OKAY. I WASN'T SAYING I'M ACTUALLY A GOOD PERSON.

I'M...NICE...TO PEOPLE WHO ARE NICE TO ME.

OR MAYBE NOT.

  "Riding one of the most heart-stopping amusement park rides for my 'friends' and ended up a crying mess after"

"Letting them do anything first before me"

 "Patiently and wordlessly listening to them whenever they needed one, regardless of how bad or good their rants are"

 "FORGIVING THEM EVEN WITH THE ABSCENCE OF THEIR  APOLOGY."

  I know it's hard for some people to say sorry, but doesn't that word heals a lot to both parties when it's over?

 I sometimes hate myself. For giving them what they want, even if it takes me to the end of the cliff. When they did something wrong, i let it pass. Even if it gets habitual and redundant, i was silent, acting as if i wasn't hurt, offended, treated unfairly, or affected. I just don,t have any courage to at least give them a piece of my limited temper.

 Maybe, because i am always the loser on fights. I can't even grip someone on the collar or the wrist tightly. I can't bring myself to hurt anyone.

Maybe, because i don't like fights. Even if it isn't physical, words hurt a lot. I can't bring myself to tell them exactly what's wrong with them while they are boldly telling me all my flaws and how it irritates them.

Maybe, i'm just too weak to stand up for myself. 

 How is disagreeing to a hang out makes you a boring person? I mean, yeah, i can be a killjoy, but why would i go with a bunch of people who drink when i don't??

 How is being TOO plain makes me an 'unlikeable' person? Sp what if i don't wear makeup? so what if i wear shirt and jeans? so what if i love to wear plain and white? So what if i don't wear any accesory? so what if i don't dye my hair? so what if i don't wear any accessory at all? 

 Does that make me a boring person? Because srsly, it hurts. You guys areway too much. :'<

 And yet in the end, you can easily make me forgive you all. That's why i don't like myself sometimes.

Maybe, i want things back again? Maybe i  lke it when we're all happy?

I always forgot to look for their  simple 'sorry's... But nothing was heard. NOTHING.

I don't knlw. I just started to notice i was living in a world like that nowadays. Am i too nice that it's wrong already? Am i annoying already?

I don't usually go dramarama on these things, but now i do. Well, i have emotions too.

 It just...hurts when they say a lot of bad things about me. Stubborn. Boring. Killjoy. Plain. Sensitive/sometimes, but i don't show it on the outside/. Too quiet. Afraid of many things. Dependent.

YET, they don't seem to know what their imperfections are. As if they're perfect, right about everything.

I don't know how to face the other tomorows without these thoughts lingering in my head everytime  see them. And it's so bothersome. I just wanna cry all day.

Because i can't even fight. Weak me.

But then, i'm not called Miss Optimistic for nothing. 

/sighs/ i need a bunch of dorky pictures to forget all of these xDD And i need the people who are nice to me here. <3 Oh well, if you've seen this post then i think i'm okay with that already. ^^ Thank you for being nice to me. I've never been this emotional tho. Maybe this is my limit. There's already too much bottled up inside me, so i need to release hehehe

NOW I HAVE A QUESTION -OUT OF THE BLUE, NOT RELATED TO MY POST ABOVE-

 CAN ANYONE /PARTICULARLY GUYS  KNOW THAT SOMEONE LIKES THEM JUST BY EYE CONTACT?!?! i mean, for example i went eye to eye contact with someone i like, will he be able to read my look and might actually think that i like him? 

...end