Every single person has a part of his/her life which they want to just bury it somewhere and not remember it ever again. Whether it is as small as an embarrassing encounter to the biggest mistake of their lives. 

Why is it that some people can live a simple and peaceful life, while mine has been so dramatic ever since that painful period? 

I was young, immature and I made mistakes that I cannot undo... I'm trying to lead a life as simple as possible, putting everything behind like everyone did but why? Why does the flashbacks keep haunting me...? 

My sister once asked me how could I recover so fast from a traumatic incident? I just replied her saying, as long as I distract myself and don't think about it, things will be ok. 

Truthfully, I'm not ok. I'm as broken as I was when the incident happened. I don't want to talk to anyone about it because when I do, people just tell me the everything will be fine. Or they will tell me to seek professional help. 

I do consider the fact that I actually may be mad. Imagining myself lead a life that is impossible to have, imagining having a perfectly happy life with a perfect relationship and everything. 

Im so frustrated right now because all I want is to study hard for the ing examinations coming up this Friday. But the god damn flashbacks always choose my hardest times to haunt me.

why is my life so hard? While I see my fiends leading a simple life. Why can't I be like that ungrateful bastard I call my god brother who does nothing else but stay bored asking people to go karaoke with him? Why can't I be like my best friend who's life is just like a straight line? 

I hope I can get out of my own mess soon. Get the degree my parents always wanted me to get so I can earn more money to get a better future like they claim. Probably would only be truly happy when I return home to God.