. Like I have written in one of my fics, there's too much I want to say, and not enough opportinity. It scares me sometimes, when I am given the chance to talk things through like now. There are so many things to be scared of that I don't even know why I am scared anymore.

Anyways, I'm sorry I talk a lot.. hehe. Here is what I actually wanted to post. It has been a while since I wrote this. But I felt like this again yesterday night so here it is... If I find that this blogging is a success (in a way that I will decide myself), I will be back with more. This is already starting to feel good. Thank you whoever gives up time to read this.

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Sometimes there are these moments that seem to come along quite often these days. These little moments when everything in the world seemed to have turned upside down, especially that smile that I had on my face, now turned into a permanent frown. It just didn’t belong anymore. I didn’t belong. As I stood there, rooted, unable to move, I see the people around me moving around, talking, smiling, laughing, holding onto each other affectionately. And me? I was just a mere observer. Didn’t belong. They seemed to be living in their own coherent world while I just stood there with my incoherent thoughts. I wanted to go, to escape, but I didn’t seem to be able to move. I stood there, still, like a statue in the background, a burden that didn’t belong. Not here. Not anywhere. Eyes look but passed over. Hands reached but around me. Their smiles were only for each other. Them. And then there was me. Just me. Just a single me. Alone; lonely. As it has always been, the unwanted, the burden, the ununderstood, the lonely. This was not a place I belonged; I got to get away from this sweet torturing of my self. But where do I go? There’s nowhere for me but within myself, there’s no one for me except myself, there’s nothing for me but my thoughts. My thoughts are my savior and my tormenter, my friend and fiend, me and me. There was me and just me. Not enough, never enough, but that’s all that I’ve got. I wish for more, but the unwanted wanting? The irony was too great. Opposite things are trying to come together, resulting in repulsion and chaos. Who said opposites attract? Or maybe we are just too alike. Me and the world; too similar to see the similarities and only able to point out the blatant differences. It’s too different between them and me. They’re right, I’m wrong. I’ve been seeing the world upside down for too long. My right side up is their wrong side down. My smiles were their frowns, my frowns their smiles. I don’t get them, they don’t get me. I try to, but they don’t. Because I’m wrong, and they’re right. Always right. I’m the one who’s crazy, crazy enough to have these emotions, to write these down, to feel, to think, to want, just to be someone like me. It’s an upside down world that I’m living in. It’s a screwed up one they’re living in. The linking mirror between us is my ‘smiles’, and…